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Hello everyone. My name here on advicenators is Solcito. It's a nickname my ex-girlfriend gave me that basically means little sun. That's the only personal information I really want to give out. In the short time that I have inhabited this planet I feel that I have experienced enough to make good judgment in most situations. I've fallen in love, had my heart broken, been mugged, made and lost a ton of friends, lived in three continents and become fluent in two different languages. I just feel that it's important to let you know why I think I'm certified to answer your questions. I'm also a guy, so I know how men think. I'm not saying that there aren't a fair share of guys who have questions about girls. I just generally see more females asking about their love lives here than guys. Hope you like my advice, and good luck to everyone with their personal issues.
Gender: Male
Occupation: Student
Age: 19
Member Since: October 29, 2007
Answers: 58
Last Update: February 10, 2009
Visitors: 2397

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who got eliminated last night? (link)
It got canceled last night. It's on tonight at 10/9c.


18/f

I have a guy best friend. We met in September and instantly bonded, we tell eachother everything. In this case, everything includes helping eachother with relationship problems. He really likes this girl and I've been helping him with what to do (ex: helping him with conversaion starters and basically just boosting his morale do actualy do something about it). I didn't think anything of it before, but recently I started feeling slightly differently towards him. I stated liking as more than just a friend. The thing is, I'm not exactly atracted to him sexually, I just really love our friendship. This is where it becomes slightly awkward; I've been having lots of dreams concerning him lately (and another guy too because I've liked him for years, but that's beside the point). The other night I drempt we were in the middle of foreplay and basically getting ready to have sex. I woke up sweating and wet and rather confused I might add. I've never thought about him in that way, and as akward as it was, it was kind of an 'i wonder' feeling. I really don't know what to do now. Do I like him or am I just curious? I could really use a second opinion. I'd normally ask a friend, but he's the friend I usually ask so that's out of the question. Thanks. (link)
It's pretty obvious you've fallen for him. In that case, you need to consider what to do.

Firstly, for now, I would tell you to hang back. Talking to him about his girl troubles will probably be more painful to you than it will be helpful to him. Most conversations I have had about girls is more venting than getting actual advice, so it ends up being about having someone rather than one specific person. That being said, I would stay friends with him for now, but avoid quiet environments where that topic will come up.

You express some concern about his physical appearance. I find that physical appearance doesn't matter much in a relationship. I have dated beautiful girls, and I get accustomed to their attractiveness after awhile and then they aren't as enticing. On the other hand, I've dated a lot less attractive girls and ended up with some of the greatest I've ever met, so don't let that be a deciding factor.

In the long run, I would not come out about it to him while he's with someone else. You have a good chance of just completely losing him, and best case scenario, a lot of people end up hurt. You can flirt a little to give him a hint, but doing it constantly will turn him off. If he's single at some point, let him know. It's typically a lot easier for girls to get out of the "friend zone" than guys.

In the mean time, keep your options open and don't wait for his relationship to go sour so you can have your chance. Live your life, be happy you have, at the very least, a good friend, and who knows what could happen in the future. Hope I helped and best of wishes.

19/m


Over a week ago I began taking the pill. The one called Dianette because i suffer from bad skin aswell. After a couple of days of taking it i noticed my moods dramatically changing. I get mardy and upset at the slightest things. I snap and get angry a lot too and its beginning to affect my relationship. I was taking the same pills for 3 months starting in about august and had the same effects. Has anybody else had this experience with these pills? Will I adjust to them if i take them for more than 3 months or would you advise going back to the doctor and asking to change pills? (link)
Any time you take any birth control pill, you are affecting the hormone balance in your body (and your brain in particular) fairly significantly. These hormone changes can affect your mood. With most drugs you take regularly, your brain eventually recalibrates itself to function normally with the change in hormones. This change can take different times for normal people.

You can try taking another pill, but a new pill may just start the whole change over again. In any instance, if it really bothers you, I would talk it over with your gynecologist and take his/her advice over anything you find here.

In the meantime I would practice trying to control these emotions and ask your boyfriend for a little extra tolerance while you're making this transition. Try to take ten seconds to think whether it's really worth it before you get upset. Going on gut instinct while you're somewhat of a hormonally imbalanced individual can cause things you might really regret. Hope this helps.

19/m


how do you give a hickey? like just a small one? ive tried before but nothing showed up on his neck and i dont want to suck too hard cause im afraid it will hurt him and i dont wanna make those embarrasing sucking noises...any advice? (link)
I have quite a few experiences with giving and receiving hickeys. Firstly, I'd like to say that they don't have to be given on the neck and I would actually discourage giving hickeys on the neck or anywhere else visible outside the clothes line.

As far as the actual process. You want to suck pretty hard. It's more about creating a suction cup with your lips and holding it than continuously sucking. Pressing the front of your teeth (not biting) can help this. If you're making suction sounds you're not doing it right. You need to have a complete suction vacuum made with your mouth. The harder and longer you hold it the deeper the hickey will be and the longer it will stay around. Sorry for the quasi-scientific explanation, but I hope it helps.

17/M



im female 18 and my boyfriend is 20 everything about him is great except for one thing i dont think my boyfriend has good hygiene (unbrushed teeth,body odor)i dont know how to tell him while being nice. (link)
I have been in relationships where I wasn't happy with my girlfriends hygiene (she was clean but I preferred for her to shave a different way or put on different make up), and honestly, honesty works best. Think about it. If you have any intention of spending the rest of your life being with this guy, you have to learn how to say things the way they are. Otherwise, you'll just end up beating around the bush for 50-60 years. Tell him how you feel and he'll either change or not change. If he ignores you, realize while you still have a chance that it's not worth it. Sorry this sounds a bit harsh, but coming from a guy (myself), no guy will change something significant about himself if he isn't in for the long haul.


How should a girl go about telling a guy, that she's been in a relationship with for almost a year, that she doesn't want to have sex any more for personal, moral and religious reasons? It's gotten to the point where he expects it so it's kind of hard to just start saying no out of no where. (link)
I thought really hard about your question, and I think I've done as best as I can with this. I'm a guy, and I know that when a girl has sex with me, I feel that I am important to her. If a girl were to stop having sex with me suddenly, I would one be upset that I wouldn't be having sex any more, but even more, I would be scared she had stopped having feelings for me. I think the best thing you can do is sit him down and tell him exactly how you feel. After that, you need to do as much as you can to show him you still care about him. It's not fair. I know, but he will have serious doubts about the status of your relationship after you seemingly randomly tell him you don't want to have sex any more. You need to take him out, buy him a gift, make him a card, do anything to show that he is the most important thing in your universe (even if he isn't). Also, explain to him when you will feel ready to go back to having sex with him. This will show him that you care about him now, that you want the relationship to thrive in the future, but that you just realized you aren't really ready to have sex now. That's the best I can tell you. Regardless, be ready for him to be upset. He most definitely will be, but it will be a lot easier if you do it like this.


i had unprotected sex on the 16th. i'm due for my period on the 5th. we pulled out before he was even close to cumming. but i think precum might have gotten in there. do you think i might be pregnant? so far the symptoms i have are sore breats, headaches, tired. (which could be from my period, but its not due for ten days) but i also have like a runny/stuffy nose and achey too. what's your opinion? (link)
Sounds more like a cold than pregnancy (except for the sore breasts). I, unfortunately, had unprotected sex numerous times with my ex girlfriend and pulled out. She never got pregnant. You are most likely to get pregnant near the middle of your cycle 12-16 days into it. According to my calculations, you had sex 8 days into it. You should be ok, but the risk is still there. I wouldn't stress too much, but get a test if you just need to know. If you stress it can delay your period and you'll just be stressed for longer. I would give you about a .5% chance of being pregnant if that makes you feel better.


me and my boyfriend have had sex about 15 times maybe?
and he still can't last longer than a minute.
why is this? and is it normal?
i'd really like us to be able to do it longer so do you have any advice on how to? (link)
Every guy has a misfire every now and then, but 15 consecutive times is a bit excessive. He probably has actual medical premature ejaculation, and there is medication for that. There are also techniques to get your stamina up, but those are usually for people that already last like 10 minutes and want to get it up to say 30. Here are two. I read one and I've used another.

If I think I'm going to misfire (guys know 5-10 seconds before they're going to ejaculate), I pull out and just start making out. I wait until I'm feeling normal again and start again. If it comes really fast again, I repeat. After about the 3rd or 4th time, I'm usually able to go longer without ejaculating (say the first 3 times I could only last 2 minutes, and the last time I could last 8-10). This is a little strange, but it seems to work.

Another thing I have read works is inserting the penis but then not moving for a while. Just sit there almost in an Indian style while facing each other. Then have sex, but don't allow him to ejaculate. Get to the point where he's about to orgasm, and then stop. Let him finish every 3rd or 4th time you have sex. I don't know if this works, but I have read that it does.

I don't know how old you guys are, but if you're under 17, this isn't that weird. Young guys have absolutely no stamina, and they get more consistent as they get older. The first time I had sex, it was all of about 90 seconds. 3 years later I have had instances where I lasted 30-40 minutes but I average 10-15.


My boyfriend and I have been in a relationship for about 9 months. He's 19--I'm 18.

He always used to get upset when I didn't feel like having sex/messing around. I've always known that he's not in this just for the sex. I knew this for a fact--when we first started dating he thought I was a "good" girl...a very good girl.

Well it all came out eventually--he flat out asked me if I found him attractive. Apparently in his mind, if I say no, it means that I'm not physically attracted to him.

Truth is--I'm extremely attracted to him and I let him know that I think he looks good constantly but idk what to do about the sex thing because sometimes I'm just not in the mood. Even if I try explaining it to him, he still thinks the same--I've tried. Is there anything I can do...DO NOT SAY. Other than just always having sex with him? (link)
If you've been in a relationship with him for that long, then he should understand. I'm a guy, and I know that sometimes when a girl goes to a certain point with me, I start to expect it all the time, and when she won't, I get the idea that it's because things aren't going well. Sit him down, tell him that it has nothing to do with whether you find him attractive or whether you still have feelings with him. After that, do things to demonstrate that you really want to be with him. If he sees you making a strong effort to do nice things for him and show your affection for him, he will lose his uncertainty about where the relationship stands. I don't know how often you ARE in the mood to have sex, but try and figure out if you think he wants too much sex (like 3 times a day), or if you are just starving him sexually (like once a month). Guys peak sexually around 19, so he's always going to want it. If he's getting it on a regular basis, he should respect you when you don't want to. If you're not having sex very often, ask yourself why and see if you are subliminally telling yourself that you're not ready for a sexual relationship.


i have a terrible, litterally HORRIBLE case of stage fright. no its not just a little bit of fear its extreme. when i have to give speeches no matter how well practiced they are i shake. like litterally i will we standing there and my voice and whole body will be shaking. its weird since im fine with being outgoing and talkative but speeches are such a problem. i cannot calm down. nothing works. i have a big 10 minute speech i am going to have to make in front of 40 kids next week and i was wondering if anyone has any useful tips. like is there technique? any drug i can get from my doctor? its our final grade and i need to ace it but it is all about presentation and voice inflection and eyecontact... which i stink at! so pleasee.. help a girl out:) (link)
Since you say it's "horrible," I imagine you've tried just about everything, but this might help. Practice your speech out loud alone until you are very comfortable with it. Then do it in front of your parents. Afterwards try it in front of a small group of your friends. Once you have done it enough, it will become easier.

Here is something I found useful with writing and speaking. A lot of times we focus so much on formalities when giving speeches. If you don't have trouble being outgoing and talking with people, pretend you aren't giving a speech. Take out the formal parts of the speech. Use a little slang. Move around the room. Use hand gestures. The good thing about modern literature and public speaking is that all traditional criteria are being pretty much abolished. Even if your teacher doesn't agree with progressive thoughts on communication, you will communicate your idea better if you speak calmly and casually with the class than if you are really nervous and formal, so you will get a better grade. Good luck. Just try and realize that nobody is judging you and it's just talking. Honestly, nobody really pays attention to class speeches anyways.


Ok I dont know if this goes under health but PLEASE ANSWERR..
Today i went swimming and SUNBURN and the pain will nottt go away...
And i cant sleepp..
SHower COLLLDDDD...
I need help baddd..
What stuff can i buy orr what do i doo?
PLEASE HELLPPPP (link)
There's a cream called aloe vera. That's what I put on my sunburn's. I think it's green and has kind of a menthol smell. You can get it at any pharmacy and probably at the grocery store. It isn't an instant relief, but it will make the pain go away faster than if you didn't do anything.


sooo how do i get over my ex that i love and went out for 2 years but she stopped loving me and she wants to be friends but i can't do it idk ii am going crazy i miss her all the time and can't stop thinkinh about her idk i am going to flip- out and everyone wants her too (link)
I just got out of a one-year relationship, so I know where you're coming from. First off, let me tell you I know it sucks. You get that feeling in your chest and you want to get rid of it. I'm sure you want to be able to focus on other things in your life, but your thoughts dwell on her. I completely understand that.

People are going to tell you to go out with your friends. They will tell you to talk to new girls. They'll tell you to stay busy. That really won't work. Time is the only think that will make it better. Hanging out with your friends might make you feel a little better for a couple hours, but they'll have to leave eventually, and you'll be alone again. Talking to other girls might help you realize she isn't the only girl in the universe, but is it fair to the girls that you are talking to them while you still have feelings for another girls? Staying busy does help a little. It doesn't make you feel any better, but it helps the time pass faster.

My advice to you is this: Take a break from dating. Often the worst part of getting out of a relationship is that you don't know how to function alone after so much time with a girlfriend. If you take a break from girls for a while, not only are you not worrying about being alone, you are actively trying to stay alone. Look at yourself. What do you like/dislike? After every breakup I try to reevaluate my lifestyle and improve in any way I can (I lost 12 pounds and got my GPA up after this one). The last thing you can do is be confident that it will get better. Twice in my life I have thought that the pain was so strong and constant that it would never cease. I was wrong. Think about it, how many old men do you see that are still upset over their high school or college romance? It doesn't happen. I'm not sure how old you are, but I doubt you're out of high school yet. You have a lot of life left to live, and there is plenty of time for you to find a good girl.


if you decide to continue highschool while pregnant can the school like kick you out or do you still have the right to be? its a public school (link)
I went to a public school and we had a good number of pregnant girls. Unless the county has some strange restriction then no, they cannot kick someone out for being pregnant.


Okay so im 20 yrs old. Im bisexual and i have a girlfriend that ive been with for a year and a half now. I love her to death. she is a great person. when were good were great and im very happy. but when we fight its absolutely horrible. weve gotten in physical fights before where ive walked away with a black eye and fat lip. (shes alot bigger than I am). it hasnt been physical lately but some of the things she says are just horrible. for example, my mom is an alcoholic and when we fight shell call me an alcoholic (when i dont drink often and she drinks just as often as i do). shell tell me ill be alone the rest of my life. she calls me a hick and a redneck (which im not.. no offense to those who are) just bc shes from nyc and shes hispanic and im from pa and im white. shes lived in pa for the past 10 yrs tho. when i tell her these things upset me she says that just how she is and to get over it. sometimes i just dont know if i can take another day with her. and we live together which makes it harder. dont get me wrong i love her to death. i would do anything for her. but i just feel almost like i have nothing left to give. i work and she doesnt so i pay for EVERYTHINGGGG. and its like she appreciates nothing. sometimes i dont have the money to do the things she wants and she gets mad at me then. i just dont know. i dont kno what to do. like i said when we were good its amazing and i feel like i could absolutely spend the rest of my life with her. but when we fight i feel like im killing myself on the inside. Is she right?? Are all relationships like this and i just need to get over it?? I get so lost. Please give me your opinion. Thanks soo much (link)
Arguments are normal in relationships, physical abuse and insults are not. If she appreciated you, she wouldn't use you, hit you, or verbally abuse you. It sounds like you're giving her a lot, and you're getting bruises and hurt feelings in return. This relationship is unhealthy. Unfortunately, she has you beaten down enough emotionally to believe that this is actually normal. It isn't. There are guys and girls out there that will love you, compliment you, do nice things for you, and not make you put up with ten-percent of the bullshit that she gives you. Don't assume she doesn't love you or that nobody else could. She probably does genuinely care about you, unfortunately she has become so comfortable with abusing you that she assumes nothing she could do would drive you away. It's too late for you two, but if you leave now she will realize the error in her ways and won't treat someone else that way.

I tell you this because I was a lot like her with my ex-girlfriend. I didn't hit her, I rarely insulted her, but in general I took her love for granted and didn't heed her begging that I didn't go out with my friends as much, didn't drink as much, and that I would do something nice for her every now and then. I genuinely cared about the girl, but she seemed so obsessed with me that I didn't think I needed to do anything to keep her with me. Guess what. I was wrong. She cheated on me, dumped me, and now I KNOW that I will never take anyone for granted again. Look on the bright side, there are literally billions of people on this planet, and due to your sexual orientation, you have a chance with most of them. I only had about half after my break up.

Good luck and please send me a message letting me know what you decide to do.


what is the key to getting a boyfriend, and staying with him?
some might say confidence, others may say loyalty, and other important traits such as that, but im wondering, what worked for you in the past? was it just chance that brought you together or did you work on attracting a certain person by displaying confidence or whatever.
im wondering this because i havent gone out with anyone since 2 years ago, guys just dont seem interested.
thanks!
(link)
I would say that the key to getting a boyfriend is confidence. Don't be cocky, but don't act like you're afraid to talk to him. I have seen really average looking girls draw a crowd of guys just because they seem to be the life of the party. Be social, flirt, and guys will notice you.

That being said, the only girls I have ever had long relationships with I met by coincidence, but I have met a lot of girls at parties and things. They just never worked out.

Keeping a relationship is a little more difficult. The key to any relationship is communication. People are different, often times so different that they really just don't have a chance at working out. Sometimes though, you meet a person and you learn to accept their differences and admire them as a person. In this situation you have to be open about you're feelings. Just based on human nature, you can assume people will have conflicts. Only through communication can you make sure feelings will not be hurt and eventually ruin a relationship.

Good luck with the guy hunting.


i beg your pardon if this is too long
well, i'm 16 and my best friend is 16 and we're both girls. at the beginning of the year, she was this innocent girl. never cursing (perhaps because of her muslim religion) no boys (same), good grades, good writer. everything was fine. we got pretty close. I then noticed her apparent obsession with herself. how she would look in the mirror so attentively and stare at herself and go "i'm sooo gorgeous"..i dont have a problem with that but it did seem like she had a narcissistic problem. she grew cocky over the next couple of months and all of a sudden..this new version of my friend..more cockier, confident..badder..appears. and i dont like it. she begins neglecting school work to text and talk on the phone. detentions...she gains an interest in boys..and one particular guy ..which her muslim dad nearly finds out about. and i've been helping her so she doesn't sink. but that self-love has been SO FREAKING OBVIOUS. her arrogance is astonishing! in fact, we've remained good friends up till today. i'd print stuff out for her in school, i'd call her, console her when the guy dumped her..give her advice. generally, i was there for her. all of a sudden...she meets these group of people..and in less than one week, she's telling me how much she loves them and how theyre her best friends. and she ignores my texts, doesnt say hi..goes over to them. doesnt care about me anymore. i feel used, betrayed...like ive spent my time with her and helping her for nothing. but that apparent cockiness...bothers me. we got in a fight and she called me a dumb fucker. after all ive done with her. how am i to deal? thank you in advance. (link)
Friends drift apart. It's unfortunate, but it happens all the time. People change, and their friends don't always change with them. At this point you have basically just two choices.

Talk to her. At your age it usually seems "uncool" to express how you feel and explain what you think about the situation. However, I have grown to accept that no relationship, whether it be between a couple, friends, family, or coworkers, can be completely successful with a lack of communication. You can try and make her see the error of her ways, let her know her friendship is important to you and that you don't support the way she's acting. All you can do is hope for the best.

You could also just let her go. The unfortunate fact to about growing up is that the older you get, up to a certain point, the more temptation people face. You'll notice a lot of people starting to try drugs, have sex, and participate in other immoral and illegal behavior. If your friend is heading this way now, she probably won't turn back at least for a few years. Sometimes you realize that people you previously admired have become really ugly individuals. It hurts. It sucks. It's not fair, and you can really only move on and take it as a lesson as to how easy it is to be swayed by temptation. Keep your head up, try not to worry about it, and be proud of the fact that you still retain some moral dignity.

Good luck figuring this out.


I'm 16, can I see a doctor without my parents premission? (link)
It depends. A lot of town have anonymous clinics for teens. The one in my town is called Teen Matters. In these you don't even have to tell them you're name or age. If there isn't one in the city you live there probably is in the nearest big city to you.


i never tried this ask a random columnist thing before but oh well. Im 15 years old, female, from a small small town and like every teenager i have issues. sometimes i just feel so alone and i have friends and they are the best and i have family who are great as well but still i cant help but feel alones sometimes, also i cant help but feel like im not doing what im supposed to be doing like somehow im living a different life than what i was supposed to. i just need someone to talk to and maybe someone who can relate you dont need to answer this but u if do thats great too (link)
I felt exactly like you at your age. I had a great life but somehow did not feel very satisfied by it. I wanted it to have more variety and purpose. My solution was to escape to South America for six months. That's a little radical, but I did it in a completely legal way that didn't interfere with my school at all, and I'm extremely pleased I did it. I went from a pre-med, genetics major with plans to drive a Mercedes and marry some blonde bombshell that would probably have regularly cheated on me to a Spanish/Latin American Studies double-major with intentions to expose corruption in South American governments and bring support, safety, and opportunities to people living in poor South American neighborhoods.

This has been basically all about me and the change it has had on my life. Now for you. All you need is a change of scenery. Try doing things you've never done before. Start talking to kids from a different crowd. Learn to play an instrument. Take a new foreign language. That's probably enough to help you find your calling. If that doesn't work, run off to a poor country for a few months. If seeing thousands of people living in broken down shacks and boxes doesn't help you realize how much you have and give you some sort of purpose, you are beyond any help I can give you.


what is the point moving to the next step by flirting back? i do flirt back and we keep going but i remember she tells me she doesnt like me when i told her i like her. she did get jealous of a guy i met at a party but i wasnt meaning to make her jealous. and even the last two boyfriends i had in high school she was jealous too. before i told her how i felt. i like her and respect her so i dont flrit back as much as she does some times i do not that very often. i ask that pervious question because i was confused and i know i would get a answer of someone telling me I HAVE TO STEP UP. for nearly every year being her friend she showed flirty body langage. then when i came out to tell her how i felt she said she not feel the same. i step up so many times but she doesnt seem to bother to step up IF she likes me back. why do i have to step up? yeah she shows me flirting but people tell me that people flirt just because they are friendly but doesnt mean anything...that why i am confused 50% people say she likes me 50% people said she doesnt. who is there to belive with all the facts i give out of her is a maybe she likes me but to her she doesnt. really WTF??? (link)
Is this a follow up question to one I already answered? If so, please tell me which one it is and attempt to use correct grammar and communicate your question fully.


ok so the other day I was hanging out with some mates. this girl i kinda like was with us and i was going to the shop and asked who wants to come with and every body said no but she wanted to come so we went off to the shop and we was talking and she told me one of her biggest secrets. so later we all went back to somebody's house my mate and his gf were kissing under the bed covers my other mate was laying down with another girl and i was on the pc now the girl i like was all alone just sitting there so i talked to her for a bit and my mate who was kissing his gf and my other mate kept saying you 2 go and have sex or some thing me and her are a little shy so we both ignored them. so this is where I need the help do you think my mates think i schould go out with her (i kinda like her) and if yes how do I do it cos were both kinda shy? (link)
You have already addressed your own problem which is that you're shy. If you like the girl and your friends aren't openly telling you they don't like her then they probably don't have a problem with her. Be a little more open. Ask her out on a date. Go grab lunch, go for a walk, get some time for just you two away from your friends. I know that you're shy, but I promise you nothing bad will happen. She has already shown interest in hanging out with you, just give her the means in which to do it.




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