Sounds like you're not the only one who's confused.

Does his wife know about any of this? Because she needs to. And he needs to be the one to tell her this. Right before he commits to turning things completely around. Shame on him. His behavior is gross and if he ever told the truth then he realizes this.

If he won't tell her, and soon, she's in a potentially dangerous situation. Not only from potential physical/sexual harm from his activities with other women and anything that may bring into the marriage (which is where he's headed if he gets what he's apparently already been explicitly seeking out), but also from emotional and psychological abuse she's already diving straight into, though she may not realize it because he's either been a) lying to her about this and it's going to hit her like a freight train when she finds out, or b) he's been telling her the truth about it and she's under some delusion that things aren't as bad as they really are.

If he doesn't tell her: you must. And I wouldn't wait much longer. You may have some luck in contacting someone on staff at your church. Seek their guidance, and be the family that this woman needs. As believers we are called on to be family to those who have none, and she obviously has no family in this man.

******

*sigh* Ever feel an unquenchable urge to speak out?

"let he without sin cast the first stone. sorry but all fall short of the glory of god. the gossipping and the judgeing of him is just as bad as any sin he may be committing in which you disagree. he is a child of god also and he has probaly been backslidden. pray about this issue dont ask friends and gossip because god will judge u the same way you judge your friends husband sorry but that came to me really quick god bless" is a crock.

"probably been backslidden"? What does that even mean? If he ever was a Christian (I mean, who are we to say, right? Only God and he really know) then OBVIOUSLY he has "backslidden"! And if he was never a Christian, then let him live and be judged by the law of the world he lives for, which is a heck of a lot harsher and bleak law than judgment that lands the righteous in eternal glory, eh?

John 8:7 deals with UNJUST JUDGMENT, not with seeking educated discernment or speaking the truth or aiding a friend! If that verse had anything to do with--- *sigh* That is just really such a crock. The Bible tells us time and again about ways to live and about how to deal with Christians who are living in disobedience of God's will. Whether it's disciplining a disobedient child, or bringing a disobedient adult before the church body for counsel and asking them to leave if they continue in their disobedience: the Bible provides protocol for dealing with situations in which our brothers and sisters are falling and in need of loving, compassionate aid.

It also provides protocol for dealing with fallen brothers and sisters who do not want help and who are intent on harming other members of the "family." If our own inherent sinfulness kept us from being allowed to provide counsel, or from being able to make fellow believers aware of their actions that are outside of God's plan (which we are DIRECTED to do by explicit mandate after explicit mandate: we are commanded to bring sinful misdeeds to the light in a loving and appropriate way), then we'd have no pastors, no form of Christian parenting, no missionaries. Heck: we'd have to toss out all the apostles! Anybody that tells you that ^^taking heartfelt and legitimate issue with someone's harmful behavior and unChristian attitude under the title of "Christian" is just as bad as engaging in those same behaviors^^ is... well doesn't it kind of seem like that's the same kind of judgment they're railing *against*?

Seeking Godly wisdom isn't gossiping. It isn't judging. I mean, no of course you shouldn't shout his misdeeds from the rooftops bringing shame to his wife and making it more difficult for him to return to the Father. No way! But sharing details with total strangers (who have no idea who this man is) in an attempt to get advice is hardly gossiping. Gossip brings self-righteous glory to a prideful teller. How can you receive glory if we don't know who you are? How can we provide counsel if we don't know the situation? And how does admitting pain help you?! In fact, I'd kinda lean more towards the idea that failing to seek wisdom and guidance when you feel the Spirit leading you to do so can be a pretty damaging thing itself when you know you something must be done but you don't know what that something is.

We're not created with infinite wisdom and discernment. We're supposed to study God's word to have answers for the questions people ask us in questions of faith. Part of studying is researching the ideas of others whose judgment you can trust since it is not within any of us of our own human inclination to be able to know and study and learn all things. ie. Bible commentaries, Bible classes, Sunday school, house church, traditional church, Bible colleges, etc. Are those houses of gossip? By no means.

If "god will judge u the same way you judge your friends husband," then count yourself lucky! 'Cause God's judgment is fair and just- and who doesn't want that? With an earnest, hurting, seeking, and attentive heart you're trying to do the right thing, to do what's best in whatever manner is most appropriate, helpful and fair to all parties involved.

I hope you're finding the answers you need from someone in your life whose guidance you can trust and whose intentions and motives come from a pure source and a heart that loves the Lord. I hope you are able to find some peace amidst the chaos and heart ache of watching a friend suffer, and that that peace can be shared with her in some way. And I hope you look to the Scriptures for answers instead of letting a bunch of yahoos like us have TOO much influence ;)

hee hee hee...

Mind if I give you the short answer on this one? Cause it's pretty darn simple: Tell him to either cool his jets, or tell him to take a hike.

The longer answer: If you are not ready for sex, you are not ready for sex. Period. His desire to be with you physically in a way that is beyond your boundaries should have no bearing whatsoever on what the two of you do together.

And the longer you are with him and letting him pressure you about it without either you giving in or laying down the law, the tougher things are going to get.

He's either going to 1) keep pressuring you until you cave in and do something you don't want to do, 2) he's going to get frustrated from asking and being told no and he'll eventually leave you, or 3) you're going to get frustrated from him always asking and telling him no and you'll eventually leave him.

You need to either speak up now, or be prepared to keep being pressured until you either do things his way or until the two of you break up.

This isn't an easy situation to be in, but it is a very easy situation to get out of. That doesn't mean the results will be easy to deal with, but it's certainly not *technically* difficult to remedy this situation. Don't let fear or intimidation make the decision for you. Act now while you still realize you have a choice that is all yours to make.

Guys not liking hair down there because it causes irritation is totally bogus. That is what the hair is there for in the first place: to decrease irritation from friction. And smells only get trapped there if you haven't bathed recently. A bit of a trim and a shower totally negate both of those complaints so really, it's about preference. You just need to decide if it's going to be about HIS preference, YOUR preference, or what you think OTHER PEOPLE think your preference should be.

If you prefer being clean shaven because you like the way it looks, whether you're sexually active or not, then go for it. Shave it off completely, shave it into shapes, go crazy!! But if you'd rather keep some or all of the hair, then leave it alone and go on with your life.

And remember that if you do shave it off and you're doing it for someone else, you're the one that will have to live with the upkeep, the irritation on your skin as the hair grows back between shaves, etc. Don't let the Barbie dolls from the world of pornography or social stereotypes or people you know make decisions like this for you. Yeah it's a pretty simple thing, but because it's so simple, surely no guy would mind you deciding for yourself...

Your smell "down there" is affected by a number of things, including what you eat, what you drink, if you smoke, if you're under a lot of stress, your level of personal hygeine, and your own personal body chemistry. For example, women who are vegetarians smell different than women who eat meat, smokers smell different than non-smokers, etc.

The only thing to remember is that however you smell "down there" is just a part of you and your body and, unless you're sick (things from yeast infections to the flu can affect the smell!), that smell is perfectly normal and natural. Sometimes it may seem stronger than at other times, but don't freak! No one notices but you!

Just make sure to keep clean (without going overboard and drying yourself out with harsh soaps or perfumes) and, if you feel uncomfortable about the smell, change into fresher clothes as you feel the need.

There are a lot of jokes out there as part of the social concept of women's bodies and the way they are *supposed to* look and smell and feel. There's this idea people giggle about that the way women smell is gross or like fish or some other lame nonsense. Many women and girls end up feeling self-conscious about things like this not because they have a problem with their own look or smell, but because they THINK they should have a problem with the way they look or smell.

Don't let other people's immature, underdeveloped senses of humor ever get you down or make you feel like something's wrong when it isn't. Take your cues on things like smells "down there" from knowing how things work, understanding the biology of how you were made, and getting advice and answers from women you look up to. You'll find the answers a lot more intelligent and satisfying than the answers you'll get from letting people make you feel self-conscious about things that are 1) none of their business, and 2) perfectly natural.

You weren't made to smell like soap or perfume or deodorant. You were made to smell natural and healthy- so be natural and healthy and however you smell will be perfect!

Shaving is shaving, no matter where you do it so the same basic rules will apply. The only real difference is that the skin in some places is more sensitive than in others!

As long as you let the skin and hair relax for a while first in warm (not hot) water and you use shaving gel/ cream/ lotion, you should be fine. There are always going to be exceptions- for example, people with especially sensitive skin- but for the most part, those two steps will cover most issues. Well, those two steps, and time.

If you're experiencing a lot of discomfort, try shaving in the direction of the hair growth instead of against it for a while. (I tried that on my legs until the skin stopped reacting so strongly to shaving and it helped.) And don't shave too often. That doesn't give the skin time to heal and can aggravate ingrown hairs. Also, applying lotion of any kind immediately after shaving anywhere is not usually a good idea. More often than not it will just sting and further irritate the skin.

If he's the "love of your life" he wouldn't have left.

Unless he's the "love of your life so far" and you're both young so he had no choice about moving in which case: there will be others. I promise.

Probably not what you wanted to hear, but I bet you could ask every girl you know and she'd be able to tell you about someone she once considered the "love of her life" who is no longer as important to her as he once was.

I'm sorry you have this to deal with, because yeah: it is pretty tough. And not getting to say goodbye the way you wanted to is the kind of thing that can eat at you for a long time. You just can't let it.

What you CAN do is keep in touch with him through letters, emails, talking on the phone; develop a friendship based on communication and let your feelings stem from a new stage of your friendship, instead of letting your feelings stem from these new feelings of loss and regret. Because these sad feelings won't last, and those newly developed feelings will be based on something a lot more substantial.

And if, after trying to keep in touch over 1,000 miles doesn't work out or you change your mind about him, revisit this question, laugh at yourself, and enjoy the rest of your day knowing you no longer have to pine over him.

You want him to think something untrue about you then? Because hon: you ARE desperate! REALLY desperate! Take a breather. Relax for a second.

1) If he checks his email regularly then he's gotten it. Remember: he's a boy and he's very very very very young. Responding to "I love you" emails is probably not as important to him as it is to you. That's just the way it is. He's not scared of what your email might say; he probably didn't give it any thought before he opened it. He probably just has no idea what to say, and I kind of have a feeling he won't feel the same way you do. I mean, he's a boy and he's very young, remember? Take a breather. Relax for a second.

2) Telling some guy that you love him when you're 13 is pretty heavy stuff! And it's also pretty likely to have changed by the end of next week. Especially if his response isn't one that you like. And if his response really bugs you, then was it really "love" to begin with? Probably not. Not really a phrase to be throwing around, especially through as impersonal a medium as email. If you really care about someone, you tell them to their face. Anything else is just flirting. And if it's just flirting, part of flirting involves waiting anxiously for a response. Take a breather. Relax for a second.

Take a breather.

Relax for three years.

:)

Hate to break it to you hon', but you two are already pretty diferent kinds of people and that's just going to become more obvious as time goes by.

There's nothing "bad" about breaking up with someone because your core you-ness is too different from theirs for things to work out. This is the kind of complaint that ends relationships all the time- and rightly so.

Either he's going to leave you over these differences or you're going to leave him. Pick which way you'd like it to happen and welcome the inevitable.

Harsh? Yeah, maybe a little. But so true. If you care about him, let him be who he is. And if you think that "who he is" is someone who makes "empty promises" and does nothing about things you consider important, then you're running out of good reasons to be with him in the first place.

Best of luck babe. It's never easy ending a relationship, but it's often oh so smart...

It's true that it doesn't matter what you look like- you can still love something and be good at it and it doesn't matter what other people prefer. But in the world of dance: you've got to have the "right body" for a lot of the opportunities that will come your way or you're not going to get the part!

We're told in school and on after school specials on TV that appearance is irrelevant and "it's what's on the inside that counts," and to an extent that's true. But we've got to accept the fact that while looks and size may not matter for who we truly are inside, they're still the first thing people notice about us. So, fair or not: if a costume makes you look overweight or underweight or if the color makes you look ill or whatever, that's what people will notice when they first see you. Talent and dedication can overcome that, but some people are shallow enough that they won't look past the visual to see the skill so they won't care. And if the casting person sees you'll look odd in the costume, that may be reason enough for them to use someone else. I know it sucks, but that's just the way it is. (BTW: I looked so ridiculous in my skimpy dance costumes I nearly cried! One of the costume women even commented on how I looked too big for one of my outfits and then sighed and said it was too late to change it so I'd better just "suck it in"!)

Oftentimes, dancers for certain types of dances are chosen for uniformity of appearance. That is: to make the number look as good and as professional as possible, the choreographer/ director may try to choose people that are of similar heights and builds. If you're significantly taller or shorter or larger or smaller than the other dancers, you may miss out. It may have nothing to do with your abilities at all.

Okay okay- with all that said: See if you can sit in on a class at a local college of community center with a dance program. If you look at the bodies of the men and women in the class you'll notice a few things that are pretty interesting and very encouraging.

1. They're of different ages. Not all dancers are 19 year old girls with size 0 leotards and perky ponytails!
2. They're of different builds. They'll range from crazy tall to super short to rail thin to downright heavy.
3. They're working in clothing that is comfortable and appropriate to their bodies. People that dance to dance don't need to wear hot pants with sparkly leg warmers and sports bras. For these dedicated people, it's not about the "short, tight clothes," it's about the dancing!
4. They're of different skill levels which have nothing to do with their age or looks.
5. They have different degrees of passion about what they're doing, and it shows.

So: might a person's "meat on their bones" hold them back? Sure. In some places. But if you're looking somewhere that's into passion instead of fashion: Never.

If you're not comfortable moving around, don't worry too much about it. I've seen more otherwise great auditions ruined by the auditioner moving just for the sake of moving. It looks silly. It's so "didn't make it past round one of American Idol." Weak hand gestures tells the director you don't know how to make strong choices, dancing too much tells the director you're a show off, and swaying can quickly look like an unconscious action and makes you look like a puppet so lost in their focus that they have lost touch with the reality of the moment.

And actually: you CAN just stand there. Keep your hands at your sides (not pinned down, just hanging loosely) and get to singin'. (If you've ever watched a professional choral group, this is a common stance and is totally acceptable at an audition.) Looking at ease scores you way more points than having some goofy physical routine worked out ever will. Especially if that "routine" is only for one or two lines of the song. That makes you look akward since the rest of the song uses no movements. It highlights your uneasiness.

The director will worry about what to do with your body while you're performing a song during the show, so don't worry that you're not showing him/her enough of what you can do. Just sing your heart out and relax your body. Anything you have to "put on" will look distractingly fake.

Not a great idea for two reasons:

1. What is he looking for that he has to be with someone that much younger than him to get it?

2. Your age puts you in a different "stage" category which will keep you *below* him in a lot of ways. And by stage I mean: you're not driving yet, you're new to highschool life, etc. There are a few upcoming age marking points that you can only reach with time but that have nothing to do with maturity levels, and to be with someone who's past those points already guarantees you'll feel behind and like a kid when hanging out with him, especially if you're with him and his friends.

That's where a lot of girls end up making painful mistakes: to feel older or to seem like they fit in more, they often do things they're not ready for yet and then don't quite know what to do with the consequences. It's not because they're dumb, it's because they just need more time to learn how the guy-game is played and that's something you learn with time.

You can be more of an adult than your teachers and still not be ready to date someone a few years older than you for the really simple reason that you just haven't been around as long to see as much of life as they have.

You should be able to wait a week or two to give him an answer (and if he won't wait that long then you know he's a "no" because why all the rush if he really likes and wants to be with you?) and by then you'll either know if it's a good idea or not, or one of the two of you will have decided to move on to someone else. And if either of you is that willing to move on so soon, then it probably wasn't "meant to be" anyway, you know?

Better to learn how to play the game from good experiences that went well than it is to learn it from bad experiences that ended up causing pain or frustration or both, right?

I don't know colleges in the east at all, (I went to college in the Midwest and did myself a huge disservice by not searching around much, I just picked one nearby and applied), but a website that seems to do a pretty great job of narrowing down options according to to things that matter is the Princeton Review website (not affiliated with Princeton University). It's at www.princetonreview.com.

Good luck!

The only way I can think of is to not get into the habit of staying up way late and then getting up way late- sorry :( I've done the same thing to myself and yeah: I know it sucks.

There are all these different mechanisms in your body that get trained to let you sleep for a certain amount of time (determined in part by biology and in part by how long you stay in bed) and that tell you to go to sleep at certain times (determined in part by things like how dark the room is when you go to bed and in part by how late you make yourself stay up). If you've stayed up late and gotten up late, you've trained your body that this is what it needs to do, so it'll take a while to get it back on track. And every time you sleep in super late on a weekend, you undo all that training and your body needs to be reset once again.

In the meantime, totally avoid caffeine and sugar, and hope for the best!

It could very well be a panic attack, and the interesting thing about panic attacks is that they are very real even when the things inciting them may be no actual cause for alarm. Learning to drive can be a scary thing (I used to pray every time I got behind the wheel for the first several months I was learning to drive!!), and having something like this happen leaves you with a very real, and unfortunate, example of what can possibly happen to people in cars.

It's important to remember that most people will not die by being in a car accident(!), that not all accidents are fatal, and that many people walk away from even terrible accidents virtually unharmed. A friend of mine's car was turned around on a freeway during rush hour by a semi and was crushed in on both ends and completely destroyed and he walked away from the crash with only a sore neck! I'm not saying that's what always happens, but it's a very real and not totally uncommon outcome.

Most accidents can be avoided by being a safe and aware driver, by only being a passenger in vehicles driven by other safe drivers (ie. the driver hasn't been drinking, is paying attention to the road, etc.), and by knowing when it's unwise to be out in a car like on New Year's Eve or St. Patrick's Day when lots of people have been drinking. If you think the person driving is being unsafe, especially if they're a young/new driver, tell them so. They may be so distracted they may not even realize their driving is putting them and their passengers in danger.

And please: don't let your fears and concerns weigh you down so heavily that you cannot learn to be a safe driver. You will have to drive- there's no question about that. At the very least you owe it to yourself to learn to do it well to give yourself the best chance of avoiding the kinds of accidents that have you worried.

Whether you have to start each time behind the wheel with prayer, deep breathing, talking yourself through each step out loud, leaving the radio off, rolling a window down to get fresh air, or something more involved like talking to a guidance counselor at school, do whatever it takes to be the kind of driver you need to be to be safe on the road. And know that it won't be long before driving is second nature and those fears turn into just comforting advice in the back of your head.

A few things that work for me are blotting my face periodically throughout the day with a kleenex to absorb some of the excess oil (so it didn't just sit there on my face making things worse), and rinsing my face with cold water when I wash it. It's a free way of toning the skin and tightening up the pores.

If you have a few bucks to spend, Oil of Olay makes a nice astringent face toner that works well and isn't too harsh. Just apply it to your entire face in the morning after you wash your face, and again in the evening after washing your face before you go to bed.

One product I've used that was absolutely (and surpisingly) amazing were these blemish patches from Phisoderm. I can't find them anywhere, but if you can track them down, they're these clear circular patches that you put on the pimple overnight and by morning it will look at least 75% better. I've used a lot of different products over the years, but none of them worked half as well as these tiny little patches. Find 'em, buy 'em, thank me later ;)

I'd recommend trying these easier things first before putting a ton of time and money into a complicated skin care regime when sometimes the smallest (and cheapest!) of changes can do a lot of good.

Most over the counter sleeping pills aren't that strong so you'd probably only get sick to your stomach if you took a few too many. Beyond that, the results would depend on the individual ingrediants for those particular pills.

If you're talking about something stronger, like a more effective prescription pill, you'd see negative results a lot more quickly. (See Wikipedia's listing on sedatives for a brief run down on sedative abuse.) Death is definitely a very real possibility, but so are unconscoiusness, brain damage, and a host of other things worth watching out for.

Sleeping pills used responsibly and under a doctor's orders are fine, but everything in moderation, you know?

If things like this happen to you a few times, you learn from them and nmove on. If things like this are a regular part of your friendships/ relationships with guys in general, belive it or not: it can totally twist the way you view dating and you will always wonder if the guy you're with is telling the truth, among other affects.

And yeah yeah: I know that's kind of a serious way to start a respose to your question, but oh man: I've been where you are and so have a few friends of mine and it's weird but somehow these seemingly simple times like what you described were the things that set us off on the wrong foot and set the stage for almost all future heart aches. I totally want to go with you for coffee and talk about dating and guys with you and see what you think and what you're looking for in life and in guys, in case there's any teeny tiny thing I might be able to say that could possibly be of even a little bit of help, cause I wish someone would've done that with me!!

If he wants to be your boyfriend, it should be obvious from the start. There shouldn't be so much confusion. If it's not obvious (because he's unsure if he does or not, or because sometimes he's flirting with you and sometimes he's just a friend, or whatever else) then move on. You're not there to wait for him, you're not there so he has someone to fall back on if some other girl doesn't work out, or if he decides he's tired of being single and wants someone around to flirt with or make out with. That's just him using you to make himself feel good. It doesn't make him a horrible person: it's just a great indicator that all he's ready for right now is someone to flirt and mess around with.

Have you ever had a friend that loved sending you a thousand notes in class a day or giving everybody hugs all the time and you got sick of it but they kept doing it because they said they liked it even though you don't? It's kind of the same thing. The notes and hugs make them feel good, so they keep giving them even though you don't like it. They're not taking your feelings into account when they go through with their actions.

He's doing the same thing, but in a way that can lead to a lot of hurt down the road. And not just tomorrow down the road, or at homecoming or over summer break down the road. We're talking: yeeears down the road! 'Cause once it's like that with one guy, it's easy to fall into the same behavior with the next guy where you let him call the shots and decide if you're dating or not and what you'll do with each other, instead of you getting to make those decisions for yourself.

This guy is not that into you. He's just into the idea of having a girlfriend and he's trying you on for size. He sounds like a fun friend, but friends don't use each other for kisses and cuddles, you know? Once that's there it's tough to be "just friends" ever again, so weigh that possibility carefully next time he tries to snuggle up with you since you'll spend more time in your lives NOT dating each other than you'll spend dating each other, so there'll more time as friends than as bf/gf.

This isn't some Spice Girls feminist empowerment advice. This is just the ugly, boring, and kind of annoying truth- same for guys as it is for girls.

Good luck hon! And know that you're never alone in erring on the side of caution. The worst that happens is you don't date this guy and you end up dating somebody better instead!

Basically: you've got to be 18 to move out on your own because it's when you turn 18 that you're no longer a "dependent" of your parents/legal guardians. Until that time, they're required by law to take care of you.

And yeah: there are exceptions to that rule, but most of the exceptions are legal nightmares.

Living in an apaprtment involves a lot of responsibilities you've probably never had to deal with before, so you might not even be able to think of them. I know I didn't. When I moved into an apartment with friends for the first time there were so many bills I'd never even thought of. Even living in the dorms was a huge step beyond what it was like living at home whre I didn't have to pay for anything.

If I were you, I'd talk to someone I know who's lived on their own for a while (an older cousin, someone from the college age group at your church, etc.) to get some advice on apartment living in your area.

As for welfare(!!): unemployment checks are only sent to people who have worked long enough to pay into the system (the checks come out of taxes you've paid) but are currently out of work. You must prove to the government that you're actively seeking employment by giving them contact info for two potential employers every week. And the checks don't last forever. They're usually not that big and they last a few months at most.

Besides: making other people pay for you to live the way you want is what you're doing right now living with your parents and you don't like it, right?

Finish high school, go to college/ jr. college/ vocational school, move into the dorms or an off campus apartment with some friends who have jobs and will be good for making rent payments on time (and pay them the same favor!), and see what you think then. 'Cause once you move out: you'll never be able to move back in and have it be the same way ever again! Which might sound fantastic now, but you'd be surprised at the weird things you'll miss when you leave home... ;)

Oh man- I felt that way all the time in highschool!! (Mostly sophomore and senior year.) I couldn't understand how I had such great friends and how we had such a blast together in class, at play practice, etc. but why when breaks came I never heard from them unless I did the inviting.

I finally talked with my best friend about it and her honest to goodness response was: "You feel like no one ever calls YOU? I feel like no one ever calls ME!"

I talked to a few of the other girls about it and basically it all came down to this: We each felt like everyone else was out doing so much more than we were, so if we were ever bored or home alone we just *assumed* we were the only ones ever in that situation. Also, we each spent time feeling like we were the ones doing all the calling and inviting but not getting that favor returned when really: it was a lot more even than we thought.

It might be like that for you too. Have you talked to any of your friends about this? It's possible they are so happy for your company that they don't realize you want to be sought out the same way you seek them out. They might not see you as someone that could feel bored, left out, lonely, etc. because they see you as someone everybody likes so how could you possibly be stuck with nothing to do?!

I think the best option for you is to talk to one or two of your closest friends about the way you feel. See what their perspectives are since they know you, your school, your other friends, etc. better than anybody at Advicenators ever could.

You'll never get a straight answer from someone whose been drinking/doing drugs. Period. Even if they say what they "really really really" mean, it's likely to be an answer so loaded down with emotion and "thinking about it too much" that if they could rethink the answer when they were sober they'd probably change their mind.

With that said: Reading between the lines it sounds like your boyfriend likes having a girlfriend, but wants a way out so he can do his own thing. If he's like 87% of the guys I've known who've been in relationships, he thinks that if he can put the *blame* for the break up on you (not necessarily in a mean way), or if he can convince you, himself, and all of your friends, that you need/ want/ deserve someone else, then as far as he's concerned, you'll all feel good about the split because it'll seem like it was what was best.

He needs to understand that while he's important to you, your life doesn't revolve around him. You have other friends, like Patrice, and you have every right to want to hang out with them with him or without him. He needs to respect that and to trust you when you tell him what you're doing. And you need to be able to trust him when he tells you what he's doing, too. And if you think you might not be able to trust what he's telling you about where he is or who he's with-- maybe a split isn't such a bad idea after all...

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