|
University blues...
This question is for those 18+... Sorry, but if you've never been in post-secondary, you can't really understand fully the situation I'm in.
I'm in my second year of university, and things have been going well so far. I had to redo my first year because last time didn't go so well, but I've changed programs, and my grades improved a lot... last term I had a 90% average!
The problem is that this term I'm having a lot of problems. My grades are slipping a lot. All of a sudden my classes seem harder. I'm losing interest. I keep getting sick, and I've been really stressed out with all of the catching up that I have to do.
This weekend, my math prof called my parents' house to talk to me and make sure I was okay (I don't live there anymore) and he ended up talking to my parents. Now they think I've just been staying at home and being lazy, and that I'm going to fail again.
I'm starting to feel really hopeless about things, and I really don't see a point to it anymore. Today I talked to my boyfriend about ending my life if things don't work out with school, and he ended up in tears.
I've been diagnosed with depression and seasonal affective disorder in the past, with possible bi-polar disorder. I'm not medicated, because I was on anti-depressants, but hated the way they made me emotionally flatline.
Any words of inspiration, or advice that can help? I'm starting to slip, and I don't want to go too deep.
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Work & School category?
Maybe give some free advice about: School?
I know that it must have been such an awful feeling to know that your math professor talked to your parents, however, can't you see how much he cares and is willing to go to lengths to help you out? I wish I had professors like that! Most of mine don't even know my name. I have 2 words for you. Office hours. I'll bet that if you went and talked with your math professor about your grades and your problems and everything going on in your life, he would not only listen, but do everything he could to help you as should all of your professors. There's also a health center at your school filled with counselors that you can see probably for free. You also have a family and a boyfriend that obviously care immensely about you.
If you reach out for help you will be surprised to see how many people are there for you. Inspiration from people on this site may do some good, but inspiration and support from people you know and people that can look you in the eye and tell you how much they care is worth more than anything, anywhere.
Everyone at some point or another in their lives feels like they just can't go on anymore and suicide comes up in their minds as an option. It doesn't sound like suicide is anything you want to do at this point, so that's a good start. I thought about suicide once and immediately dismissed it from my mind because I realized that I was thinking with my heart instead of with my head about things, as you are. It's nice to be that type of person, but sometimes it can get you into a lot of trouble. Life seems bad and feels bad and you're at a low point in it, but you'll bounce back. You always have. Remember the last time you got stressed over something. You got through it, just like you will get through this. Things won't turn out as bad as you are anticipating. You'll get through it, look back, and be upset with yourself for letting things get to you so much.
Think about the worst possible thing that could happen to you. In your situation, this would be failing out of college. Think about it with your head instead of with hopelessness, stress, and worry. Your life should not revolve around how well you do in school. Many people don't even go to college. Its something extra that, as much as people will lead you to believe, is NOT necessary to be successful in your life. I know a lot of people that didn't attend college and they have amazing jobs. I'm not saying that if you can get through it that college won't be helpful, but it wouldn't by any means be the end of a happy future for you if you couldn't make it through. There's nobody saying that you couldn't try it again next year either. If you couldn't make it through...what am I saying? The chances of that are so small if you don't give up. So, the worst case scenario isn't all that bad and the chances of it happening are really low, how about that.
Don't think about what could happen, get through things one day at a time. An hour at a time if you have to. At one point last year I felt extremely bogged down and helpless, so I made a schedule. I mapped out every hour of every day for two weeks. I might not have been able to handle all the pressure emotionally if I hadn't done that. It takes all the anticipation away because you'll know exactly what's going to happen all the time. When I finished things before I had planned, which happened often, I was thrilled. That schedule made me so relaxed. Try something like that.
Read some inspirational stories. Hearing about other people's problems and how they got through them, with so much working against them, will help a lot. I haven't seen it, but movies like "The Pursuit of Happyness" could be exactly what you need. Stories like that can give you so much inspiration. If you're Christian, take a look at this website. [Link](Mouse over link to see full location)
There is lots and lots of help out there for you. Remember too, that if you get really serious about suicide, a few months of emotional flatline isn't going to hurt you as much as you could hurt yourself and everyone that loves you. It might also be a good idea to see your doctor anyway, whether you want to start the meds again or not. Good luck. <3
]
You are in a tough place with what appears to be little escape. There is a lot of help out there for you but you have to be strong enough to get it. Ask your boyfriend if you can lean on him for a while and keep on at you to carry on. Firstly, please talk to a counsellor at the university as a starting point. They are there to listen, not judge. Secondly, please go and see your doctor and explain everything to them - don't leave anything out. Also, talk to your professor - they will do anything to help you get your grades because it will reflect well on them. Try to work out a strategy with him on how best to cope with the course. There will be classmates who can offer you support too. Build yourself a comfort blanket from everyone around you and explain why you need their help. Once you start to feel in control again the feelings of suicide will go away.
I know you don't feel strong at the moment, but it will come. Life is very precious and imagine the pain you will leave behind if you end it all. Finally, for a little self therapy, write down everything you are feeling in a notebook on a daily, weekly basis. Look back once in a while and you will be amazed at the changes that occur because you are changing and coping.
I wish you all the very best and hope that life begins to feel a whole lot better for you. Good luck.
]
Best thing for you to do is get back on the medicine but tell them you want to try a different one.
Your parents, have you talked to them and told them what was going on?
You ending your life wont solve anything. Show every one you can do it.
Dont be scared to ask for help or get help online.
]
More Questions: |