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Razhie. Advicenators Member Since: June 13, 2005. Answers: 5077. Visitors: 211514.
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The Question
My dad lost his job. He is being a stubborn ass and has still not found work. For about the past 6 weeks all I do is cry. I cry when I think what will happen to me and my family, and when i realize I don't have the courage to talk to the guy I really like, but have not spoken to. Sometimes I just cry for no apparent reason. I also have been getting frusterated more easily nowdays and cry when I do. Am I depresed? 15/f Thanks
The Answer
Perhaps you are.
The little detail they leave out about depression is the fact that to a degree, it's completely natural. You wouldn't be human if you didn't feel shitty when things were shitty.
You are tired, stressed out and fruserated. Those emotions will leave you drained and quick to tears.
There are just a few things to keep in mind.
One. Your dad not having work right now falls firmly into the catergory of 'adult problems'. Yes, it might stress you out and frighten you, but there is abolsutely nothing that you can do about it. You are just going to have to trust your father to do his best. Making yourself sick with worry isn't going to make anything better and frankly, six weeks without work is difficult, but not the end of the world. There are a lot of factors at play but job searches can certainly take a month or two when you are adult. It's okay to be frightened, but it's not okay to ruin all your happiness over something you can't control.
Two. If you don't have the courage right now then you don't have it right now. Obviously, when your homelife is stressful and a mess you are going to have a hard time finding the courage. You are emotionally drained. Don't beat yourself up for being overwhelmed in a situation that would overwhelm anyone.
Take a deep breath and forgive yourself, and your father. He might be a stubborn ass, but I highly doubt he is a stubborn ass who wants his whole family to starve. He'll pull through. He has too. He's the adult.
Crying is okay, being afriad and being stressed out is just fine. All you need to do is remind yourself what you can and can't control, and take your happiness where you can find it.
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The Question
Picture This:
You live in a 8000 sq foot home. You have a 13 year old, a 10 year old and a 5 year old. You've been married for 15 years. However, you're married to a man who calls your daughter a stupid bitch, and your sons dumbasses and idiots on occasion. He's called you a lazy, ungrateful, fat, stupid pig. You've been fighting since you met, and it only gets worse. He's abandoned you without a car, locked you out of the house, and is distant and shows no emotion for your kids. Your kids are upset.
You're an english teacher, and there's no way you could afford the house on your own, but you're not sure what to do with it because it's on your parents land and you don't want to sell it to someone who isn't family. Your struggling, considered divorce, but you know you love him even though your kids get upset.
What do you do?
The Answer
Speak to a counselor. Encourage him to speak to a marriage counselor as well. If he refuses to get help, or even acknowledge that there is a problem, speak to an attorney.
If he refuses to even consider improvement that should make your consideration of divorce pretty much cut and dry. No one deserves to live in fear. Not you and DEFINATELY not your young children. There is absolutely NO excuse for calling a 13 yearold a bitch or a five year old a dumbass. Adults are not supposed to behave that way.
So, be prepared to speak to an attorney about your legal options in removing him from the home, protecting your familyâ??s assets and maintaining your house.
It will be difficult yes, and unpleasant and things might not work out quite the way you would hope, but it's far better that your children learn to take care of themselves and value themselves then they learn to allow someone to treat them the way your husband treats his family.
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The Question
My boyfriend and I have been dating for six months, and I've been happy with him but lately things have been a little rocky. We have each others myspace passwords and we freely get on each others accounts and read messages and comments and what not.
Well, my boyfriend lived in Hawaii for a great deal of his life, and now we both live in Texas. Well, this girl who lives in Hawaii who he had a major crush on, he finally found on myspace. His message was saying, "Oh I remember when I had a crush on you, i miss talking to you so much, we had so many good times!" I know she lives far away, but to see him type that made me really sad. I'm not on his myspace. [He just recently took me off because of a fight we had.] So, technically no one really knows we're dating if they look at his myspace.
Should I be mad? Or am I just blowing things way out of porportion?
Thank you.
The Answer
You are blowing things out of purportion.
If your relationship ends it will probably have more to do with your 'fights' then it will have to do with a crush who lives hundereds of miles away.
The best way to avoid this problem: Both of your change your myspace passwords. It might seem like a 'cute' or intimate thing to do, sharing your accounts, but is actually a sign of being very insecure and is a recipe for drama.
Either be togeather or don't. Either trust eachother or don't. Either way, stay out of eachothers personal accounts.
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The Question
m/14 like 2 weeks ago i was walking around town with my friend took out a pack of cigarettes he had stolen from his dad. He was walking around smoking and offered me one. I couldn't just say no so i took one. As soon as i grabbed it i felt like i was so powerful, and, i don't even no how to describe the feeling. it was great. i hadn't even lighted it yet. Then i lighted it up and started smoking. It tasted horrible but i just couldn't stop. I really liked it for some reason. now, two weeks later, i can't stop thinking about it. i want a cigarette so badly. i only had one but i want another so much! what am i supposed to do? it's ruining my life cause thats all i can think about now, and i am only 14, so i can't go get more. please help me!
The Answer
Sounds like you are addicted to drama in a big way, and nicotine in a small one.
You'll just have to make the decision to live a healthier life: Chew gum, suck on hard candies and above all stay busy! If you find yourself just sitting around and thinking about it, find a task for your brain.
In the end, such things come down to will-power. If you want to end the obsessive thoughts you need to be serious about it, work at it and resist the temptation.
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The Question
So I've been hanging out with this guy, and we've both said that we like each other. But he sometimes does weird things that make me think otherwise. For instance, he has said he wants a relationship, but hasnt asked me out (its been about a month since we first talked about it). When we talk in person, he doesnt often say nice things, but on the phone at night he does. He hugs me if we hang out outside of school, but never in school. Then i wore heels to school one day, and I'm about 5'8 and hes like 5'9, and he started to like not walk next to me and stuff. I thought he was kidding, but when i asked him, he basically said that he really doesnt like my height. So my question is A. guys who have issues with their own height (i personally dont care)..do they get over it? and B. is this guy even worth the trouble, since he wont accept me for who i am?
(he did apologize, i guess he cant help it) Usually im too nice & understanding/forgiving, so where do i draw the line between nice and push over?
Thanks so much guys!
The Answer
There is nothing wrong with being nice and forgiving, you just also need to know when to just let go. So, forgive him and move on.
It's not cool to be a telephone girlfriend. If a month has passed and nothing else has materialized I think it's fair to assume it just isn't going to... If you feel it's worth it to you, ask him once more about his level of interest. If you are starting to feel ambivalent to him anyways, just move on.
(As for the height thing: Some people get over their teenage hang-ups and others never do. I don’t have a crystal ball. I can’t tell you what kind he is.)
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The Question
16/f
i recently got a boyfriend..my age..
and all of a sudden, all my girl friends are beginning to turn their back on me. i tried to figure out what's wrong...and they all admitted they liked him...or still do.
but it's not my fault he decided to choose me.
what should i do? should i be nice towards those girls?
The Answer
Why would you be mean to them?
Feeling jealous is never really 'wrong' of them and they did the right thing by being honest with you about it.
The best thing for you to do is thank them for thier honesty, try to be bit sensetive to it and then behave as your normally would. If they continue to give you the cold shoulder, that is thier problem, but you have no reason to shun them.
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The Question
"God made Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve."
Would people take that as really offensive? I read it on the internet and we're making a poster on social justice and I was wondering if I should put that sentence in it somewhere.
The Answer
Well anyone who believed gay marriage is perfectly just and acceptable could certainly take offence, but I imagine most supporters of gay marriage would simply see it as amazingly naive and inane.
That, and it's a rather old saying, practically a cliche. Make sure you wont get in trouble for plagiarism from your teacher... It certainly is far from original.
If you goal is to persuade someone, it's also not the least bit effective.
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The Question
13/f
I am a very high-performing student. I have never in my entire life gotten below an 86 on report cards, and have an IQ of 143, which I think is pretty good for my age.
I always used to sit in class and be bored as the teacher rambled on for days on things I could not grasp why others did not understand. There were a bunch of helping classes for low-performing students, but never any AP classes. I mean it's only middle school, but you know, it's four years in the same school.
Just this year (8th grade) they installed an AP Algebra class, but I am terribly bored in other subjects, especially English, which is basically full of idiots.
My question is, why did no one ever install advanced classes, but always gave tons of funding to help classes to kids who aren't going to amount to much anyway? I feel held back and kind of betrayed. Can someone explain it to me? I'm not too informed on the No Child Left Behind Act, but someone told me that's why we never got to get ahead. Now I'm learning stuff that's a year ahead of regular classes for Math, but what about other classes? I get really upset about this.
Thanks.
The Answer
Children who 'aren't going to amount to much’?
That is plainly not true.
Isaac Newton did poorly in grade school.
Beethoven's music teacher once said of him "as a composer he is hopeless."
When Thomas Edison was a boy his teacher told him he was too stupid to learn anything.
F.W. Woolworth got a job in a dry good store when he was 21, but his employer would not let him wait on customers because he "didn't have enough sense."
Winston Churchill failed the 6th grade.
Steven Spielberg dropped out of high school in his sophomore year. He was persuaded to come back and placed in a learning disabled class.
Einstein's parents thought he was mentally retarded. His grades in school were so poor that a teacher asked him to quit.
People who struggle in school, don't necessarily struggle in life. People who do well in school, don't necessarily succeed at life. I have quite a few friends who are putting their high school 4.0s to little use as they work at... payless shoes, a drycleaners and blockbuster. They were the smart kids at school, but they just didn’t decide to do much else…
Success is about who you are, about not giving up, about being passionate about something, not about As in English. Anyone who tells you otherwise is a lying fool.
I sympathize with you hun, I really do. I was bored in class throughout elementary school, but in high school I learned the trick: I filled my non-class time with things I was passionate about. I did my work, and sometimes did far and above what was called for in order to really get something out of it. I kept busy and took classes outside of school.
YOU are fundamentally responsible for your own education. Not your teachers, not the government. The government is doing their best to instill these struggling students with exactly the same thing I’m telling you that you need: confidence, passion, willingness to stick with it and a belief in their own strengths. Those are the skills you really need in life and you could take control of your own path right now if you looked for ways to develop them above and beyond what you are being offered in school.
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The Question
My class was assigned a persuasive essay and we had an assembly the day it was due. my hour was during the assembly. like any other class that i have ever had i assumed it would be due the next day for my hour because we didnt have that class AT ALL that day so i didnt hand it in, because i didnt go to class, because we didnt have class. the next day i went to hand it in and my teacher told me she was going to take 10% off because it was LATE! She said she told people in my class when she saw them in the hallway to pass it on that the papers were still due, but apparently no one informed me. She also said in her "class expectations" under the ABSENTEE policy it says if you are at school for any part of the day she expects all work for her class to be turned in otherwise it will be late. i wasnt an absentee if we didnt have class (&i didnt even know that in the first place, but still i wasnt absent from a class period that did not exist!). is this fair? because if it would have been the original grade i got on my paper i would have gotten an A for the semester. that 10% was the diffrence between an A- and an A, which potentially could be the diffrence between a scholarship or not, which would make a BIG diffrence in what i do with my entire life!...waht do i do? and is it fair. (i plan on writing a letter to the principal)
The Answer
I'm afraid I too, must side with your teacher here.
The information on this issue was made available to you and it's clear that other students were aware of this stipulation. Those students she reminded in the hallways were lucky, but she wasn't under any obligation to remind anyone of what was written in the expectations.
In university it is not unlikely in the least for a teacher to refuse to even accept a late assignment for any other reason then a death of a family member. They will claim you had other resources available to you in order to meet the expectation and the deadline, and they will be right.
I think it's worth it to realize that the columnists who have told you the teacherâ??s actions were fair are columnists who have been to post-secondary institutions. Your teacherâ??s decision might not have been 'kind' but it was fair.
Rather then writing an aggressive letter to your principal I suggest this: Recognize that what your teacher did was perfectly fair, explain to her that you've learned a valuable lesson and ask if there is something you could do to make up that ten percent. Explain that your grades are very important to you and that small amount could make a large difference and that you would really appreciate the opportunity. Remember, she would be doing you a favor by agreeing to this so keep your tone respectful.
If she refuses this, I am afraid you are out of luck. A letter to the principal will likely not get you anywhere.
And one more thing: RELAX! Please. I once felt like you did about grades. I graduated with an 96% average from high school and those grades have actually had NO effect on what I've chossen, and been thrilled, to do with my life. It's not the life and death situation you think it is.
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The Question
My ex recently came back into my life, and she was my first and only true love. We have been spending a lot of time together as well. She has a boyfriend of 4 years and he is the complete opposite of me. He doesn't treat her like she should be treated all the time. Yesterday she decided that he was the better choice. He doesn't go to school, he doesn't have a job, and he has no plan to do any of these things. Am I wrong in saying that I am the better choice??
The Answer
You might not be wrong at all, but it's her choice to make.
Go ahead and live happily knowing that you are a better man and could have made her happier. There is nothing wrong with that. Just don't be the rainy day man, the one she uses for support and then abondons, each time she has troubles with her bad boy.
You will likely never convince her of your superiority. Please don't waste your time and energy trying.
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The Question
ok so this really really stupid 7 year old says she has a boyfriend and they had sex what do i do about it she said that her and her boyfriend had sex please help its kind of freaking me out and she said when she sees me tonight that she wants to have sex with my brother what do i do
The Answer
Tell your parents, ask them to tell hers. Or, tell her parents yourself.
At seven she has no right to privacy. What she needs is some serious adult involvment. She might simply be confused or she might be lying, regardless, get a trusted adult involved.
Stop stressing yourself out, this is problem for the adults to deal with. Tell them about it so that they can take charge of it.
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The Question
Im 14 and like when I jerk off and i cum...it is like kinda clear and doesn't go anywhere like i see in videos it just kinda dribbles out...is that normal...like at a young age or something...thanks
The Answer
Totally normal.
NOTE: Porn Lies!
Seriously.
The only serious problem I have with porn (besides the whole possible addiction issue and the fact that the industry has often been allowed to fuction dangerously) is that it gives young men and women very unrealistic ideas of what sex is 'supposed' to be like.
Do yourself a favor, when you are ready with a mature and respectful partner to have sex, forget everything you've ever seen in a porno.
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The Question
I am an 18 year old male and I have been a pretty emotionally dead person for...well since my early childhood. And when I say dead I don't mean depressed or really down or anything of that nature. It's nearly impossible for me to feel anything genuine and I can only put a mask of fakeness on so I don't seem so far out. When I was in a psychology class I read about something called anti-social personality disorder and it almost disturbed me how similar the symptoms were to my own character. I've done enough to put myself away for the better half of my life and I haven't felt a shred of remorse or conscience. Anyways, I'm wondering if my lack of emotion is a cause of concern. Nothing brings me joy, pain, or sorrow and I can't even feel love for my own family anymore. NOTHING will make me feel anything and it bothers me. All I feel like is a body and a brain without a soul. Something is wrong with me but I don't know what. I'm a very intelligent person and all it seems I can do is succeed with material things like work while my relationships are built on false pretenses and emotions I never even felt but acted like I did. My question is: If there is anybody somewhat educated about this...what could be wrong with me? Do I have anti-social personality disorder?...and am I stuck with this?
The Answer
You would probably benefit the most from speaking to a physiatrist. Notice I said physiatrist, not counselor or psychologist; there are fine differences between the three that I won’t bother to get into. If you are taking a psychology course, you can probably deduce the major differences yourself.
There are a host of reasons to experience ‘emotional deadening’; statistically anti-social personality disorder is one of the less likely. Some are treatable with medication; some aren’t so treatable at all. Never the less, no harm can come of being more self-aware.
Do yourself a favor and don’t self diagnose. If you are unhappy or doubtful about one professional’s opinion, seek out another one. Don’t label yourself and decide on your own treatment. A person with a serious mental illness cannot heal themselves anymore then a person with a gapping stomach wound can.
I disagree with Mangy Mamma one point, but it’s purely a matter of opinion… the idea that something ‘happened’ in your childhood is a classic one, but not always the case. I tend to put more stock in the theory that serious mental health issues arise more often from non-typical neurobiology than from acute childhood trauma.
In my life I have had to come to terms with the fact that mental illness is here to stay. I cope with it, I can function and I can be happy and productive, but I will always be 'recovering' or 'in remission'. There is no 'cure' for the way my brain fuctions.
So I have to at least suggest to you that this emotional deadness might be the way you are. An illness most definitely, but an illness like say, a learning disorder. One that can be coped with and managed, but not something that can be ‘cured’ in the traditional sense.
Regardless of why or what is at the root of this problem, it is a problem and one you need to delve into if you want a satisfying life and fulfilling relationships (not necessary romantic, but any kind of relationship with coworkers or friends). It’s important for you to recognize that if you truly aren’t experiencing emotions you are actually missing out on a huge amount of communication between people and a key part of logic and reasoning. You’ll need to learn to compensate if nothing else, and only a professional who can bridge the gap for you will be able to help with that.
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The Question
I've been going out wit this gurl - gurl of my dreams. Well that is except for the turmoil that's there between her, and her X boyfriend.
Ah. She's been going out with this guy for over four years, but then she breaks up with him having me come into her arms. Of course I thought, and still do suspect that I'm just being used as a shield sort of. I even brought it up, and told her that she could dump me any time, but then she started crying. Even calling me a jerk. Her little sister talked to me about this, and she had quite a convincing arguement: that she would neve do this, and if she were she would have gotten back together with her X.
Now one day I'm in her house, and in her bed at 4am. The front door is slamming, and it's her X trying to break it down. Then he yells that we're dead, and kicks in her living room window. After all of that, and the cops I took her to my house. On top of my bed as were about to dose off she tells me she knows why he might be acting so crazy, and then she admitted to me that she had sex with him 2 days after they broke up. Note that thats when she started hanging out with me. Meanwhile she's defending this lunatic after he came to her house drunk, and attempted a breaking and entering.
After tonight I'm just depressed, and sickened by these events let alone the fact that I just don't feel like I should be with this girl: it's just to good to be true that a gurl like this has just dived into my arms. Tonight she told me that she went to her X's house, and talked to him about the situation. She tells me how she feels bad for him, wants to drop the charges, can now tell that he's really sorry, and likes that he said that he wants to have children with some girl and shes the girl he hopes who it'll be with. Then she said that she was happy with that image.
Oh, and now she said that she might possibly not talk to me until this withdrawal her X is having is over with. Right now she just texted me that she misses me.
What is this, and where is this going?
Just FYI for the majority of my life I've had no friend, and was told that I'm ugly. I have no emotions, dignity, pride, and I just feel as horrible as I did before I met her now. I myself am assuming the worse. I have my downward negative 90 degree social trend that I have going on to consider after all especially with the opposite sex.
The Answer
I sincerly hope you learn to dream bigger darling.
Somebodies dreams have come true here, but I highly doubt they are yours.
This lucky lady has her ex, who she clearly obesses over and does her best to take care of AND you, who worship her and who she can call, or ignore, as she chooses too.
She is using you, not just a shield, but as a distraction and a disciple. Her 'honesty' about her confused feelings for her ex is being used as mask for that fact she really just wants attention, yours and his! At the same time if she can swing it.
She can't deal with being single and she will do anything to keep the both of you clinging to her. She leads him on, enables him, excuses him and keeps on talking to him and welcoming him in her life.
A truly frightened girl would rarely do that. A frightened girl lets the cops deal with it and refuses to speak to the guy ever agian. A truly frightened girl doesn't go over to his house to 'talk' about druken breaking and entering.
A drama queen behaves that way.
As for you, she pushes you away and then drags you closer agian, all the while keeping the focus entirely on her, how wonderful she is, how in need she is, how deeply she is suffering.
In fairness to her, she probably is confused and suffering, but that doesn't justify your treatment of you.
This girl can't address your needs from this relationship, in fact, she probably doesn't even care what they are.
Please, grow a pair, seriously. Get some confidence and a shred of self-love and tell this girl to call you when she gets her head on straight. You are headed down a bad road with this one and anything else will only cause you (more) pain.
Don't blame yourself. Any 'failure' you might experience with this girl has to do with her own drama-loving and self absorbtion. You are probably perfect for her, she is just too egotistical to notice. A good guy like you could be perfect for a lot of girls, go find one of them.
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The Question
Over the weekend I was in Toronto, Canada for the International Bowl.( Go RUTGERS!) anyways..after the game I went to a pub for dinner and there were some guys there setting up for a party and one of them had a brand new t-shirt on and he sat down at my table and told me it was his "stay" and he needed to get 75 signatures from women. so I signed his shirt, but it left me wondering... what is a stay? Oh he also mentioned he was getting married in February so I thought it might be like a bachelor party type thing.
The Answer
I'm geussing he said 'stag' and it's exactly what you thought it was: a bachelor party, although they tend to call them 'stags' when are more wholesome fun, rather then ideas that the the words 'bachelor party' invokes.
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The Question
I've been officially dating my boyfriend for about a month but we've been together for about seven. probably half of that time he was having sex with his ex girlfriend of a year and a half. I ended things twice with him, the first time hoping he would shape up and the second time I was just sick of all the drama with his ex. But he did shape up the second time and he officially was completely committed to me about 2 months ago. I'm not concerned one bit about his feelings for me. He's sometimes more romantic than me. He not only tells me he loves me and will never ever leave me, I can see he feels what he says. He's sometimes clingy and hates when I even talk to other guys. But I believe, once a cheater, always a cheater. So I check his myspace every now and then. He doesn't talk to other girls in a flirty way but he does comment their pictures saying "so cute" or "really pretty" and one time a girl asked if he had a girlfriend and he said "who cares" what should I think of this? I'm the type that likes to show I've got a boyfriend so I put some things on my myspace about him. but his profile says single and has nothing about me. although the single part is hidden so no one can see, still it worries me. I told him it bothered me that he didn't want people to know about us on his myspace and he said sorry and that he would put some thing but he hasn't. I feel like I can't trust him. He basically does whatever he wants wherever whenever because he has parents that don't really care about what he does. I don't know whether to breakup with him or just forget about it. please help!
The Answer
You can't trust him.
People can change, but the only 'change' he has made is that he stopped actively cheating on you with his ex. That isn't very substantial.
For all his 'romance' he seems have very little substance does he? Only you can make the call hun, but the outlook certainly doesn't look good if only one month into a 'commited' relationship you aren't getting what you need.
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The Question
Okay, well to start off.
I recently noticed that it was starting to smell 'down there'. Like even a couple hours after i would take a shower. Well then, just a couple minutes ago, i got out of the shower. And it was already having a weird smell to it. So i looked inside kinda, and there were kinda some white globby things. Im like 99% sure that its a yeast infection. Yeah well, me and my mom, i just can't communicate about these things with her. Its really emberrasing and hard, and miserable and realllly awkward for me. I would literally rather get my foot chewed off by a bird. But anyways, is there any way i can treat this without my mom knowing? any home remedies, medicine i could get at like target? And, what would happen if i were to just leave it? Would it do anything, or would it eventually go away? Please help me. btw, i don't have sex or any sexual activity at all. I do eat a LOT of wheat, and spaghetti and bread and stuff though.
The Answer
You need to see a doctor.
You likely don't have a yeast infection.
This is why you don't have a yeast infection:
Yeast infections have NOTHING to do with what you eat.
Yeast infections typically have no oder.
Yeast infections ITCH LIKE HELL. If you had one, it would be the itching that you would notice first.
The smell you are noticing could be part of your normal development but if you think something is wrong, you'll need to see a doctor and that might mean telling your mom. Sorry babe.
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The Question
19/f
from Italy..
i wrote a few days ago that i liked my best friend ad that he is flirting with me and sending me mixed signals and i dont know what he wants...well i kind of tried 2 talk to him...i didnt say i liked him we talked in general about boy/girl things and he said that he doesnt know what he wants from a girl...that he might like someone alot but he is afraid to commit with her because it might not work out and then that girl wont talk to him anymore(that happend with his ex girlfriend ..they where dating 4 a month and when he broke up
she didnt wanne c him anymore but he didnt care about her because they werent friends)...and that when a relationship gets official he feels kind of obligated to do something...and although he might wanne take care of that girl he wont have all the time she wants because he is very busy(we study law and there realy is not much time for other things)and then it wont work out...and i kind of feel the same way but im willing to try it out...like i said ,we were talking in general,like i said i am not willing to flirt with a guy for ever if it doesnt go anywhere because i get tired of it and then he said that maybe the guy is an idiot because he doesnt know what he wants..and then i asked him in general if he knows what he wants and he said the things above...
what do i do?can i change his mind somehow or should i just go away?i tried to explain him that not every girl wants attention all the time and that ppl can stay friends even after they brake up...what else can i do?i am thinking maybe i should realy move forward even though i like him a lot,but everytime we watch a movie at night he holds me in his arms and then what do i do?i mean he is my best friend as well...i could really use some advice...
thanx alot,
Gery
The Answer
In situations like these you really have only three choices.
One. Continue as you are, flirting and being relationship-y well you both dither on and stress about it your own minds...
Two. You get fed up with these dithering 'hypotheical' conversations and his 'sort of interested but not really interested' treatment of you and you shrug it off and move on.
Three. You grab the bull by the horns and tell him like it is. For example "I like you. We both know that we are crushing. I want to take it further. If you do too, that's great. If you don't, thats fine too, but you need to tell me now because this game-playing is stressing me out."
No, you can't change his mind, you can only control yourself. What YOU can do is tell him to make his damn mind up or you'll do it for him, by moving on and puting an end to these flirting and dithering sessions.
If he says no, or if you decide to give up, put the friend line in effect: No more overly touchy feely and no more obssessive flirting. If that means you need to see him a bit less, or stop watching movies with him, then stop. If you don't, you'll never be able to move on, and he'll think it's okay to just continue on as you were.
As you've discovered, it's not okay. It's fun for a while, but then you really need to make your mind one way or another or it's just miserable.
It is totally possible for you two to continue on like this for months (hell, I know people who have done this for years) as you try to avoid saying out loud what you both know is going on. It's a lousy way to live. My advice is to go with either Two or Three. Path One will only make you miserable, and likely kill the friendship in the process.
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The Question
(16/f) i have a bad temper. im an extremely angry person. theres no warning for when im about to get angry. even i dont know when its going to happen. i dont even know why i get mad sometimes. some days i wake up mad and sometimes i just randomly get pissed. but when im mad im violent. ive thrown desks at teachers in school before. when i fight i dont know how to stop. i have to be pulled off of that person. i fuck people up when im mad. i broke some kids jaw because they looked at me on a bad day and it rubbed me wrong. i get really violent thoughts over stupid things. if im angry at someone, even for something small, i get these crazy thoughts. examples: a kid was playing a guitar in class, i wanted to choke him with a guitar string; the class was taking a test and they were near me, i realized i could just stab my pencil into their neck if i wanted to; some kid something that pissed me off and he was sitting in front of me, my thoughts were "does he not know that i could easily snap his neck right now?"; we were walking down some stairs and this kid was cocky and i shoved him down the stairs for it. if im watching a movie or a show and i see a fight i want to fight so bad that i get mad. i browse through channels and the only things that i stop at are people arguing or fighting. i see or hear about a fight an i get mad and riled up. and i ask everyone this but no one has it happen to them; when im mad i get goosebumps everywhere on my body. they come in waves starting from my head to my feet over and over again. is it me or is this a problem? and no punching bags, counting to ten, holding my breath, etc. do not help me. ive tried believe me. showers dont help either nor does running or any form of exercise. and i cant do something like karate because ill fuck the kid up and kicking pisses me off. like i said i dont just get mad i get furious. i get mad to the point of tears. i dont hvae different levels of anger. im either happy or fucking violent. sorry this was so long.
The Answer
You are ill. You need the help of a mental health professional. I'm shocked to death that your school hasn't forced you to speak to one at this point.
You are going to ruin your own life and all your relationships in life if you continue on this way. See a doctor and start to get better.
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The Question
okay..
i know how parents say
that u shud wait till marriage to hav sex
(which i could do)
bt the thing is...
IM CURIOUS, AND I LIKE HAVING FUNN
nd i was wondering, do u think its stupid to hav sex at 14
just to try it?
i mean, if you use a condom and the pill...
do you think it would be ok?
14/f
The Answer
It's still a bad idea.
Sex is still risky.
Pregancy is ALWAYS a risk with sex. Always. Even a condom and birth control and a little anti-fertility voodoo doll cannot make pregacy impossible.
And of course STDS, some of which you can get despite a condom... but here is the big risk people never talk about: A broken heart.
Trusting someone is always a risk. Being in a relationship is always a risk. Being in a sexual relationship is the biggest risk of all to your emotions and self esteem.
I am not someone who thinks sex should be saved exclusively for marriage, but it should be saved for two people who can respect one another completely, take responsbilty for thier actions and be completely truthful with one another.
Anything less is asking for wounds that will haunt you for the rest of your life. Most teens aren't ready for sex because they don't have the maturity and experience to take care of thier patner in a respectful and honest way and thier partner can't take care of them.
Don't put so much of yourself at risk. Just wait until it is something more meaningful then curiosity.
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