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Depression
I really hate my life but my friends hold me back not my family because well my family sucks. My friends love me more then my family. I haven't cut because im not some worthless piece of crap.But i have had millions of thoughts about death or killing myself. Im wondering will they even care if im gone? My parents barely reconize me now so whats the point? I told my love one these suicidal thoughts and he yelled at me making me more depressed. I cried for 4 hours straight and I even told him. He likes me alot and he said he would jump infront of a bullet for me. I was recently in the hospital my best friend since 2nd grade (14/f now) died in my arms im now emotionally unstable. Anywho my love one yelled at me and said he needs a week off. Its been more then a week and i sent 2 apology letters he has yet to right me back. I haven't smiled ever since the accident which was April 2nd 2007. I have no emotions but sadness. My sister is majo worried about me and i can't handle it. What should i do to help myself smile? And how will i get my love one to talk to me!? Thank you.
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Go to a therapist immediatly.
Don't kill yourself, there is people who care about you, and they would care if you were gone. I would care if you were gone. I may not know you, i may not know your name, your age, your favorite color, or anything like that, but i would still care. everyone has a purpose in life. and how will you ever know what it is, if you dont live your life to the fullest. try to move on. see a therapist. and you'll improve. i know its hard to lose someone like a best friend, its happened to me, and it is very sad. but, i promise it gets better. even though thats like soooo hard to believe, it really does. it takes awhile, but as time goes on, you get strength. if your religious [which i know it was very hard for me to be in anyway when i lost my friend] if you are, or were.. pray. pray for strength. it helps talking to someone, just thinking someone is listening to you.
i hope everything works outtt.
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You said you are a 14 year old. Have you had these suicial thoughts before? Periodically? Or is this the first time?
That could be s sign of chroic depression if you've had them before.
If this is your first time of sucidal thougthts, then I'd have to ask what has changed in your life recently to have brought this on? A bad break up? A loss in the family? A break up of family? Some trigger point has happened to you.
Call 1800-SUICIDE-HOTLINE it's anonymouse and trained professionals will talk to you about anything you want open and freely and not know your real name.
It helps. Promise-- it helps.
Have you been on a new medicine recently? Stopped taking a medcine recently?
Of couse your parents will care and grief when and if you're gone. All your friends will too.
I had a 15 year old step-son comitt suicide, and what we all live with <b>daily</b> is what could be have done to prevent it? Why didn't we see the signs? If only....
Nothing you would want your friends and family to suffer the rest of their lives, I promise you.
Sound like your boyfriend can't deal with this maganitude of a burden and is running away instead of trying to help which is typical of this age. Forget about him and concentrate on your good friends. Talk to them again. Lay it all out to them. Sooner of later if will reveil itself-- the underlying problem of these thoughts.
What is is you hate about your life so badly that you want to die? School? Looks? Grades? Your furture?
You have a bad case of depression that is the first cause. You xould be a manic depressive.
Go to your local MHMR clinic for free. Talk to counselors there. There are medcines with theapy that can help you get through this. Everyone goes through bouts of depression in their lifetimes, and we all gtet over it, with help.
Do not throw your life away by giving up and ciopping out like that.
1) Call 1-800-SUICIDE-HOTLINE (AS MANY TIMES AS YOU NEED TO CALL)
2)Walk into your local MHMR center NOW.
3) Talk with your good, close friends and ask them for heo.
4) Talk to a school counseslor immediately
5) Cry all you want-- it realses emtions (you will by talking to the above people)
6) The only reason your parently barely reconize you now is because you are a teenager and not communicating with them so they don't know who you are nowadays-- talk to them honestly. The will probably pay for a goof theapist for you which will help. That thid party person is nuetral and non-judgemental to your thoughts and feelings.
Do it and do it now sweetie. It's a start. And remember, your parents do love you. Your friends do love you. And remeber to love youself.
Write on paper what you do like about your life and yurself, and the things you do not.
The answer might be on those pages.
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"I haven't cut because im not some worthless piece of crap"
I think that was really rude to say. Expecially since you never have. I've only ever cut twice, but i can't help it. Angry goes through my body and i can't help what i do. Do you really think people cut b/c they want to??
Yeah, i think that was really rude of you to say. People can't control it
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I'm sorry to hear about your friend. To have something like that happen can leave a verynasty scar on friends that sometimes never heals.
Debateist pretty much summed up what I was thinking while reading what you had written but I would like to add that being depressed canbe a very serious thing and it's a good sign that you dorealise you are suffering from it. You should try and seek professional help with it, perhaps a specialist who you can talk to about everything. Although they may seem scary and such they really do help and more importantly, they listen to you.
Never think that no one will care or notice if you are gone though, that is never true. Your friend may be gone physically but as long as you will always remember her she will live on in your heart. Give yourself time and your love some time too. He obviously thinks you are very special so don't worry, he will come back to you once he has had some time.
Never think you're alone even when it seems like you are. You'd be very surprised just how many people really do care. X
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Honey I am so sorry that you feel this way but it is understandable considering what happened only a mere two weeks ago. I could tell you that you are a terrible person blah blah blah and that its not normal but honey it so is and you so arent. I dont think you have really given yourself time to grieve just yet and truth be told you will prob always be sad inside but you will also given time come to terms with it and be able to smile even if it is just for a couple minutes I am going through an almost identical situation to you and it still kills me that I couldnt save that person even a year later and yeah I do have bad thoughts but I make sure that I try and enjoy myself. What can you do to help yourself smile? Cry ! when your alone so you dont feel embarrassed and dont stop until you feel a little better dont try pills they alter your mood to breaking point literally. Also now this will sound crazy but talk to her when you are sitting in your room alone or doin something you would normally do with her and this will make you smile if not at first than in time as you realise that although shes not there in body she is still there in a sence this is what I do and it calms my thoughts and fears. As for your love give him time and he should come around he is probably just feeling a little low himself nowing how you feel and that there is nothing he can do.
Good luk with your love and how you are feeling I hope I helped and if I havent then I hope that you can one day smile and realise although its hard that life no matter how tough is worth living:-)
dxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
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ok well i have a boyfriend who is in the same case as you. he has been that way ever since he was 13 [now 15]...trust me you may feel like nobody cares and if your gone nobody will care and their lifes will stay the same but N0! everything will change and you know what the worst part about it is? that you dont know what you have until you loose it. don`t make your parents,friends,bf and everybody else get a taste of what your death is like in this world. by death i dont only mean you die..i mean that your dead from the inside and your pushing everyone away from you. My friends [5 of them ] died last year exactly on april 2nd and i know what it feels like.About your boyfriend he is probably just concerned about you the same way im concerned about my boyfriend..at times i feel like i cant take this shit anymore.i feel like y am i dealing with his pain if i cant even handle my own sometimes wich comes to my conclusion..in this world you only have yourself. Dont try and smile for your family and friends but for yourself afterall the one that is living this life is you. give your boy friend time to gather his thoughts after all its not a easy situation to be in but if he really cares he will not give up on you.
i really really hope that you regain happiness because we all need it to carry on and i know this is a harsh world but we have to make the most of it remember that=}
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