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Razhie. Advicenators Member Since: June 13, 2005. Answers: 5077. Visitors: 211514.
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The Question
I have 3 children ages 6,2, and 4 weeks. This morning I was taking a nap with my newborn in his bassinet next to the bed. "Grandma" was supposed to be watching my 2 yr old daughter. I had woken suddenly hearing the baby cry, and realized the baby was not in his bassinet. I immediately knew something was wrong and called my daughters name and ran to where I heard the baby crying. My daughter had dropped her brother on a pile of laundry and ran to a corner when I called her name (she knows she isn't supposed to be anywhere near the baby without supervision). It turned out "Grandma" has fallen asleep watching TV, instead of watching my daughter. My daughter has picked up the baby by herself multiple times without out us even hearing, she does it very sneaky. She knows its wrong, but I can't seem to make her understand she can severely injure or even kill her baby brother. She has her own baby dolls we got her to play with, but she ignores them and wants to play with the real baby. Any advice please? This is very scary, it had me in a panic almost in tears.
The Answer
Your daughter is 2, she needs to be supervised. She is too young to be required to understand completely why playing with the baby is wrong.
If grandma can't supervise and then it's your job to make sure your children are safe. That might mean trying to change your napping schedule, or putting up a fence or locked door, or hiring someone besides grandma if grandma cannot be informed that only one adult in the home may be asleep at once.
I'm sorry to be so harsh about it, but there it is. Of course you need to keep teaching your daughter not to play with the baby, but she is simply too young to be trusted completely, so she needs to be supervised at all times. If the current system you have for supervision is not working out, you need to create one that does. A baby fence or locked door might be all it takes.
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The Question
what if i called him a bad name when i was talking to him not in the voicemail but after when i found out he was completly ignoring me i was pissed so i texted him (sense he didnt answer his phone) and asked him why he was acting like a bitch and he said i didnt know what hes going though and not to call him that so what now do you think i should follow my heart or my mind??
The Answer
Well, you should stop calling people names first and foremost.
AND you should not try and turn a random hook-up into a relationship agianst the other person's will. So just leave him be.
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The Question
ok i have two questions here:
one: i have a bladder infection. it hurts soooo badly. not only in my stomach, but also "down there" every time i go to pee. -.-'' WHEN WILL THIS END?!?!! i went to the doctor today and they gave me these pills but so far, i only feel better for a short time and then start feeling like shit again. so yeah. someone know when this will go away? please tell me. im dying.
second: my boyfriends mom asked him if we have been having sex because she says you can get bladder infections if you have sex too much. and he and i had sex 2 times the other day, and then once the next day. we're pretty sexually active. i dont think 3 times in two days is too much, but if i DID get my bladder infection from that, how can i prevent this from happening again? and dont tell me to not have sex, because we use protection every time. so just tell me how i could not get a bladder infection, but still have sex with my boyfriend?
thanks so much. if you only know the answer to one, go ahead and answer. you dont have to know both to answer. :)
The Answer
It will take another day or two. Take the medication as directed.
Drink LOTS of water, or better yet, drink cranberry juice, that will cut down on the pain quite a bit. Keep drinking, every moment.
The good news is that the next time you have a bladder infection you will probably notice earlier and it won’t have time to get nearly this bad.
Your boyfriend’s mom is both right and wrong. You can get spontaneously get bladder infections; it doesn't have to be associated with being sexually active. And it’s not so much about ‘too much’ sex, it’s about making sure you are cleaning up afterwards. Take a shower; don't just throw your panties back on and go about your day. Wash up good with warm water.
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The Question
I'm 18/f and just started college. I made these great friends, but they kept talking to me about my bad habit of hooking up with guys a lot. They thought it was annoying when I would stress over a guy not talking to me the next day. I can't stop hooking up with guys and now they said that they can't be friends with me cause I act too slutty. I don't feel like I'm that slutty because I only had sex with a few of the guys, but how can I change my habit so that they will be friends with me again?
The Answer
It doesn't matter if it's 'slutty' or not, Your friends simply don't find it entertaining or interesting anymore.
If you aren't going to stop hooking up with guys (or at least ,recognize that it's really not that interesting to everyone and stop talking about it so damn much) then you need find different friends, ones who do find your obsessing and hooking up interesting.
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The Question
My period is 2 weeks late and I'm really afraid I'm pregnant. My friends say that it's near impossible - especially because I am usually always late to begin with. My period is completely irregular. I've even skipped a month about 2 times since i've started (about 4-5 years ago).
I've never had sex. My boyfriend fingers me a lot but he has never even ejaculated around me so I don't think any of his fluids could have gotten into me. What are my chances of actually being pregnant?
The Answer
If his fluids have never touched yours, it's impossible! Completely, totally, impossible.
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The Question
I have an interview with Yale this Sunday, and I am EXTREMELY nervous. We agreed on a starbucks 20 minutes from my house, and I thought I was going to have to go all the way to Yale university, but I guessed wrong. Anyway, she told me it would be good if I took a sheet of all my activities and leadership roles, which is a very short list. I also have a Harvard interview next week, also at a nearby cafe [I've never been to either]. I'm always worried about the who's-gonna-pay-the-bill situation, so I'm planning on not eating anything. I don't know how I should dress, what to wear, should I wear makeup, and what will they ask me?! I'm not very far from passing out, I don't even know how I got myself into this mess. They're going to hate me. Oh god, can someone please help?? I have NO clue what to expect.
The Answer
If your list is a short one, place some short sentences or bullets beneath each point describing what you did/learned/were responsible for in that role. Two or three points is plenty and will make your list far more impressive, because not only did you DO those things, you know WHY they are good things.
Bring enough money to pay for both but it's very, very unlikely you'll be expected too. They will likely offer to pay. If they don't, go dutch.
Dress nicely but not too formal. No jeans or t-shirts, but don't wear your prom dress. Church-chic, is a good way to think when you are talking about interviews.
Wear a bit of make-up. No crazy colours, just enough to make you look fresh-faced and mature.
They are going to ask you about YOU. Your opinions, interests, goals and ideas. Really, that's pretty much it. Practice with a parent or teacher, they can give some feedback on your answers and tell you what little misteps you might be making. But it's all going to be about YOU.
YOU should ask THEM about the school. They are alumni after all. Ask them about campus life, ask them about any concerns you have about getting around, even small ones. Ask them about their favorite spots or what they liked about it. Don't ask anything too personal, but show a real interest in finding out what they school is like.
And try to relax. The interviewers know you've never done this before.
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The Question
ok hi
i was talking to this boy and we were just friends with benfits but i really liked him and although he told me he really liked me i dont really believe it. so earlier this week i left him a voicemail telling him i wanted to just be friends and nothing eles because i fell in love once and got hurt and i didnt want that to happen again. so now hes not talking to me and not answering my calls and i think i hurt him but all the time when i tried saying sorry and talking to him he wont talk back. so should i just foget about him or keep trying to talk to him.
The Answer
Forget about him.
He probably isn't your friend.
It's likely, in light of this behavior, that he just wanted to fool around.
Unless you called him nasty names in your message (which I doubt you did!) then he is probably just trying to punish you for cutting off his 'benefits'. He might be hurt, or wounded somehow, but if he is, then he is a pussy and coward who doesn't have the balls to express his feelings as clearly and honestly as you did yours.
Either way, he isn't worth your time.
Stop apologizing. You did nothing except stand up for what you want in life. Go You!
If he wants to behave in this rude and immature way, then let him. You go find a better way to spend your time.
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The Question
my sister in law really hates me... ive been dating my boyfriend for almost 9 months and he recently got kicked out of his house and is living with my family and me...it wasn't entirely my fault though is friend was in on it to and he wasn't forced into anything...but his sister has been threatening me and saying that i fucked up his whole life and just making me feel like shit [[she lives in Idaho,were in Anaheim]] but still evrything she says makes me feel bad my boyfriend says to ignore her because she hormonal and pregnant but like i realy feel like telling her to shut the fuck up because she doesnt know what living in his house was like [[he was adopted..and hated it there]] so yea i kinda wanna yell at her but then i dont because my boyfriend and i would like to get married and i dont want to have an "i hate you bitch" relationship with her...so how can i tell her to butt out in a way that straight but no like fuck you kinda way??
The Answer
Um, why are you talking to her, like, at all?
She isn't your sister-in-law. She's just his sister, who lives in Idaho. Why are you even talking to her!
Next time she call your home, don't speak to her just yell "Boyfriend! Your sister is on the phone!" then put down the receiver and let HIM deal with it.
Also, remind HIM, that you two are planning to get married, so at very least, he should ask his sister very firmly to be respectful of you. It's fine if she doesn't like you, but she doesn't get to tell you off. It's HIS job to tell her to back off and butt out, NOT YOURS.
Your job is to ignore her, and be friendly to her, and to let HIM deal with HIS relationship with her. You just back out and let the two of them fight it out, and expect him to stand up for you enough to expect his sister to be polite, and no violence or name-calling. If he can't do that, seriously consider if you want to marry a guy who thinks it's okay for people to treat you like crap.
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The Question
I am 14, and I am uncomfortable with my stomach size. At 12, I weighed 67 pounds and was 4'9, now I weigh 125 and am 5'6. My friends tell me I look fine, but I look fat when I sit down. I am not anorexic or have bulemia or anything. Am I too young to worry about it?
The Answer
Yes, you are too young (and frankly, too thin) to be worried about it.
But 'not worrying' doesn't mean you shouldn't be active. Dieting is never good, unless you are unhealthy (and you aren't). Exercise is ALWAYS a good thing.
Buy a skipping rope and jump rope for a half hour a day, or do some pilates in front of the tv. That will help firm up your body and make you feel more engerized.
But I absolutely forbid you from worrying. Nearly all adults, have a bit of belly when they sit down. It's human, and it's healthy.
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The Question
i basically said this : "i asked alex if allen did something wrong would he tell ashley and he said no because allen doesnt tell his stuff to me so he wont tell his stuff to ashley" its not funny haha but i thought it was funny in a weird way like he was confessing to me that he did something and that i would have to ask his friend. but ashley saw it in a way that she thought i was saying that her husband was doing something wrong. and she freaked out and asked her husband saying i told her that he was cheating on her. she signed off of aim before i could explain what i meant about my statement. i told her allen was a good guy and that he didnt do anything wrong so she didnt believe me and i told her that he was a player before he met her and shes like continue and i go thats all i have to say. so she didnt believe and confronted her husband. am i totally the one to blame or is it partially her fault too? i tried to explain what happened to allen but he didnt want to hear it.
The Answer
Nope. That situation was only the tiniest bit your fault. And only your fault in the small way of 'You might have guessed that Ashley was a nut bar, and should have stepped a bit more carefully around her craziness so as not send her off the deep end.'
But that is really only the tiniest bit of blame there. It's mostly Ashley's fault. For her to take something that like that as 'He's CHEATING ON ME!!!!' is deeply insecure and foolish. Obviously she was waiting for SOMEONE, ANYONE to give her this kind of information. You just has the misfortune of stepping into her waiting bear trap.
Don't apologize to Allen, you didn't really do anything wrong. He's married to a nut bar and he probably knows it. When he is ready to talk about it tell him Ashley went nuts on you because you joked that about the guys being good friends and not telling thier women every little thing (which they are totally entitled to do!) you completely DID NOT say he was disloyal AT ALL.
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The Question
Alright. So. My Bestfriend, Hali, shes been threw a lot of crap in her life. Summer of 07, she lost her cousin. She died from a cyst on her brain. Well 8 months later, her sister died in a car crash. Well during these times, her boyfriend then was cheating on her. And when she told him to go to a family funeral thing for her sister, he didn't go. He was out cheating on her. Well she finally got over him, and started to date a new guy. I liked him at first, he seemed like he really wanted to date her, so I helped get them together. Well it took them a loong time to finally get together. But when they were "talking" he was talking to other girls, but I was like well oh well, bc they aren't dating so its nothing. Well I just found out that he has already cheated on her with his ex. And before Hali and him started to date, he hung out with my other best friend. Well saturday, we all were sled riding, and he came, and I was like I know he lied to Hali. So I texted her and told her that she better find out where he is, and she asked why and I told her he's been here and that they all are about to get into the hot tub. And shes like I don't care that hes sled riding but why would he lie to me?
When I got to Sandy's house she told me that Martin has been texting her, and that he likes her. He's been calling her "boo" and "hun" and all this crap. Well after I left, they were in the hot tub and I guess he tried to finger her. She got up and moved, bc she too is friends with Hali, but not close like me and Hali. I guess Martin told Sandy that "Hali broke up with me" But the next day Hali and Martin were together at my other friends house.
So I really don't know what to do. I don't want to be trade Sandy and tell Hali. But I hate that this is going on and Hali doesn't know. Like I'm really weird when it comes to Hali, because I know that she has been threw soo much in her short 16 years, and I can't stand knowing this and not telling her. But Sandy is on of my best friends, and I don't want Hali mad at her, and have Sandy mad at me bc I told Hali. HELP!!!
The Answer
Deep breath.
Tell Sandy that you love her, but that she has screwed up and that she needs to either end it and/or tell Hali.
Also tell Sandy you do NOT want to hear about her flirting or doing anything with Martin anymore, because if you do you will HAVE TO tell Hali. Remind Sandy that you would do the same thing for her if some guy was treating her badly.
Then hold your tongue. Let Sandy either put an end to it with Martin, or tell Hali what has been going on herself. If she is Hali's friend, that is her job to do.
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The Question
18/female
So this is a VERY long scenerio. I met an amazing kid when I was 17 years old and he was 21 years old. The beginning of this relationship was great, don't get me wrong. He had been thru a lot of things in the past. He moved all over and came back here mainly because he has a younger sibling and his mothers grave is here. That's when I met him. He was amazing, made me feel so great. I loved life and everything in it. Whenever I saw him it was like I wish I could stop time so it could last forever. It didn't take much for things to change. He was unemployed so I was giving him money once every now and then and he wasn't forcing me so I didn't really feel like I had to, I only wanted to. Afterall, I was living at home and had parents who even paid for the gas in my car and he had to take care of everything by himself. I was a lot luckier then he had ever been and he always pointed that out. Soon after, I started to let him use my car when I was at work and he wasn't going anywhere except hanging out with his friends and staying home, which didn't bother me. But then it was like using my car constantly every single day. And I kinda liked the idea of seeing him after work every night. And whenever I gave him money he was a lot happier and nicer towards me which made me happy. When things were going wrong I'd blame myself. But then we broke up. And he still was using my car and I was still giving him money because even though we weren't an official couple we were still fooling around, friends w/ benefits. After awhile that even stopped, and it was just constantly like can I use your car, I need some money, this and that. We broke up because he didn't have much to offer me even though he really liked me. Then I felt like he didn't even like me anymore and he started telling people he didn't have any feelings for me, so then why am I still around? He would tell me he really likes me and we would be official if he had something to offer me. It's like he was giving me mixed signals, and I didn't even know what to do. Besides all of this stuff, valuable things in my house went missing. For example, camera, ipod, etc. I wanted to see if I had maybe left it as his place and when I asked him if a camera was there he handed me one and said, "is this yours." Took me about a minute to realize it was my sisters. I mean after all I've done for this kid. Give him my car, money, love, time, and everything he has done me wrong in so many ways. But I still care for him and love him from the bottom of my heart. I know he's been through a lot but I don't deserve to be treated this way. I just don't know how to tell him to either change his act or to leave me alone, because I'm afraid he won't ever talk to me. Or things even worst than that. This kid was my first everything besides first kiss, and thankfully I didn't loose my virginity to him, but other than that my first everything.
The Answer
Don't tell him to change his act.
If he, at over 21 years old, cannot figure out on his own that his behavior is REPREHENSIBLE and WRONG, then it doesn't matter what you say to him. He cannot be saved or fixed, certainly not by you, a woman he doesn't respect in the slightest. A woman he plays with, fools around on, steals from and bullies.
You have no power over him. Not a shred. He will simply ignore any demand you make of him. He has manipulated your every move and he knows he can keep on doing it.
Just dump him. Flat out. No more benefits of any kind. You deserve better, so go demand better, of someone else, because this guy is not capable of being decent, let alone better.
The best thing that could happen at this point is that he stops talking to you. It will hurt, you will cry it out, but in the end, you will be a happier and wealthier person. Lean on your friends and family through this tough time, and get rid of this user.
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The Question
last night i was talking to my ex's best friend's wife and i wanted to relive a memory i had with him which involved my ex telling me that if his friend (allen) did something he wouldn't tell allens gf (ashley) because allen doesnt tell his stuff to me and i thought that it was funny because to me it made it seem like my ex was trying to tell me that he was hiding something from me and i wouldnt find out. but i didnt realize that ashley would get offended by the " if allen did something my ex wouldnt tell ashley" part. so it made it seem like i was saying that allen was doing something behind her back and i was trying to tell her that allen didnt do anything bad because she was getting freaked out you know and i told her that he was a player before he met her but i wasnt trying to say that he was doing something bad and before i could clarify what i was saying she left and then this morning my ex tells me that ashley confronted allen and he told her everything and she left the house and allen was crying. so not only did i ruin my exs friends relationship (i really adored them as friends so they were my friends too) but i ruined the chance to get back with my ex bf since we loved each other but he wanted to wait until life was looking better for him. i know that my ex wont take me back after this stunt i pulled and i love him madly but i really want to fix the broken relationship with my friends since i feel like its my fault since it happened. is it really my fault?? and should i try to fix their relationship? its not right they are unhappy because of me so i want to make them happy again even if im not happy they should be happy. this is long i know but im really upset about what i did :(
The Answer
This question is very confusing. What 'stunt' did you pull?
You tried to express a funny memory, and your friend flew off the handle at you because she suspected her husband of all sorts of things... She's a nut/
Then, apparently, Allen 'confessed' everything! So he was in fact doing something bad behind Ashley's back? Yes? I've read your question three times and I'm still not sure...
How the hell is that your fault? Your friends are screwed up, insecure, distrustful and possibly, although it's very hard to tell from your question, unfaithful.
Don't do a thing. Don't interfere and don't try to fix it. If I've understood you correctly, they are screwed up beyond anyone abilities to help them. They either need to solve their own trust issues, or break up. That would have happened eventually regardless of anything you could ever say. They aren't unhappy because of you, they were unhappy because of themselves.
Explain yourself as best you can to your ex. If he cares for you and understands you aren't an evil person, surely he'll realize that this girl is just a nut who was ready to loose it over something, and you were just unlucky enough to provide the thing she needed.
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The Question
Hey, i hope there is someone who can help me and give good advice about my cat Flea.
Flea was a stray kitten and was in very bad shape when we found him on the street. He hardly had any hair and was such a little scruff ball, that's why we named him Flea. Shortly after we took him in he became this playfull, cute little friendly kitten who loved playing hide and seek, and would basically play with anything we gave him. He grew a beautiful coat of pitch black fur and became shiny and fluffy.
Then about 1½ years later we took in another kitten who we though was a female, because that's what we were told, and were none the wiser.
Flea and Joker were fine with eachother almost instantly, but then as time went by, Flea started to become very unfriendly towards Joker.
Joker is extremely playful and very lovable, and just wants to play with Flea all the time, but Flea keeps attacking him.
Flea has changed towards us as well and won't even come near us anymore. When we try to give him attention and play with him he hisses at us and runs away. He spends most of his time under the couch or outside.
This has seriously broken my heart, because i love him so much and i really don't know what to do to get him back to normal again.
Can anyone please help???
The Answer
Are both your cats neutered?
If not, consider it. It will calm them both down and help to prevent there being more poor little stray kittens in this world.
If they are, take Flea to a vet. First and foremost you need to make sure there is nothing physically wrong that it making Flea unhappy and uncomfortable. If the vet says Flea is physically fine, talk about the behavioral problems and ask your vet for suggestions and ideas. You'll be paying for the check-up anyways, and they are the experts.
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The Question
Im 25 and my ex is 24. She has a child that is not by me but never else I loved them both as if he was mine. We were together for close to two years. I proposed to her. After a week proposing to her she wanted to go and get eloped. I told her that I wanted to get a place and a vehicle before we got married. I didn't want to live 10 miles away from my wife. After i told her that she broke up with me and told me that i was too slow for her. I bought over 6 thousand dollars of diamonds and jewelry on her and she bought me a ring. When we broke up she told me that she wanted the ring back. I asked why. She told me that it was a symbol of her love and she didn't want me to have it. So i asked her for the stuff i bought her and she told me no because it was a gift. When we had sex I always gave her more than she ever gave. Did i do something wrong or what. Please help.
The Answer
Keep the ring if you want too. It was also a gift.
The only thing you did wrong was not catch on sooner that this woman was a user. Next time you'll be a bit wiser.
You go played. That's all there is to it. She knew what she wanted and she demanded it right that moment. That made steady and sensible you a bad match for her.
Legally, you can't get the jewelry back for her, and neither can she get yours back from you. So keep it if you want it, sell it if you don't. And don't beat yourself up over this too much. Just be more cautious next time.
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The Question
My husband and I attended the wedding of two dear friends. The groom's mother, "Millie," made party favors for all the guests -- little gift bags containing sugar-coated almonds and, because the bride and groom are animal lovers, a small glass animal. A few days later, a friend brought her teenage daughter to our home. The daughter admired the two glass animals, so I gave them to her.
I was shocked when, the following weekend, Millie called and asked me to return them. She said she planned to take them back because she would prefer to use the money to buy the couple something they could use. Feeling guilty for "regifting," I responded with the first thing that popped into my head, that I hoped I hadn't "misplaced" them. Millie said she hoped not, too -- they had cost $35 apiece, and she would expect us to reimburse her! Further, we should not mention it to the "happy couple" because of the embarrassment it would cause.
I asked the bride's sister where Millie might have bought the glass figurines under the guise of wanting to get some as gifts for my grad students. I was stunned when she responded that she had purchased an entire case of these inexpensive animals as wedding favors, and that I was welcome to them if I wanted to pick them up from her home.
I'm unclear what motivated Millie to ask for the animals to be returned, or why she would inflate the price and expect to be reimbursed. I understand there was an unpleasant power struggle over the wedding arrangements, but I'm not sure what she hopes to gain from this.
How should this be handled? My husband says I should tell Millie the truth, that we gave them away and we know they cost only 80 cents apiece. What do you say?
The Answer
What is motivating Millie is not likely something you will ever figure out, and it’s probably best if you consider it simply none of your business. There might be a power struggle of some kind, or she simply might be a tad crazy. You’re not likely to ever really know.
Ask the sister if she would be kind enough to let you have an animal as you gave yours away to a young lady who quite liked it. Return the animal to Millie with an "I'm so glad I found it! Here you go."
Although I think your husband’s suggestion is well within your right to do, as a friend to this couple weigh the time it would take you to make this simple switch, against the possible drama and unpleasantness it might cause over their very recent marriage. If I were in your shoes, saving the new couple the trouble at this moment in time would outweigh my desire to be ‘right’ and stick it to this crass woman.
Simply give Millie a wide berth in the future: decline invitations that might put you in her ‘debt’ in some way since she is obviously incapable of handling her role as hostess in a graceful way.
Really, when things work out that serendipitously as they have in this case, take the high-road, hold your tongue and smile through your teeth. Millie will never have this kind of power over you again in your lives, so there is no reason to make waves and hurt feelings over your dear friend’s wedding. Give her what she wants, as it costs you nothing but a few minutes of your time, and you’ll be a bit wiser and happier for it, and very dear friends to this couple.
Perhaps, when the honeymoon has passed and the couple is more settled, you can mention this event in a gentle, non-judgmental way to them, as a sort of “Well, we dealt with it and didn’t want to cause you stress, but thought you’d best be aware.” and leave it to the couple to be aware of and to address.
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The Question
i am currently 16 but will be 17 in march. i am pregnant and think it would be best for me and my baby to live with the dad. we have been together for over 2 years and his mother is very supportive and will help us out. i want my baby to have as close to a real family as possible and its important for both of us to be with the baby. how can i get emancipated? technically his mother will be like my gaurdian and his family wants to help us
The Answer
You probably don't need to get emancipated in order to live in the home of your boyfriend’s mother. You just need to convince your own parents that it isn't the end of the world. At seventeen, you can probably just move in with their family, so long as you tell your parents where you are, and you are safe there. The very most the police can do is bring you back home.
Notice I said their family. If you simply move in with him, into some apartment some place, the courts might not look on that favorably. But if you are living in an established and safe home, not much will be done to you. BUT YOUR PARENTS MUST KNOW WHERE YOU ARE, or both you, and your boyfriend’s family could get into deep shit of the harboring a minor/kidnapping kind. If you parents have no idea where you and their grandchild are, THAT is a crime.
You can't get emancipated AND then have his mom become your guardian. Being emancipated legally means having NO guardian, at all, period. To become emancipated you have to prove that you can be okay old is going to be okay without a legal guardian.
All that emancipation would really give you is the chance to sign contracts without your parent (i.e. to get married or rent your own home) and to avoid any legal issues your family might be facing (i.e. if they have been printing money illegally in your basement and you don’t want to be associated with that). Frankly, emancipation is a lengthy and expensive legal process that rarely even gets granted anyways! You’ll probably turn 18 before you managed to get emancipated. It’s just not worth it.
The best thing to do is start dialoguing with your own family about this now. With your boyfriend mother’s help in these conversations, so that they are on board with the idea of you living with her. If you genuinely believe that is the better environment for you and your child, it would be best for everyone if you can bring your own family around to that way of seeing it.
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The Question
I think I might have a vaginal infection. Its not itchy or anything, there's no odor, but sometimes the discharge is clumpy. But according to my ex, it tasted very sour and kind of tart. Soo embarrassing :(
Does this sound like an infection? What should I do first, get some over the counter medication, or go to the doctor and see what she suggests?
Oh, and I have very good hygiene.
The Answer
From what you've described, you sound perfectly healthy to me.
But by all means, go to doctor if you are concerned. Don't use an over the counter medication, since they can cause infections or make a problem worse.
EDIT: Your ex is a male. I wouldn't put too much stock into his ideas of what a vagina *should* taste like. Certainly don't let him make you insecure.
Like I said, if you are worried, see a doctor. You should be having a regular check-up anyways, but with no itch and no odor, there is likely no problem. What you've described here is well within normal.
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The Question
I am a 22 year old Korean/Guamanian woman who has a mom that just doesn't get me...EVER! I constantly get disrespected from my sister, the one person who I thought I can depend on in my life. Since we were little, my YOUNGER sister has always tried to step over me and at first, I was a very passive person, but as I got older, I knew I wasn't going to tolerate it. The most recent incident was when I asked (NOW I MEAN ASKED) my sister to have a little more consideration for my parents when they drive 3 1/2 hours to pick her up from college and take her and her friend home (She asked my parents to take her friend along in front of her friend, so it made my mom feel obligated). I didn't try to be rude, I was being assertive about it and there my sister goes rolling her eyes at me and saying "I didn't come down here to argue with you, this has nothing to do with you!" So what was I supposed to do, let her just say that to me? Hell no! I told her to stop disrespecting me. And all my mom could say was, girls, stop arguing. I asked my mom how can she just let my sister disrespect me like that and all she said was, you guys are grown, what do you want me to do? (I mean, you are the MOTHER!) When I first moved out of my house, I asked the same thing to my mom a few years back and she told me, "well what do you expect, if you act like that" (I have realized my rebellion back in the day was stupid and wrong, but I have admitted to it and tried to make things right from this point) My mom started to yell at me for no reason! She is putting words in my mouth, which I had not said many of the things she claimed I did (claiming I said that she treats my sister better than me). I never said any of that! All I was trying to do was help my mom and dad… My mom just said, “well I let you say what you want to say because I know you were not in the wrong.” So I said, but its okay that my sister disrespects me and you just sit there and watch it happen? Isn’t she wrong for doing that? I don’t know! I was always brought up to respect your elders, even if they are one year older, etc. Especially considering since I am her older sister, I expected more from her. There is so many problems between me and my family and it is catching with me, I think I’m going crazy! I constantly cry about things and I am hurt because I feel like I have no one to be there for me, but myself. I feel lonely! You hope to go to your parents for comforting and support. But I can’t even get that! My parents pay my sisters way through college, but because I moved out, I can’t get help for just books. I don’t know what to do…..
The Answer
Your sister was right: THIS had nothing to do with you.
It is totally fair to assertively share you perspective like:
"I think you make mom feel obligated.”
But you were wrong and very rude to start handing down orders and telling your sister how to behave, and no matter how much you feel you ASKED, I can guarantee you that isn't what you sister heard! What your sister heard was you calling her an ungrateful brat and telling her what to do. No one is going to respect that. I don’t care how much older you are, life doesn’t work like that, never has and it never will.
It condescending for you to allow this to turn into a fight. Stating your opinion is one thing. Letting it turn into a battle-royal is something else. You were disrespectful to your sister, and more importantly, to your mother to assume that you had the right to butt in to an issue that is between the two of them.
Your mother was also right. She’s not the referee anymore. You are responsible for how you communicate with your sister and for dealing with what she says in response.
Your parent’s relationship with your sister, regardless of how much of an ingrate or how obligated they feel, is none of your business. You only invite drama and resentment when you try to make it so. Your parents are adults and are perfectly capable of standing up for themselves if they so choose. If they choose not too, that is there business.
It should be pretty obvious, from your mother’s response to you that she USES you to speak up for her, rather then standing up for herself. She doesn’t need to get angry with your sister! You did a totally thorough job for her! Your mother will always defend her, and never get fed up with her, as long as you keep doing it for her. If you take a big step out of their relationship, you might be surprised how quickly your mom starts to get annoyed for her own sake once you aren’t there to do it for her.
Now, obviously there are problems that run far, far deeper then this incident, but seriously, you need stop picking fights just because you are feeling unloved and unsupported. You need to talk to your mother about the REAL issue. The REAL issue is not anything you sister does or doesn’t do, it’s YOU FEELING UNLOVED.
So talk to her about this, at some point when you two AREN’T fighting. Pick a quiet time and don’t focus on all of her ‘crimes’ and DO NOT mention your sister. She isn’t the problem.
Talk simply and totally honestly about the way you feel:
I FEEL like you don’t want to support me.
I FEEL like when I moved out you stopped caring about me.
I FEEL lonely.
I FEEL stressed out and I don’t know how to make this work.
She can disagree with you, and that’s fine, just reminder that that is how you FEEL, even though it might not be really what is happening, and ask her how you both can work towards feeling better about your relationship and what’s going on.
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The Question
hey im 17
theres this guy i reali like , and we meet up and havve sex, i no its not right blah blah, but he turned around and said to me this morning he want to make sure he cums in me , he never used protection, which i totally dont argree but i still shag him, he tld me that he wants a kid because its the only way he wil stop him frm getting into troble, so i think hes just having sex wit me to get pregnant , but im no where ready to have a kid, if been thinking about it but no im 17 i just want to settle down , im not even with this lad, i dont no what to say to him? if i say no then i think im going to lose him or hes going to have sex with someone ? i realy want to be with him , i just keep thinking to myself if i keep havin sex with him that he will get with me but i done no .
The Answer
He will NOT get with you if keep fucking him.
HE will TRY to be with you if you has his baby, because for some really fucked up reason he has decided that a baby can fix his problems for him.
Of course, the baby wont fix his problems. He'll keep getting into trouble. He'll realize that he barely knew you when you started to have sex. You'll resent him for saddling you with a child you weren't ready for and then flaking out himself...
I don't have a crystal ball hun, but we both know that is the most likely senario by far.
You can't loose him cause you don't even HAVE him in the first place! The only women who is going to have him at all is the one he knocks up! And frankly, I wouldn't be envying her a jot.
Stop having sex with him. He doesn't want what you want. This isn't a relationship. He doesn't like you, he likes your ovaries.
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