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i dont know what he wants part 2...
19/f
from Italy..
i wrote a few days ago that i liked my best friend ad that he is flirting with me and sending me mixed signals and i dont know what he wants...well i kind of tried 2 talk to him...i didnt say i liked him we talked in general about boy/girl things and he said that he doesnt know what he wants from a girl...that he might like someone alot but he is afraid to commit with her because it might not work out and then that girl wont talk to him anymore(that happend with his ex girlfriend ..they where dating 4 a month and when he broke up
she didnt wanne c him anymore but he didnt care about her because they werent friends)...and that when a relationship gets official he feels kind of obligated to do something...and although he might wanne take care of that girl he wont have all the time she wants because he is very busy(we study law and there realy is not much time for other things)and then it wont work out...and i kind of feel the same way but im willing to try it out...like i said ,we were talking in general,like i said i am not willing to flirt with a guy for ever if it doesnt go anywhere because i get tired of it and then he said that maybe the guy is an idiot because he doesnt know what he wants..and then i asked him in general if he knows what he wants and he said the things above...
what do i do?can i change his mind somehow or should i just go away?i tried to explain him that not every girl wants attention all the time and that ppl can stay friends even after they brake up...what else can i do?i am thinking maybe i should realy move forward even though i like him a lot,but everytime we watch a movie at night he holds me in his arms and then what do i do?i mean he is my best friend as well...i could really use some advice...
thanx alot,
Gery
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Well, I know that the girl he was talking about was you, I think you two need to sit down and find out what each other wants in a boyfriend/ girlfriend and then hook up because it seems to me that he really has a thing for you but you're almost too blind to see it so take a chance and move forward with him, you never know it just might be that you two were meant for each other.
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In situations like these you really have only three choices.
One. Continue as you are, flirting and being relationship-y well you both dither on and stress about it your own minds...
Two. You get fed up with these dithering 'hypotheical' conversations and his 'sort of interested but not really interested' treatment of you and you shrug it off and move on.
Three. You grab the bull by the horns and tell him like it is. For example "I like you. We both know that we are crushing. I want to take it further. If you do too, that's great. If you don't, thats fine too, but you need to tell me now because this game-playing is stressing me out."
No, you can't change his mind, you can only control yourself. What YOU can do is tell him to make his damn mind up or you'll do it for him, by moving on and puting an end to these flirting and dithering sessions.
If he says no, or if you decide to give up, put the friend line in effect: No more overly touchy feely and no more obssessive flirting. If that means you need to see him a bit less, or stop watching movies with him, then stop. If you don't, you'll never be able to move on, and he'll think it's okay to just continue on as you were.
As you've discovered, it's not okay. It's fun for a while, but then you really need to make your mind one way or another or it's just miserable.
It is totally possible for you two to continue on like this for months (hell, I know people who have done this for years) as you try to avoid saying out loud what you both know is going on. It's a lousy way to live. My advice is to go with either Two or Three. Path One will only make you miserable, and likely kill the friendship in the process.
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