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non-christian guy
i'm 16/f. i really like this guy who's a year older than me and i know he likes me too. we hang out at school some and after my soccer games. we've only been on one date - out to dinner after a game. he's not a christian, and i'm a very strong and dedicated christian. he's into partying. i'm not at all. he's already hinted about having sex, i'm for sure saving myself until marriage. i really like him, but is this too much of a risk for myself? i might be able to help him change for the better, but i might end up being brought down. i'm really not sure of what to do right now. any advice would be helpful. please give me some honest answers. thank you so much! <3
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
Hmm.
First and foremost, all guys want sex. Its a fact of life. We all want it pretty badly too.
Now, some people (myself included) do not believe in waiting until marriage. From my perspective sex and sexuality are a very important part of a relationship. I have to know that someone is sexually compatible with me and shares my views on sex before a relationship can get too serious. Its not a "if you love me, youd wait" situation. Its a "if you dont see eye to eye with me on the subject, we arent compatible" kind of thing.
Thats what you need to find out. If this guy is more like me, or more like you.
Because, while I said the above, keep in mind those are _my_ personal views. Other views are just as valid, and if you want to wait until marriage thats what you should do.
Now, he might just be horny. Guys are like that. He might be willing to wait. He might not.
I would be honest with him about it. If he is after sex and soon, he will probably run for the hills. Thats not a bad thing for you. As much as rejection might hurt sometimes, its better for you to not date him for a while THEN have this issue.
Or worse, have you give in to him and regret it.
A word of advice though. Dont try to change people. Especially in regards to sex. At 16 it might be hard to find someone who shares your views (mostly because kids in high school rarely HAVE set views on most things) but keep hoping and trying.
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I wouldn't date him. Not only is he not a Christian like yourself but he just doesn't have very good morals. He just doesn't seem like a nice guy. If you have a strong faith like you say you do then I'd wait for a guy who shares that faith with you.
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i agree with HiChick 100% word for word. i just wanted to give you a Bible scripture to back it up.
(2 Corinthians 6:14-16)
14 Do not be joined to unbelievers. What do right and wrong have in common? Can light and darkness be friends? 15 How can Christ and Satan agree? What does a believer have in common with an unbeliever? 16 How can the temple of the true God and the statues of other gods agree?
hope i helped
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The first person said please don't say he's a christian well i say im glad you put that. i, like you, am a girl of strong faith. i understand that it can be very hard whne you like a boy and he's not christian. I say do not date him. He may be able to change but in order for him to do that he has to want it like everyone else said. You shouldn't comprimise your standards for him and def. not compromise God for him. You know you shouldn't but the other part of you does. I am taking this from a strong girl's perspective in case you didnt notice :) haha. I had a bf once and he was christian but wasnt a true one. He swore and didnt go to church or have any connection with the Lord so i broke up with him.
Honestly the point of dating is finding someone you want to spend the rest or your life with and from what i read i get that you certainly dont want to end up with someone like him so what would you get from dating him? Except possibly a lot of problems. Stay friends but my one friend said this to me you cant help him change (if he wants to and tries) if your dating him because then it will just be about you. he wont actually care just pretend so you will date him.
I know it seems like there arent a lot of good christian guys out there but there are and God has one planned and waiting for you so dont worry about him or sacrifice yourself.
I have a bgf who's an amazing christian and because of his dedication to the Lord we have to wait until we can date but i believe in him and look up to him and think he's a great person. Someone your in a relationship with should be someone who understands you and has the same morals and beliefs as you. How else can you confide in him and ask him for advice and help? I know my bgf can help me with anything and that when he comforts me and gives me advice that its honest and good and we share a lot together. You need someone like that and I promise you will get a man like that just wait. I know waiting is painful and hard and my bgf is working for the Lord and therefore is unable to date me but i look up to him for that and his amazing relationship with the Lord and dedication to helping young teens/preteens lead a good, clean, christian life.
I know everything i am saying is very opinionated but its exactly that-my opinion. Hopefully I helped you and if you have more questions or need more help or just want to vent about something please talk to me because you sound like a great christian and i hope i helped you!!! :) Best of Luck and do what you know is right! ;)
���HiChick���
Hey I'm so glad i helped you and if u want send me a message straight to my inbox and maybe we can chat or something! You seem like a nice christian and you don't find many pple like that! ;)
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Well, you assume your position is the correct one. He might find that to be debateable. However, I will try to take it from there. Is this a risk to you? Very likely. Often teens become influenced by the people around them. The more they are infatuated with that person, the greater the risk that they will influence their lives.
Will you be able to change him (without neccessarily saying "for the better")? Perhaps but somewhat unlikely. You might make small changes in his behaviour. This could go either way though, depending on how strong his personality is, how much he has thought out his current postion, etc.
Should you go out with him? Not if you want to remain true to your ideals. Even if you will not be changed, note that this will always be a point of friction between you. I guess that what I am saying is that it is unlikely that you will change him so profoundly that he will alter himself very drastically. Its possible, just very unlikely.
I cannot give you specific advice on how to act, since I do not share your beliefs. Being brought down is a matter of perspective. Certainly you run the risk of compromising your current position. Only you can judge if this risk is worth it or not.
In my opinion, if your goal is to remain true to your current beliefs without exposing yourself to a different position, I would say you should not persue this further.
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NEVER think that you can change someone. I'm sorry, but you can't. In order for someone to change, they're going to have to want to change, and you are not enough to make him want that.
I recommend not dating him. It's not because of the religious thing--interfaith couples work--but you both have different ideas of what you want in a relationship. He wants sex, you do not. If you enter a relationship with him now, he may expect that eventually you will have sex, even if you tell him right off the bat that you do not.
However, just because he hinted at it does not mean he expects it. If you talk it out beforehand and he decides that he'll respect your decision, go ahead and go out with him.
But if you think that this is too big a deal and constantly want to change him OR if it is clear that he expects sex, don't. Find someone who agrees more with your values.
:)
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You aren't going to change him. Period.
So just throw that idea out of your pretty little head.
If he wants to have sex already, you aren't going to convince him otherwise regardless of your charms or powers of persausions.
This is not about being 'brought down'. His life choices are valid, they are just nothing like yours.
End with him now, or at best, you will end up fighting and hating eachother. There is no room for respect if you are already judging his decisions so harshly, and you've already ruled out compromising with him, which is a just fine choice! You shouldn't compromise your values. With that in mind, just end it.
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Please don't tell us that he's not Christian. Just say that he doesn't have the same opinions as you. I'm sorry, but it sounds like you're judging him for his religion. : ( But to answer your question, you should talk to him about how you feel and what you believe, and if he can understand what you feel and accept that, well, he's one find of a guy. If he doesn't, then you should try to get over him. You and everyone else needs someone that'll accept their beliefs. Hope I helped!
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