|
How do I end a friendship with someone who just won't take the hint?
I have a friend who i've known for a couple of years. He has been a great help to me when I needed it the most and when I needed someone to talk to. Unfortunately, he's also crossed boundaries with me many times. Coming onto me sexually, asking me lots of questions as if he's keeping tabs on me, etc. In the past i've told him how I felt and he's backed off a bit but before long the questions come again. I feel like I can't get rid of him because he knows intimate details about my past. I'm worried that even if I attempt to end our friendship directly by telling him, that he will try to use something against me. This person no longer feels like a friend. It feels like someone who just wants to intrude upon my life by asking me about my whereabouts and just other personal things. He wants to hang out but i'm not really interested. I've done away with my text messaging and he no longer has my number but he does have my email. He still pops up at least once a week and when I get a message from him, I feel honestly sick to my stomach.
I've done my best to distance myself from him without being mean or telling him directly to leave me alone. I just wish I could word an email somehow that let him know that I care for him but that I just think we both need to go our separate ways. I'm scared though.
For the info, i'm a gay male and he is too.
Any advice would be helpful. At this rate, the only safe thing I feel I can do is just be very slow to reply to his emails and make it short n sweet.
Please help.
~B
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Friendship?
Hello B,
Sounds like he has a crush on you and although it sounds like he's coming off to strong you can stop this. I would ask to meet with him. In a public place with a lot of people just in case things get a little weird. And tell him that you appreciate the friendship you guys have had but feel like its getting out of hand and you need it to end because its making you uncomfortable. If he cares about you that's the last thing he wants you to feel. Honesty is always the best option. Just need to chose your words so that you don't hurt his feelings either. Hope it works out <3
]
So i think hes just hiding that fact that he likes you its best that you talk to him before things get worse
]
Ok this is called a frenemy this person you thought you could trust but they know theyve gained personal info on you that could damage you in the eyes of others should it ever get out so their taking that as an opportunity to act the way he is acting.
It was the right thing to do to change your number and all that. If by chance you feel like you want to say something back to him you can answer like this: I know we're friends and im cool with that (even if its not true you just telling him what he wants to hear so that he'll stay cool with you) but im going through some things right now family wise and i just need some space.
in a friendship your supposed to be able to talk to each other and i feel like ive asked you before to not cross certain boundaries with me because it makes me feel uncomfortable and youve done it again so for right now i just need some space, you probably did it and wernt even aware of it and its not your fault i should have made it more clear.
basically what your doing here is giving him a "its not you its me" sort of break up letter.
Say i was hurt by that but ill be fine in time i jut need some time, thats why ive been a little distant and ill hit you back up when i can.
keep it like your still friends but that he made a slight breech with you and your still willing to work on things but that you just want some space for the moment and then just never contact him back. ; )
he will know what he did and wont WANT to contact you until your "ready"
good luck
]
Hi B !
People who are friends can over time change and become very different and drift apart. So its not unheard of or odd for you to no longer want to be his friend. I dont believe you own him any more explanations as you've already spoken to him and given him boundaries he was unable to keep for long. there may be something not working quite right in his mind with his ability to process such information, so explaining to him why you no longer want to stay in contact or be friends is going to go in one ear and out the other, he just wont get it...he won't understand.
You did the right thing of no longer texting and changing your number.
I understand that sinking feeling in the stomach everytime you see an email from anyone you'd rather avoid, especially a person who doesnt treat you well, or give you respect. I got emails from my ex after I left him, hateful ones and on other occasion from a guy I dated after the ex who ended up being a controller and after a couple months I saw it and broke it off with him. He would write from time to time and I in the beginning would open and read even if not meaning to answer but the hateful words and such took that sinkin feeling in my stomach and made me feel really emotionally sick. All you can do is not open his emails and delete them or better yet mark as spam and empty spam folder regularly.
I think you're doing the right thing from how you described him. You cant help or fix him. I tried to hang in there 30 yrs with an abusive ex. It turned out at the end we discovered he has mental illness and he didn't want Dr.s help. Staying with him wasn't going to fix him. The stress of bad relationships can effect your physical health, it did mine, and I realized the only one to save me from this mess was myself.
If by chance he begins showing up at your door uninvited, its time to report to the police. If he isn't making threats, he is at least being a nuisance and that should be in written form in case he tries to take things further. Hopefully not.
]
More Questions: |