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Is it a crime to be a virgin?
Why is it so hard to have a relationship simply because you refused to put out?. What's so wrong in wanting to keep yourself for one man only ?. Most guys feels dating automatically equals sex, but come on, how many guys do you expect a lady to sleep with before she ultimately gets married?. Why, why, why,?.
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Please do not think of remaining a virgin as "refusing to put out." That is not the case from your reasoning. You have chosen to remain a virgin until you marry that is your morals or religious beliefs possibly both. There is nothing wrong with this and it is a far cry from refusing to put out which has the connotation that you have sex with some but not other.
I do not know your age and it really doesn't matter. You have made a choice to remain a virgin. Good for you. There is a man out their who will cherish the gift you are keeping for him to give to him on your wedding night.
While it is true that most men are looking for sex it is because men have a biological and physical need for sex. It mot just that they are horny but if they do not spill there seed, as they said in the old days, it gets physically painful for them. Masturbation helps but most all men prefer the real thing.
There is a man out there for you so stay the course. Just remember to keep your head about you. If on a date and you go to the ladies room always order a fresh drink when you return. You never know if a guy might spike your drink. Never drink so much as to get drunk. Never walk alone at night. If you must go out alone at night order a taxi.
There are men out there who will value your virginity as the gift that it is. It will not be all that hard to find them. The guys that just want to have sex with you don't love you they lust for you. Lust is not love but to young men Lust and Love are synonymous
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I dont know what age range we're talkin about. At the teen years males want to have sex. they can't help it. they have hard ons throughout their day, whether there is a cute girl around or not. They can very easily be consumed with it and single minded. It might lessen a bit in the 20's but the males still want sex, not the relationship, unless they are very crafty and sly and think to pretend to give a girl a little of what she is looking for in hopes to gain her trust so they can have sex. Not all men are like that but a good amount are. There can be those who are ready to settle down and have a life long relationship or marriage. If spending all your time with just one person, the objective is first to find out if this is truly someone you can spend time with til the day you die. All aspects of a relationship come into play. Its important to have two things. One, that each is the others best friend and as such treats them like one. And two, that both have a great romance, love and sexual chemistry together.
It is not a crime to be a virgin or even if not, to want to wait for a long time, until absolutely certain that the other is someone right for you on the friendship level and the sexual chemistry level.
I believe two very knowledgable, well read and informed individuals can figure out without intercourse whether they have that special chemistry together without having intercourse.
It should be fairly obvious in how they react to each others touches, hugs, cuddles and kisses...for example with passion and a hunger and great desire and it is only a person personal choice of exercising their will that they don't have sex.
A lot of guys want to know if they are going to enjoy the girl sexually. that is a valid concern for females too. But I think many males think it easier to have a girl put out as you said to discover if she's a good match for him in that area, whether for a social friend, friend with benefits, a girlfriend or a fiancee.
The big problem with this idea is that there is something called New Relationship energy. It is the same as anything new into your life that brings you a super elevated feeling of excitement, like that toy you wanted so badly for Christmas. Then you got it. Once you have it, its exciting up until a point at which if it isnt the right toy to hold your attention indefinitely, then eventually you play less and less and eventually abandon it. Well it happens in NRE too. People who go straight to having sex in the first 2 months that NRE is around often mistake the experience of NRE thinking it equals having a great chemistry with the other sexually and then it wears off. Some people end up married to someone who doesnt excite them sexually at all this way. Happened to me. Married at 20, a virgin, the husband, also from church was not and only recently a Christian. He was willing to wait for me, so its possible. My only regrets are that there were some things still that I had no idea until in the marriage where we differed greatly. The excitement of first time sex was delayed by our wait so we experienced that the first months of marriage but then it dissappeared. Neither of us was able to by simply being ourselfs, incite passion and desire in our spouse. What i didnt find until much time went by is a pattern. He didn't require sex often, I wanted it more often, even tho it really didnt fully satisfy and I never had orgasms with him. We had totally different libido's. this one thing you cannot find out ahead of time if not being sexual with the person you marry before marriage. However, it is simply I believe two people can easily compromise on if all else is there.
Our society is a very sexual one. Kids in grade school know what it means to be sexy and already at that age many girls want to strive after becoming sexy at age 10!!!
Its no wonder many guys believe a girl should have sex when dating.
You will need to be more selective in how you choose guys. For example, if a teen and a guy asks to date you, you tell him right then and there that if he is looking to eventually have sex with you in the near future to continue looking elsewhere and you as saving yourself for the man you marry. It doesnt matter what he says. teen guys are also immature and have no clue about important life things like this yet.
there are churches that are making a special ceremony now for teen girls and boys of where they promise to remain virgins until marriage and get to wear a ring on their ring finger that symbolizes their wanting to remain virgin til then. Its a promise to oneself. You can have a change of mind. But I do know many kids do it and so there must be other teen boys who are willing to wait, no matter how horny they are. If a guy friend says he's horny and wants you, tell him to go masturbate cus thats what you do until the day you find the man you want to live with forever and go to him as a virgin.
If you are college age or older and still virgin, thats still okay. Keep to your wishes. But if this is for the purpose of being virgin on your wedding day, do you want the same from the man you marry? By time a guy hits his late 20's he's most surely had sex at least one or two times if not on many instances in his past.
With-holding tho is a good way to find out quickly how much the man loves you for you, your personality and character and not just for sex.
Sex is a wonderful way to show ones love but a guy who believes this is the only way is the wrong guy for you. there are many ways to show a person how much you love them by actions you take.
When you get a chance, look up in a web search, The five love languages by gary chapman. these are ways that a person can show someone they love you. It also applies to relationships other than just husband and wife. It would be good for you to know these so you can recognize it when a guy does them for you.
I don't know where you are looking for guys. If in HS, try youth groups. While there will still be those who attend but don't really believe and go by the rules, theres a better chance of finding a guy there who does.
If 18 or older, use a dating site to weed out those who are a waste of your time. I did this after a divorce, 2nd time around when looking for my mate. I got lots of flack from guys just for stating my criteria they must be able to meet for me to give them a chance to even meet me over coffee face to face. Well, that weeded out the undesirables quickly. those who passed and i met with, still some were good deceivers until they met me in person and let it show, others were terrific guys but I just didnt feel any chemistry with them. It is a long process, its very frustrating, even if you have a way to weed them out. You don't ever have to apologize or explain away your reason for what you want. So if you're of a age old enough and of a mind to try it, don't go for dating sites where all you get is a photo of the person and you click like or pass, get on one where the guy must fill out a good amount of info about himself and you do the same for yourself...describing who you are to them and then listing what they must meet in criteria to possibly be Mr right for you.
I am allergic to cigarette smoke and so I said the guy must not be a smoker. I wanted someone who was open minded about a lot of things and listed those, and the list went on.
So dont give up. It definitely is not easy. If you want to talk more or have specific questions, just write to me from my column. I wish you the very best in finding your guy.
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