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My brothers gay..
Its not that bad.. i mean.. hes not really girlie.. hes 18 and still lives with us tho (he graduated).. his boyfriends come over all the time.. and im ok with that.. its not too weird.. but when i talk about it with people.. its hard.. and almost like.. embaressing to say hes GAY.. but i know that there is nothing ot really be embarresed about? help?! (link)
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Please, first, take every point from your question and look at what you are saying through the eyes of your brother... As if HE was reading your question. You start out saying that he is gay - but it is not that bad...meaning that he is not really girlie. If I was him, I would actually be offended because my own brother thinks it is bad that I am gay, but acceptable or tolerable because I am not real feminine. So, he has to be macho to be accepted? Understand? First point - Behind your perceived acceptance there is actually a level of shame or embarassment, and you may or may not be disguising this shame as well as you think you may be.
Second, it sounds like he decided to announce his homosexuality recently and you are still in the stage of trying to understand. I am sure that in your heart of hearts you really want to be understanding and accepting and caring towards your brother. You've known him all your life, right? But to say you are not accepting would make you look bad. If I was your brother I would appreciate your honesty because he too felt the importance to be honest with those he loved. But don't allow your honesty to turn into bigotry. For the sake of your brother you must be willing to learn. So tell him "I don't quite understand, I am having a hard time really accepting that I have a gay brother. I want to, but everything I know about being gay seems so wrong. Can you help me?" Please understand this...What you are going through now is most likely something he has been going through for years. Do you think he has never been embarassed or ashamed of being gay? I don't know one gay person that did not wish at some point in their lives that they were not gay. So, be honest, be open, get to know your brothers priorities in life. Now that he is honest with his family, he is ready to move on and just live. Your underlying shame will always be there unless you educate yourself now. There is no shame in honesty, unless its paired with hatred.
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I'm delivering a speech favoring gay rights in america for my college and I'd like to compile a list of openly gay celebrities but I can only think of about four and I can't find anything on the internet that's reliable. So I was wondering if anyone could possibly help me find something.
Thanks in advance. (link)
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I don't know why people are responding to this question with talk about the gay marriage. She was asking about openly gay celebrities.
Then, someone responded that they are against homosexuality but on the same hand knew about 20 openly gay celebrities. Sounds like a real fan, even though this person listed Jodie Foster as being openly gay, which she is not, she is still in the closet with her sexuality.
Sadly, many celebrities have to hide the homosexuality because many people are against this kind of lifestyle. What difference does it make? There are many people who spew misinformed, bigotted advice on this website that keep these famous people from being able to be free with themselves.
There are many rumors as to who might be gay, but these are rumors.
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I need your advice...
Well, my friend(John)is gay and he just found out his bf was cheating on him. So, I invited him to see a movie to get his mind off of the situation. Well, of course he wanted to see Brokeback Mountain. So I went with him and what do you know? His ex bf was there with another guy. He asked me if I could pretend to be with him to make his ex jealous. I didn't know anyone in there so i agreed. I didn't think he would do anything extreme. Well during the movie he held my hand, and i felt akward. He even leaned over to kiss me and we actually started making out. I actually enjoyed it and I invited him over to stay the night. Well while were bed one thing led to another and we ended up having sex. The next day at school his ex started telling everyone that he saw me and john making out. Now everyone thinks i'm gay and they aren't being nice about it. Just because i had sex with a guy does that make me gay? And if i am should i try to have a relationship with him? He wanted me to, but i didn't know if i was ready.
Thanks
(link)
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I don't believe your "story".
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Here is my problem. I am gay but I dont know how to ask guys out. I am always so afriad of what they might do.(e.i. gay bashing, beat me up,) So I just admire guys from a far and never talk to them and so then I end up unfufilled and emotionally drianed. Because I dont know how to talk to them. It is totally different if they come up to me or if a friend introduces them to me then I can usually be my charming self. But I just feel like something's wrong when I am in a gay bar for almost a week straight and I dont get hit on by anyone. So how do I talk to guys and how do I get over my fears? (link)
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This is a very good question. I am glad you asked it.
There is nothing wrong with you when you are at a gay bar (Smut Central) and you don't get picked up. Different people go to different gay bars for different reasons.
I am alot like you. I am much more comfortable being persued than doing the persuing. Who isn't, really? The people that who have no problem approaching others are those that have done it many times. When you say that you are "afraid of what they might do (ie gay bashing)" this does not apply at a gay bar. At gay bars you are free to just be. I imagine that you are just nervous and/or scared of rejection or humiliation. Lets face it, gay people often are cruel to each other. Its funny how the picked on often find someone lower in their opinion to pick on. I've been judged negatively by gay men many times! Or should I say ALL the time. It sucks.
My advice to you is to check yourself. Be the better man. When you approach someone in any social situation it is done with confidence and interest. "I know that I am amazing, and if they don't like me, it is their loss". Try to genuinely believe this. I know it sounds like a way overused phrase but, if you don't like yourself - who will? You know that after you've made the initial introduction you are charming. Its just stepping out of yourself that first time that is so difficult. Learn who you are, what makes you tick, and accentuate all your positives. Believe you are worthy. Confidence is sexy, as long as it is not false. Maybe find a trusted faghag (female friend) to go to a bar with you and meet men together if it'll make you more comfortable at first.
Outside of the sanctity of the bar is much more difficult, I feel. Join some social groups, or find some high traffic social areas like a coffee house or maybe a rec center. If you live in an urban area, most areas have social groups designed for gay men like you.
For me, I work out, not to look good for others, but to feel good about myself. I have found that the best way of combating insecure, judgemental people is to be secure in myself and never judge a book by its cover. If upon reading that book I discover the book is bad, I set it aside and move on.
I hope it helps. Good luck.
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hi. i'm 15/m and an in-the-closet homosexual.
here's my problem: there's this guy at my school that i really like-and i mean reeaaalllyy like. he's a really good friend of mine, too. we hang out pretty much every day. problem is, i don't know if he feels "that way". How can i find out if he likes me too without telling the whole world that i'm gay? (link)
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I am assuming that if he "liked" you too in that "special way" you would of sensed it by now. You want him to like you, you would of surely noticed he gave you any signs. That is unless he is confused himself...
You are his friend. You hang out pretty much every day. He already likes you, as a friend. This is a good start. Spend much more time alone. Allow him to get to really know you. Let him earn your trust. He will eventually get your point. If he reciprocates that is his choice. Be patient.
Lastly, be a good person and represent yourself with respect.
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Okay, I'm 14 years old, a male, and I am a homosexual FYI. I lived with my mom until her drug problems escaladed and I had to move with my grandparents. During that time, I became friends with this guy who I am friends with but am totally not attracted to whatsoever. I stayed there for a few months and we signed up for summer P.E. together and everything was going good. Then, I moved with my mom again and I became friends with this other guy who I am totally attracted to and I guess that kinda boosts his personality. I ended up blowing my other friend off and dropped out of summer P.E. to be with the guy I like/love or whatever. Is it bad I kinda ditched my best friend even though its my life and I should be able to do what I want and if this other guy makes me happy that should be the only thing that matters right? Anyways, my summer P.E. friend calls and says I blew him off to be with Ronnie and smoke drugs which isn't entirely false and he hangs up on me. Is it bad that I did this and what should I do now. Also, remember its too late to sign back up for summer P.E. and its also nice to know my summer P.E. friend is a republican and doesn't know I'm gay or anything like that. Please help me out of this bind. (link)
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So much going on here:::
No, no, yes, and alright. Those are my answers to all of your questions.
Let me get this right... You took the time to ask this website these questions because your conscious is telling you that it is wrong to treat your summer P.E. friend the way you did. This friend told you this is wrong, and now you want either an affirmation that this friend is right for feeling "blown off" or you are right for doing what you want to do because it is your life and your are free to make your own decisions. Right?
Yes, it is bad that you did this to this guy but only because it appears that you never gave him a real explanation. He feels rejected. Republicans have feelings too. (Please don't judge him because his family is republican. You are apart of a minority group that gets judged all the time, so stop the hypocrisy now when you are young enough to be impressionable).
Don't lose any sleep over this. Just tell him that when you are spending time with this other guy alot. If he wants to hang out with you guys, let him. But be honest. If he doesn't want to hang out with a homosexual, your problem is solved and he becomes the biggot, not you.
Also, it is unclear how close of "friends" you are with this newer guy and what does it mean that you "kinda boosts his personality"? Please answer my feedback anytime.
I'd love to help you out more. I think we have alot in common.
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One of my very close friends believes he was born gay. I just don't understand his belief in that. Why is it that some people can be 'born gay' and others not? I just don't understand that concept in life. Can anyone explain to me why some can be born gay and others not? (link)
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Really, I mean really, read this next sentence slowly... It is not for you to understand. Chances are your very close friend does not understand it either. The concept brings comfort to his misunderstandings. Have you ever wanted to know why you are you? Why you live where you live? Why you are the race you are and not another? Big picture questions. Your very close friend has thought about why he is gay. He knows he cannot change who he is. Rather than abuse himself over this, he chose to accept the fact. He was born GAY. Many, many young men and women chose to die rather than accept this fact. Do you know how high the suicide rate is for gays and lesbians??? The answer to why it is so high can be found in the answers from others below. You were looking for advice and instead people chose to spread their biggotry upon you. I am glad you are close friends with this young man. Get to know him even better, see the good and bad in his character and personalized those characteristics, and over time your answers to why he is who he is would be answered. Until then, stop parenting him. This is a question a mother would ask about her gay son.
SECONDLY - there should be a rule on this website saying "PEOPLE SHOULD BE FAMILIAR WITH A TOPIC BEFORE SUBMITTING THEIR PERSONAL OPINIONS". As of this writing, this question has recieved advice from 23 different people, and 20 have no idea about what it is like to be gay or to be friends with someone who is gay. Do these religious fanatics even know what this person or her gay friend are like? I do not think so. Nor do I, for that matter. But my experiences have me better suited to epithize with the situation. My advice to these judgemental zealots is to get out and learn about Life, don't let your pastor tell you what Life is about. Live Life First. Experience the world then judge it if you must!
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hey everyone ok im gay for starters and i have been made fun of my whole life for it and now people at work are starting too and i think im going to kill myself so please talk to me.:( (link)
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At some point in your life you faced the facts. You acknowledged that you are gay and that there was no changing that fact. That, my friend, is a big, big step.
I am gay too. When I am made fun of for being gay, I always flip the situation around in my mind. I feel sorry for them. I am better than them because I am being real to myself and living without any painful "personal secrets". The people picking on you most likely have so much pain in their lives that it is easier to pick on someone else rahter than to look within at their own lives.
Make sure you remain a good person, regardless of your sexuality. Bad people are in every social group. Don't give the tormentors something to hate about you which they will ignorantly stereotype all gays as being that way.
Good luck.
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Hi, as many of you may of seen me post frequently,I am Mark. I have dissociative idenity disorder or multiple personalities. At first I didn't believe it but It became much worse. I just read an article about it and I have 90% of the symptoms. Should I get help? I'm an average 15 year old kid, just like some of you guys are or have been or will be. You remember what it was like to be different from everyone...What should I do, I'm for once stuck in life with not knowing on what to do..please help me.
-Mark (link)
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You are no more a doctor than I am a license clinical therapist. You cannot diagnose yourself especially about such a complicated disorder. And I can only advice you from my years of attendance at the School of Life. So take this advice as you want.
I was 15 once. I remember. I put much thought into what can possibly be my reason of being. I remember what it was like to be different from everyone else. I also remember when I was 20 when I learned that different was good because the world is made up of many, many different people all falling in love with each other. I also remember when I was 30 and through the help of intellectual friends and intellectual books I learned that there are many big, complicated words describing every minute flaw in my character and my physical health. I was proud that there was finally someone out there that believed I was as bad as I felt I was. And I know how I am now. At 35, wishing I was 15, regretting all the years being alone worrying about myself.
But 40, and 45, 50 and 55 are ahead of me. I haven't just arrived at the train station just to watch my train leave. I am just early for the next train to arrive. And so are you. While most people feel stuck in life just after they graduate high school or when they delay the inevitable by going to college, you are early. You feel stuck in life at the young age of 15, with smooth, tight skin, and so much energy. You are letting the your world change you rather than you changing the world.
Learn from my mistakes. Do not compare yourself to others. Do not be continually aware of your own needs. Do not define yourself in easy terms. Humbly except that you will always have room to grow. Dedicate yourself to being a better adult, not an ok teenager. You will find that when you are depressed all those multiple personalities are just imaginary friends of yours who actually know you. You will find that when you are happy all those multiple personalities are just representatives of how incredibly different you are to a world that tries real hard to be exactly the same.
If you feel you need help, get it. Only you know. There might be something actually wrong with your chemistry. Consult your school counselor, or a church figure, or a wise uncle or grandparent. Take care of yourself.
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i got my gf pregnant and we havint told anyone yet should we tell someone like our parents
or should we not. and since i got her pregnant should we like get marryed or something i mean i am not ready for that i am only 15 (link)
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I feel for you, guy. I am late in responding to your question, so you have probably already taken some sort of action on this problem of yours. Do you have any new information?
If I was in your shoes, I probably wouldn't of had marrying her as even an option. No matter how much I loved her. Sorry. You are 15, and I am not talking down to you because I am older.
What are your girlfriends beliefs about keeping the child? What are yours?
I believe that everything happens in this world for a reason, and this is another lesson handed to you.
At 15, I was horny all the freaking time! I didn't care where I got sex or how many times I did it. I even let male friends blow me. But I learned how to be responsible both in how I had sex and in the way I lived my life. I wish my parents would of taught me this, but I had to learn this myself after a couple of close calls with "could be pregnant" girlfriends as well as with a couple of classes I was failing because instead of doing homework I was having sex. Sex does not make you a MAN. A hefty paycheck does.
This is the big picture beyond this immediate problem of yours. You might be a Daddy, but learn from this.
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Hey, I am Leigh-Anne, I am 35 years old, a week ago me and my husband were working late, my 12 year old son was home alone, when I came home I went to his room and caught him having sex with a 17 year old girl who is a friend of the family. I was schocked. She was giving him oral sex and they immedietly stopped, please answer thanks ~Leigh-Anne (link)
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What is alarming about your question has been some of the answers posted in response. If the sexes were reversed (17 yr old boy with a 12 yr old girl) people would be telling you to call the authorities and press charges. Which, I feel, does no good for anyone, unless your child was an unwilling participant. I suspect that he probably is proud of the fact that he has been "doing it" with a much older girl.
My advice is clear. Your 12 year old son has lost his innocence, and has moved onto a stage where he needs his father to start treating him more like a young man. Your son cannot go back to the naive boy that he was, and he has been given the freedom up to this stage to do whatever he wanted. Chances are he has had more experiences than this one. How open is your husbands relationship with him? Do you have any older sons who can also talk with him? Your husband should asked him a bunch of specific questions about his sons sex life and teach him what he knows about sexual responsibility and sexual addiction. A one on one lecture sitting across each other at the dining room table probably isn't best. He should be active in something so that he does not feel embarassed talking to his dad about SEX. For us guys we are more open when we are distracted in doing something else, like drawing or video games or working on our cars. There are many books which can assist your husband in this "talk". Might I recommend a book called "Man to Man".
Do you think you might condone your sons new sex life, or condemn it? Read some of the other questions on this website from 12 year olds and you will see that 12 is NOT unheard of for kids these days having sex. Just be careful that he doesn't equate the amount of sex he has with what it takes to be a MAN. At school they boast about these things, and eventually "getting ahead in the world" becomes a sexual reference and not something that is a result of his dedicated school work. Watch him closely, but from afar.
Other people gave you advice about what to do with the 17 year old girl. She has her own issues and her parents need to know. Thats all you need to do.
I hope you can post a positive update on your son someday.
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Hi anybody got any tips at goin to sleep at nite.
I go to bed early cos im always tired during the day but all i do is lie there thinkin an starin for hours an i just cnt get to sleep.
Sum1 help me please! (link)
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There is an herbal sleeping pill called Alluna and it is sold over the counter. It doesn't produce the grogginess that other pills do, and it is non addictive. The primary ingredient in Alluna is Valerian Root, which, if you can find it, is also sold over the counter and is much, much cheaper than Alluna. I have alot of anxiety every night, I take Valerian Root, and I feel incredibly relieved the next day.
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I've figured out that i am bi...but i am a christian..and i realize how wrong it is...and i hate myself for it...im trying to change myself.....but its hard for me to completely stop liking guys....but its so wrong...in the bible it says that doing stuff with another guy is an abomination..and they should be destroyed..that scares me..so i am trying to fight it off..i have a gf...and she's helping me thru it too...but my ? is...is it really wrong to be bi?.. (link)
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What I don't understand about Christianity is is do christian people feel bad about themselves when they have sexual desires directed towards the opposite sex? Not to answer a question with a question deliberately, but I'd like to know.It sounds like many christian denominations would only allow you to have sex with a woman when you and that woman choses to make a child.
You are pummelling yourself because you have sexual urges toward men and women, and that your christian beliefs tell you that your urges specifically towards men are wrong. Why should it matter? If you will have a difficult time living a life without ANY sexual urges, male or female, why limit yourself with just one sex? Go full board. You were made by your God, in his image, and he made you bisexual. You will never be able to change that. Just be safe, and don't sneak around and break your local laws trying to live your secret life.
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My X boyfriend dumped me for someone else and asked me to go out with his best friend. I think his friend might have asked him to dump me so that he could go out with me and when I asked him he didn't answer me. What do I do. From Relationship Confused. Aged 9 and a girl. (link)
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If your ex boyfriend dumped you, chances are that he does not have feelings for you anymore. I am sorry. I feel for you. But time is a great band-aid, and you will encounter many more situations like these.
Whether his friend asked him to dump you or not is not important. Whether his friend likes you or not is. If your ex felt that you would be better off with his friend rather than with him, this is good. I say get to know his friend after you have resolved any hurt feelings you may have towards your ex. Do not date his friend just for security. You must be in love with yourself first, and don't rely on any guy to build your self worth. It is okay to be single.
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Well i'm a 16 year old girl, whose pretty,fun,and popular and I have alot of friends.But there is a problem that most people don't really see as a problem;i'm italian.Not everyone at my school, but a group of people constantly make jokes to me about my heritage.It all started on the first week on school when we had to write a paper about ourselfs (favorites,ethnic background,religion,ect.) so people could get to know us.well i put in there I was italian,and right after the class these girls came up to me and asked if my dad was in the mafia!what the hell is that about?no body has any respect now adays,and i guess it has to do with shows like the gottis and the sopranos(even tho i love them!) who give people the impression ALL italian-americans are like that,and that all italian-americans have dads like tony soprano.what should I do to get rid of this stigma and situation?thanks alot and I'll rate u a 5 if u don't act all bitchy about it!=)
(link)
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I normally wouldn't advice anyone to look down on others, but LOOK DOWN ON THE THEM. Pity their ignorance. They know little. It is your role to educate the ignorant if you so choose to take on the role. You know there is more to your heritage than mafia and spaghetti.
while i was going to college in Texas, a good friend of mine was Vietnamese. He looked VERY Vietnamese. Dark, inset eyes, dark brown skin, he often crouched in an odd squat that you only see Asian rice workers crouch in. He did not fit into Texas culture by any means. But he believed deeply that there was a reason for everything. There was a reason that he was in college in Texas. He taught hundreds of people, Vietnam veterans included, that not all Vietnamese are what they were portrayed as on tv during the 70's. He broke down the walls between the social majority and the social minority. He went on the marry a beautiful, blonde haired former Miss Texas, and he is the most popular, successful man I know.
The two of you, me, and the others out there, represent the American dream.
Hang in there. Time will heal their prejudices. Represent your heritage in a good light.
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I'm really attracted to my friend. Hes 17 years old and is a total hottie. I really would love to spend the rest of my life with him. He gives me chills down my spine to see him happy and when hes sad it kills me ... literaly. The only thing is, that is stopping me from being with him, is my religion. In my religion it is against my code to have sex with another male. What do you think i should do? I really want to be with him and have sex with him but when i do i feel bad... help please. im an 18 year old male. Weve known each other for 5 years now. please help. (link)
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You are clearly in love. And above all things, there is love, according to God. The Greeks broke down love in three catagories. Eros, Falleo, and Agape. Eros being the sensual, lustful love. Its where we get the word erotic. Falleo being deep brotherly love. Much like the love of companionship and togetherness. And then Agape. Pronounced a-gaup-pay. This is the "I love you so much, I will die for you" love. Zealots compare agape to Jesus on the cross. Sociologists compare agape to a mother and child. Keep in mind, the Greek philosophers came centuries before our modern religions. They had gods, but love was supreme.
You and I are just a speck in time. You were born gay, and in ancient Greece you would be accepted. Your question is no different from the dozens of others male teens who write to this website about their desires towards teenage girls. Please, avoid feelings of self loathing or guilt. You will be encountering many more serious controversies soon. Be comforted that thousands of years ago there was a Greek male that went the same delimmas that you are having today.
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I have a friend that ive known for several years. She lives a very long distance away from me and theres nothing i can do physcially for her. Her father makes her have sex with him on a nightly basis. Is there any way i can help her get help. Shes afraid of going against him, because he is paying for her college and everything. I love her to death. What can i do? (link)
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You and her need to sit back and look closely at the big picture. It is easy for us "outside-third-parties" to do because we are not involved in your daily life. Reality is her father is causing your friend many lifelong problems. Her school has a counselling department that can take care of her. Your role is to be there when she needs you. She is not obligated to pay off her college tuition with sex. She should emancipate herself from the situation, go to another school in another state, preferably close to you, and apply for student loans and grants. Maybe you can show her the light about this. Do research on college loans and grants and provide her with a way out. She can't fathom it now, but she needs to remove herself from this situation immediately. As for the mother, she knows, without question. As for the father, he clearly needs help too. He has an illness, and your friend is not responsible for this. She did not cause this. At some point, after exhausting all avenues, if she does not listen to you, you must prepare yourself for a life without her. You cannot help the unwilling.
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i have a small problem. i like sex. i like it alot. i almost feel i need it like air. i know its kinda like a drug, it can be addictive, but i dont care. im a male slut, bigtime. is there a sexaholics annonmous? i mean, i know love making is best...you know, when your dating or in love with someone, but it's like i wanna screw everything in sight! help!! (link)
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Does it get in the way of your responsibilities in life? Thinking about sex all the time is one thing, acting out on your urges in yet another thing, but choosing sex over your real responsibilities is a problem. Sex is pleasurable, and it can easily cure whatever baggage you may carry. But, the attainment of sex should never be a band-aid to your low self esteem. If this is you, you should step back a little, look into a mirror, and see what you really gain in being a male slut. Get help if you feel it would help. There are 12 step programs for sex addicts. A friend of mine in New York goes to one, and he now has a very healthy sexlife, even with some of the other addicts in his group. Personally, I believe an active sex life is wonderful, as long as it is performed for the right reasons. Churches across America are filled with former male sluts, gay and straight, that each had at some time a sudden epiphany that they were having sex for all the wrong reasons. Make sure this is not you, continue on with your healthy sex life, make sure your bills are still paid, and mind the laws in your area.
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Ok, there's this guy at my school (i live in Vermont) who everyone thinks is gay. Even though the rumors are most likely not true, no one wants to be his friend because of rumors, and neither do my friends. I really think it's terrible how people treat him, and I want to be his friend; I don't believe sexual orientation should affect friendship. How should I be his friend without making my friends mad, or making him feel uncomfortable when my friends want to hang out with me? (link)
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You should earnestly get to know everyone, sticking to your morals, and only avoid the people you deam to have bad character.
In junior high, I befriended this new kid that nobody liked because people thought he was gay too. It turned out, that we had a whole lot in common and he became my best friend. He was not gay, and even if he was, it wouldn't change the fact we had a lot in common.
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im sry i just picked this category cuz its where most people go. but somhing weird just happened. i was out bak and itss very dark cuz its like 9. and i look at the woods in my yard and.............i saw something. ....i dont want 2 believe wat i saw cuz peeps wud tthink im wweird....but i saw a pair of bright...hypnotic...red eyes. now im the kinda guy who think movies like signs and the mothman prophocies r wicked gay. i dont get scared by hem i getbored. but as i stared at these eyes i felt llight headed andd i kept hearing this sharp,crackly sound coming rom he eyes. then it all of a sudden took off!!i jumed up in the air i saw its shadowy silouhette in the sky. it reminded me alot bout mothman. but i live in Mass. this has really freakedd me out. should i tell som1? (link)
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you took the time to come onto this site and he is my advice.
Lay off the marajuana and quit wasting our time.
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