Lately I've been super anxious and panicky but my friend tell me that it's normal to be this way in school when exams are coming up. Is it really normal or am I suffering from anxiety?
Unfortunately, it's not possible for me to tell you whether or not you're suffering from anxiety. However, it's possible for you to think of your situation and come up with a possibility for what you think the problem could be.
Everyone worries, right? But it becomes anxiety when it's constant fear that gets in the way of your everyday life. If it's affecting your everyday life, there's a good chance it's an anxiety disorder. You need to think about:
1. How much you worry - is it everyday? Is it once a week? Once a month? It's very often, you've probably got anxiety.
2. How bad your worrying is - if it's just a bit of worry then it's probably nothing, but if it's something that goes on for a long time that really makes you stressed and keeps you awake at night, it may be anxiety.
You should talk with a doctor about anxiety disorders or Google them to find out more information. If it's obsessive worrying, check out NHS to find out more:
http://www.nhs.uk/Conditions/anxiety/Pages/Introduction.aspx
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In university well at least in my school since the classes have at least 300-1000 students sometimes they would split us up into smaller class rooms called tutorials with about 50 maximum students. My tutorial teacher doesn't really know how to teach so he forces us to read our assignments out to the class, every Monday I dread going to the tutorial since he always makes us read usually I'm always anxious but today my heart was beating super fast and loud, and my face started getting hot and tingling. Then when it was my turn to read, I read it and he just nodded his head and moved on to the next person but when other people read he would comment so when he nodded my eyes started to water and I had to blink back tears because I didn't wanna cause a scene or bring attention to myself but my eyes were watering for about 20 mins and my heart was still beating fast even after my turn was done, my heart stopped racing really fast after about 10 minutes. I've had something like this before where in grade 12 I was presenting in front of the class with 3 other girls, majority of the class were judgemental people and I don't like being judged, so when it was my turn to speak my eyes started blacking out, I started to stutter and and my face was getting hot and tingly again, luckily my part was small or else I would've fainted right in front of everyone. Anyways do you think this is social anxiety or just panic attacks or both? If I told my tutorial teacher that speaking in front of the class gives me panic attacks do you think he will care or would he ask for a doctors note? (I've had a mini panic attack when I was about 16 and I told my mom, she didn't wanna take me to the doctor because sometimes those pills mess you up) and just a little background information on me I'm a 17 year old female about to be 18 in 2 months, most people would say I'm awkward, shy and quiet. I'm an introvert I don't like socializing with people and I don't like parties or places where I don't know the people cause it's just awkward for me. I don't have any guy friends, most guys think I'm awkward around them when I'm awkward around everybody and that's about it
It sounds like you had an anxiety attack. It differs from a panic attack but does stem from social anxiety. There's a difference between being shy and being socially anxious - the obvious difference being that social anxiety disorder makes you completely panic, and shyness just makes you feel uncomfortable. Also, you know it's S.A.D when it affects your life and gets in the way of your daily routine. If you're in complete panic over reading out loud, that does sound like a social anxiety thing. However, I'm not specified to diagnose you, so if I were you I'd visit a doctor to find out what help is available for you. I know your mom doesn't want you to take pills, but you don't have to take pills. There's also the option of various therapeutic strategies and other things you can discuss with your doctor. Don't live in fear, you have every right to ask for help and to improve your mental health. Well done for reaching out to someone, that's brave!
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My alcoholic mother neglected my education from age 5 by "unschooling" me (it's code for lazy parents who are too prideful to admit their failure in homeschooling) I'm going to be 18 next year and I've never been so depressed and hopeless.
I tried to motivate myself to catch up academically years ago, but it just made me too upset to even open a text book.
I have no idea what to do. I feel like I have no future.
First of all, don't put yourself down! It's never too late to get your education, but the fact that you're self-motivated to do well gives you a huge advantage that not many people have. I didn't get an education because of my anxiety, I never thought I'd be able to and I had no hope for my future and now I'm doing my education online. You have so many options and you don't have to give up. It'd be a miracle for you to pick up a book and understand everything straight away, but you should give yourself credit for really wanting this and being motivated to do something about it. Don't put yourself down, it'll take time to catch up and learn everything you should have in high school, of course, but that doesn't mean that with hard work you won't get where you want to go. It's just a minor set back and eventually when you try very hard and you do better than you ever thought you'd do, you'll feel incredible. Make that your motivation to do well, put your mind to it and don't give up. You deserve your education, you deserve to have a bright future. Don't let this experience put you off that. I'm so sorry about what you went through, but this is now an opportunity to change your life and prove to yourself that you CAN do it.
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3 months ago, my crush of 3 years started dating someone
I'm 17, F
I miss him so much sometimes, and it feels like i've gone through a breakup but he never knew how much he meant to me
i still want to be his friend, because we've been sort of friendly acquaintances for the past 2ish years, but it hurts too much to talk to him. Also his girlfriend used to be my sorta friend, but now I can hardly handle talking to her...and she's with him most of the time which makes it worse...and now i've hardly talked to her for an entire semester
Some days I feel like I'm totally over him, but a lot of days I see him or think of him, or see something that reminds me of him, and then I want to cry, or I do cry (mostly when I'm at home)
I want to talk to someone right now about it but i'm home alone and my friends are all busy studying for exams, and don't want to be interrupted...I should be studying but I can't concentrate because I miss him too much right now
Why is it taking so long? I want to be over him, I want to be able to interact with him or see him or think of him or listen to his music(he's kinda in a band) without being so upset?
Don't try to rush your feelings - getting over someone doesn't happen over night, it happens over time. There is no specific ways to get over someone, over time you just find that you think about them less and less. I think it would be best if you spend some time away from him to reflect on your feelings, it sounds like it's too difficult for you to be around him right now and as you said it's easier when you don't see him for a while. If you spent some time apart you might find that your feelings fade and you can go back to being friends.
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so I broke up with my GF over 8 months ago, she's moved on, living with someone now. I only found this out 2 weeks ago. We all 3 happen to work at the same place, although we rarely if ever see one another. I'm finding myself becoming obsessed with them. What are they doing, are they together, where are they. I hate doing these things, but, like I said it's really becoming an obsession. HELP! How do I stop this unhealthy behavior?
First of all, know that it's normal to be jealous and curious about what your ex-girlfriend is doing with her new boyfriend, but it's good that you want to nip this in the bud. Break-ups are, of course, difficult, but if you want to get over it then you first must suffer the heartbreak. Try spending some time on YOU. Spend some time going out with friends, doing things you enjoy, over time you will find yourself forgetting about her. It's a cliche, I know, but time really is a healer. Give yourself some time to heal and don't try to stop the way you feel, confront it. The more you focus on trying to recover from the relationship ending, the more you will find that you don't care what they are doing together. Spend some time on your own or around people you care about or even try to find yourself a new girl if you're ready. If you're really struggling with the break-up, you could seek professional help. This kind of thing isn't something you can just stop, it's something that improves over time. However, I am sorry that you are going through this and I hope you know you're not alone. The more you reflect on the relationship the more you will become obsessed, so find some healthy things to do to replace the unhealthy behaviour, whatever your hobby is, do that more often and go out with friends and let your heart heal.
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In the start of our relationship he seemed to be perfect but then i told him about something wrong i did because i felt hidding things will be wrong. I had a boy best friend who was my boyfriend before him but i dated him for one month and was friends with him since two years. One day i was at my best friends house and we got drunk and he kissed me i told him i love my biyfriend and i cant do this. He said i am sorry for everything it is my fault such thing wont happen again. I forgave him. I told my boyfriend about everything and that time he supported me and said its okay but then later on problems started more and he started getting pissed he told me that he hates that i still talk to him and i told him he is my best friend and you wers altight before then later on he forced me to throw him out of my life by beating me and abusing me. I did the same. Later on he started doubting me with every guy and then he started verbally abusing me first called me slut and then hit me again. When i argue with hin that i am not doing anything wrong now he hits me and says you are wrong. He has hit me 20 to 25 times in the 6 month relationship. He is very contolling. I dont talk to any of my friends. I dont go out. I am not allowed to argue. I am taunted always, abused and then beaten up if i share what i feel. He has some major temper issues and he blames me for everything that is happening. He used to beat his ex gfs also as he said they cheated on him and broke his heart. What should i do?
It's very common that you (unintentionally) triggered his past - when you said that you had cheated in the past, it reminded him of HIS past and how HIS exs cheated on him. This is in no way whatsoever your fault. Clearly, he feels like he has to control you so that you can't do the same thing that his exs did to him, but you should not have to put up with that. You were very honest with him and that's good, and you don't sound like the type of person to cheat whatsoever and any guy should admire that about you, that you're loyal, instead of abusing you for one mistake you made. Please know that this is not your fault, he obviously has deep emotional scars that he is taking out on you. Tell someone: the police, a friend, a family member - anyone! Please do not put up with this, you don't deserve it. You deserve to be free and with someone who will love and support you, not treat you like that. I really do wish the best for you.
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Question Posted Tuesday October 4 2011, 1:28 pm
i do not know how to start this but appology for this long statement. i couldn't analyze these things anymore... let me start it this way, i am married for almost two years now and i love my husband. recently, i work with this lady and i find her very attractive. the thing is i don't know if she's gay or not and sending me mixed signals. i find her going on her way just to be around me or something, used to flirt with me before (i've seen her before i worked with her), stares at me when am not looking, used to stare at me when i was talking (before) and seems to be jealous when i talk to another men (like in a friendly way, not flirty). MOST IMPORTANTLY, i wonder so much why does our coworkers watches us whenever we are around together. they look at us, literally! it seems to me that they are listening to our body language or something. i don't understand... i really don't. since i started working with her i don't remember doing any flirtatious act on her. i never have. the only thing that happened was before i worked with her. like i say 2-3 times. well anyways, all of these happened before until last night... she worked with me directly and asked me bunches of personal questions like how is my husband, where did we met, etc and etc... do i have plans going back home to my country. i said yes i do. but am looking for someone to fly with me so i won't be by myself. she said she would go, she'd love to. then later when i asked her to go out with me and my friends because my other friend is bringing another person ( i don't wanna be out of place) she said yes if i wanted her to go (said yeah i do) and asked if we go to a bar and i said nope we don't do that. we just go out shopping. she said that's cool. i just thought you want me to WORK FOR YOU (what in the world does that mean???). that really got me. i laughed it out though. i asked her number and she gave it to me. later i asked her if she wanna go out watch movie, she said it's up to us. i can see she seemed to be starting in doubt, so when i got off from work i told her she don't have to go if she don't want to and that if something would come up. i even said i really like her and she said oh really? (she said it in a deep low voice) but i didn't told her that in a romantic way. she said she'll let us know and that she's saving her money because she's going to college soon. well anyways the fact is nobody knows am bisexual but i can see that she can sense that (that am bi). well, an hour after i texted her and she seems to be not interested or something...? i asked her questions and she answers it but she's not reciprocating my point on texting her and asking her out. i just wanna know her and be friends. she's very nice in every way. gracious i must say. am attracted to her, i admit that. however, i know where i stand on my ground and i cannot act on it. did she found everything weird? is she losing interest on me or did she even have an interest with me at all?
i honestly don't know what is going on so please please please i need everybody's help here analyzing these situation. am not even understanding my own self. i wanna know what is going on with her and what does she want from me.i
First of all, nobody can tell you why the woman is acting how she is, nobody can even guess, the only person who can tell you how she is feeling or why she is doing what she is doing is her. You can't ignore a situation like this, the only option is to talk it out. If you feel like this woman could be a threat to your marriage, if you feel urges to cheat, you should definitely tell someone. This could just be because you're feel somewhat distant from your husband maybe? Maybe the way you feel towards her isn't really real, and maybe her feelings towards you aren't real, which makes worrying about the situation completely pointless. The only way to know how she feels is to confront the situation and talk it out, have a good talk about both of your feelings. It sounds like you need time to sort everything out and work out your feelings, communication is the best answer. I hope everything works out for you.
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I am 24 and a virgin and every time I go on a date with a guy, he tries to make the moves on me within an hour of knowing each other. I want to have sex, I truly, truly do, but I want it to be with someone who I've established trust with. I can't establish trust with someone within an hour of knowing them. Why does EVERY guy I go out with seem to only want to have sex with me? I am really losing hope that that "right guy" doesn't exist, that I'm not going to fall in love or establish a relationship with someone. I just don't see how it's possible. Maybe this idea of "the right person" is a construct of society? Maybe I'm not the good girl I think I am, and am actually the promiscuous type but don't realize it. Maybe I need to just lose my virginity to someone I don't know and get it over with. Why do I attract this type of energy? I'm actually somewhat awkward and weird/unique, so I really don't understand why every dating situation is so sexually powered. Am I too closed off emotionally? Maybe I don't actually want love or a relationship and just want sex? If this is the case should I just get rid of the virgin burden? I just feel like every dating situation is the same and always based on sex and I just want to understand what is happening and why, instead of just letting the same situation occur over and over and over again. Advice?
You will regret losing your virginity to a stranger a lot more than waiting to meet the right person. Someday throughout of all the horrible dates you have, you will have a great one, and it will have been worth waiting for. You said yourself you want it to be with someone you trust, and that will make it worth it in the end. You will find someone someday, I believe there's someone for everyone. I truly do. Don't give up.
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Is it normal to talk to myself?
Sometimes when I am doing homework, particularly when I am just starting a task, I talk to myself...just little things like "so how shall we start?" or "what's next" or "okay, let's.....".
Also, a lot of times if I am doing math, I talk myself through each and every step: "now we multiply by two" "oh look! that works!" "how do we go on from here?...." One of my friends described it like I have a bunch of little men in my head telling me what to do. I don't feel that way, I don't feel like my head is messed up. She didn't mean it that way either, just to clarify.
Anyways, I am wondering, is it normal for me to do that? Can I talk to myself when I'm doing stuff?
Completely normal, don't worry. I think everyone does this at least once, it's working things out out loud instead of your head, which is sometimes easier. If you're worried you're going mad or insane - don't! It's completely normal and there's nothing wrong with it. Everyone talks to themselves, I know I do it when I'm working something out, and I'm sure it's not just us. Don't worry about it too much.
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I have a friend group of 7 girls including myself. 2 of the girls have rudely confronted me about my "lack of motivation" to go to school, my rare use of marijuana, and my "overuse" of alcohol. They all have drank many times before also, so I am not the only one. They're claiming that I am a bad influence on them and that I'm ruining their reputation with mine (I'm known as the partier of my grade/the girl who misses a lot of school). They've disregarded me telling them that I miss so many days of school because I have major depressive disorder and in the past month 3 people I was close to have died. I also have ADHD and I hate taking adderall for it, and I have to take adderall whenever I go to school. I barely ever smoke marijuana, but when I do, I use it for sleep since I have chronic insomnia. I only drink in social situations (at parties), and one of the two girls that is claiming that I drink too much, drinks alcohol everyday after school normally. They both have gotten 2 more girls in our friend group to dislike me and they're now saying that if I don't stop using drugs, cut back on my drinking, and to stop making excuses and come to school, they're going to kick me out of our friend group because the majority wants me out. The 2 friends who are on my side and are sticking up for me are getting caught in the crossfire and getting yelled at for still being friends with me. I don't want to forgive them because I do not want to be friends with people that want me to change myself and I don't want to really hangout with them all the time, but I'm also putting my 2 friends sticking up for me through hell and ripping apart my friend group. I don't know what to do.
I have a very different opinion of the situation, I think, although it doesn't seem like it, your friends are really trying to help. I understand that you're going through a rough time, but things like drugs and alcohol don't help - if anything, they make things worse. Your friends are probably struggling to know what to do, and you have to think of it in their point of view. I mean, they are obviously worried about you and don't know what to do, so they are approaching this in a whole new way. I don't think they are trying to change you, I think they're trying to help you, but it's hard to see that. Yes, they should be supportive and sensitive to your situation but, put yourself in their shoes for a minute - what would you do? If they carried on letting you drink and take drugs then they'd be bad friends, right? They're going about this the wrong way, but it sounds like a desperate attempt to help you.
Forgiving them, however, is completely up to you. If you don't want to change then no one has the right to change you! You are clearly going through a tough time and you need your friends more than ever right now, and that's when they should be there for you. Try talking to them, I know it sounds cliche but honestly it works wonders. You can get to the bottom of why they are doing this and where you should go from here. They should be supportive of you, you have every right to be angry! But it all depends on how angry you are. If you don't want to change and don't want to listen to your friends and you're angry about what they've done, maybe it's time to go your separate ways.
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Hi. I'm having some friend trouble. I am 13 and a girl. My best friend Kelsey does not seem to be trying to stay in this friendship. She doesn't even talk to me at school and she ditches me for another girl. My good friend Veronica and her best friend Isabella have been through the same thing with Kelsey. She gets very close and then completely ditches. She has been my best friend for 9 years and I love her, but he doesn't seem to want to be best friends anymore. I have said some bad things about her to Veronica and Isabella which I regret, but I still meant them. Whenever I get angry or upset about our relationship to her she apologises and gives the excuse of her anxiety and OCD. I have both of these too, so I don't understand why this is her excuse. She always apologises, but still doesn't seem to want to be best friends with me.
Some people grow apart, that's completely natural, maybe you and your friend have grown apart. However, some people have more severe cases of anxiety which causes them to push everyone away and if she is pushing everyone away then anxiety and OCD may not just be an excuse. It doesn't mean that she doesn't care about you, maybe she just needs time to deal with what she is going through. Maybe she needs you more than ever right now and is struggling, but she pushes you away out of habit - that's common with a lot of anxiety sufferers! Please don't assume she doesn't care about you or that she doesn't want to be friends, different people deal with stress in different ways and she seems to push people away. If she wants to be friends then she will come back into your life, but after nine years, what would cause her to not want to be friends any more? Maybe you just grew apart, it happens to all friends at one point in their friendship. Talk to her about this, and I don't mean yell at her, I mean sit down and have a real conversation with her about how this is making you feel, get to the bottom of this and see what she wants to do.
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I'm seriously done with boys at this point in my life , every single boy Ik is a fuck boy
What I mean by this is that boys think it's cool to cheat on girls like they will brag about it to there friends like its somthing to be proud of . I'm annoyed and scared that I will never be able to find a buff, cute , loyal guy that I can be happy with 😔
I'm sorry you're having such a hard time. You don't hate boys, you're just having a hard time believing there are any nice ones out there, it's completely normal to think that when you have a bad past with them. However, it's important that you know that not every boy is like that, one day a man will come into your life who will be cute and loyal - just the guy that you want! It's easy to assume they are all the same, but that's only the guys you know, they probably haven't matured yet. You never know who you could meet randomly when you least expect it. You will find someone someday and you will be happy; unfortunately, you have to go through a lot of heartbreak until you find the right person, but it's worth it when you meet that one guy. Forget about relationships for a while, focus on friends and family, if a boy does come alone, great! But don't make your entire life about finding love and being happy in a relationship, because even though it is great to be happy with someone, it's not worth spending your life worrying about it. It will happen when it's meant to happen. Enjoy life and live in the present instead of the future. Go out with friends and have fun! Forget about boys for a while and just get on with your life, there are more important things. Good luck.
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19/F
Iv been in a relationship for only 2 months with my boyfriend, we get along amazingly, when I'm not with him I miss him, and when I am with him I just want to stay with him all day!
But.. Iv started to become close with a guy I work with, we flirt occasionally and he knows I have a boyfriend. I was on a work night out with this guy and our other friends of course (my boyfriend was not there) and me and the guy from work ended up getting a cab together because our friends got in the other cab, we were both really drunk and flirting hard, he would try to wrap his arm around me and continued to tell me I was the best looking in the job, I told him the same, I feel really guilty because we almost kissed, I stopped it because I would never be unfaithful to my boyfriend, now when ever I'm in work I hope that we have the same shifts and I feel really guilty because I do love my boyfriend. Can anyone give me some advice to stop wanting to flirt with this boy
Flirting is cheating - it's showing attention to other people that should only be shown to one person, and acting single when you're not. I think your boyfriend has a right to know, and you should both talk about where to go from here. I hope you don't take this the wrong way, but the idea of not being able to stop flirting seems ridiculous to me, if you cared about your boyfriend then no one else in the world would matter, and you wouldn't even think about anyone else. Maybe you need to think long and hard about your relationship and ask yourself if you really want to be in it. If you had a strong connection to your boyfriend, as I said, no one else would matter. It's not a case of not being able to stop, it's a case of not wanting to. If you want to flirt with men then maybe you're meant for the single life and aren't supposed to be in a relationship - that's fine! Relationships aren't meant for everyone. But you should talk to your boyfriend and find out where to go from here, and think about cutting the other guy off and not having any contact with him again. If you want to flirt with this guy despite having a boyfriend, maybe you ought to think about your feelings, maybe you have secret deep feelings for the other guy. Good luck.
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Hey, I'm 16 and currently freaking out. My period has always been irregular by about a week and now it's 10 days late. I've commenced freaking out. I'm sexually active with my boyfriend of whom I've been dating for a year and we're both very mature. Although, I have never ever had unprotected vaginal sex. Also we've never had a condom break before. I've done a lot of research and the only symptom of pregnancy I have is that my period is late. I can't get a pregnancy test until Monday and it's Saturday. So it's a long time away. Also, perhaps stress or illness has to do with the fact that my period is late? Also to note, I have smoked marijuana occasionally over the past year and a half but recently I began smoking everyday to help with anxiety and please don't tell me it's bad ect. Could this have to do with my period being late? Someone please help me I'm stressing
Unfortunately, it's not possible for anyone to tell you that you are or are not pregnant at this stage - you may be, you may not be. But sit back and relax and take a deep breath, you're probably not. Most girls think they are pregnant and convince themselves, so the stress of that causes their period to be late. Stress is a massive reason why periods are late, and if you're stressing a lot then that could be a huge reason. It's easy to jump to thinking you're pregnant, but there is a very low chance seen as though you are very careful.
However, a period can be late for no reason whatsoever, every girl has late periods at least in some points of their lives. It could possibly just be a scare. In fact, I'm sure it is. Wait a bit longer and if your period still doesn't come then take a pregnancy test. Until then, try to remain calm and relax yourself - panicking will only make it worse! Unfortunately I can't tell you if you are or not, but I hope this helps in some way and I hope everything turns out alright.
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I've been going through a recent complicated break-up. The thing is I kinda rejected him because I want to get my life back together first before being in a committed relationship. I wasn't able to offer my heart back in return to this guy who loved me so purely because I got scared that the moment I say 'yes' we'd be in a really serious relationship. And the thought of being in a serious relationship scared me. I got scared and I made a stupid mistake by talking to it with another guy friend. And it almost felt like I cheated on him, he felt like I cheated. And now he's not in love with me anymore and that it's impossible for us to be together again. Which hurt so bad.
I know all of that's kinda convoluted, but long story short, I'm hurt because I hurt the one guy who's never done anything but love me so purely and see the best in me by being a stupid and weak girl. What if he's the one for me, what if I blew the chance to be with my soulmate? What if I never meet anyone who will love me as much as he did? I can't get over the pain and the loneliness no matter what I do.
I know I've made a mistake too. But I'm not aiming to get back together with him, because he's already said it's impossible. Now he just wants to be friends with me because he knows we're really close and he doesn't want to lose that and he said that I don't deserve to be abandoned completely. What should I do to get over him and forgive myself? I'm really sorry it was really long. Thank you to anyone who will help.
First of all, it's so important that you know that you haven't done anything wrong. Whatever happened with this other guy doesn't mean anything, you were not committed with this guy, you were not in a relationship, therefore it is not cheating (I'm sorry, you weren't clear about this other lad and what happened with him, but from what you said it sounds like you just spoke to him, which is far from cheating and should not be punished). If you're now friends he has clearly forgiven you, it's you, you haven't forgiven yourself - you need to! Everybody makes mistakes, everybody will do something in relationships they regret at least once in their life, once if their lucky! Don't be so hard on yourself, you don't deserve to beat yourself up and feel guilty all the time. It's not completely ruled out that you could give it a go in the future, you could both mature and decide to give it a go, never say never! It may not be too late. If you speak to him about how you feel about what you did, maybe he can understand and know that you would never do that again.
Also, I don't believe in ''blowing a chance with your soul mate'' - I know it sounds cliché, but if it's meant to be, it will be. And it's not too late for it to 'be', if he really is your soul mate then some how, some way, some day, you will be reunited. You clearly have issues with commitment, am I right? So maybe your relationship would have suffered, anyway. Please don't take this the wrong way, but when you're not open to commitment you can't be happy in a relationship, it would have taken a lot of work and even then maybe you still wouldn't be happy.
On the topic of getting over him, time is the best healer (which is also cliché, but also true). After a while to get your head around everything and being open to meeting new people, you may find eventually that you're over him and that the next man in your life may treat you even better and do things that he couldn't. Maybe he isn't your soul mate, maybe he is just supposed to be a friend, or a life lesson. I don't think you can just 'get over someone' like that, I'm afraid. But you can tell him how you feel, which will either end well or badly - either way, you have been able to get out your feelings, and sometimes that's all it takes. Sometimes when you get it out and say it out loud you feel better, and all your feelings just seem silly after that! (Even though your feelings are extremely valid, of course. Again, please don't take that the wrong way).
If it's meant to be, it will be. Don't be so hard on yourself. You're clearly a sweet person and I hope everything turns out well for you. Good luck!
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Self harm has become a big part of my every day life for 4 years, that was when I first started doing it. I've been doing it ever since and I can't stop, how do I bring myself to do it?
Self-harm is very addictive and after four years (which is a very long time) it can become part of your daily routine and without it you can feel completely lost. A lot of people say that they cannot get through this without support and help - although it's true that help and support is a positive thing, a huge percentage of the work put in to help you stop harming yourself comes from you. It's clear that you want to stop - otherwise, why would you be here? - so, it's important that you write down every reason why you want to stop doing it to look back on whenever you feel like doing it. If, however, you relapse, it's perfectly normal. But, if you do, write down all the negative feelings you get from it and how bad it made you feel, and remind yourself of that next time you are considering it. You've been doing it for four years and it has only added more pressure and more problems into your life, right? So you need to convince yourself that there is no point carrying on doing something that helps you for, what, 5 minutes before the guilt kicks in? Find healthier ways to deal with your underlying problem (whatever it is that made you want to cut in first place, if the problem is still there, of course) for example; exercising. Find a hobby, something you enjoy, and replace the negativity of self-harm with the positivity of your hobby, whatever that may be. As I said before, most of the encouragement needs to come from you, and you only. You need to convince yourself that you can do this, because even though it doesn't seem like it, you can.
The release you get from self-harm doesn't last very long before the guilt kicks in and then you realize what you've done and feel even worse, it's not worth it. In all honesty, I did it for six years and I got nothing out of it - it didn't get rid of my underlying problem, it just made it even worse, adding more problems to it. I know that when I told people they always told me ''go to the doctor'' and that annoyed me because people think that's the only way through this - it's not. So that's why I'm not telling you to do that; as good as it would be to get some help (and you could/should) most of the work comes from you. Yes, having people around you who care is an important factor, but the most important factor is loving yourself, and telling yourself that you can get through this. I'd say that it's extremely important to get your feelings out, because keeping things bottled up is so bad for you, this leads to emotional breakdowns which almost always leads to some sort of self-harm e.g. cutting, suicide attempts. It's so good that you have decided to go online and find some help, praise yourself for that! And anyone else who is reading this because they are hoping they can stop soon, too, well done just for reading! You have no idea how proud you should be because you've already taken the first step - wanting help, and looking around for it.
Self-help is the most effective form of help because only you know you and only you know how you feel, and you can trust yourself more than you can trust anybody else, right? If you are thinking of counselling, medication etc. - great! But, please keep in mind all the things you have to do at the same time in order to really keep up with staying clean from self-harm. Even though it's been four years, it's definitely not too late to stop, it's never too late! And as I said, give yourself a pat on the back for even coming here to find some support and help. Remind yourself that you can it, and imagine a happy life without the need to self-harm in order to actually be happy. Whatever you do, just don't give up. You may have relapses, yes, of course, a lot of people do! But that doesn't mean you have failed, or that you're back to square one, it actually will probably make you more determined. Avoid set-backs if possible but if not then it's okay, you haven't failed and you can still do it! If you cut by self-harming (the most popular form of self-harm) then throw away anything sharp in your room that you could possibly use. Try to tell the people around you so that you have someone to turn to if you feel like doing it again. It's all about believing in yourself.
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A few weeks ago I was catfished and I was speaking to this girl for so long I fell in love with her, ever since I've had nightmares and paranoia and haven't been able to move on because i feel like every girl i get attached to is going to be lying to me. People have told me that people who get cafished are stupid and im starting to believe it. Am i just stupid for believing this girls lies or is it possible i am genuinely hurt by this and suffering from the pain or am i just being stupid?
First of all, you're definitely not being stupid, how you're feeling is completely understandable and lots of people have been through it, you are definitely not alone. As you may have seen on 'Catfish: The TV Show' many people Catfish for different reasons, and you always see the reaction of the person that has been Catfished; they don't laugh and say ''oh well'', they cry and open up about how hurt they are. If being cheated on and lied to is hurtful, then how on earth is the 'love of your life' pretending to be someone their not and not even existing not hurtful? Never mind other people's opinions - if it upsets you, then it's valid, you can't be expected not to feel upset! This girl obviously meant a lot to you, and she betrayed you, you're having the same feelings as someone who would cheat on you - it's completely normal! I have heard of people saying ''it's not possible to be Catfished, if you don't see the signs then it's your own fault'', too. It's not true, you can't possibly know for a fact whether someone is lying or not, sometimes you get so blinded by your feelings for this person that you don't really care, you don't think it's possible for this girl to hurt you, and then when she does it hurts, like hell. I get it.
Second of all, paranoia is completely normal, we've all been there (and if you haven't then you will, one day). Bad relationships can make you extremely worried and paranoid that the next person will do the exact same, you're only human, don't expect yourself to heal so quickly, don't be so hard on yourself. Your feelings are completely normal. With all that said, what's done is done, you cannot change the past, you can't go back in time and stop yourself from sending that first message to this girl, all you can do is move forward, and you can't do that whilst looking back. You clearly still care for her, and no one can expect you to move on and be happy with someone else, emotional wounds take time to heal, it's such a shame it's the good guys that get hurt (the same goes for girls, of course). I know it's not always the good ones, but when it is, it's a shame, because they don't deserve it at all. Remember that one day you will meet the love of your life, she will be beautiful, smart, funny, kind, 100% real, everything you want in a woman! By moving on from her, you're making room for this better person to come along into your life, and when she does, you will be like '[Catfisher's name] who?' and completely forget who she even is! One day, you will meet a girl that makes you think ''all those times I was hurt were worth it''. Good luck, and I hope things get better for you!
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Hi :) me and my dad had a huge argument about 18 months ago and we haven't really talked since then. It was pretty serious what he did but I decided to let it go with the urge from my step-dad who said to give him another chance.
We sat down and had a meeting about how I felt and all of that crap but even after I opened up, he was still acting like a high and almighty person who never made mistakes. But still, I'm trucking on.
I don't know what to say to him anymore to start a conversation. It will go something like:
Me: Hi
Him: Hi, how was school?
Me: Good, I didn't learn much.
Him: Oh, that sounds eventful. Work was boring.
And then we say goodbye. Even before our relationship went downhill, that is how it was. And we used to do that nearly everyday. I don't know what to do about it anymore.
Any tips?
I think lots of Dad's are like this, when you live together you run out of things to talk about very quickly. But doing something simple like watching a film together can give you something to talk about and get you closer together. It's good that you are trying to give him another chance, and it sounds like it hasn't changed your relationship with him, which is good. However, if you want to get closer to him then maybe you could watch a film together and talk about it or go out with him somewhere, in that situation you have nothing else to do but talk, and in talking you may find a common ground. Good luck, I hope things get better.
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20, female
Last January or February I hooked up with my friend (lets call him John) at a party, and neither of us ever brought it up later or talked about it. I thought that it was just because we were both drunk, but now I don't really know. My roommate was telling me how she always thought that John had a thing for me because he's always been kind of flirty, but I've always just brushed it off. I've noticed it, but I've kind of just ignored it or thought it wasn't that big of a deal.
A couple weeks ago, John had a small party at his house with a bunch of our friends. He kept flirting with me like usual, but then later we were sitting on the couch together and he put his arm around me. I was pretty tipsy at that point and was leaning on his shoulder, and he was like stroking my hair. Nothing happened that night, but then last week I saw him at school and he asked if he could come over to my place. We were just talking about summer and school and stuff for a little bit, and then he brought up last February when we hooked up. I didn't know what to do or say because that was so long ago, and I'm not really that good about talking about things like that. But basically he was like remember that one time, and then told me it was his first kiss. I didn't know what to say, so I was kind of just like ohhh aww.
I feel bad because I think I've been leading him on this whole time. Ugh I don't know. I'm scared that he actually really likes me because why else would he bring something up from over nine months ago? I can't stop thinking about it and him. I really don't know what I want or anything, and I honestly have no time for any type of relationship. I don't know what to do!
Am I totally just over-analyzing this all, or do y'all think he does really like me? What do I do? Because after we hooked up way back, I literally just avoided him for a month and that got me nowhere lol.
You shouldn't feel guilty, if you don't have feelings for him, that's not your fault. It's been ages since you hooked up, and you never told him that you had any feelings for him whatsoever, right? So you haven't lead him on. You can't help it if you don't like him, and I'm sure he will understand that, too. Maybe you should just tell him straight up, or if you're not comfortable with that then give him hints that you like someone else or hints that you just see him as a friend. Sometimes people can think you're leading them on when you're not even trying to, when you don't even notice it - how can you stop or avoid it when you don't even notice it? It's such a complicated situation, but you can't be expected to go along with acting like this to spare his feelings or anything like that. Maybe he just needs the straight up truth, because the longer he leaves these hints the more awkward it will become when you try to be friends, or when you decide to tell him you don't want to be with him/don't feel the same way about him.
It does seem like he likes you, I don't think you'd bring up something that happened a long time ago unless you were thinking about it a lot,and he wouldn't think about it a lot unless he had feelings for you. The only thing left to do is to talk to him, because the sooner he knows the better. Good luck.
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a boy at school who I like asked me by message if I wanted to go out with him
my mum thinks im too young but I want to say yes what should I do
im 11 btw
I can see where your mum is coming from, however I can also see where you are coming from. In school you will have a lot of experiences with relationships, it's not very likely that this boy will be the love of your life, but it doesn't mean you shouldn't go for it. Being in relationships at quite a young age can be good for you, it can teach you a lot. If you like him, then you should go for it. Even though you are young and it's important that you are mature in your relationship and don't do anything you don't want to do, lots of people get into relationships at your age, and as long as they are responsible, it doesn't affect them. Make sure that you do what you want and only what you want, don't let him force or pressure you into anything you don't want to do. You're young, have fun! You'll go through many guys before you find 'the one', this is just experimenting with relationships, and that's fine. At your age, you will be curious and your feelings will be all over the place, it's all down to you, if you like this guy, then why not?
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