AskJR's

advice column

about

I'm psychic and a sociologist, and combined with the many different professions I've had, husbands, friends and family, and my share of bad neighbors too, gives me the knowledge and experience to cast new light on many old problems that we all face. Ask questions about anything you want and need answers to: Boyfriend or husband, school, sex, decorating, careers and career changes, family and friends, pets, diets and health and illnesses, finances, moving and relocating, divorce or marriage, and the nosey problem neighbor. -- Ask JR

advice

I really hate my life but my friends hold me back not my family because well my family sucks. My friends love me more then my family. I haven't cut because im not some worthless piece of crap.But i have had millions of thoughts about death or killing myself. Im wondering will they even care if im gone? My parents barely reconize me now so whats the point? I told my love one these suicidal thoughts and he yelled at me making me more depressed. I cried for 4 hours straight and I even told him. He likes me alot and he said he would jump infront of a bullet for me. I was recently in the hospital my best friend since 2nd grade (14/f now) died in my arms im now emotionally unstable. Anywho my love one yelled at me and said he needs a week off. Its been more then a week and i sent 2 apology letters he has yet to right me back. I haven't smiled ever since the accident which was April 2nd 2007. I have no emotions but sadness. My sister is majo worried about me and i can't handle it. What should i do to help myself smile? And how will i get my love one to talk to me!? Thank you.

You said you are a 14 year old. Have you had these suicial thoughts before? Periodically? Or is this the first time?

That could be s sign of chroic depression if you've had them before.

If this is your first time of sucidal thougthts, then I'd have to ask what has changed in your life recently to have brought this on? A bad break up? A loss in the family? A break up of family? Some trigger point has happened to you.

Call 1800-SUICIDE-HOTLINE it's anonymouse and trained professionals will talk to you about anything you want open and freely and not know your real name.

It helps. Promise-- it helps.

Have you been on a new medicine recently? Stopped taking a medcine recently?

Of couse your parents will care and grief when and if you're gone. All your friends will too.

I had a 15 year old step-son comitt suicide, and what we all live with daily is what could be have done to prevent it? Why didn't we see the signs? If only....

Nothing you would want your friends and family to suffer the rest of their lives, I promise you.

Sound like your boyfriend can't deal with this maganitude of a burden and is running away instead of trying to help which is typical of this age. Forget about him and concentrate on your good friends. Talk to them again. Lay it all out to them. Sooner of later if will reveil itself-- the underlying problem of these thoughts.

What is is you hate about your life so badly that you want to die? School? Looks? Grades? Your furture?

You have a bad case of depression that is the first cause. You xould be a manic depressive.

Go to your local MHMR clinic for free. Talk to counselors there. There are medcines with theapy that can help you get through this. Everyone goes through bouts of depression in their lifetimes, and we all gtet over it, with help.

Do not throw your life away by giving up and ciopping out like that.

1) Call 1-800-SUICIDE-HOTLINE (AS MANY TIMES AS YOU NEED TO CALL)

2)Walk into your local MHMR center NOW.

3) Talk with your good, close friends and ask them for heo.

4) Talk to a school counseslor immediately

5) Cry all you want-- it realses emtions (you will by talking to the above people)

6) The only reason your parently barely reconize you now is because you are a teenager and not communicating with them so they don't know who you are nowadays-- talk to them honestly. The will probably pay for a goof theapist for you which will help. That thid party person is nuetral and non-judgemental to your thoughts and feelings.

Do it and do it now sweetie. It's a start. And remember, your parents do love you. Your friends do love you. And remeber to love youself.

Write on paper what you do like about your life and yurself, and the things you do not.

The answer might be on those pages.

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It happened before but its happened 5 times today.. He threw up in the morning some chicken he had ate! Is it basically just getting out of his system or should i be worried.. Its definitely not blood.. Most of its just regular like Water/ Saliva but its colored like yellowish as usual.. Respond ASAP!

To be able to answer, I'd need to know the age of the dog, the breed, and what chicken? Home cooked chicken? Raw chicken? Dog food chicken?

Without this answers it is up in the air.

Was it first meal of day? Mid-day? Supper? Late night?

Raw chicken is bad because of salmonila regardless of what the RAW diet fans tell you. It's rubbage.

Home cooked chicken still could have have salmonila.

Answer these questions and I can help.

Ask JR.


P.S. Some dogs eat later in the day and evening skipping meals, and this causes empty stomach syndrome where they vomit and/or vomit after eating something.

Also, the bulging twisted stomach syndrome is fatal. Get him to a vet to be safe.

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I own a labrador retriever currently and I just got a new puppy. The problem is that my lab is very aggressive towards the new puppy. She growls when it comes near her and if threatened enough she will attempt to bite the puppy. What can I do to keep my dog from doing this?

You didn't mention the age of the labrado or new puppy, oe what breed of pup, but the labrador is the Alpha dog and has been all it's life.

The new puppy is a threat to the Apha. There are diffenrent orders for each in a pack. Alpha the leader and Omega the last of the chain. Thr lsb id maintaing his her Alpha stance and reminfding the pup it's an Omega-low dog.

The one and only thing you can do is keep them speparated in differet rooms closed off when not closely supervised.

When you come home from work let the lab out first. Love him, give him attention, feed him, walk him outside. Once the attention is over, bring in the puppy, holding it. Love the puppy and let the lab watch, and maybe the lab will come over to you and the puppy to investigate. Let the lab smell the puppy head to toe.

Sit down on the floor with the puppy and let the lab get familiar with him. Watch closely that he doesn't bite or attack the puppy suddenly.

Do this every night and off and on on weekends.

Introduce new playtoys that does not belong to either dog, making it neutral. A ball is good. See if they will play with your coaching.

Good luck.

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i did this graffiti thing on my wall in acryllic paint and i dont like it anymore but its huge so i dont know what to do about it! i cant paint over it because i cant get the paint. what can i do?????

What do you mean "you can't get the paint?"

You'll have to buy a 'primer' paint to use over that wall first before the regular paint color you've chosen.

Go to a Sherwin Wiliams, Glidden, etc. and tell them it's an acryllic you're painting over so they can suggest the primer to cover it.

Once that's done, you'll be able to paint it with a regular latex, semi-gloss, semi, of flat of your choisce. A semi has a low sheen and pretty with low lamp light at night.

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ok so i live with my dad aunt and grandme my dad is sick and my grandma is to old to raise us so my aunt does well me and my aunt like practically hate eech other!! like im the middle child and my brother and sis are constantly getting in truoble and my aunt doesnt get on to them but if i was todo that stuff my but would be torn to pieces(not abused or ne thing like that ) but it seems she always expects more out of me thatn them!! well i told her about it and she was just liike im the parent not you !! and she doesnt listen to me and tells me she wants to kno wut is goin on in my life but wen i tell her she doesnt listen or critisizes me all the time about wut i tellher i just dont kno wut to do !! any advice!!?

Well if your dad is too sick to talk to and get involed in this crisis, and your grandma is too old too...

You have three choices if possible, talk to your dad condifdentally about the aunt. Talk to your grandma if she has any influence on the aunt.

And ask you aunt for a serious sit-down talk about how you feel and do not put blame on her and put her on the defensive, but just how you feel about it all. Let her feel for you at this point.

It can't hurt. She can listen if it's an arranged sit-down. You'll have her undivided attention.

If she knows how you feel, she might try changing for the better and resolve the issue. She might be unaware of it, because she doesn't want you to feel badly. She certainly has to repsect your thoughtfulness.

If all else fails, talk to a counselor at school. That's what they are there for.

You must be the oldest and that's why she expects more from you that you can give of her expectations.

Some people are just mean and nasty. Some are just misinformed and ignorant. She might be misinformed.

Try a school counselor first and see what he/she suggests. It's worth a shot. Then you have the verification for him/her that something should be done. And a plan.

Your father should get involved regardless of how sick he is. He should speak up in your defense.

In the meantime-- don't rock the boat. Talk to a counselor. And don't get the auntie mad and don't you get mad until you do talk to a counselor.

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i'm underconfident. its kinda weird coz ive just started going out with this guy who has a ton of confidence...he doesnt care what anyone thinks. i feel a bit shy or intimidated around him sometimes. when im around my friends and stuff im confident but i really really need help in becoming more confident, coz i dont wanna seem like a total innocent loser. :S

please help!

First of all, he is not confident if he doesn't care what people think-- it's called arrogance. There is a difference, as everyone cares what people think to some extent. Everyone does. Ask yourself of anyone else that you know of that doesn't. Do you hang around with them?

Sit down with pen and paper, make two columns.

One side list what you are confident of about yourself, what you're proud of, your good points.

On the other side, list what you are not confident about, insecure of, dislike about yourself, need work on, etc.

Utilize the good points on the good confident side. Try to improve yourself on the lack of confidence side so you can mark it off and enter it on the good side later when mastered.

If your friends make you feel good about yourself, then talk to them about this problem and let them help you with boosting your ego. Friends can do that for friends! You are not a looser and they will tell you that!

I personally would be myself around this new guy you started dating and see how it goes being yourself. But dear, if he's the type to not care enough what people think, then he might be an arrogant jerk, and you're miscontrueing that as confidence.

What on earth will he say or do around your parents and friends that will embarass you one day? At a store or restuaraunt? Is he rude? Take notice and I'll bet at times he is but you can't see it yet because it's a new relationship and we all look past those faults...what will the relationship be like in 6 months from now? Will you still be shy and insecure and lack of confidence while he's kickin'it as confident as can be? You can only feel worse about yourself after that long a time. You are not a looser.

Go for the shyer type guy that undertands your shyness and you'll hit it off easily. Alikes understands alikes. There's guys out their that are great but insecure too.

Try the double column list and that's not just for you, we all should do this periodically to keep ourselves in check and constantly strive to improve our faults or things we dislike about ourselves....What one person dislikes, another one likes.

Good luck on your endeavor.

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I'm considering getting two pet birds, and wanted to know a couple of things:

a) Which breeds make good pets? I'd like to be able to play with them/take them out of the cage.. something that's relatively easy to care for, but fun to have. OH, and nothing big like a parrot.

b) What are some good tips for caring for different types of pet birds? e.g: what kind of fresh foods can I give different kinds of birds, How can I care for them, in terms of mental/phsyical health ...playing with them, etc..

Thanks!

That's a very wide and generic queston(s)..

First, go to a pet store and look at the varieties.

Second look for their books, and buy a book about bird variteties.

That will explain different types, there needs and care, etc.

You can pick from that information.

But the best to handle when young and train to like it is a Cocketiel. They are expensive.

Parekeets are okay when you play with them from the start, so get a young one. They are easy to are for with prepackaged Parajkeet food and get a Parakeet book to learn all you can. Size cage, fruits they can eat, etc. Don't forget to keep their wings clipped so they don't fly off.

But start with a book on the varieties.

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I have a shih tzu named Oreo, he's black and white. I just got a new brown and white shih tzu and I was just looking for a name that goes with Oreo. Any ideas?

Well since an Oreo cookie is black and white, then a brown and white cookie would be Oatmeal or Nutty Buddy (pun on Buddy) or maybe Twinkie.

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ok....im 13 and pregnant i dont want to tell my family because i think they will be ashamed.I dont want to get an abortion because i think its wrong.I also dont want to give "it" up for adoption, because my friend was adopted and he doesent like it.I just really need some help.What should i do?

Well, first of all, you can not hide this from your parents. They will know when you start showing, and you've already eliminated two of your only three options: no abortion and no giving it up for adoption. The third choice is keep the baby and raise it. You'll never be a teenager again though, regardless of your choices.

What on earth makes you think you can hide this from your parents throughout an entire pregnancy without them knowing?

Hormones must be raging because that is illogical.

First, you are 13. What 8th grade? Do you intend to continue school pregnant? Do you think the kids won't notice, the teachers and staff won't notice? Your parents won't notice?

Where do you plan to give birth? In a school bathroom or a hospital? At the hospital, they have to get your parents permission. And what about prenatal care? Who will pay for that? A baby cost around $3000-$5000 to have including prenatal. You cannot risk an unhealthy child if you keep it or put it up for adoption.

Don't fool yourself-- you can not hide a pregnancy especially at your age. It's impossible unless, and excuse me, you're fat anyway. But the issues above are still unresolved. Prenatal and a doctor.

You MUST tell you parents and trust in them. They will know what is best for you. They will know better than any 13 year old girl could possbile think she knows. You do not know what is best.

Do you plan to go to college? Kiss it goodbye too.

Carrying a baby to fullterm and giving it up for adoption is wonderful for people that want children but can't have them naturally. But you will carry the baby, give birth, and bond with it too. Everyone will know that you are pregnant, not just your parents. Can you live with that?

That's not just hiding the shame you are feeling or your parents might feel-- but they will only feel ashamed momentarily-- then their parental love will take over and they will want what's best for you. Everything passes in time. Including this.

You will not be able to raise this baby-- you are in school, so who will? Your parents will. Do they both work? Will one have to quit working to stay at home with an infant? Will they expect you to come straight home after school, do your homework, then be a mommy every night and weekend? Giving up all your friends and hanging out? They could make you responsible as a mommy you know. Are you ready to give up your teen years, your prom, anything and everything? Boyrfriends? College? Freedom?

I don't believe in abortion per se, but I believe in abortion under the right circumstances. You didn't mention how far along you are, if abortion is still a viable decision at this point. But dear, it sounds like the best for you and your life you have ahead of you and for your parents too. Let them help you make the right decision before you harm this baby and ruin your life.

Talk to them. Let them help you through these tough choices. There are only three: abortion, adoption, raise the child.

Trust in the love they have for you to be there when you need them the most. They will be.

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my 3 year anniversary with my bf kyle is coming up very soon. i want to do something special and non sexual. im only 17 and want to remain a virgin. he isn't but waits for me. i just don't know what to do for it, and what to give him. i was thinking about having sex, but i want to wait till we get married, or at least live together. but i was thinking about moving forward. we have only used our hands, but i was thinking about more than that but less than sex, it's hard for me to say it but... head. how do i do that and please him at that same time.

First of all, using your hands or even oral, is all sex-- just not intercourse.

Don't give into the whim of a 3 year anniversary to have sex now. That's ridiculous.

It's not up to you to "please" him just because it's "your" anniversary. It's up to him too.

What would please both of you on a joint 3 year anniversary? Something special for both? And why not let him come up with the idea.

Why doesn't he get resevations at a romatic resturant that you always wanted to go to but never could afford? Why hasn't he planned something special in advance himself already?

Why all put on your shoulders?

I say leave it up to him-- then get mad when he doesn't plan anything at all. He'll learn next time.

Sex is for marriage and you've held on this long so it's not an option. Any dude that would take that as a 3 year anniversary gift is a excuse me, a jerk.

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Ok my friend just turned 15. last yr. she was a little over weight, in aug. (when we returned to school) she looked great she lost a few pounds. however she was still losing weight until she is basicly skin and bones. in dec. her parents took her to a doctor because they suspected something. She has to go every 6 weeks for a weigh in. Every visit she weighed less, and according to her nothing felt wrong and she was eating alot and NOT throwing up. The test showed nothing either. They said if she didnt stop she would have to go to a therapist.

However, last week (Fri) she went to the stomach dr. and was put on medication. she and her bff said it was some disease that makes her throw up her food. i asked (to her BFF not her):"Is she bulimic?" She said no.

What else could it be? I mean to be frank, her BFF is very controlling and they only hang out with each other 24/7. She is hardly ever at home. She spends breaks/weekends/afternoons with her and her cousin, who is also losing wieght. She is also home alone for several hours after school and she could be doing stuff.

So basicly is there some other disease or what?

Well first of all she is lying to you. Get that straight right here and now.

If the doctor was anything worth a doctor, he would have checked her throat and teeth. Bulimia has signs of stomach acid damage in the throat and teeth.

She is bulimic and so are her friend and cousins. They must be in a pack of helping each other do this to loose weight.

She need help and help now.

Talk to her parents, and if you can't.... Talk to a school counselor. Talk to the school nurse.

Let an authoritive figure get with her parents on this matter and to the correct doctor.

She will literally kill herself doing this because once started it's almost impossible to stop on your own. They get a body distortion phobia and that itself causese the continued bulimia even when down to 80 pounds.

Do something.

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I feel that me and her are made for each other, but she doesn't feel the same. What can i do to change that? I really, really love her, mind you and i don't want to lose her.

You didn't mention your age, but I'd have to guess a teenager. Why? Because adults already know that you can not "make" someone love you.

You dont's "really, really, really love her" you are feeling rejected and pissed off so are overcompensating for it by not giving up.

Sometimes we want what we can't have.

You can not make anyone love you or feel about you the way you feel about them. So stop trying-- you're wasting your time when it could be better spent on a girl that does like you.

You can't lose something you NEVER had.

Move on.

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I have a toshiba satellite laptop computer.It got a virus in it a long time ago and it kept getting worse and worse.Then i went to use it,it wouldnt work.It has windows xp home edition.The computer turns on,and the screen comes up ( it always came up its a password you have to put in to turn the computer on.i guess thats the best way to explain it.) then the ap home edition loading page comes up and it takes a long time (never took this long..took like 10 seconds before now about 5 minutes.)next a box comes up it says log onto windows. user name and password (like if you were on a company network.) it never had that before..before all the user names would come up and you click on the one you want and put a password in.when you put the name and password in,it takes a long time then a background screen loads.and a error box comes up.it says explorer.exe - application error
the application failed to initialize properly (0xc0000006) click on ok to terminate the application. .... then when you click on it it comes back up.then the next time it stays off.then the icons or bottom task bar does not come up. its just the screen.nothing else works.if you try ctrl alt del .. half comes up then it says not responding.

i was just wondering if you could help me.
if you just want to answer on here its ok.
other wise i can im you and explain to you a little more if you need more info.
thanks alot.

First you should go to a wesite that offers free virus scanning and find out what the virus is.

Secondly, MicroSoft website has virus tool removers to download and use to remove them.

Or you can run a free version of Ad-Ware SE Personal that you can download for free.

One identifying the virus name Ad-Ware can delete it.

And if you know how to edit in regedit, you can use the "find" and delete it, but if not familiar with regedit don't do this.

Usually, turn off your system restore after deleting the virus, reboot, and it will be clean not spreading it back again, then turn system restor back on.

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Well in my school, most of the guys go after the bigger chested and gelled hair kind of girls. Anyways thats deff not me. Lol i'm a tiny girl 4'9" small chestt and 13. I have a boyfriend right. He's nice and great and everything but idk. I've asked him why he likes me and he told me because "i'm special to him" What is that suppose to mean? So mostly looking for guys comments but girls are okay too, why do boys like girls other then physical appearance? && what do boys like in personality? just wondering and thankkss :]

Being 13 says it all. What you're wondering and going through and living today-- won't be that way at age 15, or 16-18.

13 year old boys are just discovering the opposite sex and their own sexuality. They are obssessed with the stero-typed girl like pin-ups in magazines. It's natural.

Don't worry about it. And the best thing about being 4'9" and small busted is, when you get older and gravity takes hold-- your bust won't surcumb to it and still be perky, while bigger busted woman will hang to their knees!!!

As far as personality goes, each person is different just as you are. What do you like in a boy? Then hang with boys that like the same in a girl. Simple. Petite girls are as beautiful, if not more than well-developed. Usually that's all they have going for them.

And, be yourself. Don't get into this trying to be what you think a boy likes because sooner or later, it comes back to bite you. No one can keep a facade up for long.

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