|
dont know wut he wants
about two months i ended a 3 year relationship with this guy and about 2 weeks ago my first boyfriend called me out of no where and he wanted to go get a coffee together and that was it . ever since we have been hanging out and. My family loves him and they thing his great but i dont know wut he wants. He says that he wants to take it slow beacuse i just go out of a relationship and when i ask him wut we are he says we are not friends but we are not boyfriend and girlfirned either. i just dont know where i stand. We have great sex but should we stop. He is a great guy for the future i mean i want somebody like him in my life later on but right now i dont know wut to do he says he cares about me alot but i feel like there is still something missing like he is still not sure about me. i mean if he isnt i would like for him to say it beacuse i dont want to get hurt at the end. Please HElp me
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
Some people are okay with wishy-washy bounderies on thier relationships. Some people thrive on that no-expectations arrangment. You are not one of those people and that is A-OK! But you are going to have to speak up a bit louder about it.
It comes down to this:
Are you willing to risk getting hurt?
Opening up to someone ALWAYS carries the risk of pain. Everytime we call someone 'friend' we are giving them the oppertunity to betray us and we are having faith that they wont.
If you, or he, can't or aren't willing to do that, you'd be best to call this whole thing off. That means the sex, the couple-ish behavoir and the too much hanging out. All of it.
Anything else, and one or both of you, will end up feeling betrayed.
Sometimes it's hard to figure out what we do want. A good approach is to take a serious look at what you do NOT want. You don't want this, not right now and not in this way. Be honest and strong about. That is the way to protect and guide your heart.
]
Your not friends but not boyfriend/girlfriend either?! If you're both sleeping together that's hardly taking things slow either (his words). The guy suddenly pops out of nowhere (my guess is that you're suddenly single got back to him from someone) and from what he's saying to me implies all he's there for is a good time - with no strings attached either as a friend or anything more than that.
As someone already said - decide what it is that you want or at least what it is that you want from him. Then talk to him and make sure your both on the same page. If you're okay with how things are (baring in mind he's made no commitments so he may just decide one day he's not ready or he's changed his mind etc and just walk away) then by all means carry on and see where it leads but otherwise it all needs to be thought out. As you said, you don't want to get hurt and the sad truth about guys is that most see those who have just come out of a relationship as an easy target and vulnerable and if that's what he sees you as it's someone who needs to be deleted from your life and put into the rejects pile.
]
Maybe the best solution to your issue is just to tell him how you feel. It's not uncommon for someone, depending on age, to just want to date. It's a semi-relationship.
It seems to me that you aren't really sure about what you want. First decide that. If you want to be with him. Tell him. It would be better to tell him that you want to make in a monogamous relationship and have him say no, than it would be to stay in a relationship with someone who is not looking for the same thing as you are. Tell him how you feel, if you know how you feel. Express your concerns. These are the things that separate a relationship from just a hook-up buddy. Nobody can tell you what he wants besides him.
]
More Questions: |