oodles_of_noodles's advice column

re-lo.
I am a blunt, cynical, nerdy nymphomaniac, incapable of shutting my mouth (partially due to chromosomal content). On several past occasions, I've managed to convince someone that my IQ was larger than my breast size, but my general intelligence and comprehension capabilities waver somewhere between a waffle cone and a gerbil.
I know nothing about everything, in stark contrast to poncy intellectuals everywhere, but I can maintain a pleasant facade of knowledge in these categories: alternative lifestyles, (alternative) sexuality and culture, embarrassing nuances of human behavior, grammar, dorkiness, makeup (I wear a shit ton), ancient cultures, art, mental illnesses, body modification.

advice

My sister and I are seriously wondering if our mom has some mental illness or something. Every day she gets pissed off about something and screams at us about it, threatening to do something in order to make us do stuff. Pretty much, she fights with at least two out of us three [my dad, my sister, and me] about something.

She's OCD about us getting good grades and not wasting time playing sports. One minute shes all happy and fine with us playing sports, the next minute shes all screaming at us about how we spend too much time playing and not enough time doing hw and studying. Plus she hates how we go online, saying that the internet is sucking us in and shes tried numerous times to rip out our internet connection or break out computers.

When we have guests or shes on the phone, she can immediately go from angry to all sweet and polite and stuff. And she screams on the phone so much! She calls us while my dad's driving us to school every day for pretty much no reason and always leaves screaming voicemails if we dont pick up the phone, saying how we're purposely ignoring her and stuff when we either just forgot to turn the phone on or were busy with sports or something.

When we fight, she always says how she wished we weren't born [my sister and me.. mostly me], and how if she knew that i would turn out the way i was, she would have choked me to death after i was born. She probably did that out of anger, but after saying that pretty much every other fight we have... ones gotta wonder.

She also thinks we're like conspiracing against her or something. She's always yelling how she knows we all hate her and want her to die. And shes always saying how shes going to divorce my dad and go back to her ex-husband whos still waiting for her or something. She also goes on and on about how she knows we're just trying to provoke her and make her angry and make her die 'at a young age'. it's just like... are you a little too paranoid? I don't even know if paranoid is the right word.

She gets angry so easily and when shes mad, she starts ranting on and on to some invisible person [or herself]. Shes prone to violence and doesn't hesitate to destroy stuff in her anger. who knows how many dishes and whatnot she's shattered and that folding chair she broke... we think she might be mentally ill, but we're not exactly sure what or how... or if shes just.. like permanently PMSing or something...

I'm just wondering if anyone has any slight idea about if she might be mentally ill or something, and if so, with what? We've checked and figured that she doesn't have multiple personality disorder and isn't bipolar.

Please Please help. Her tirades and rants are ruining our family and driving my dad, my sister, and me crazy.

Wow. Deja vu. My mom IS your mom. I don't think she's absolutely off the deep end, but she's definitely got some things to resolve. She's obviously got an anxiety disorder and some serious paranoia issues. It might stem from her feeling like her life is out of control; it sounds like everything or everybody's life she can't have a direct hand in she has to lash out at. It could be that she's angry that she hasn't accomplished what she wanted in life, which could explain both her driving you guys to be successful and simultaneously trying to sabotage your success. It might be an attention thing; she may be afraid of abandonment or feel as though she needs to be validated constantly. When the attention is off her, she reacts in a way to bring it back (example:anger or melodrama). The other option, and I hate to say it because it's rude, is that your mom is a drama queen. Some people create their own anxiety- they actually can't function without stress, for some reason. I'm sure you've had a friend that's blown everything negative that happens way out of proportion. Well, adults can be like that as well. For example, my mom will get frantically worked up about paying a bill, going on and on about how if she doesn't send it NOW, it might be late and they'll charge money which will overdraw her account and she won't have food money and will starve/declare bankruptcy, etc. This is ridiculous, because she won't starve and she has an entire month to send the bill. She's created her own drama because it fills her need for control. Your mom is obviously a deeply unhappy person. I can't tell you that anything you try to "snap her out of it" will work. She won't change until she wants to, and any attempt, even loving, to make her change will be seen as an attack. I think the best thing to do would either be to go in for family counseling (trust me, they'll be able to see through it, and having a non-parent adult ally is really helpful) or just wait it out until you're both 18. I have no idea how long that'll be. And remember, all adults chill out with time. At roughly your age, my sister and I were seriously considering getting my mom a psychiatric evaluation. Now (since we've both moved out) I can actually have a normal, non-angry, non-accusatory conversation with her. Granted, it only lasts 15 minutes, but it's better than nothing. ;) Good luck, seriously. And please tell your dad how you feel.