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Goodbye Mom & Dad
17/f
I have gone through a lot lately. Everytime when I tell my parents of something bad that has happened they try to force me to go to counseling. I find that extremely insulting. If there's one thing I know how to do, it's how to think. If I have a problem that I need another perspective on I have my friends, advicenators, and used to have my parents. Except now I feel like I have to close myself off to them because I'm sick of hearing how I 'need help.' Has anyone else experienced a similar situation? Was it ever resolved?
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It almost sounds like they don't want to be responsible for your parenting. It's weird. Are they becoming more self involved lately with hobbies or friends or something? It's like they're giving up or something. This is not cool. But, maybe you should see a counselor about them.
They may also feel like whatever you're going through they are not equipped to help you with; but if that were the case; most parents would make you the appointment and take you to the counselor themselves and attend counseling with you if necessary.
What you're saying almost sounds like just laziness or indifference. They may also just be thinking since you're so close to 18 that their job is done. They may be trying to teach you independence and not to rely on them as much--sort of nudge you out of the nest. Though I don't know if they realize they might be teaching you in a somewhat hurtful way and should communicate their intentions more so you know what's going on.
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When i was 13 years old i lost my virginity by being raped. When i was 16 i was finally able to come out and tell my mother about it. I couldn't say it to her face so i wrote it down. After reading the note she said ok. That was it. I was devasted my mother wasn't really ever there for me and now that my son and i moved to missouri and shes in ohio she trys and calls me some and trys to talk to me. but nothing will ever be the same.
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Yep.
and nope. we never resolved it. they always try to over protect and you know you dont need the counseling. its all like tht.
Sorry i couldnt be more help
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Um, yeah, I went to counseling.
Counseling isn't going to hurt you. At very worst, it will be a waste of your time.
Re-examine what your parents are saying to you: Are they really saying they don't think you are managing? Or are they feeling their own ineptitude in helping you and searching for other options for you?
I know you find it insulting, but that is a personal perception, not an objective statement. It's not insulting to tell someone they could benefit from help. I could benefit from taking more vitamins... I hate when people tell me that, because I don't like vitamins, but it's still true. They would be helpful. It's just not the kind of helpful I am welcoming.
Really, why wouldn't you take someone up on the offer of free counseling? Good counseling is a bit like good fresh fruit: It's not going to hurt you any and it might just make you feel better to boot.
You are digging your heals in about this, because you feel insulted and don't like they way your parents are breaching the subject, and that is fair. They probably aren't communicating in the best way they could. You need to remember, you are only being 'bullied' into something, if you let yourself be bullied. You can also choose to go along with someone elses idea of your own free will, and that tends to work out better for everyone. If you look at this objectively, the rational thing to do is shrug your shoulders and figure that giving up a few hours of your life to talk to someone to help your parents feel more secure and helpful, even if nothing more comes of it then that, it is a worthwhile investment on your part.
Go to three sessions and if it's useless to you come back to the parents and say "Look, I tried it because I love and respect your opinions, but it's just not doing anything for me. Thanks for the opportunity but I'm done with it now."
You also need to be honest with your parents in a really calm and respectful way. Simply saying "Mom, I really just need to talk right now and I don't want to hear about counseling. Could you just listen to me for a few minutes?" Of course, the trade off on that deal is that you also need to listen to her when you are done, and her arguments in favor of counseling.
Although is shouldn't always be, respect is usually a two-way street. Be more respectful of your parent's perceptions and beliefs, and they will probably become more respectful of yours.
Respect is the key to opening up communication. The path you are on right now is certain to shut it down.
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