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Hi. I left and came back. But I don't like this column anymore. Check out my new column.

http://www.advicenators.com/column.php?u=thefish

advice

K I need to know for my own personal reasons if, all these things i'm about to list, are sins or not. and if they are sins where in the bible can they be found.

! Smoking Pot
@ Masturbating
# Drinking alchohol (under the age of 21)
$ Giving/Recieving oral sex
% Looking or watching "explicit materials"

I'd really like to know, so please help me. Thanks sooo much.
p.s im 16f if that helps.

This is just my personal opinion, but, it doesn't really matter if the Bible lists them as a sin or not. For different Christians, the definition of sin is different. Some say that masturbation is a sin, and some say it isn't. Some say that drinking alcohol is a sin, but what about all the monks and nuns who drink? What about Jesus? He drank! (Actually, I think it's ABUSING alcohol that's the sin, not drinking it)

And anything is bad if you think it's bad. I look at "explicit materials" quite a bit, and I see nothing wrong with it. It's something to do when I'm bored. But if I was looking at them and thinking that it was wrong, I would feel like I was doing something bad. Same thing for masturbation. I do it because I'm an animal, and I have sexual needs, but I have enough self respect not to give myself up to somebody that I don't love. As for oral sex, if it is consenual and protection is used then it's all right.

Smoking pot is very illegal and can do great physical harm to you. In the US, drinking under 21 is also illegal and if abused can be harmful. Really those are the only things on the list that can get you into any trouble.

I am almost 15 years old.My boyfriend is 16 turning 17.I dont get along with either of my parents. Is it normal to want to have a child at this age? I talked to my boyfriend about it he doesnt help to much. He has told me he would do anything i want because he loves me so much. I told him i think i would want to wait till i am 16 at least. At the moment i dont no i feel like i want to take hold of the responsibilty now.Ill Rate High. Please help me extra ideas etc would be help full thank you.

Right now you only have to look out for one person: yourself. Once you get pregnant that changes; there is now an innocent life who depends entirely on you. "Responsibility" doesn't even begin to describe it. Yes, it's normal to want a child. I did when I was fifteen, and I still do. But real life is a lot different than your fantasies. How would you pay for diapers, food, day care services, etc? How would people react--will they label you as a slut? Will they harass you? What if your boyfriend suddenly decides that he doesn't love you THAT much, and no longer wants anything to do with you? It's too much for you to get into right now. It's great to think about it, though, because you'll be better prepared for when you do become a mother. You should read books, and magazines about parenting. If you want responsibility, get a job as a babysitter. It will give you practice, it's kinda fun, and you may realize that you don't want to be a parent anytime soon. Or you might realize the exact opposite, and decide that now is the perfect time. It's your choice, just know what you're getting into!

theres this dance at schoo and these two girls who like me im afraid are going to ask me to dance with them.i really rather wouldnt dance with them but i want to go to the dance. any advice to help me avoid them?

Don't avoid them. Trust me, that will just make you look like a coward. Any girl would prefer it if you came right out and said that you weren't interested in them.

ok i have writen before about me not wanting to be lesbians but i just cant help it. i like boys and everything its just that when i see a girl i look at her booty, her breast, her face, and i see how big her breast and nipples are compared to what i really like. i dont mean to but it is natural i guess. anyway how can i stop being lesbian and if i cant stop how do i find a girl that is my age in my area without everybody knowing? please help me!
i rate high for good answers!!1

You're not a lesbian unless you identify yourself as one. If you don't want to be a lesbian the answer is simple, don't call yourself a lesbian. But there is NOTHING you can do about being attracted to girls. People are attracted to people.

Every person you have ever met has been attracted to a member of the same sex atleast once. Whether it was a sexual attraction or just an appreciation of beauty, it was still attraction. Plenty of these people don't consider themselves gay. There are a lot of heterosexual women that fantasize about sex with other women, and many of them have actually had relationships with other women.

Never supress your desires. Your attraction to girls is part of you, just like the memory of going to school for the first time. There are a lot of things, good and bad, that you can't erase. These things make you real. They make you beautiful. Your sexuality is one of these things.

As for your second question, I don't really know. Become friends with lesbians, I guess? But there may be a point where you can't hide it anymore. Try getting in touch with a Gay Straight Alliance.

Ok so my bestfriend is going through depression and I feel so bad cause honeslty Ive realized that he doesnt smile that much anymore but it never hit me like that cause hes always just like im tired and stuff but anyways he told me yesterday that hes going thru it again so ive done some research on it cause i want to be able to help him get thru it. I didnt know him the first time he went thru it but I know that means since he had it once he'll be able to get thru it again. Anyways Ive gone a bunch of websites and they all basically say the same thing like it takes medication to get past it and stuff... I need to know Is There Anything I can Do To help Him? I cant find anything on how others should act around someone with it. Please If u have any ideas help. Ive googled it already and found some stuff but i need to know more...

I'm not sure if I have a good answer for this. I would like to, but I've never experienced it myself. I have experienced depression, and I know that I would want somebody to hold me and tell me it would be all right. Just that would cheer me up. However, it's not always that simple. The only thing I can suggest is that you support him in every way possible and let him know that you care about him. Help him get help. That may be all you can do, actually. Solving his problem is up to him and sometimes the only thing you can do is support him. Good luck.

dude someone just asked a really mest up question on my account about being fat and wearin tight clothes,it wasnt me, what should i do?

I think I saw that question earlier, but it was public. A girl who was overweight liked to wear tight t-shirts so people made fun of her. If you don't like a question and don't want to answer it, just reject it.

Do you believe in Palmistry?

No. I believe in oracle cards, though.

okay to start off, my boyfriend is my younger brothers best friend
and he's a grade younger then me
but hes still quite 'mature' and expects a lot out of the relationship
anyway, we got to second base, aka, he felt me up
and I asked him not to tell anyone, ecspecially my brother
that was a week ago, and i found out that he told everyone about it today
im quite bothered by that, obviously
i dont want to dump him though...im gonna have to have a chat with him, but i dont know what to say...any suggestions that will get the point across without making it sound like I want to end the relationship?

That's not mature. That's the exact opposite of mature. That's not his fault, though. Tell him that you like him but you want certain things to remain between the two of you. Whenever you enter a relationship, you need to lay down ground rules. Not talking about your limits and what is acceptable and unacceptable is how couples get into serious fights. Say that if he wants to be with you, you demand respect and that you also want to respect him. Explain how you felt about him spreading rumors. You might want to point out that for girls and boys, it's different, that while he may be congratulated for getting to second base, the sad truth is that people don't really find this behavior acceptable for a woman. Hopefully he will understand and learn to respect you, if not then you need to do what's best for you and if that means breaking it off, that's what you're going to have to do.

John has known ive liked him since about october, durin football season i wore his jersey to the games, we havent really hungout and stuff but i dont know theres something about him. he is now in my gym class the last semester and lately he has been acting weird, flirting alot. and i used to just throw myself out to him but now i want to sort of play hard to get while flirtin at the same time.. what can i do? i think he has some thing for me even know i know he probably wont admit it ( its not really anything personal towards me though, its just how he is) i see him in school sometimes, hes in my 1st period spanish class and we dont really talk(hes on the other side) and hes in my gym class .. i want to attract him more and i might ask him to this party tomorrow me and my friend dave are having.. what is some cute things to do in gym? or body language things?

Don't play head games. If you play hard to get he will lose interest. For body language, make eye contact, say his name, and be relaxed and confident. But trust me, if you just play around like this too much you will lose him. Just tell him how you feel! It can go two ways. The first is that he will like you too and want to date you. The second is that he will reject you (this varies, he may "not feel the same way and want to be your friends" or he may think you're horrible). If he wants to be friends that is not so bad, friends are wonderful! If he thinks you're horrible, then you'll be glad you didn't waste time playing hard to get with a guy who didn't want you to begin with! So really, just by telling him how you feel you have literally NOTHING to lose. Well, maybe a little pride, but personally I think people have too much of that.

Edit--When I say "tell him how you feel" I don't mean tell him you like him, since he already knows. I mean let him know that you want to start something serious with him and ask him if he feels the same way. If he doesn't admit it, just keep at it. Tell him not to be afraid of how he feels.

I've been going out with my boyfriend for nearly two months. The magic is completely gone and I don't look forward to seeing him. He always does the nicest things for me, but I used to see them as cute and now I find them to be ordinary. He also doesn't get physical with me, and c'mon, every girl has her sexual needs. I have a little thing for two other boys and both of them like me. However, I don't want to break up with my boyfriend because I know I'll regret it later on. But right now, it's not satisfying for me to be in this relationship. I'm not giving him my all, so I shouldn't give him anything. I'm totally clueless.. help?

If you think this is the end and you can't go anywhere with your relationship, break up with him. Especially if you think there is someone better. However, it's only been two months. You just need a little spice, a little adventure. A lot of guys don't understand girls, so he probably doesn't realize this. Have you tried talking to him about it? Don't be insulting when you do, perhaps you can say "I think we need some more excitement." rather than "You're beginning to really bore me." Don't wait for him. He's not going to magically realize that you want him to be physical with you. In fact, he probably thinks he's being polite and respecting you. So just get physical with HIM. He'll probably catch on. You admit that you're not giving him your all, why not? It takes two to work a relationship.

i want to dance like to hip hop music, is there a website i can go to? ( dont tell me to google search it ) but my friends tell me i need to loosen up and stuff and idk how to do that lol thanks!

You can try searching for hip hop videos on youtube.com, or just turn on MTV or the radio. Do they mean loosen up physically like stretch out your muscles? Or did they mean that you should be less emotionally uptight? Either way, dancing will help relieve your stress and get your blood pumping. Also try meditating, writing in a journal, and exercising.

okay im 13 and i lost my virinity the other night and he didnt use a condom and neither of us came and it was pretty quick...do you there is a possibilty i can get pregnant??

Well first, the female doesn't have to do anything to get pregnant. She doesn't even have to be awake. And the male doesn't have to come. He can pre-ejaculate and not even notice it. So yes, you can very well get pregnant. If I were you I would go to the doctor and get tested right away.

ok i am not one of those girls who cares about there wieght but i was just wondering is 127 over wieght even if i am really really muscular and i am 5ft and 8in o and i am 13/f
i rate really high

If you're muscular, then no it's not overweight. It would be a tad overweight if you just had fat, but muscles actually weigh more than fat does. You're healthy.

Everytime I post a question, it gets deleted because it's rated level 1 by the moderators. But I have perfect spelling, grammar, and punctuation. Why does it keep being deleted?

I don't mean to insult you when I say this.

But maybe the questions are just bad.

Or too long. Or on the list of questions that are asked way too much.

There are probably more reasons. Look in the Help/Faq section, I think there is a list of reasons.

what do you guys think of sweatpants?? in er out?? i have these maroon ones that say basketball on the butt & idk if i should wear em with like a white hollister hoodie.

any ideas?? i'm tired of wearing jeans

Girls wear sweatpants ALL THE TIME. Pajama pants, too. Yeah, they're in.

Okay, well I made a promise not to lose my virginity before I got married. Not only did I promise myself, but I promised my friend (let say his name is Mark). So.. I found this guy I'm totally heels over head with (lets say his name is Anthony). I fell for this guy, and within the first 3 months, we became intimate. This was back in September. We're still together, and going strong, but we do have sex. I know I broke that promise to myself, but my friend had JUST found out (months later) and now like thinks I'm so stupid, and that I hurt him and blah blah blah. Cuz he's my "best friend", and yeah if you can't tell, he likes me ALOT. And I feel like I've let him down. I love Anthony, I don't regret having sex with him, and I'll keep having it. But how do I tell Mark that he needs to move on, and that it's my own life. Please give me good answers, I'll give good ratings!!

You can't give him any metaphors or say "you really hurt my feelings, blah blah blah." You have to tell him EXACTLY how you feel, how he's treating you, and why he has no right to treat you this way. Say, "I'm not your property. It's my body and my choice, and you have no say in it. You really need to grow up and get over it. If you keep acting this way I may need to end my friendship with you." Actually, him putting you down and saying that you hurt him are technically signs of abusiveness. I'm not saying he's abusing you, I'm just saying that those are signs. And I think you should note that I am VERY paranoid when it comes to abuse and I often tend to make a big deal out of nothing. But if you tell him how you feel about it and he doesn't lay off and you start to feel that he is trying to control you, go to your parents or the police or anyone right away. Hopefully that isn't the case, and he's just being immature. Don't feel like you've let him down. Promise or not, it's not his body. And if you are being stupid (which I'm sure you're not, you sound really together) then that's your mistake to make.

My name is Christina. i'm 16 and i have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for over a year. We cant even talk anymore without getting in to an argument about something little. It's hard because i love him but i also know that he is not good for me because he has the tendency to be very jealous and violent.How do i break up with him after all this time?

Just tell him upfront that you need to break up. Trust your instincts--it's NOT a good thing when a guy is jealous, especially if he is also violent. Don't go for any of that "let's just be friends" bs, just get out as fast as you can. And if he says that he wants you back, don't fall for it. I know it's going to hurt, but in the long run it's for the best.

http://www.recovery-man.com/abusive/abusive.htm has some more information that might help you.

I have come up with a foolproof plan to send my crush an anonymous rose on Valentine's Day. I am extremely thin-skinned, don't show affection easily, and this is extremely bold for me. This guy is a friend---however, I don't want people to see me stick a rose in the vents of his locker, word gets out that so-and-so received an anonymous rose from an admirer, and the person who saw me stick the rose in the vents of his locker could tell him "it was Luna. I saw her." Niet! That surely cannot happen. Here's my idea:

Since the roses are being sold during lunch (the money goes to helping child prostitutes in India), I will buy two flowers. One of them I will hide in my jacket, the other I'll just hold for the world to see. The reason why I'm buying two is because if I only get one, some shrewd person sees me holding a flower. Then, when I put it in his locker, word will get out that so-and-so got an anonymous rose. If that shrewd person sees me empty-handed, she'll ask what happened to my flower, and I won't have an excuse. She'll tell the guy it was from me, and everything will be ruined.
Last period is a free period. I'll just say I have to go to the bathroom (it's not like I'm skipping, and then quickly go to the lockers and put it in the vents of his locker. Since I bought an extra rose, I can cover up when word gets out.

This may seem silly, but I need to know for sure whether this will stay anonymous. I'm worried. It would be so awful to have the whole school know who I have a crush on. Do you see any flaws in this plan?

Thanks

Luna

Well, first, I think that when schools do that flower-buying thing they deliver the flowers in homeroom. That's how my school does it, but I guess yours is different.

Secondly, I don't think it's good to stay anonymous. The guy might think it's a joke that somebody played on him. And what if he doesn't go to his locker for a while, and then when he does he finds this dead rose? Also, are the vents big enough to fit a rose?

Also, I don't think it would matter if the whole school knew. Everybody gets crushes. I've had plenty of secret crushes, and when people found out about them I may have been embarassed at first but now I realize that it wasn't that big a deal.

Personally, I would just give it to him in private.

But that's just me. If you really want to do it this way, go ahead.

Popular guy, semi-nerdy girl. A year left in high school. Could we make this work or are we just fooling ourselves?

I don't see why not. You're both people, aren't you? Don't worry about what other people think--it's not THEIR relationship. I know it's hard to believe, but some people do live without labels. Girls who wear all black and fishnet stockings are best friends with blonde cheerleaders who shop at Abercrombie. Football players go out with computer programmers. Some football players ARE computer programmers. So yeah, you can make it work.

I am looking for a religion but I want one thats right for me. Can someone tell me every religion out there and what its about? Also for religions that require you to go to church is it possible to just stay home and do what you would at a church and still have it not be a sin?

Every religion? There are a lot of them. And they all have their own individual sub-religions. And just so you know, Wicca and other forms of Paganism aren't really about magic and Satanism doesn't involve sacrificing animals. Paganism is about loving and respecting the Earth, and basically you are allowed to practice it on your own (but it's also fun in groups). So you don't want to go to Church but would rather practice your religion at home? There you go--that's Paganism. Satanism is...I'm not sure about all of it, but it includes self-indulgence. I do know that most Satanists prefer their animals alive. I'm not trying to get you to pick one of those, I'm just giving you new perspective on them.

Now, personally, I like to take a look at all different religions. Then I take what I like about it and try to apply it to my life, but I leave out the stuff I don't like. I think this way is best because I am not conforming to anybody else's beliefs, but I'm not rejecting them either. If you do this, you can always be your own person. Nobody says you have to settle on one religion. In fact, I really don't think that's good because what if later you decide you don't believe in it? Sure, you can convert, but why go through the trouble when you can just practice different religions whenever you want?

Do research. There are A LOT of books on different religions, just go to the library. There are also a lot of websites, but I prefer books.

I don't know which ones would be right for you, only you can answer that, but I especially like Buddhism and Paganism. If you are worried about "sinning" try looking for a religion that doesn't have such a thing. There are plenty of them. http://wri.leaderu.com/index.html has some more information, but I recommend looking at other websites and books.

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