My favourite quote is 'Do unto others as you would have them do unto you'.
Life really is a roller-coaster with it's ups and downs and varying speeds. Yet no matter how hard you try to stay on an even keel, something always comes along to kick you in the teeth and remind you just how fragile life is. We are all trying to live the best we know how and to get along together. So take time to appreciate those around you and tell them how much you love them occasionally. A smile and a kind word speaks volumes.
Gender: Female
Location: Dorset
Occupation: Housewife/Mother/Counsellor/Volunteer
Member Since: April 20, 2006
Answers: 798
Last Update: February 17, 2009
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Ok, I'll start off by saying I'm in college and I've only really had one real relationship in college that lasted about 6 months. There's this girl across the room in class that I think keeps looking at me and I think is really cute and nice, but we never seem to make eye contact (we have a couple times though). She doesn't have facebook or myspace, so I cant tell if she has a boyfriend or not and I'm too shy to just go up and talk to her. I found out though that she's graduating in May (I'm here for another year), so I have 2 problems; I dont really know what to say to her or how to approach her. And time is of the essence, because I really want to talk to her before she leaves to see if something comes of it. How can I just go up and approach her? (link)
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Why don't you ask her to join you and some friends for a coffee one day. If she accepts you can then start chatting about college or general interests. If she refuses (a) because you asked her to join a group - then ask her alone or (b) she already has a boyfriend. I know how difficult it can be as a shy person but try pretending to be an actor and imagine how they would act/talk. Obviously you don't need to emulate them but try taking some courage from their on-screen persona. Good luck.
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I am thin and today when I came home from work I changed into a tee-shirt but wore the same pants I wore to work. She asked me as I sat down to eat if I lost weight, and I said no, but this upset me. I said to her that she always tells me I look beautiful. She said you do look beautiful but your pants look bigger. And she told me that I am skinny enough. However, I feel as if she is telling me to gain weight and I look ugly -- is this in my mind and am I overreacting. HELP (link)
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Mums notice every little detail of their children and that includes weight gain/loss. She is just concerned because she loves you and you shouldn't take it too much to heart. I totally agree with the last answer that after wearing your pants for a day they will be a bit loser. You may also be feeling a little bit more sensitive as your hormones do change frequently over the course of the month and whilst growing up. The reason I gave my answer is because I have a daughter who can react quite badly to what she perceives as possible 'criticism'. My remarks may have been taken just a little too literally and badly. We Mums also get hurt at times if we are misconstrued in what we say. Give your Mum a big hug and tell her you are fine. All the best.
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I want to volunteer in Africa for 3 weeks this summer through a program called Cosmic Volunteers. My mom has looked at their site and is still unwilling to let me go. I told her I would raise the money myself and she wouldn't have to pay for any of it. She's worried that I'm going to get raped and she thinks there won't be any supervision. I've told her that they have supervision, it even says so on the site. What can I do to convince her to let me go? I want to volunteer in Kenya more than anything.
Also, are there any good ways to raise money? I've already thought about car washes and bake sales, but are there any other ideas? (And yes, I'm currently looking for a job). (link)
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My eldest daughter went with Camps International to Kenya for four weeks and had a fantastic time. The company were so professional and took complete care of all of the volunteers. She got so much out of her experience and would like to go back one day. She helped build a school, school furniture, painting murals and teaching. She also went to an elephant sanctuary and learnt to scuba dive. It was very expensive (£3,000) but she raised the bulk of the money herself and asked for sponsorship from local businesses.
The camps themselves were surrounded by security fencing and they had guards caring for them at all times. The staff that went with the volunteers (all school children) couldn't do enough for them and looked after them exceptionally well and I wouldn't hesitate to allow my youngest daughter to go when she is old enough (She is only 11).
If you can persuade your Mom that the experience is well worth the small amount of risk (nothing is risk-free) then you could have a fantastic life-changing and personal development challenge like no other. I wish you all the very best with this and just ask your Mom to investigate Cosmic Volunteers and get feedback from anyone who has been with them before. They may be able to put her mind at rest if she can talk to them personally. Good luck.
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my hands are always cold
is there a way to remedy that
also
my blood veins are narrow
why is that
btw i never exercise. does that have to do with it (link)
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You might possibly have something called Raynauds syndrome. It is a medical condition that is usually diagnosed by the doctor. It is not life-threatening or anywhere near serious, just inconvenient and sometimes painful. My daughter has this condition and she normally makes sure she wears thermal gloves when her hands are cold (sometimes even in Summer) or if she has to go into the freezer section at the supermarket for instance. Sometimes her fingers go blue with the bad circulation and has a special heat pad to warm her hands up with. Try googling raynauds.org.uk/ for more information. All the best.
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is holding in your flatulance like when you cant get to a bathroom or just holding it in generally bad for your health, like i heard it hindered your ability to get and erection. Is that true? (link)
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Most definitely not. The only thing that holding in flatulance will do is give you a bit of a grumbling insides and a maybe a bit of an ache. It most certainly will not hinder your ability to get an erection.
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Can I get peoples honest opinions if you kill yourself where and how do you think you will personally end up. When I was 17 I had a 22 year old boyfriend I didn't call him for about 3-4 weeks and the next thing I knew he was gone and practically married my heart can't take it I haven't heard or seen hm face to face in a year. How will I get over this. (link)
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Killing yourself is a very selfish act. Can you imagine the pain and suffering that your family and friends would go through. If this man was practically married after such a short time then he was not the man for you. It has been a year since you saw him and you must have had some fun in that time. It is hard to move on but it is possible. You need to focus on being kind to yourself - for instance treat yourself to a new outfit/hair cut or a night out. Give yourself goals to look forward to - next week go to the cinema with friends. In a month go out for dinner with a family member or treat your Mum to lunch somewhere. Learn a new skill or do something nice for someone else once a week. Life is a precious gift and should not be thrown away lightly. Finally, my honest opinion on killing yourself and where you could end up is this:-
On a very low plain having to work out in future lives why you did what you did. Only when you have sorted that out can you rise to a higher plain and have eternal life in "Heaven" (Or whatever you believe in). Hope this helped.
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I got fingered for the first time last night, im still a virgin and very tight. it hurt a little because he was rough, and i think he used 2 fingers (he also has big hands). is it normal for it to still hurt a little when im doing it myself? how do i know if im stretched out enough for sex to not be unbearable? (link)
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He may have scratched you inside a little if it still hurts, but that should not cause any problems if he had clean fingers and nails. This may cause it to hurt a little when you do it if there was only a small amount of time in between.
As a virgin your vagina may be a little tight to begin with but mother nature is a wonderful thing and your body has been created to allow a babys head to pass through the vagina. A penis is nowhere near the same size. The usual comment now is to make sure you use double protection ie the condom and the pill. All the best.
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I had an itch that just happened to be where my mole was (on the side of my face). I guess I scratched it (once) hard enough to where my mole started bleeding. It's small and slightly raised (nothing big.) I know if your mole bleeds it's a sign of skin cancer. Should I be worried? (link)
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Short answer - yes always be concerned when a mole bleeds. Just to be on the safe side get it checked out immediately. It is not necessarily a sign of skin cancer but you can never be totally sure unless it is looked at. All the best.
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I have come to the point where I cant write, concentrate, derive pleasure from anything, have difficulty remembering things, have blurred vision, eyes seriously hurt, sometimes have severe headaches, most of the time dont know what I am talking especially with my elder brother. I have nt got father and mother I live my elder brother and his wife since 6 years. I am 26/M an MBA had a successful career but now since six months things have been deteriorating. I cant bear it any more. Plz tell me the easiest way to commit suicide which hurts less and is quick and doesnt make much of a mess. (link)
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There is no good way to commit suicide - it will all hurt, be bloody, painful, disgusting and heartwrenching and that is just for those left behind. Do you really want to leave those kind of memories behind for those you love? You seriously need some professional help from people trained to sort out all your problems. Your eyes might hurt because you need glasses, your concentration is bad because you are worrying about everything too much. Your headaches are probably caused by tension and your lack of pleasure with anything is a symptom of depression. Listen to everyone who has answered your question - it is all valid and common sense. You can be successful and happy again and with the support of everyone around you and the people on this site you will get through it. None of us are doctors on this site but we do know about life and the consequences of the actions of others around us. Life is precious. Good luck and feel the power of your heart beating.
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This question is for those 18+... Sorry, but if you've never been in post-secondary, you can't really understand fully the situation I'm in.
I'm in my second year of university, and things have been going well so far. I had to redo my first year because last time didn't go so well, but I've changed programs, and my grades improved a lot... last term I had a 90% average!
The problem is that this term I'm having a lot of problems. My grades are slipping a lot. All of a sudden my classes seem harder. I'm losing interest. I keep getting sick, and I've been really stressed out with all of the catching up that I have to do.
This weekend, my math prof called my parents' house to talk to me and make sure I was okay (I don't live there anymore) and he ended up talking to my parents. Now they think I've just been staying at home and being lazy, and that I'm going to fail again.
I'm starting to feel really hopeless about things, and I really don't see a point to it anymore. Today I talked to my boyfriend about ending my life if things don't work out with school, and he ended up in tears.
I've been diagnosed with depression and seasonal affective disorder in the past, with possible bi-polar disorder. I'm not medicated, because I was on anti-depressants, but hated the way they made me emotionally flatline.
Any words of inspiration, or advice that can help? I'm starting to slip, and I don't want to go too deep. (link)
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You are in a tough place with what appears to be little escape. There is a lot of help out there for you but you have to be strong enough to get it. Ask your boyfriend if you can lean on him for a while and keep on at you to carry on. Firstly, please talk to a counsellor at the university as a starting point. They are there to listen, not judge. Secondly, please go and see your doctor and explain everything to them - don't leave anything out. Also, talk to your professor - they will do anything to help you get your grades because it will reflect well on them. Try to work out a strategy with him on how best to cope with the course. There will be classmates who can offer you support too. Build yourself a comfort blanket from everyone around you and explain why you need their help. Once you start to feel in control again the feelings of suicide will go away.
I know you don't feel strong at the moment, but it will come. Life is very precious and imagine the pain you will leave behind if you end it all. Finally, for a little self therapy, write down everything you are feeling in a notebook on a daily, weekly basis. Look back once in a while and you will be amazed at the changes that occur because you are changing and coping.
I wish you all the very best and hope that life begins to feel a whole lot better for you. Good luck.
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When a guy does something that you don't like [as in touching boobs or something]
how do you say no [in a nice way] ?
and if you are too busy kissing.. would it be bad if you were to slap their hand? (link)
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I wouldn't advocate slapping his hand away because guys can react by hitting back (obviously a complete no-no at all costs). I would however just move his hand to somewhere neutral every time he touches you in places you don't want him to. If you are talking and not kissing when he touches you just tell him no firmly and move away. If a guy then persists against your wishes he is not worth dating. Hope this helps.
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how come when you touch the back of your pad when your disposing it, it feels really cold? does the blood like turn cold or something? and how come we dont feel cold when we're wearing them. if anyone cant tell im talking about periods, too
also does PMS stand for premenstrual syndrome or preoccuring mood swings? my mom said the first part and some boys at my school said the 2nd, lol. im sure my mom is right.. (link)
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PMS stands for premenstrual syndrome not preoccuring mood swings. As for the pad feeling cold - it is not in direct contact with your body but has been absorbed down into the towel so the blood will cool, and as it has been absorbed away from the body you will not feel it. All completely normal.
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im 14 female and im bi, i have a gf. but im starting to like a boy is that cheating tho? (link)
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You can look at and like a lot of different people when you are dating, but it is only cheating if you act on your feelings. Never two-time people because you never know if it will happen to you - it can really hurt. All the best.
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I did 1 thing in my past that I regret...lets just say im not really a virgin. But It wasn't my fault. And I wasn't raped, so. When my friends ask me "are you a virgin?"...I'm like stuck because I don't know what to say. If I tell them I am a virgin i would be lying, and if they find out i don't want them to get mad. But if I say I'm not they will think I'm some kind of slut and they will ask what happened, and I do not want to tell them....its personal.So? (link)
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You should not be ashamed of your past - it was not your fault. If you feel that it is nobody elses business then tell them you have a virgin heart. Don't feel pressurised into revealing something that makes you feel uncomfortable. I would suggest, however, that you may feel the need to talk this through with a rape crisis counsellor if you haven't done so already. They will be able to help you come to terms with the actions of the person who did this to you. You will then be able to deal with any awkward questions in the future. I hope that I have helped in some way and wish you all the best. Good luck.
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Ive been having a cramp like feeling for about a week now. My boobs hurt off and on, My lower back hurts all the time. and after i eat i get a sick feeling and im having lots of dieriah. Ive had a loss of appetite am i pregnant? (link)
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If you did have unprotected sex, or perhaps a condom split, then it is quite possible you are pregnant. It would be better for you to have a word with the doctor about all of your symptoms and get them sorted out. If you are pregnant, the doctor will be able to help you sort out where you go from here. Good luck.
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It takes me so long to fall asleep at night and when i finally do i keep waking up then when the morning/evening comes i have to drag myself out of bed is this normal? (link)
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Like a child, sometimes adults have to regulate themselves into a routine of sleep patterns. I agree with Miss Bonne that you need to perhaps have a soothing bath with oils, a calming tea/milky drink and a cosy, dark bedroom. Stick to the same time to go to bed at night and to get up in the morning and eventually your body clock will reset itself. It may take a few weeks but if you persist, it will pay off in the end. If you do have a late night, try not to have too much of a lay-in in the morning. Hope this helps.
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I was riding on my motorbike, when a school bus driver hit me and threw me over. While I stood up to move the bike he told he will wait for me in the stop light to exchange identities, insurance companies license plates etc. Only he didn t stop, he ran away.
School bus driver knocks a motorbike down, while children are inside the bus and runs away.
Luckily, I got his license plates and I know who he is. I informed my insurance company, his insurance company, the police I ll get my bike fixed and I ll sue his ass.
How? Why? And what can I ask for? (link)
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I agree with the previous answer in that you need to get the best lawyer for your situation. I just wanted to add that I am really pleased that you were not seriously hurt in any way. Please protect yourself always with the correct type of clothing and footwear. And sue him for everything that you can get because your limbs and life are precious and irreplaceable. Very good luck to you.
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is it normal to be jealous when your boyfriend tells you that he looks at porn? should he be looking at it while he's in a relationship? does that mean that he's not satified with his girlfriend?
thanks xo (link)
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Most men look at porn and it means very little to them emotionally. It does not mean that they love you any less or are not satisfied with you. It is actually quite normal for men to read or watch porn because they are visual creatures, whilst women are emotional creatures. However, if it upsets you then he should have the decency not to keep or look at any porn whilst you are with him. Ask him not to read any magazines whilst in your company and to put away anything that offends you when you are together. I hope that I have helped put this into perspective for you. All the best.
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i have 3 children and have had bad relationships now ive met a woman she has 3 kids too and we are happy how do tell my mum? (link)
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I am assuming that you are a female also. If I am wrong I apologise. Your Mum must have seen over the years how unhappy you have been in relationships with men. She may have already recognised that you are very happy with this lady and will only want what is best for you. Be honest with her because it may be worse for her to find out from someone else. Have the courage to face her on neutral ground over a coffee. Unless she is very anti lesbian, then I don't think you will have too many problems. Good luck and I wish you lots of happiness with your new partner.
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i'm confused. i'm thirteen years old, and i have no idea what i'm doing.
I changed schools about a month ago, to a slightly smaller school. and was put into a class with mostly boys, and a few girls. I guess it's not your average school, it's filled with kids who've done some bad things. Involving drugs, or truancy. I guess that's not the point, but for background.
the boys are pretty graphic and innapropriate. One would walk by me and say "sexy" constantly and left a weird note in my desk, and one would compliment me on my shirt when it was tight. And one of them was really nice to me, being pretty protective of me if i lent someone somthing and they didn't give it back straight away. He was really nice to me, all in all. He threw away my garbage when he saw i hadn't yet, and helped me figure something out on a word search that i didn't know.
He's one year older than me, and i have no idea why he's at this school. A lot of people would bring it up that this boy liked me, and i guess i believed it, because i thought so myself. well, i got to liking him too.
it's continued on pretty much the same, but on friday, this girl Janet who's also in my class said to me, "You know, Charlie* was going to ask you out the first week you came here."
and i asked why he didn't.
"Because he thought you'd dis him, and since you two live in different towns, he wasn't sure it'd work out."
i don't know if he really said that, and i don't know how i feel about how he backed out of asking me so quickly. He still acts overly-nice with me, but i don't know where it's going to go. i can't understand if he likes me, and i can't understand why he isn't doing anything, or saying anything to me, directly.
any comments? i'm not so much asking for advice as much as a perspective, but advice is always something i'd take. Thanks.
(link)
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If he is only a year older than you, he will only be 14 himself. That is still quite young for some lads and maybe he is not very confident when it comes to dating. He may well have never dated before and doesn't know how to pluck up the courage to ask you out. Saying he thought you'd "dis" him and you live in different towns may well have been an excuse because he felt uncomfortable. He obviously still likes you, and if you have the courage, why not ask him to go for a coffee or coke as a thank you to him for being so nice to you. If that seems a bit too forward for the moment, why not give him a bar of chocolate or something similar and say it's a thank you for all his help.
I hope that all goes well with you. Good luck.
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