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Regifting meets Greed
My husband and I attended the wedding of two dear friends. The groom's mother, "Millie," made party favors for all the guests -- little gift bags containing sugar-coated almonds and, because the bride and groom are animal lovers, a small glass animal. A few days later, a friend brought her teenage daughter to our home. The daughter admired the two glass animals, so I gave them to her.
I was shocked when, the following weekend, Millie called and asked me to return them. She said she planned to take them back because she would prefer to use the money to buy the couple something they could use. Feeling guilty for "regifting," I responded with the first thing that popped into my head, that I hoped I hadn't "misplaced" them. Millie said she hoped not, too -- they had cost $35 apiece, and she would expect us to reimburse her! Further, we should not mention it to the "happy couple" because of the embarrassment it would cause.
I asked the bride's sister where Millie might have bought the glass figurines under the guise of wanting to get some as gifts for my grad students. I was stunned when she responded that she had purchased an entire case of these inexpensive animals as wedding favors, and that I was welcome to them if I wanted to pick them up from her home.
I'm unclear what motivated Millie to ask for the animals to be returned, or why she would inflate the price and expect to be reimbursed. I understand there was an unpleasant power struggle over the wedding arrangements, but I'm not sure what she hopes to gain from this.
How should this be handled? My husband says I should tell Millie the truth, that we gave them away and we know they cost only 80 cents apiece. What do you say?
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Maybe give some free advice about: Gift Giving?
I would tell her that you gave them away and are more than willing to reimburse the full retail price. Then have a pressing need to get away, promise to send a check, and hang up before she can say anything.
Ignore her calls until she gets a $1.60 check in the mail along with a price label for the same item (or a printout from a website or any other pricing info would work)
If she calls back after that, offer to replace them yourself as soon as you get your $1.60 back.
Oh come on, its temping and you know it.
If you didn't want to have fun with it, you could do as advised and get some as offered and bring her six or seven of them to "apologize" for having given them to a couple of kids. Puts you in the upper hand in every way without making you the jerk in the situation.
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The only reason that I can imagine "Millie" would do this is if she perhaps heard you had given them away, and now she wants to make you sweat. Gift bags are "gifts," meaning not expected back. When you answered that you may have misplaced them, Millie returned your fib with a fib of her own, that they cost $35.00.
I think your husband is half right; you should tell Millie that you gave them away, and then give the the ones you picked up from the sister. Either way, Millie will know you know about the value, and it can be her turn to admit, plus she'll be stuck with the things.
The best way to look at this is almost like a practical joke. The old bird got one over on you, and it is kind of funny. Her son is a dear friend of yours, so don't let the situation cause waves.
By the way, you didn't do anything wrong by giving the animals away. Most reasonable people would be happy to know that the animals went to a young girl who would really appreciate them. That is, unless the bride is a little insulted you didn't keep the momento of her special occasion.
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I'd go for the truth too. Tell her the whole
story. How you gave them to a child who admired
them, how you attempted to buy new ones, and
how you didn't bother since they were only the
cheap party favors you took them for. Nicely,
of course. :)
I see no reason for you to feel guilty or
try to spare the feelings of one who is trying
to take you for some extra cash in her pocket.
Gifting and then trying to take those gifts
back at a profit is much worse than giving
them to a child who admired them.
The happy couple would probably be greatly
embarrassed by her request. Wow.
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I believe your husband is right. Nothing beats honesty in whatever situation you maybe. Atleast by telling her the truth you would also be able to know what motivated "Millie" to lie. Maybe she had her own reasons for doing so.Give her the benefit of the doubt.
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What is motivating Millie is not likely something you will ever figure out, and it’s probably best if you consider it simply none of your business. There might be a power struggle of some kind, or she simply might be a tad crazy. You’re not likely to ever really know.
Ask the sister if she would be kind enough to let you have an animal as you gave yours away to a young lady who quite liked it. Return the animal to Millie with an "I'm so glad I found it! Here you go."
Although I think your husband’s suggestion is well within your right to do, as a friend to this couple weigh the time it would take you to make this simple switch, against the possible drama and unpleasantness it might cause over their very recent marriage. If I were in your shoes, saving the new couple the trouble at this moment in time would outweigh my desire to be ‘right’ and stick it to this crass woman.
Simply give Millie a wide berth in the future: decline invitations that might put you in her ‘debt’ in some way since she is obviously incapable of handling her role as hostess in a graceful way.
Really, when things work out that serendipitously as they have in this case, take the high-road, hold your tongue and smile through your teeth. Millie will never have this kind of power over you again in your lives, so there is no reason to make waves and hurt feelings over your dear friend’s wedding. Give her what she wants, as it costs you nothing but a few minutes of your time, and you’ll be a bit wiser and happier for it, and very dear friends to this couple.
Perhaps, when the honeymoon has passed and the couple is more settled, you can mention this event in a gentle, non-judgmental way to them, as a sort of “Well, we dealt with it and didn’t want to cause you stress, but thought you’d best be aware.” and leave it to the couple to be aware of and to address.
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