kc's advice column

My girl friend recently broke up with me...... i do not want to live any more..... i want to end my life....... she was all i had... she loves me still i know she does... her mom just passed away and she said she needs to be alone....... every day i cry all day. its the only thing i think about...... im 24 and i have never been hurt this bad in my life.so i think i am going to kill my self or badyly injure my self so she will stay with me in the hospital....... i am prescribed methadone, i take 100 mgs a day..... to day i am thinking about taking 700 mgs... dont you think that wil kill me in a quiet way.. if it doesnot kill me i am screwed becausei wont have my medicine and ill be even worse off and suffer withdrawl.. like i said i am prescribed methadone, i am the farthest thing from a drug addict ..... ive been sober for 2 years and this is the first time i have had to deal with my problems with out the use of drugs.. i want to die.. another option i am considering is taking a jog at night wearing all black and just jump in front of a car... i figure more than likely this will not kill me and it will look like an accident according to every one else... i know then my girl will stay by my side.. i am also tempting driving a honda civic into a wall or tree going at least 70 miles an hour.. i want to die, but i dont want to hurt my mom,, if she was not in the picture i would have done it already... so please tell me what you think and dont say shit like o go get help....... dont kill your self... god wont accept you in the after life... thats bull shit.. god will forgive me... i just can not go on with out this girl. please reply quickly..

My dad sent this to me when I was going through a difficult break up like yourself, and it got me thinking. I hope it does the same for you.

"MAY WE ALL BE COFFEE"
A young woman went to her mother and told her about her life and how things were so hard for her. She did not know how she was going to make it and wanted to give up. She was tired of fighting and struggling. It seemed as one problem was solved, a new one arose.

Her mother took her to the kitchen. She filled three pots with water and placed each on a high fire. Soon the pots came to boil. In the first she placed carrots, in the second she placed eggs, and in the last she placed ground coffee beans. She let them sit and boil without saying a word.

In about twenty minutes she turned off the burners. She fished the carrots out and placed them in a bowl. She pulled the eggs out and placed them in a bowl. Then she ladled the coffee out and placed it in a bowl.

Turning to her daughter, she asked, "Tell me what you see."

"Carrots, eggs, and coffee," she replied.

Her mother brought her closer and asked her to feel the carrots. She did and noted that they were soft. The mother then asked the daughter to take an egg and break it. After pulling off the shell, she observed the hard boiled egg.

Finally, the mother asked the daughter to sip the coffee. The daughter smiled as she tasted its rich aroma. The daughter then asked, "What does it mean, mother?"

Her mother explained that each of these objects had faced the same adversity: boiling water. Each reacted differently. The carrot went in strong, hard, and unrelenting. However, after being subjected to the boiling water, it softened and became weak. The egg had been fragile. Its thin outer shell had protected its liquid interior, but after sitting through the boiling water, its inside became hardened. The ground coffee beans were unique, however. After they were in the boiling water, they had changed the water.

"Which are you?" she asked her daughter. "When adversity knocks on your door, how do you respond? Are you a carrot, an egg or a coffee bean?

Think of this: Which am I?

Am I the carrot that seems strong, but with pain and adversity do I wilt and become soft and lose my strength?

Am I the egg that starts with a malleable heart, but changes with the heat? Did I have a fluid spirit, but after a death, a breakup, a financial hardship or some other trial, have I become hardened and stiff? Does my shell look the same, but on the inside am I bitter and tough with a stiff spirit and hardened heart?

Or am I like the coffee bean? The bean actually changes the hot water, the very circumstance that brings the pain. When the water gets hot, it releases the fragrance and flavor. If you are like the bean, when things are at their worst, you get better and change the situation around you.

When the hour is the darkest and trials are their greatest, do you elevate yourself to another level? How do you handle adversity? Are you a carrot, an egg or a coffee bean?

May you have enough happiness to make you sweet, enough trials to make you strong, enough sorrow to keep you human and enough hope to make you happy.

The happiest of people don't necessarily have the best of everything; they just make the most of everything that comes along their way.THE BRIGHTEST FUTURE WILL ALWAYS BE BASED ON A FORGOTTEN PAST; YOU CAN NOT GO FORWARD IN LIFE UNTIL YOU LET GO OF YOUR PAST FAILURES AND HEATACHES.

When you were born, you were crying and everyone around you was smiling. Live your life so at the end, you're the one who is smiling and everyone around you is crying.

EDIT AFTER READING RESPONSE:

No one is going to answer your question about how to kill yourself. You asked us what to do in this situation, and we are telling you what we think you need to do. Do not ignore all of the advice that we are giving, because all of it is going to help. You need to stop duelling about how horrible life is without this girl when she obviously wants some time apart from you. You need to accept it. She is 19 years old, still young. She wants to experience what she can and have fun and party. You need to stop bugging her repetitively or you are going to scare her off even more. You are saying you want to kill yourself? What is that going to do? You won't be with her, awesome, but aren't you already not with her? Even though you say otherwise, I think you would rather live and be without her than die and leave everything, like your mother and your LIFE, behind. This is not a healthy thing you are doing, and as much as you say you do not want to, you need to talk to someone about it because it is something more than an advice site can help you with. To say it bluntly, you need to stop being so stubborn and stop being a baby about this whole thing and LET GO. She says she still loves you? She probably does, but she obviously does not want to be with you right now ,accept it and MOVE ON. When you are young like she is, everything is still maturing and changing. So her perspective of the relationship you two were having probably changed, while since you are older and less prone to change, you did not see it and she wanted out. Please listen to what we are saying to you. You need to STOP obsessing over her and accept that shit happens. You don't want anyone going to your funeral saying this is the man who killed himself over a girl. I'm sorry, but that is down right pathetic. You want people thinking that this is the man who could move on from challenges that he faces. It sucks that you need to hear the cold truth from a 16 year old, but you really need to take into consideration everyone else, not just you. Because you are being very selfish right now.

Act like a 24 year old, and grow up.