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Razhie. Advicenators Member Since: June 13, 2005. Answers: 5077. Visitors: 211514.
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The Question
I am pretty interested in learning how to knit. My mother has never been a knitter and I don't know of anyone who knits that is close to me so I do not have anyone to ask for instructions.
Some people have told me that knitting is hard, while others say that once I get the hang of knitting that it will be fairly easy. I heard that if I do not have a person to teach me how to knit then I'm hopeless.
I really want to know how to knit a blanket.
I also think it would be interesting to learn how to knit a scarf (or, rather, how to knit scarves).
Is there a way I can learn how to knit by myself? Any online helpful learning to knit instructions, a book (or books) I can purchase, or even instructional DVDs on how to knit. If you can explain how to knit, that would be great. Any information at all is appreciated.
The Answer
You have to knit a few samples before you can really get into making a project, but I personally think it's really, really easy once you get the hang of it. It gets a bit harder once you want to do more (like hats, gloves, more detailed scarves or blankets) but you could learn to make a simple scarf or blanket pretty easily after knitting a few samples.
I'd recommend you pick up Stitch 'n Bitch (thier website: www.knithappens.com) it's a great book and you wont have much trouble finding it, very clear and takes you through learning at a really easy pace. YouTube has videos to follow along with too. There is a lot online with good instructions for free, but I'd still recommend the book. I really do enjoy it and am always going back to it.
It certainly does make it a bit easier if you know someone who knows how to knit. Learning from a human being will always be a bit quicker, but it's certainly possible to pick it up on your own.
Goodluck!
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The Question
Hi,
I am just stuck on getting information on the internet for benefits and problems of living in New France (East part of Canada). Can anyone help me? I can't use the information I got in class about it! So if you don't know the answer, I need to know how to search for it! I type in google "benefits of living in New France" etc, but I only get travel guides for france!
Help me with info or how to search for it please, my project is due december 2nd (2008).
Thanks to anyone who tries to help!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The Answer
You are getting to specific for Google. Google isn't a mind reader, it just combs pages for words. So it's not surprising that when you give it a full sentence like that, it finds more pages, and more popular pages, about travel then about history. You actually do need to surf through the pages, follow links and read things thoroughly.
Simple Google "New France" or 'living "New France"'.
I got a good bit immediately when I did that, but you must be willing to sift through for what will be useful to you. Also, googling the names of explorers, or ships or treaties that you find, might also lead you to the information you are looking for.
You might also trying googling 'Upper Canada' which is what most of the area called 'New France' became after 1790. That might be a bit late for you, but it might also lead you to what you need.
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The Question
Hi,
I underwent an abortion ( MTP) on the 21st October and the doctor has told me that she cleaned everything...No bleeding occured for the first one week, then the bleeding started...it started becoming more and more over the days and then continued till 2 weeks thats when I approached another doctor ( bcoz I moved from India to Sweden)...The doctor has checked and told that its normal and the bleeding could continue between 3 to 4 weeks...On the third week, it started coming down and I was thinking it would over soon...But, all of a sudden from yesterday the bleeding went un controllable and with lots of clots in it...this morning I visited the clinic, they checked, did the ultra and foudn nothing wrong...the doctor prescribed a tablet to control bleeding to be taken 3 times a day for 4 days ( Kryst 500 mg)...Now the blweedign is still continuing with lots fo clots....I am worried...
Can anyone suggest me whats going on and what can be done
The Answer
I need to second YG. If the doctors say don't worry, you shouldn't worry.
The good news is this: If the blood is thick and clot-y, that generally means it's old blood that has been sitting inside you for sometime. If it was bright pink and fresh, that would be a little frightening, but dark and full of clots sounds like your body just has more to get rid of.
Take care.
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The Question
Does it say that it is wrong to masturbat in the bible?
The Answer
Explicitly forbids it? No. Not straight out.
I always found it deeply weird that the bible, whose writers went out of their way to forbid all sort of strange and depraved acts in exacting detail never explicitly forbids masturbation.
The closest it comes to really addressing the issue, that I ever found anyways, was in Leviticus 15:16-18… where it basically says ‘When you are done, go take a shower and wash your clothes’. I’m paraphrasing of course, go look it up yourself.
However, especially in the face of the New Testament writings (“anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.” and numerous other examples of ‘mental’ sins) it’s not much of a stretch to toss masturbation under the heading of impure thoughts. I mean really, how does one masturbate without thinking lustfully of someone? Or at least a fictional someone…
Anyways, different churches and teachings have different views on this one. Just because it isn’t expressly forbidden on the text, doesn’t mean most churches don’t forbid it in some sense. Either by expressing it as part of the sins of lust, as being contrary to chastity or as being contrary to the intention of sexual pleasure existing only within the bounds of marriage…
What I’m trying to say there, is that no matter what the bible says or doesn’t say, I can probably guess what your priest, pastor or minster will say on the subject. The vast majority will say ‘Yes, it’s a sin’.
Having given you those facts, which are the best I’ve got and true to my knowledge, I have to give you my bias. I am not a biblical scholar, nor do I base my life on its words in anything more then the very loosest of senses. I believe you must decide for yourself what feels acceptable and what doesn’t, and as in all things, such practices should be kept in moderation and in a healthy place in your life. Masturbation, just like junk food, video games and alcohol, can end up having an unhealthy role in your life, and that should be avoided, not because it’s a ‘sin’, but because it takes you further away from the happiness you seek.
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The Question
im an 18 yr old girl and there is this guy i have known for all my life told me that he has feelings for me.. that he loves me and would marry me any second all i have to do is say yes. but the thing is he has a gf that he has been with a lil over a year but he says he is tired of her and wants to break it off but cant b.c he dont want to disappoint her family.. i have loved him for a longgg time and i want to be with him for the rest of my life but i dont know whether to believe him or not. please help me!!
The Answer
In cases like these, it's best to believe your eyes.
Your eyes can clearly see that he is still with her. It doesn't matter what his reasons are, it could be about her family, it could be a secret blood pact, it could be an alien conspiracy, it could be that she put outs. It doesn't matter. He is with her, not you.
Believe what you can see. He isn't with you now, and he wasn't yesterday. There is no rational reason to think tommorrow will change the situation.
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The Question
how do you tell someone that theyre your first kiss and first boyfriend ? it juss seems awkward. should you tell them before you kiss them that you havnt kissed anyone or afterwards?
The Answer
Funny, I got to disagree. I would WANT to tell the person, if not before, then definitely afterwards, because if it was a person I wanted to share a relationship and a kiss with, I'd also want to share those simple sweet truths about myself. Why would I hide that from a person I consider a partner?
It absolutely will be awkward, but then so are first kisses and relationships a lot of the time. Awkward isn't bad. It's honest. It's human.
Besides, admitting it might make them feel a bit more pressure, but it will make you feel less. You should never pretend more experience then you have. That only leads to stress, lies and disaster.
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The Question
i went to my brothers college this weekend and im 16 and he is a sophomore. and we all got so drunk and i ended up hooking up with my brothers roommate. he kept putting his hand on my leg and was trying to go in my pants. he wanted to do more but i freaked out just because i wasnt thinking clearly. then i quickly pulled away bc my brother walked in (but he didnt notice anything) and then the next day we didnt speak one word and i just left? i dont get it. like what should i do when i see him for thanksgiving?
The Answer
If I were you, I'd stay away from him and pretend it didn't happen.
He made you uncomfortable and he totally crossed a line. He was willing to take advantage of a drunk girl years younger then him, with her brother in the other room? He sounds like a bit of a creep, and not a very bright one to boot.
I would *hope* he didn't say anything because he was embaressed or at least nervous, but still, him not saying anything is a pretty clear sign that it was nothing more to him then a dumb, druken hook-up.
Just let it go. Move on with your life. If he tries anything at Thanksgiving that makes you uncomfortable, tell him to cut it out or you tell your brother everything. That should end that problem.
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The Question
I like this guy and i know hes kind of a manwhore. He openly admits to loving sex and people say that is pretty much what he wants from a girl. Do you think there is any hope to him not being so manwhorish if he maybe finds the right one? He said he wants a girlfriend but the right girl. I just dont know whether I would want to be another one of his casual hook-ups because ive never dated/hooked up with a guy so should i give him a chance? Are there some good/bad signs i should look for?
The Answer
If you don't want to casually hook up with a guy, it's really that simple: Don't.
If that is all he wants, once he realizes he isn't going to get it, he'll move on.
People can change and grow. People can be misunderstood. People can be honest.
He might change. He might be misunderstood.
OR he me might be being honest when he says he just loves sex and although he'd *like* to have a girlfriend, his liking sex gets in the way of that.
You wont know unless you give him a chance. Just do so with your eyes open, and know that anything you choose to do, is your choice. A choice you made willingly and with total understanding of the possible outcomes, and not with a delusional idea that this guy was some sort of devoted purtian.
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The Question
ok well i need get on the pill. no i am not sexually active nor do i plan on it soon. I do know that I am 14 and ready to start dating. I know how strong of a person i am and i know that i may not be able to say no to my bf when he wants to have sex. I will always have a condom on me and thought about female condoms. but i think well know that i want to be on the pill. i live in il if that helps! I just dont know what to do where to go whom to got to or anything so yeah. any advice is well appricated!
The Answer
Do not carry condoms around with you.
Condoms must be stored at room temperature and shouldn't be crinkled or bent. Keeping them in wallets or purses or glove compartments are big NONOs. Do that, and your condom is MUCH more likely to break.
Female condoms are not as effective as male condoms, are generally more expensive and you can't use both at once... Can't say I'd personally recommend them.
This is a link to Planned Parenthood in Illinois. Read through that and you'll be able to find a clinic were you can get a prescription for the birth control pill and lots of valuable information about contraception.
http://www.plannedparenthood.org/illinois/
Although I commend you on planning ahead, I do want to suggest this idea to you: If you doubt your ability to say No, and not have sex if you don't want to have sex then I wouldn't call you ready to date. If you are seriously concerned about your ability to stand up for your own beliefs in romantic or sexual situations, then you aren't ready to be in those situations.
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The Question
17/f in a relationship of 1 year...
yes... not too long but i love this kid to death...
and i want to support him in anything he pursues as a career... but he wants to be, a cop. something i'm kind of against... i really dont know why. it's a great job, but *sigh* that whole risking your life thing isnt really working for me... me and my boyfriend have ARGUMENTS over this... i just dont know what to do? Back off? keep telling him to not do it? ='/ ... it's his life, but GAHHH i'm just so confused...
he feels the same on me joining the marine corps, which is why i decided not too... also b/c of my parents... someone please shed some light on this for me?
The Answer
You are seventeen, and you are right, a year isn't that long.
More importantly, the years ahead of you are going to change everything. Not some things. Not a few things. But pretty much all things in some way or another.
Now, you might still be madly in love with each other when it's time to start your careers. You might even both still have your dream jobs and be persuing them... You might both feel the same as you do now about the others jobs...
But come’on, that’s a lot of 'mights'.
Arguing about this is a bit like arguing about the name of your first born child... it might be a bit interesting, but it's also pretty pointless.
IF you two have strikingly different value and interests in how you are going to organize your adult lives, you will eventually break up. If you disagree, fundamentally, on your values and lifestyle choices, you’ll break up sooner or later! But arguing about careers that are years off is arguing about dreams and inclinations, not intrinsic values.
By all means, let him know what you think about his goal. But don’t discourage him openly, just state your opinion and be an otherwise engaged listener. He deserves that much. (Point of fact: So do you. Don't let this arguement become about YOUR issues with the choices you've made. Just because other people's opinions may have altered your choices doesn't mean he's required to alter his.)
Only you can make the choice to be with him or not, but for the time being, you can also choose not to make this a big deal when it doesn’t have to be.
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The Question
Warning: This is a very personal and sensitive subject.
I have a question for the ladies out there, or male doctors hahaha
I am not supposed to use soap on the inside of my vagina when I clean it. It is kind of an alergy maybe. My doctor told me this when I was very young. It just makes me a little itchy. I stop using it and I am fine, but here is the deal...It doesn't get as sweet smelling as I would like it to. You know like if you wash your under arm with just water, it will smell natural, but not as fresh and sweet as if you were to use soap, and of course all the more sweet if you were to add deoderant. So what I would like to know is what you all use to clean with, besides water and vinegar (cause I know about that one) that will make it smell sweet. Or perhaps there is an oil that I can use after I clean it with water? I used summer's eve but I am a little sensitive to that too. Thank you for your input.
The Answer
You can't, and you shouldn't use anything.
You should give up on a 'sweet' smell.
Use body oils or scented soaps on your legs, wear underwear that breaths comfortably and make sure you are clear of any infection. Some women find trimming or shaving their pubic hair decreases the scent or makes it more pleasant, and some don't. Do all and any of that and the scent that remains will be natural and healthy.
It really is that simple. Summer's eve is not a good thing for women. Just because they sell it doesn't make it a good idea: it can still lead to infections and it's not a good idea. The 'sweet' smell you are looking for is unnatural. The truth is, almost all women have negative reactions to soap used on or in the vagina. The vagina is self-cleansing and should not be interfered with at all unless you are ill.
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The Question
im 15 /f and i always hear that im bi polar. i think its an extremely over used excuse for people. i dont like to say i am because i dont know. well i dont have massive mood swings but minor ones. i get depressed for no reason, than i get very angry,( i have broken many things in my temper.) and then i will be fine. i am a little bit of an insomniac, i usually get 4 hours sleep a night and still energetic all day. i get irritated very easily and it brings on my temper tantrums. i usually keep myself in check, but when i cant i get angrier for losing control, but i dont take it out on other ppl, i take it out on myself, like hit my head against walls or something of the sort. would this mean i am bi polar?
The Answer
Bi-polar isn't an excuse, it's a very real illness. You are right though, that people do NOT use the word correctly.
The behavior you are describing however, it problematic. Becoming so upset you are violent, even to your own body, is a big issue. People shouldn't be calling you bi-polar, that isn't nice and they aren't doctors, but something is wrong if you get so upset you can't help but behave that way.
It's not so important that you label yourself, in fact, I strongly suggest people avoid doing that. But it is important to get help for issues that could seriously muck up your life. Talk to your family doctor about your rages and self-harm. You shouldn't have to continue on that way.
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The Question
First time Ive asked a genuine question. Hmm. How to start. This is going to be long. Apologies in advance.
So I'm in a relationship. Been together 3 years this January. Ups and downs as usual for a relationship that long.
I'm trying to figure out how not to tell my life story and give you the details you need here.
For the last year, I've been worthless. Family drama, losing all support including my car, and losing a job that was actually keeping me quite nicely afloat until I could get back to school last summer left me drifting. I have barely had ends meet ever since.
She moved in with me at the beginning of the summer. She's supported me and has helped me try to get myself back on track but I still hadn't found the motivation to get my life back on track. Add on that she isn't a whole lot more motivated than I am, and we ended up working a job where we could both skip work and no one noticed or cared. She tried several other jobs but quit each one after a week.
She's sick of it. She's sick of living paycheck to paycheck and not having any stability in our lives. She's sick of me not having the willpower to pull myself out of the mud. And she's planning to move out, move away, and she says "I just don't want to be in a relationship right now."
I really don't want to lose her. I've worked and I've tried. I let down my responsibilities to the practical side of our life together but I always tried to keep up the relationship side with her.
This weekend she went home to visit family. She left on good terms. She still hasn't come back. She was originally planning to come back on saturday to move out, she has said that instead she will come back and stay a week until the saturday after next. But she says 98% chance she's also leaving.
I don't know what to do. She wants time to be alone, to not have to be stressed out about me or us or anything. Her parents (with whom she was on bad terms until about three weeks ago) are now offering to support her, give her an apartment, get her back in school, and even let her move back here after a semester as long as she's not living with me.
And it should be noted, I am slowly getting my shit together, but it's a long process. I have a few small debts that are still somewhat large to someone of my meager income. I need a better job than I have now and have no way to obtain one. It's just... it's not enough together that she doesn't feel stressed out about it.
She's taking them up on it. I can't blame her, I mean I can't exactly afford to send her to college. But in the process she's dumping me. We had planned for her to move back in December, and I might move up there with her if a job opportunity were found that would let me support myself. Else I'd stay here and she'd move back and we'd continue.
Now she wants to move back asap.
I know that if she leaves in a week, it will kill us. I mean, she's going to want space. She's going to put boundaries on any contact we can have. And the longer it goes on, the longer I'm going to resent her for it. I know that I will eventually drive her away because I am going to cling and I won't be able to help it.
If we go completely out of contact, it's the same thing. We just won't talk anymore, and that will be that.
I have to convince her to stay and fix our relationship, then she can leave. But I don't know how. She doesn't think that it can be fixed right now.
I just don't know. I thought I was going to marry this girl. And I'm closing on 23, so this isn't exactly moony eyed college kids. We've been in it for the long haul.
I just... She's my best friend. She completes me and I trust her more than I've ever been able to trust another human being. I've never encountered that before. I'm not the kind of person who usually ends up in relationships with any depth to them.
I could let her go. I could get over it. I could eventually fall in love again. I know I could get past it. I just don't want to. I refuse to.
I also don't want to face the concept that I have fucked up the best relationship I've ever had to the point that I can't recover it.
Help. I don't care what you have to say. I'm hoping for the slightest bit of inspiration.
The Answer
I’ve taken a while to get back to you because I didn’t want to make any snap judgments. But after sitting on this question for a day or so, I’m afraid my answer is still much what it was when I first read your question, and you aren’t going to like me one bit.
Before I get into it I want to say this: I don’t believe you are a horrible person or a horrible boyfriend. I wouldn’t call you failure in any way. I imagine you are probably quite valuable as both. But your behavior at the moment, I have to take you to task on that. Your thinking is irrational and out of line. Please don’t take what I’m about to say as a comment on you as a human being. Take this a comment on your behavior, which needs some serious shaping up, but not necessarily in the ways you think.
You are unfairly refusing to compromise, you are defeating yourself before you even try, and you are not listening to your partner.
Your flat out refusal to even imagine her moving being a necessary step is a problem. It’s disrespectful to her, it’s refusing to recognize her clearly stated values and intentions and to not even allow for the possibility that this is what she needs, or that it’s her choice, is simply belittling.
She isn’t running away in the night. She is being an adult and has communicated her needs as well as she understands them. She needs to leave. She can’t handle the current situation.
It’s self defeating to say ‘I know it will kill us.’ That might be true. It might end the relationship if she leaves at this point; however, that is her choice. She’s been clear about that choice. I can tell simply from your question how clear she has been! She needs out, and she needs out now. Her decision isn’t a snap one. It’s been on the horizon for a while.
YOUR choice is whether or not you try to make it work, regardless of her choices. You CAN control your own level of resentment and clinginess. It might be hard, but you can do it, and it’s probably something you should work on anyways. Making a plan on how to address the issues in your relationship while living apart will certainly be more difficult, but it’s not impossible.
However, you’ve already told yourself every story you can think of after she moves, haven’t you? You’ve already decided that if she moves now, the relationship over. You’ve already labeled it as impossible. It might be true, that the relationship might end, quickly, if she moves, but it’s also your choice to believe that and accept that as the inevitable.
It is also, a way of trying to control her choices, by saying and thinking ‘If you leave now. We’ll never be together again.’ That’s a threat. That’s trying to keep her near by threatening her. It’s not very nice. It also tells her, that if she makes the choice she believes is best for herself, you’ll give up on the relationship.
If she stays, she’ll resent you for that. Deeply. She’ll leave eventually, feeling you wanted to keep her more then you loved her.
You need to respect her choices and her ability to make those choices for herself. Even if she makes the wrong ones and even if you disagree. If you can’t do that, your relationship is already dead, because you don’t trust or respect her.
Let her go. Keep working on yourself. You have a long way to go and you know it. If you can’t do it without her, you weren’t going to do it with her.
Instead of fighting with her about moving, support her through this difficult decision. Let her know what you want, but leave it to her to make her own decisions. If you want to stay together, start making a plan NOW about how you two can address your problems while you are apart. Show her you are interested in her well being as well as the relationships well being. Show her you can see her moving, not as giving up, not as a being doomed, but as a step she needs to take. Respect her, even through your pain, and you might be surprised by what you two can achieve.
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The Question
Hey i really need this question answered and i hope u can help....
I invited my boyfriend(20years old) to come with me and my family on vacation to my grandparents house in the U.S for thanksgiving shopping. Now hes saying that he wont be able to come because he doesn't have enough money and if he leaves for 4 days his job will fire him before Christmas. Am i wrong to be upset about this? cause i really wanted him to come
The Answer
You are fine to be upset. You are wrong to be bitchy, angry or inconsiderate.
He is twenty years old. Work is important, perhaps one of the most important things he has. Without it, he cannot advance in life right now. It was a probably a sensible choice for him to forgo shopping in order to make money and not make his employer unhappy.
It's not like this is a last minute cancellation either, he is being considerate and giving you fair warning about his responsibilities.
You can be upset, you can be disappointed and you can disagree with him even, but you shouldn't be a brat about it. He probably made a mature decision, and you should respect that even if you don't like it.
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The Question
17/f
I have gone through a lot lately. Everytime when I tell my parents of something bad that has happened they try to force me to go to counseling. I find that extremely insulting. If there's one thing I know how to do, it's how to think. If I have a problem that I need another perspective on I have my friends, advicenators, and used to have my parents. Except now I feel like I have to close myself off to them because I'm sick of hearing how I 'need help.' Has anyone else experienced a similar situation? Was it ever resolved?
The Answer
Um, yeah, I went to counseling.
Counseling isn't going to hurt you. At very worst, it will be a waste of your time.
Re-examine what your parents are saying to you: Are they really saying they don't think you are managing? Or are they feeling their own ineptitude in helping you and searching for other options for you?
I know you find it insulting, but that is a personal perception, not an objective statement. It's not insulting to tell someone they could benefit from help. I could benefit from taking more vitamins... I hate when people tell me that, because I don't like vitamins, but it's still true. They would be helpful. It's just not the kind of helpful I am welcoming.
Really, why wouldn't you take someone up on the offer of free counseling? Good counseling is a bit like good fresh fruit: It's not going to hurt you any and it might just make you feel better to boot.
You are digging your heals in about this, because you feel insulted and don't like they way your parents are breaching the subject, and that is fair. They probably aren't communicating in the best way they could. You need to remember, you are only being 'bullied' into something, if you let yourself be bullied. You can also choose to go along with someone elses idea of your own free will, and that tends to work out better for everyone. If you look at this objectively, the rational thing to do is shrug your shoulders and figure that giving up a few hours of your life to talk to someone to help your parents feel more secure and helpful, even if nothing more comes of it then that, it is a worthwhile investment on your part.
Go to three sessions and if it's useless to you come back to the parents and say "Look, I tried it because I love and respect your opinions, but it's just not doing anything for me. Thanks for the opportunity but I'm done with it now."
You also need to be honest with your parents in a really calm and respectful way. Simply saying "Mom, I really just need to talk right now and I don't want to hear about counseling. Could you just listen to me for a few minutes?" Of course, the trade off on that deal is that you also need to listen to her when you are done, and her arguments in favor of counseling.
Although is shouldn't always be, respect is usually a two-way street. Be more respectful of your parent's perceptions and beliefs, and they will probably become more respectful of yours.
Respect is the key to opening up communication. The path you are on right now is certain to shut it down.
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The Question
my friend wanted to suck my blood because he claims hes a vampire. so i thought, cool! why not? well, when the time came for me to slit my wrist, i dug a little to deep and went a little fast, because it CUT MY WRIST, WIDE OPEN. i had used a razor and it made a very fine, half-inch-wide cut on my arm. i freaked out, and had to show my parents. but to keep them from thinking i needed help, i told them it was blodlust. but now the think im losing my faith in God, and my moms mad cuz she knows i wasnt raised this way. i was raised in a christian environment. and i know that. im not losing my faith, im still a christian. but i do have a fasination with dark stuff. eg: im emo/goth. i wear all black and really thick eye liner and i dyed my hair black. ive been severely depressed for about 3 years. i used to cut, and they found out. i also enjoy twilight and other vampire stories. i like scary movies that have to do with demons and vampires and stuff that really would not please my parents. i dont know why i like that stuff, but its a lot better than romance novels and chick flicks, in my opinion.
but my dad is sort of in shock about the whole bit on my wrist, and for today, at least, they have locked me up in the house and i cant leave unless its to let out my neighbor's dogs. i dont think what i did was a very big deal, and i dont think they care about my well-being at all. i think they just dont wanna look like bad parents because their oldest daughter slit her wrist so some guy could suck her blood.
they think i need help and i know there is nothing wrong with me. so now they barely let me out of their sight and im sick to death of it!! all i can do is schoolwork and get on my computer or read and im totally done.
what do i do? how do i convince them that nothing is wrong?? why cant they just let go?
im 16/f, btw.
The Answer
Look, unless your parents aren't human beings, they are worried about you.
You have a friend who claims he is a vampire and you cut yourself open for him... Think about that for a second. That is a dangerous lapse in judgment. Another few centimeters could have killed you, and the person you were with doesn't have a firm grasp on reality... That would frighten any parent.
You graduated from a fascination with a sub culture, which is perfectly fine, to practicing a dangerous fetish. They don't understand, and they are terrified for you! It is an extremely big deal. Catching you smoking pot would probably be less frightening to them, and at least make sense.
DO you realize how frightening this must have been for them? How confusing? How baffling that their little girl would make such a decision?
Until you can let them know that you understand how seriously they FEEL about what happened (and it's okay if you don't think it was serious, you still have to acknowledge their feelings) they are going to keep you under lock and key.
The first step is to apologize for scarring them shitless. The second step is reconsidering your choices, because no matter how you look at it, slicing your wrist open for your friend was a bad one.
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The Question
Hey there.
16/f
I'm not pregnant or anything, so don't lecture me. Haha.
I'm just curious, legally, can you get an abortion if you're under 18 without parental consent in the state of Florida?
Or do your parents have to be present and sign papers and stuff, because of the medial risks?
The Answer
Florida doesn't require your parents to be present, or to approve, but by law if you under 18 and want to have an abortion, your parents must be notified 2 days before the abortion.
The law doesn't exist because of medical risks, or at least, that is not the argument lawyers and judges have made. It wouldn't be a very good argument if they did: neither medical, nor surgical abortions are very dangerous. Arguably, having your wisdom teeth removed is a much more serious medical treatment (which your parents would have to be notified of too!) The law of parental notification exists because it is assumed that parents have a "strong and legitimate interest in the welfare" of their minor children.
So yes, technically you can get an abortion without parental approval, although frankly, I can’t imagine how many teens are able to go through with it after informing their parents two days earlier if their parents strongly opposed. The largest criticism that Florida’s approach to teenage abortion tends to receive is that it provides no protection for a teenagers freedom to choose their own medical treatment should they disagree with their parents beliefs. These laws have the effect, if not the intent, of making teenage abortion the parent’s choice, not the teens.
To get around having tell the parents in Florida, you have to go to a judge and get their approval.
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The Question
14/f
so my friend is techniqually a virgin. but she almost lost it the other night. the guy jacked off then stuck in hand down her pants, not fingered but she heard that sperm travels no matter what. so now she is freaking out if she had a miscarriage. she had her period normally two weeks ago (she has had her period for years, so she is normal and not irregurlar). well last night she started bleeding but it is not period blood, it is reddish, brownish, pinkish and she had cramps. i was told that you can have a misscarriage when you are a week pregnant and she would have been 3 weeks pregnant, but we aren't even for sure becuase we haven't bought the pregnacy test yet. is there any way that she could have been pregnant and can she be pregnant now?
The Answer
To be at risk from getting pregnant, the semen from the male must at least make contact with a woman's vaginal fluids.
Semen can't fly, leap through the air, or survive for more then about 15 minutes outside of a human body. It's not smart, and it doesn't have much 'egg radar'. It pretty much just swims vaguely forward if it finds itself in a warm liquid it can move in.
That means, if he fingered you with semen on his hands, there is a very slim chance you could be pregnant. However, if his hand didn't make any contact with her labia at all, it's ludicrously unlikely that she could be pregnant.
Also, your timeline is a bit fuzzy however, it's good to remember that you count the number of weeks a women is pregnant from the date of intercourse or conception, NOT from her previous period.
She could have had a miscarriage, if she were actually pregnant. But she probably wasn’t to begin with.
What is probably happening is that her level of stress and attention is causes her to have an irregular cycle. Have you ever been so upset or scarred you felt sick to your stomach? So embarrassed that you felt feverish or had a migraine? It’s the same thing, only with your period.
If she actually does become late for her period, she can buy a pregnancy test to make sure. For the time being, she just needs to be told to calm the hell down and let her body run its course. Panicking will not change anything, except give her more to panic about.
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The Question
15/f Theres this guy who i know is interested in me because he told one of our mutual guy friends that he wanted to know me and thought i was hott and stuff. I heard from the beginning he was a douche and kind of an asshole, but I was like whatever hes hott. Now that i talk to him more I see he can be an asshole but i think he would be nice to his girlfriend. I also have heard he likes to just have sex with girls. He seems like he could be a genuine guy to the one he wants because he said he is looking for a girlfriend, but im not cool with f-ing to find a girlfriend. Basicaly I just dont know if I should act like im interested and flirt or just dont do anything ?
The Answer
If you are interested, be interested.
If you don't believe in fucking to find a girlfriend, don't have casual sex with him.
If you feel that way it shouldn't be too hard to say 'Dude, I like you, but I'm not hopping into bed with you.'
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The Question
so i have a long distance relationship. its my first long distance relationship. i thought it would be like a normal relationship with out the dates or physical aspect. i was wrong. its so wierd to me that i have a boyfriend over the phone. and just recently something was obviously wrong, because he stopped talking to me. i asked and he said it was nothing but now im just being ignored. i hate not being able to be there for him and i hate being uncertain about everything.
what might be his problem? i really do want to help him. and does it sound like this relationship is worth my time?
thankyou,
Lily
The Answer
The relationship is probably not worth your time, but it's always worth the effort to SPEAK to someone about the problems in a respectful and honest way.
Tell him you feel like something is up and this isn't working. Tell him you aren't really happy with the long distance thing, and ask him if he agrees, if he does, great! Then you can totally friendly-like break up.
If you don't just lay your cards on the table that plainly, then one of you will just pick a fight eventually and end up in a not so friendly break up. Cut that crap out, and just be honest.
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