Wife, mother, loyal friend to the end, model, classic car collector. almost 30 years old, and seen alot in my few years here on earth. People usually come to me for advice, and i give in return grounded, realistic answers.
Gender: Female
Location: San diego
Member Since: January 18, 2005
Answers: 822
Last Update: June 30, 2016
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Dragonflymagic
adviceman49
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https://www.google.com/search?hl=en&site=webhp&tbm=isch&source=hp&ei=CeGjVYfGHsTZ-QGtjqXAAg&q=side+bob+tumblr&oq=side+bob+tumblr&gs_l=mobile-gws-hp.3...1703.7076.0.7491.18.17.0.1.1.0.302.2458.0j13j1j1.15.0....0...1.1.64.mobile-gws-hp..8.10.1841.0.ZQLwTtAfaB0#hl=en&tbm=isch&q=taylor+swift+short+hair&imgrc=jlATa3FMet-XqM%3A
It's like that the curvy part. does anyone know how to do that? please explain on steps thank you (link)
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that looks pretty simple to me, its a simple choppy banged hair cut, combed over to one side and then half curled with a curling iron or round hot comb.
her hair texture though may be different then yours tho so its not gonna come out perfect every time you do it and it looks like her is the same way. its styled that way, and i know her hair texture is easy to work with so you can get it to do almost anything.
buy a curling iron that has a hot comb or "bristles" on it, and make sure its wide barreled, cut your bangs choppy, sweep them to the side, apply a little hair spray while your curling it like hers and your set!
; )
me
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Hello!im 11 and i wanna dye my hair blue don't worry my parents are okay with it!:D im also aware that ill have to bleach it which causes breakage but im worried about my school suspending me if i come into class with blue hair i really want to dye it i wont regret it at all so im wondering what should i do? (link)
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Bleach only causes breakage and extreme damage if you dont do it properly and lighten it slow enough (depending on how dark your hair is) you have to bleach it a few times if you have really dark hair so it would be best if you found out asap so you could start bleaching now little by little.
If you dont trust yourself to bleach it correctly then go to a salon and just have that part of it done then do the blue at home yourself.
you could even bleach and dye just the underneath part of your head so that you can cover it and wear you hair down in school so its not "distracting" and then wearing it up and show it off when your not in school.
and remember that blue can fade to a nasty green so be prepared to either maintain the blue until your hair grows out again, or buy a separate darker color like purple or something to cover the nasty green.
good luck ; )
went to cosmetology school for two years inbox me if you need more help.
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Why won t he text me?
I met this guy about a month ago at work, when I first started my job. We began hanging out outside of work and I thought it went really well. This has been going on for about a week. There was one point we hung out FOUR days in a row. Not pushed by me... It just happened. He would text me all day, even at work, sending me sweet texts. We went on our first official date Friday. He planned everything. We went to a really nice restaurant and held hands at dinner. Went back to his house and cuddled and watched a movie and told me how pretty I was. Toward the end of the night he started acting weird. I tried to come on to him, and he just gave me a few kisses then I left. He's been MIA since. I gave in and texted him first Saturday and he seemed so disinterested. I didn't want to appear desperate so if he didn't reply, I didn't text him. It's now Sunday and I haven't heard from him. I'm just confused how he could act so interested and then drop off after a seemingly great date. And we have sooo much in common, so I'm confused. Maybe it's because we work together? Should I reach out to him and ask what's up? (link)
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Im going to back Dragonfly up here, there could be a whole LIST of reasons why hes not answering. But i think the most important part is to remember that if you were nothing but nice, and you KNOW for sure that you didnt do anything wrong then it couldnt possibly be you.
Consider that maybe someone close to him passed away or something happened and hes just not in a place right now to answer you back so make sure you dont harass him.
call from a different number and see if he answers it. do not leave a message if he doesnt and make sure no one from that number tells him that that was you calling.
See if he answers, then tell him that your phone is charging and your calling on your friends phone but that since you hadnt heard from him that you were genuinely concerned for his well being and wanted to just make sure he was ok. theres nothing wrong with that is there??
You dont necessarily need to be texting every single day in order to know that he still likes you he could just be really busy with other things, so make sure that when you do hear from him that you dont let any feelings from him not getting bad to you boil to the surface during the call.
worst case scenario hes just not as into you as he thought he would be at the start of the date and freaked a little because he wasnt prepared to go to that level with you. so all you can really do is give him some space (if you think thats what it was) and wait until you see him in person again and just be nice. Try NOT to bring up what happened and keep things light.
nothing is worse then a girl obsessing over something like this the WHOLE time and then knowing that they'll have to see you again. so if you pretend like it didnt happen that MAY help for a while to let him ease back into being comfortable enough to talk to you later.
but first i would try acting concerned for his welling being since you havent heard from him.
good luck. ; )
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Is it weird to hang out with my teacher outside of school? We're very close and go out to dinner and movies. The relationship is platonic, so is it at all illegal? I'm supposed to be my teacher's student next year, but don't know how I'm supposed to be professional when she's told me secrets about herself and the other teachers at my school. I find it irksome that she has singled me out and has decided to spend time with me and favor me over all other students in my class. Is she at fault here? (link)
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yeah just have your mom call the school and tell them SHE doesnt feel comfortable with the relationship and would like for you to be placed in a different class while your attending the school PERIOD. not just this semester but all.
make sure she mentions she nothing happens and she seems real nice but that your mom just "feels weird about it" and would like to make this a person request on your behalf.
they wont tell the teacher so you can still come up to her in school and say your sorry about your mom and remain civil. then out of school just play like your busy all the time and fade away. take up new hobbies so that your too busy for her anymore but that you really treasured the time you shared with her and really appreciated her sharing her time with you. ; )
(((this is what adults do when they want to split paths in a civil well mannered way without leaving feelings hurt even if the things they say arent necessarily totally true))) but of course it would be nice if they were so if you can try to be truthful, if not thats ok too.
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HI! I am a Boy, whose doesn't have any Girl friend. I am from India. My age is 18+ . Our household is only 3 people with me, Includes my Parent and Me. I can't stay along. I want a best Girl friend or Life partner, who may help me to stay without along. I doesn't like these type of Life. I am felling a boring Life that is too bad. If anyone help me, You are Welcome. Thanks. (link)
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i say go to parties with your friends, where there might be fun girls and start there! if you can meet someone whos a friend of a friend theyll know a little about her and can tell you if shes available and if she might like you and if they could hook you up with her.
the only way to meet someone is to get yourself out there and be friendly to women. usually a smile, kind eyes, and good conversation will really get girls interested at least and wanting to know more about you. then youll have a chance to show them the kind of person you are and that you are worth dating.
good luck ; )
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I'm 20/f
My mother is very controlling. She trusts me and loves me and even likes my boyfriend.
But a few weeks ago when I wanted to go to my boyfriends house for a few hours she took offence. This was because she works all the time and was angry at me making plans on a weekend. I explained it was because I wanted to see my boyfriend but she said 'what about me'-me and my bf only see each other once a week (been together for two years)
So yes I've got another trip to see my boyfriend on a weekend due-been invited to a wedding. How do I make sure she doesn't get upset again? My boyfriend has said he's sick of not seeing enough of me and its because Im keeping my mum happy. She's nasty when she's upset. She'll leave me totally out of family conversations, make me feel guilty all the time and butters up my sister. Thanks (link)
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God, i have a FEW friends that have this exact same problem and dont have the balls to tell mom to back off alittle.
Heres the thing ok, like the others said shes NOT going to change unless you start changing too. She has no reason to because you cave every single time she acts like a drama queen, she gets what she wants. Its like with any learned skill, you learned a successful way to get what you want so why would you alter that if in the end you got it??
you can still make plenty of time for her and do "mother daughter" things without her having to resort to her shitty antics and throwing is in essence an adult temper tantrum.
Your mother sounds like she thinks more with her emotions and not with logic and foresight, which i would mention to her. People who are ruled mostly by their emotions can be unstable, and sometimes dangerous people. They do nothing but live their lives around how EVERY SINGLE LITTLE THING makes them "feel" and not see things for what they are. She sounds like she is living her life moment to moment in her own reality and not considering others feelings at all and thats selfish.
your mother needs to get some hobbies and things she likes to do on her own that dont HAVE to have others in them. She obviously not ok with being by herself which in itself is a big problem, and when she cant get you to be with her she acts passive aggressive and knows what will hurt you and goes after your sister to spoil her or whatever.
For this, i would let it be known that she can do whatever she wants with your sister, you dont care, and if she thinks giving your sister things is going to somehow hurt you then shes wrong and its not.
let her stew on this for a while, if she tries to invite you things and then treats you shitty, pull her aside and tell her you will leave if she keeps on acting like this. and then if she does, then LEAVE. you have to show her that your serious. If she leaves you out of conversations then say "ok obviously im not needed here you seem like you got all the company you need so im just gonna go hang out with my boyfriend byeeee"
see? if she can cut you out, then you can do the same to her.
good luck and you can inbox me if you need more help.
; )
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Today has been a really big mess. My dad's mistress sent a text to my mom, it was a picture of my dad naked. He has been having an affair for a year. She wants him to leave us and move in with her. he says he's trying to end it with her and that she's been blackmailing him for months. I'm 19 but I still live at home, it is REALLY breaking my heart. My dad is my hero, the kindest most giving person ever. Finding out he has done this is just....devastating. I feel so bad for my mom. She doesn't know if she's going to leave him or not, and that's beside the point. I don't know how to think of him now? I feel so hurt whenever I look at him. He keeps saying when you lov esomeone you forgive them. It was a YEAR it wasn't a one time thing. He also gave her thousands of dollars, which we didn't have to give. There are a lot of other horrible details as well. I don't know what to do. How can I trust him again? He didn't even hang out with my little brother as much during the time because she would get mad. I know he didn't cheat on me but it sure feels like it. My heart hurts. He doesn't even seem like the same person. I don't know what to do. She also keeps messaging me trying to upset me. She has threatened to show up at our house. My head is throbbing I have cried so much. (link)
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firstly, im so sorry your family is going thru this right now, it must feel so gut wrenching.
I agree with the not taking sides thing the other poster here said but i would also be asking the father what he told his mistress to make her hate you all so much (depending on what it was she was saying to you) and now that your family knows about this, what really is left to blackmail him over?? It kinda doesnt make sense to me after this point. just that shes harassing you all for no reason.
whatever she says, dont let it get to you, stay calm because shes just looking for you to fuel her anger and justify in her brain why she should be allowed to act the way she does.
Keep the messages from her and record all interactions for proof later should you have to take her to court.
When you answer her back in these messages stay calm, do not curse, and say things like an adult would. AKA "excuse me your being unreasonable, you are not welcome at our home and if you show up i will notify the police"
"we have no interest in any further communication so i would appreciate it if you would stop calling, emailing, texting, or messaging any of us. thank you.
then ignore her from that point on so that the court can see that you asked/told her nicely that you wish to have no further association with her.
You father obviously doesnt realize the effect her would have on you all when he did what he did, and sometimes parents arent perfect. They are people too, they make mistakes just like everyone else, and sometimes before you realize it you find yourself in a situation you never thought you'd be in, doing things you never thought you'd be doing. ((((not that im defending what he did AT ALL here))) because if things were this bad your parents should have gone to counseling or made the choice to part ways in civil manner. Sadly, alot of people arent capable of that and think they have to out right do something hurtful in order to break up because they havent been happy for a long time.
I dont know anymore about the situation to be able to say "this was along time coming" but i know enough to know that your hurt, this will pass, and youll all get through it if you can manage to pick yourselves up by the boot straps, stand together as a family (with or without him in the picture) and bond and learn from this and just try to take it slowly. Move forward and if you have to, live day by day and soon days will turn into weeks, and weeks into months and maybe someday youll be able to understand why this happened.
You still have to live your life for you and no one else. Things are probably much more complicated for them then you can understand right now so just give them some time to sort things out and try not to give any snide remarks unless your asked for you opinion. Im sure their aware that your very hurt right now and just cant deal with you at the moment. try to be there for your mom right now.
good luck and feel free to inbox me if you need more help. ; )
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Hi. My friend is in a position. Ok so this girl she knows recently got a broken ankle and that really sucks for her. And another friend of mine is jealous that she has a cast. She's never had a broken bone before. And this friend also does gymnastics. She's trying to get herself a broken bone do she can get herself a cast. I want to give her advice but I got nothin. I went through a stage like this myself, but never broke anything. And my friend is not insane. I assure you. She doesn't want hate or reasons why she shouldn't (I already went through them with her). She just wants to know how to break a bone. (Foot, leg, wrist, or arm). Thx. Again SHE AND I ARENT CRAZY. Just a way to break it without making it look like its on purpose. (link)
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Ok im sorry but this is the quite possibly the dumbest thing ive ever heard. not only is that a bad idea but your friend could end up injuring herself much worse then just what a broken bone would be. trust me when i say the pain that comes with a broken bone isnt worth it.
why doesnt your friend just buy the home made cast shit and make her own cast where ever she wants it.
Also it doesnt look good on someone who does gymnastics to have or have had a broken bone. It lowers their chances of making it into the professional arena or even the Olympics.
casts arent ever something to be envied, their a pain in the ass, your skin itches BADLY underneath it and they tell you NOT to stick anything down there to try to scratch the itch (cause ive tried and gotten a coat hanger stuck in there and had to go BACK and get the original cast taken off and a new one REDONE) once the cast is on, it also is very difficult to get off, you literally need a circular saw to CUT IT OFF once the brake has healed, or once your friend "feels like" she "over it" so its just alot more hassle then its worth.
your other poor friend is probably on pain killers and feels depressed and half disabled. what an awful thing envy.
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I have been planning to commit suicide for the past week. I don't see the point of being around anymore at all. I get treated like crap by my friends and my family literally for nothing. I'm honestly the most unattractive person on this planet and everyone makes sure to let me know . Would people actually be sad If I actually did this ? Would people actually care? Because at this point it doesn't seem like anyone does . (link)
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Heres the thing hunny......killing yourself isnt going to solve anything. its going to leave your soul hurt, and without closer. I sthat really the last things on this earth that you want to remember??
your life is what you make it, so make it a good one. Be strong. realize that theres alot of people walking around on this earth that have issues of their own and they just LOVEEE to sometimes take those issues out on whoever is 1, closest to them at the moment or 2, looks weak and like they can really take it.
YOUR JOB is to make those people know that your not the one to be trying to do that with.
you do this by scoffing at them when they attempt to bring you down or poke at you, you simply say back "well thats weird cause i really could not care less what you have to say right now"
you can say in a calm, normal tone of voice that you are not to be trifled with.
you dont have to hit, or scream, or leave the room because they said something awful. Just say something sarcastic back or challenge their logic and usually they cant handle it and will shut up and back off a little. If people think they can mess with you THEY WILL, its a simple sociological law. youll attract people who use and abuse, and regret or care very little because your not willing to defend yourself when the moment comes.
KNOW that you are worth fighting for and that you have a right to be on this earth just as much as they do if not more.
Tell them that "with the way you act, no wonder people dont like you" just things like that. or "no wonder...(insert whatever you want here) whenever they complain in front of you about something someone did to them that they felt was wrong or unfair.
the "no wonder" statement works for everything.
see?
now you just spend a month trying to use these rules and see how it goes and get back to me.
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Hey guys well I had a guy that's known me all my life I'm 19 years old and a girl btw.
He was always making up excuses for why he would have to do something with me another day or when he wanted my help with something the he would be like I'm sorry but I'm busy maybe another time.
But anyways I need to know how to distance myself from him because he was supposed to be there for me but I'm feel like I'm done being his friend.
What should I do? (link)
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Yup it happens, not everyone stays friends forever. People change and grow apart, thats not really a bad thing its just part of life.
Youll make new friends and people will come and go through your life over the years, and the ones who really care will always stay and or be there for you when you really need it. Some people lose perspective on whats important in life or what kind of impact they are making on the people around them because their so caught up in their own shit that they cant see past anything but the little world of their own that their living in at that moment in time. He may wake up and realize what he did and come around again, he may not but thats not your concern. You need to continue to live your life for you and not worry about what hes (or others) are doing.
They will be held accountable for themselves and their own actions when the time comes and so will you so make sure youve done good and youll have nothing to worry about. ; )
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I know most people will read the header of this question and immediately have their mind made up. And I used to be one of those people.
I am 21 and he's 22. I've been with this man for 2 years and 10 months. We've had our fights and struggles, sure, but we've always been a pretty strong couple. I trust him more than I trust myself. He's a wonderful person and I never in a million years thought I would be asking myself this question.
It happened when we were out at a bar, and we were arguing about whatever it is drunk couples argue about at 1:30 am on a street outside of a bar. Something about me not wanting to leave and he being upset that I called him a jerk. We hardly ever speak harshly towards each other. Honestly it doesn't matter what the fight was because the fact of the matter is he shoved me, hard. Had I been sober, it may not have mattered. But between that and the force of his push I fell, hit my face on the curb, scratched my face and busted my lip. It looks bad. Of course he felt bad, and of course he apologized. My friends were horrified and he couldn't even look at me. And now I'm just angry. I'm angry for getting drunk and fighting. I'm angry that he pushed me. And I'm angry that I was so badly hurt because I want to just pretend like it never happened. But I feel like everyone is looking at me like I have to dump him... I love him and I never want this to happen again. I respect myself. But I feel like unless I do something, I will look like I don't. I'm just confused and lost and hurt and am looking for any insight what so ever! (link)
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wow yeah i actually remember this being asked before too but i hadnt looked back and realized it was the same girl thanks.
It sounds like the love is there between you two OK, but even someone that loves you should never EVER think its ok to harm you. if anything they should be MORE cautious and protective to make sure that DOESNT happen, not the opposite.
maybe you both shouldnt go out drinking but rather stay home where your safer just to make sure you avoid these kinds of problems. if hes still doing it at home then you know shits bad and things need to change.
but i DO have to back up the others here that it sounds like hes a problem drinker. if hes nice when hes sober and then easily has temper tantrums or mood swings while intoxicated then hes not safe to drink and needs to just stay away from that stuff or you need to walk away not before something else happens.
try to talk to him when hes calm and if he argues dont feed into the bullshit, just stay calm, let him vent and get out everything he wants to get out and make sure you make eye contact so that he knows your listening and give this your full attention.
say poker faced, do NOT make dumb immature faces while hes trying to talk to you that will also only fuel shit and get him more mad giving him full rights to go off into another rant.
stay quiet.
make full eye contact.
dont make any faces.
nothing but a blank face.
let him say everything he wants to say so that he feels your really trying to hear him out in your attempt to be serious about this.
and most importantly ASK "can we talk?" because it may NOT be a good time when you DO so if hes not open to it then he should let you know and you can come back later.
Not addressing this is NOT going to work, and needs to be nipped in the bud pronto.
i hope you can make this happen and good luck.
I dont think anyone here really just WANTS to see a couple that can make things work break up because thats not fair. We dont know you well enough to be able to do anything but take what your saying at face value, and from what youve described here, it sounds pretty bad.
good luck and i hope you love each other enough to grow passed this. some couples grow together through this life while some grow apart.
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I'm a 13 year old boy that had the best sex in my whole life because I reached best orgasm I ever had in my adolescent timeline. I forgot to mention that the sex was with my hand. Yes I masterbates and like I said I reached the best orgasm I was completely num except for my penis and I was still stroking I was sweating and it was way too much for me but I loved the feeling so much I just couldn't stop so I continued and the feeling got 100x better and the urge to quit got worse but I kept on going and eventually I came for real this time it felt awesome.and I took a break and tried to continue but it was way to much and I stopped. I was super satisfied. I felt my penis head and every time I did it was kik a static feeling but it felt good. Then I felt he moisture from the cum. It was unlike any fluid I have felt. Is it that moist and sticky so it makes sex satisfying instead of painful? Btw tho is a wild guess. (link)
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Oh ok, well thanks for that very uneeded and detailed aka graphic update there. lol
its called lube dude. use it, it does wonders, and always wear a condom if your not with a girl you dont want a baby with. ; )
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I've been seeming this guy for 1 year now. and he has always liked me since day 1. Now. He has a friend who is a girl. I asked him how he met her and he said that theyve talked dating while we broke up (almost 4 months then got together again). He hooked up her SNF my friend together. We went on double dates together. And I've noticed how much they talk to each other. And the way he looks st her.The way he looks at her, the way he talks to her. I don't read their messages but he always texts her. He doesn't talk to bestfrined as much as her.and i know he likes her becsuse she told me. His ex use to text him all the time and he didn't let me read the texts. She use to send him hearts too. I told him to delete her off his Snapchat, she was back on there. He won't even let me touch his phone. But I believe when he tells me he loves me. He knows how I feel about these virls. Yet he just doesn't seem to stop.and its makes me feel like someplete shit. What does this mean ugh (link)
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ok first off its not taboo or unheard of for a guy to have girls who are friends. my husband of 14 years has females hes known for years and years and i would never think of asking him to give them up unless they legitimately started crossing boundaries and making passes at him. (i mean obvious ones not things that could have been mistaken for passes) thats when its NOT ok and its ok to ask your boyfriend or signif. other to cut back contact with that person or talk to her yourself or talk to her politely, letting her know that your man has let you know that she has feelings for him and while thats very sweet and you understand, the passes shes been making or texts shes been sending have been making you feel uncomfortable. The just see what she says.
Alot of times females will back off if either you or your man will just politely ask them to stop, let them know that the feelings are not returned but that contact doesnt have to completely cut off with them unless they continue to cross boundaries with someone who is "taken" or in a relationship.
its really up to your man to make the judgement call out of respect for your relationship weather or not to continue to allow her to make passes or send what looks like inappropriate messages. You should never make demands that someone needs to stop talking to their friends, thats controlling and its a form of isolation because your insecure as a person that you dont have what it takes to hold onto your man on your own around other females. HE should want to distance HIMSELF from them out of respect for you and if he isnt then hes not worth being with.
my husband NEVER asked me to stop talking to any of my male friends, and i am a former hot topic/betsey johnson model ok? but i told him out of respect for him and our relationship that if they EVER made any passes or tried to do anything he felt uncomfortable with and could give me GOOD REASON, that we could talk about it and i would consider it in MY CHOICE to end the friendship or not. did you read that last part?? MYYYYYY CHOICEEEEE. two very important words there.....because thats always what it should be.
ive ALSO been on the other side of this coin where ive had good guy friends i knew since childhood cut me off because their dumb insecure girlfriends were jealous and or didnt like me even though they didnt know me. Even though i NEVER made passes at them because i was already married to my husband. funny how people judge so easily huh?? lol
in the end here, you need to have a serious talk with him, let him know that its not that you mind him having friends who are of the opposite gender (because you honestly have no right to ask someone to end all ties with people they knew before you were around) but that its the simple fact that shes continuing to make passes at you. this will let him know that she is now under your radar, and you can watching closely so if she pulls anything you can choose to end things with him.
if after youve talked to him seriously about this and he will not stop then he doesnt respect you or the relationship, isnt serious about it or your future together and you should just walk away. Its better that you find out sooner rather then later that hes an asshole.
good luck sweetie ; )
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"Jane Doe" keeps asking me for help and advice but I don't know how to help her. Her boyfriend...well now husband, is abusive. He isn't physically abusive (yet) but he is definitely mentally/emotionally abusive! She is only 21 and he is 24 or so. We have been friends since high school and ever since they got together it's been a whirlwind. My boyfriend, family members, and other friends say I should give up. They have been together for four years give or take a few months. She is not allowed to see her family, her friends, he checks her phone an computer like clockwork everyday. He has to know where she is at all times. It's like she's in a prison, and he was actually a prison guard a few years ago but got fired. She has 'tried' to leave him many times, but he talks her out of it, or she changes her mind at the last minute. I know the statistics are that you have to leave at least 6 times before it sticks? I'm not sure.
She isn't supposed to talk to me but we do talk sometimes, through email. That's the only thing he doesn't think of checking.
She feels so bad about herself. She has said he is the best she could ever get. She was raped when she was 15 by a 50 year old man in her church. The case was overturned and he was never charged. It happened for months and she blames this on herself. She says her current marriage is because of her 'affair' with the old man. I think him sexually abusing her has deeply messed her up. She has never been to counseling or anything. Her husband forced her to marry him because I guess that gives him even more control.
When she decides to talk to me she says she wants to kill herself, she's so sad, and other things like that. Then she'll turn around and act like she's happy and tell me to leave her alone. What is some good advice? I've tried everything I'm about to give up. I don't want her to die, or for it to get even worse and get to a physically abusive level. She won't leave him so I don't know what she wants me to do? Her familyk nows about this and aren't really doing anything. It's even worse now that she's married because they are super religious and don't believe in divorce. He has messaged me before I blocked him on facebook and told me I will pay if I don't get out of their relationship. But she comes to me begging for help and to talk to her.
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ok first off you need to KNOW, not think but KNOW that you cant help someone that doesnt want to be helped ok, trust me ive been through this with a few friends before and their escape had to literally be timed, planned, and executed in the middle of the night in order to them to leave him because they didnt feel "secure" with leaving and not knowing that they would be covered on the back end.
You need to talk to her about entering a battered womens shelter first. find her one over the net, call it, and say youd like some information on it because you know someone thats going through a bad situation and you want to help them get out, they are willing but are scared so you want to know exactly what it is they offer first so that you can tell her and then plan the get away should she be SURE about leaving.
typically at one of these womens shelters, they will feed, cloth, and hide you for a long time. They arent highly advertised because they need to keep the location mostly a secret so that he cant come there and try to attack her or steal her back. (yes they have security but they still insist on secrecy.)
They will tell her not to tell ANYONE where she is specifically while they help her file a report with the police, and get things in order. she will be totally safe there, they will even help her find a job, get counseling and do everything they can to help her get on her feet.
what YOU can do should she agree to going is tell her that you called ahead and they know shes coming so that she feels youve done the foot work for her, offer to pick her up or to have her picked up if need be, and take her there. they are open 24 hours a day and will take her even in the middle of the night if need be if you call ahead and let them know your coming and all her man will know is that shes gone but he wont know where. ; )
if she comes to you "begging for help" then you have to just be honest with her, be frank and say "i want to help you and i will get you out of this if you really want to but you have to agree to it and REALLY DO IT" because once shes at the shelter she cannot have ANY contact with him at all. they will consider him dangerous and wont allow it.
The people at the shelter will tell you what her and your options are if you just tell them everything thats going on. they get these kinds of calls alllll the time so really your nothing uncommon i can promise you that.
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I'm a 16 year old male
Recently I spent the weekend at a lake house with a couple friends at a lake house. My friends sister was there who is a year younger than I am.
We instantly got along really well and have a lot of things in common. We held hands for a little bit but then her brother came up to us so we stopped so he wouldn't know.
If he found out we both are afraid that he would be mad at both of us and we wouldn't end up being friends.
She's one of the most beautiful girls Ive ever seen and I just have a feeling that I can't loose about her. Help! (link)
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im going to agree with the other poster here about this.
how long has this guy been your buddy?? should the relationship NOT work out, would he care and or still want to be your friend?
you ARE both young and it Is true that teen relationships can usually be short lived but a FRIENDSHIP and companionship until you both CAN DATE can also be a really good thing as well. staying really good friends and just being there for each other over a prolonged period of time could allow you to REALLY get to know one another and then one day when your both ACTUALLY in a position to date without someone else's consent, it will be no problem! = )
its ok and perfectly natural for guys and girls who are within the same age range to develop feelings for one another, but are you willing to risk the friendship with you guy buddy if you were to openly date right now.
you could just date on the down low and not tell anyone and just "be friends" to the out side world so that if it doesnt work out no one will ever have to know??
thats the only other way i can see this working. plus you'd have to have her SWEAR she would never tell anyone that could make it get back around to her brother and if it does, deny it.
idk thats all i got. good luck.
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20 y/o female: soon to be junior in college
This all started about six months ago when my boyfriend of two and a half years and I broke up. I was devastated to say the least. He had been my rock since middle school, my best friend, and then my boyfriend. I trusted him more than I trusted myself but things had gotten toxic and neither one of us was happy anymore. That's not to say that I didn't miss him like crazy or the support system I had from him and his family being away at college. We had both grown up near the college town but my parents moved across the country when I started my freshman year. I relied on him so much. When things broke off, it was ugly for me. I couldn't eat. When I could eat, I would vomit it all back up. I wouldn't even want to vomit but the anxiety and stress would not let my body hold food, I couldn't control it. I never gagged myself. Immediately after I vomited I would feel this calm. The ever present knot in my stomach would lift for just a moment and I felt almost normal again. But I knew it wasn't normal. I was losing weight I didn't have to lose and my friends were noticing and getting increasingly concerned. So about two months after the break up I finally saw a doctor at my friends' requests. I didn't want to take medication but my doctor told me I absolutely needed to start keeping food down. I was started on something to ease the nausea and prozac to ease my anxiety and apparently, depression. I didn't feel depressed but I tried it anyway. After a month I felt incredible. I could eat, make it through classes without puking and was going out with my friends again.
However something is still tugging at me. I find myself wanting to vomit. Before it was involuntary. But now I want to do it. I guess I have started to gain my weight back and I'm not liking where its falling but I don't think that's why I'm doing it. I still never feel as calm or at peace as I do in that twenty minutes after I puke. It’s a feeling even the prozac cannot give me. I know the health risks associated with this behavior. They are real and severe but I cannot make myself stop. I'm scared to go to my doctor because while I like the prozac, I really don't want to be forced on to anymore medication and I really cannot afford any more visits. Can someone please help me?
(link)
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Ok first off let me just say im so sorry your going through this and it must feel worse then awful for you.
Secondly youve probably had the feeling to puke because you were doing it so often before that it because almost a habit in your brain so your mind is thinking about it even though it doesnt need to anymore.
thirdly, i think if things are this bad for you that you need to see a Councillor. You sound like your having a really tough time with all this and you thought you life was going to go one way and it ended up going another and sometimes that can really just break a person.
I really cannot give you anymore advice other then that because it sounds very serious.
maybe try to keep yourself busy with projects and fun things you used to like to do that dont require him. work on bettering yourself for YOU and no one else. build things, make stuff, sew, do arts n crafts and just try to spend time slowing down and doing things that keep your mind off him just for right now. Eventually the days will turn into weeks and the weeks into months and slowly you will start to heal. Not everything in this life is permanent and meant to stay the same and we cant keep it the same no matter how hard we try. the faster you heal and become YOU again the faster youll find someone else amazing that will stir new emotions in you that maybe you didnt know you had before.
as they say "this too shall pass"
good luck sweetie ; )
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Ok so I'm a girl, 12, and I've known I'm lesbain since i was in pre k. I am not really sure how, i just DID. So I used to be pretty lax about showing it until about 1st grade when i realized it wasn't natural, and it was abnormal. Then i was careful to hide it and made sure i was in a relationship/ crushing on a guy so no one would suspect everything. But i always dated a guy for two days and freaked out when things got serious because i know i didn't want this. But I want to want this because I have heard homosexuality is a mental disorder and it can be fixed, so i am trying to fix it and i think a friend is catching on because she notices that I'm acting lesbian and i need to get a boy friend because then she'll just think i was messing with her so i need a boy friend to make everyone think I'm not lesbian while i try to heal. So how can i get a boy friend really quick? (link)
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You dont "need" a boyfriend just to trick people into thinking that your not gay. What you can do is simply just say that you dont really fancy anyone at your school, and that the guys are OK but not your type whats wrong with that??
believe it or not it DOES happen. sometimes you just dont meet anyone in your school that you lock hearts with or crush over even with straight people. So them saying that your "acting gay" is just mean and unfair even if your really are or not. their basically just trying to control you because your not going along with the crowd like a bunch of sheep. dont fall for that.
just tell them "just because i dont have a boyfriend doesnt mean im gay thats kind of fucked up of you to say something like that to me and maybe all of us ARENT boy crazy like you" and that should suffice. let them say whatever they want after that, if youve given no evidence otherwise then they have no proof weather you really are or not and people will believe whatever they want to believe in high school because those days are all about rumors and secrets and lies teens tell each other. None of it really means a damn thing once your graduated and outta there. focus on your school, being successful in life and everything else will fall into place.
; ) good luck
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I'm 20. It's with my dad, too, so it's not like with some new boyfriend or husband. I don't get how any rational, humane mother could do this to their existing, adult children. My parents act like this new child will cure all their problems, and consider my older siblings and I "cursed" because of what some psychic said. I kid you not, a psychic. They think African witchcraft is real, despite claiming to be Catholics. And please don't come here propping up Wiccans or other aspects of paganism, it's all complete bullshit to me, and a toxic psychological influence. I'm transfering to another school away from home by next year, so I'm making myself as busy as possible so my parents don't think they have a built in babysitter, with a toxic curse, of all things. The baby is due in about 2 months and I'm not looking forward to it. I already have one 11 year old sibling and so already learned how to change diapers, feed a baby, etc. i was over the moon about that child, as I was also a child, then! I don't need another crash course now, I don't even want any of my own children til my 30s, and even then, I don't want them to be more than 4 years apart. So I don't want another responsibility dumped on me, when I'm still putting together my own life. I don't get what my mother was thinking and why mothers in general are so heartless by having another child In this way. It's not even like I was an only child and my mom suffered from fertility issues, either. Even something like that would be more rational. My mom tries to compare herself with one of her friends who had one adult child, and suffered years of fertility issues, before having another. And it's like... No. And I bet even that woman doesn't consider her older child cursed, and then expect them do be a nanny. My siblings have even each been named a certain way and I think she wants to break the trend, cause suddenly she's opposed to naming kids after grandparents and great grandparents, and if she does so, I'll be even more distant to this child. For the most part, I find it cruel for parents to have another child when their eldest is already 18 at the most. I'm not in the baby sibling mindset anymore, I'm old enough to be married with my children on my own, though this event makes me want to wait even longer before having kids, and I already wanted to wait a long time, anyways. So thanks mom, for scaring me off marriage and kids. As the middle child my issue isn't with being babied, I still baby my 11 year old sibling, I'm just in a special situation. I'm not even a bad person, I work with kids, I don't mind them, but the way my mom went about this is really embarrassing and I don't think I'll ever forgive her (link)
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Ok, im gonna break this whole thing down a little but first before i do i wanna speak to you as someone who is a mother and is going to have more soon and as an individual who believes that you should do what makes you happy and not always what someone else thinks and how THEY feel about it.
im seeing a WHOLEEE lot of "me me me" and "i i i's" here in this post and i dont like it. This whole post has been just all about how you feel and nothing for your mother, her well being, or stating that your at least trying to understand why their doing what their doing.
Secondly as a couple thats been married for along time and already had their kids grow up and leave home, some couples feel that their children bonded them together and after you all grew up and moved out or whatever, they have little to nothing but an "empty nest" left and memories of what was. can you understand that??
If your mother is also about to go through menopause then she might be feeling really scared about the idea of not being able to have anymore children so maybe she figured she'd try to have just one more. Sort of like a last chance thing because she loved you all (even if she didnt always show it) and couldnt see her life PASSED those children rearing years. Maybe she didnt know or think about how life would go once you all grew up and moved out or moved on and never thought about the joys of getting to be a grandmother and things like that. Maybe shes afraid of getting old and wanted to prove to herself that she can still do it.
whatever the reason was, when it comes to someone who is significantly older purposely trying to become pregnant again, try to have a little sympathy, put yourself in her shoes and not your own. maybe she feels shes in a different "better" phase of her life now where she feels she could raise one more child in a better environment then what she provided for you. There could be an endless list of reasons here but chances are shes secretly scared deep down about getting older, not being able to have more kids, and is just saying the things shes saying to cover her tracks.
You cant let everything she says get to you, she is your mother yes, but your also an individual of your own and you dont have to agree with everything she says or does once your 18. some people pick up traveling after all their kids leave home, some pick up hobbies like making shit, your mom picked having another kid. *shrugs* theres not a whole lot you can do there your both adults.
All you can do at this point is make your feelings known, hope that she listens, and understands where your coming from. Ideally it would have been better to have had this chat with her BEFORE she got pregnant but its too late now. I just hope for her sake that she doesnt have a long list of complications from being older (which is something you can mention if you want to in a nice way of course)
You can get your message across to her without having an attitude or getting angry, you have to come at it from the angle of being concerned for her health though, and that your happy for her but that shes risking alot by trying to prove something to herself through a pregnancy.
If you decide to talk with her more about this maybe ASK her if shes concerned about complications, or the baby maybe dying because her body cant support another life anymore. You dont have to toss in that shes selfish or anything like that, its really not needed.
Adults who care for one another "show concern" younger adults who are still in "me me me" and how this or that makes "me feel" are still not yet adults and everything is all about them and they clearly still have some growing to do even if whats happening around them "isnt right" do you see the difference here??
age and maturity level are two very different things. Some people grow while others grow in age but not in maturity so maybe there is a lesson to be learned here for the both of you.
good luck
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Me - 24/F
Boyfriend - 26 this month/M
My boyfriend and I recently decided that we will start trying to have a child within the next few years. I want the experience of carrying a life inside of me that we will both love unconditionally, and will hopefully love us back. The two of us have basically agreed that the only reason why we haven't started trying yet is because we are both still students, and, unfortunately, while we are both looking for employment, none of us are working, so it would be really bad.
I have debated on discussing this with my aunt, since it was really weird but I don't know if I'm comfortable telling her that her niece who she hasn't seen in over 2 years is sexually active. She has a daughter whose only a little over 2 and a half years older than me, who has been pregnant before, but I feel like she's more used to seeing me as a child then an adult. The other thing is that she is my dad's sister and I'm terrified of her telling him. I, also, don't want to detract the attention away from my other cousin whose girlfriend is due in September.
I had sex with my boyfriend on Wednesday, and I had something like a period like a few hours after. It was red and splotchy, almost like spotting.
I was on birth control at the time (I have since allowed it to lapse, but will be going to the gynecologist shortly), and there's a very low failure rate even though I have been forgetting to set an alarm to take it at the same time everyday. Other times since I have been on birth control my period has been very normal.
I have had sex the day before my period, but it was normal.
Although I bled for a few days I was able to use a single pad and I was fine. I definitely did not have normal bleeding. At first, I had little red dots of blood, then it turned light brown. A little bit into it, it was black and then it just turned extremely light. It was more like an extended period of spotting that lasted for about five days, as opposed to my usual seven. While I thought it was really weird, I told myself that it was a normal period after it didn't disappear like 2-3 days into it. To put it simply, it was more like my body was trying to have a period but it was unsuccessful.
Now I have cramping and my breasts slightly hurt. I'm bleeding a little bit, but barely.
I have decided not to tell my boyfriend that there is a possibility that I am pregnant, because I am trying to rationalize things. The problem is that I have a history of freaking out about being pregnant. So, truthfully, if I am I would rather tell him after I find out then have him freak out just like I am right now.
I think that it is a good idea to sit down and discuss this with my gynecologist during my appointment.Is this a normal thing with birth control? Should I have a normal period next month? (link)
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ok you could still be pregnant though. the body can act really strange sometimes so dont totally rule it out and if your having ANY matching symptoms then just ask the doctor while your there to do a blood test for you. thats the most accurate way to know if you are or if its just your body acting off that month.
you have enough of the symptoms that its not totally out of the realm of possibility so just talk with the doctor first THEN see what happens and dont tell anyone else until you know for sure. this could totally just be a scare and im sure you dont want to have people all up in arms over something that was just a simple scare. ; )
the only way you should be bleeding from something thats NOT your period or implantation spotting would be if your boyfriend penetrated you too deeply and when you went to wipe after a trip to the bathroom it was on the tissue. but normally you wouldnt need to put a pad for something like that unless you did that just out of sheer fear for some reason?
think back, while you were having sex did he go to deep/to fast/ did you not use lube?? any of these things could potentially cause some light bleeding but it will heal just give it some time and wait to have sex again until your feeling "ok" enough down there again.
good luck.
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I have a friend who i've known for a couple of years. He has been a great help to me when I needed it the most and when I needed someone to talk to. Unfortunately, he's also crossed boundaries with me many times. Coming onto me sexually, asking me lots of questions as if he's keeping tabs on me, etc. In the past i've told him how I felt and he's backed off a bit but before long the questions come again. I feel like I can't get rid of him because he knows intimate details about my past. I'm worried that even if I attempt to end our friendship directly by telling him, that he will try to use something against me. This person no longer feels like a friend. It feels like someone who just wants to intrude upon my life by asking me about my whereabouts and just other personal things. He wants to hang out but i'm not really interested. I've done away with my text messaging and he no longer has my number but he does have my email. He still pops up at least once a week and when I get a message from him, I feel honestly sick to my stomach.
I've done my best to distance myself from him without being mean or telling him directly to leave me alone. I just wish I could word an email somehow that let him know that I care for him but that I just think we both need to go our separate ways. I'm scared though.
For the info, i'm a gay male and he is too.
Any advice would be helpful. At this rate, the only safe thing I feel I can do is just be very slow to reply to his emails and make it short n sweet.
Please help.
~B (link)
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Ok this is called a frenemy this person you thought you could trust but they know theyve gained personal info on you that could damage you in the eyes of others should it ever get out so their taking that as an opportunity to act the way he is acting.
It was the right thing to do to change your number and all that. If by chance you feel like you want to say something back to him you can answer like this: I know we're friends and im cool with that (even if its not true you just telling him what he wants to hear so that he'll stay cool with you) but im going through some things right now family wise and i just need some space.
in a friendship your supposed to be able to talk to each other and i feel like ive asked you before to not cross certain boundaries with me because it makes me feel uncomfortable and youve done it again so for right now i just need some space, you probably did it and wernt even aware of it and its not your fault i should have made it more clear.
basically what your doing here is giving him a "its not you its me" sort of break up letter.
Say i was hurt by that but ill be fine in time i jut need some time, thats why ive been a little distant and ill hit you back up when i can.
keep it like your still friends but that he made a slight breech with you and your still willing to work on things but that you just want some space for the moment and then just never contact him back. ; )
he will know what he did and wont WANT to contact you until your "ready"
good luck
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