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Razhie. Advicenators Member Since: June 13, 2005. Answers: 5077. Visitors: 211514.
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The Question
I feel like I constantly eat. All day everyday. and I always feel hungry or when im bored Ill eat. I can see the how much my body has changed in the last couple months, and my body discusts me! I want to stop eating so much. I dont eat breakfast (no time to) at lunch i always get nachos a milk and a cookie. Then when I get home from track practice i eat like a ham sandwhich, usually a poptart and lately Ive been drinking diet soda instead of my usual water. How do I get that feeling or always being hungry to go away, I just eat way too much. Thanks
The Answer
Eat Breakfast. Even if it's just a granola bar on the bus. Eat something.
Drink more water. Very often we *feel* hungry, when we are actually only thirsty. Dump the coke (which will make you thirstier) and go back to the water or a good fruit juice.
Eat something besides empty carbs for lunch (nachos are fun, they are not a meal, especially not with a cookie, at least throw an apple in there).
Remember that pop tarts have the same nutritional value as Twinkies or a glazed donut.
Remember that when you eat something with very little nutritional value (or next to none, like pop-tarts) they will simply move quickly through your body and you will get hungry faster.
If you are doing track on a regular basis, you are going to be hungry. If you are putting crap food into your body, you are going be even more hungry, because your body isn't getting what it needs. You probably don't need to eat less, but you absolutely do need to eat better. Get some protein at some point in the day before practice, eat a breakfast, even a quick one, and put less junk food into your body. You might still feel hungry (you are an active teen after all) but you'll be eating things your body can actually make use of.
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The Question
What do you think is an appropriate age limit for dating? Like how many years older should it be and how many years younger. I am 18 years old and I have come to the realization that I need to set a date age limit... so any ideas would be lovely. Thanks. =]
P.S. I rate high for good advice ;)
The Answer
You'll get as many different answers as you will different people, but here’s a quick summary of my opinion.
Date someone who is legal.
Obviously, don't date outside your area's Age of Consent. The Age of Consents in the vast majority of places are really very fair and reasonable, with many 'close in age' exceptions to keep from criminalizing young people being intimate with their own peers. Once I started looking into these laws, I was actually pleasantly surprised with how liberal they were.
Date someone who is your PEER.
By that I mean date someone who you can be equal too. That doesn't necessarily mean age, or income or education, but those are also not horrible guidelines and it definitely does mean date someone where there is equality to your social exchanges, where you can both make decisions with equal strength, where you can both bring conversation and activities and where you can both exist with equal dignity and equal control of the relationship.
Date someone with a similar lifestyle.
This isn’t a hard and fast rule, but I think it makes particular sense for younger people. A seventeen year old at high school living at home and a twenty year old in college living in residence will have a MUCH harder time then two people of the same ages who both have the same lifestyle (i.e. who both live away from home and go to school). Same thing goes for a nine-teen year going to college and a twenty-five year old working fulltime. These lifestyles are wildly different and give people very different values. That makes a relationship needlessly tough. It’s not a rule. I can’t say those relationships wont work, just that the odds are against them and they aren’t always the best idea.
There really are not firm rules (besides, of course, the law), there are just good ideas and not so good ideas. You probably know which is which.
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The Question
I have been dating this man from India for a year now, but he still doesnt want to be in a relationship with me so he says. We started off as friends and moved up from there, but he cant be with me because I'm white and american, and it is socialy unacceptable in his culture. Around his friends, I have to act like we are just friends. We cant hold hands around other Indians, which is ok to me because I respect that that is how it is in India. He puts flowers in my hair (which is a big deal to Indians) and does nice things for me. Im not allowed to date other people even though he said we are not in a relationship, but he wont admit he loves me. I love him. I feel like Im around for his convinience, not mine. Am I wasting my time?
The Answer
If you want a relationship based on mutal respect and honesty, probably.
If you are looking for a long-term commitment leading to marriage or co-habitation with children and a happy extended family, definately.
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The Question
So there is this guy I really like. I met him about 4 days ago and we kinda started a fling. There is just ONE problem. He kinda has a "stalker". She like tells everyone he is in love with her and all this other stuff... and I mean the girl and I USED to be friends but now all she wants to do is create drama and thats something im not dealing with right now; i just wont have it. I am not sure whether I should just go TELL the girl we are gonna date/are talking about dating or let her find out by herself via someone else or facebook. I dont want to create any drama, but i really DO like this guy. WE just CLICK- in every way possible; mentally, physically, and emotionally... so I dont want to NOT date him just because of this jealous girl. What do you think is the smart thing to do?
thanks!
And i rate high for well-thought-out answers!
MADISON
Age 18
The Answer
Just let her find out.
Telling her beforehand implies that she has some sort of special status, some sort of right to know, and she doesn't. She's not your friend, and she's nothing to him, right? So, she can find out the same way any other sort-of-acquaintance might find out.
You ARE inviting drama into your life by dating someone with a crazy stalker. To be more specific: You are inviting drama into your life by dating a guy who would allow and put up with this kind of behavior from a girl. I hate to be the cynic, but there are very few people who’d get and stay that obsessed without ANY encouragement at all and it’s not uncommon for people to encourage, even without knowing they are doing it, that kind of obsession because it’s flattering and entertaining.
So that is a question you really do need to ask yourself about your crush: Is he really as anti-drama as you are? Or does he just talk a good game at the same time as subtly encouraging her attention? It doesn’t make him a horrible person if he does, but it’s something to watch out for, because if he enjoys her attention, it's will only get worse and more drama-filled.
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The Question
whats it called when you have a big hit to the head and it gives you memory loss of just a few months pryer to the accident? like say i got in a car accident hit my head, what part of my brain would it hit? and what would the temp memory loss be of?
The Answer
Memory is a tricky thing, and we don't understand it perfectly, so I want you to really understand that what I explain below is just two ways that an accident might be forgotten.
When someone has had a severe physical trauma, particularly one that knocks them old cold, the transfer of the memory from short-term to the long-term memory part of your brain seems to get interrupted, and the memory is lost. That is called post-traumatic amnesia. If that is the case, there is NO memory, and it can never resurface or be retrieved in any way at all. Sometimes people believe they have retrieved the memory through hypnosis, but there is no scientific reason to believe that is true and lots of evidence that hypnosis CREATES a memory, not retrieves it. Loosing your memory like this seems to generally only remove a few hours before the accident, and maybe a few afterwards.
A repressed memory is different then the above (it can also be called motivated forgetting) because the memory does in fact exist in the brain, but you can't access it. The is not believed to be because of any head trauma (i.e., you don't have to be knocked unconscious to have a repressed memory, because it has nothing to do with brain damage, unlike the situation above, where you pretty much need to hit your head to interrupt the memory transfer). The theory repressed memories have NOT been completely accepted by doctors, or definitely proven to exist. Some very smart doctors think it doesn't actually happen, but others say it's part of the way a normal healthy brain deals with traumatic events, by removing them from our immediate awareness. There really is no 'time limit' on repressed memories on how long a time they can take up.
So there ya go. Those are two possibilities, but neither of them are perfect explinations. There is still a lot to learn about the human brain and how it works.
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The Question
My 14 yr old stepson moved in with us in November 2007 due to safety issues by CPS. He had major anger issues and behavior problems.He has Aspergers Syndrome. I have asked him if he would want to visit his mom and siblings for spring break and he said no. My question is should I ask his mom to sign over full custody to us since we are still paying her child support and unfortunately she rarely calls him.
Atleast we would be able to live our lives and not have her tell my husband that she can pick him up at any time since she still has custody. He has changed dramatically and is doing a 100% better.
The Answer
Yes, of course you should seak full custody.
He's been with you for over a year, is doing much better, was removed from his mother's home (I'm assuming) by CPS AND you are still sending her money!
YES, you should absolutely seek full custody, and you are likely to win if what you've said here is the truth. Go for it.
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The Question
so I have a boyfriend.
I love him and we've been going out for almost 5 months. he is my prince charming and i love everything about him.
anyways.
theres this other guy i've known for almost 5 years. I used to have a crush on him but then i found my prince charming. I always suspected that he had a crush on me but i wasnt sure. I've always wanted to ask him about it but i never wanted it to ruin our friendship.
I wrote him a note the other day not to like start a relationship but to just find out if he ever did.
he read it after my friend gave it to him but he hasnt talked to me since.
I'm scared it has ruined our frinedship but I'm kinda to scared to talk to him about it.
Any advice, i really need it.
The Answer
It was wrong of you to write him that note while you are in a relationship.
Not because it was 'cheating', obviously it wasn't. But because it was unkind to your long-term friend to ask him to bear his soul to you about his feelings while you are unattainable.
That is cruel.
It's like dangling a precious gem in front of someone but saying 'Opps! No, you can't have it! Maybe if you acted faster! But not anymore."
No matter how kind your note was, there is no avoiding that. It was wrong, and unfriendly for you to try and find out how he felt at this point. It is a way to make you feel good (because you know you are desirable and your feelings where returned) at the expense of making him feel awful (because it's awkward, embarrassing and you are unattainable and have a boyfriend).
Please understand I'm not calling you an awful person, but what you did was very unkind and poorly thought out. You ought to be kinder and more sympathetic to a good friend and not put them in uncomfortable position for no real reason.
If he does speak to you again, don't ask him to respond to your letter. Instead, apologize for putting him in such an awkward position, tell him how much you value his friendship, and promise not to put him on the spot in such an unfair way again. In that way, you can start to repair the damage you probably did.
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The Question
This is going to be a little long... So I've been going out with my bf for about 6 months now. just last month he left to go to japan for a year for a job. Anyway, the other day i found a profile of his on okcupid that he made back in 2005..but it said that he had logged in 3 days before..and his location was updated and it said he was single.. i confronted him about it and he told me that all he uses that is for tests that he does on it when hes bored and he deleted it right while we were talking and he dosen't use it for dating and that he didn't update his location.. he said that sometimes it will update by itself if he has other things on the internet that say where he is..like blogs and stuff.. is this true?? what should i do? i love him so much and i want to believe him.. but i almost don't.. if anyone has any advice or has been through something like this.. please let me know.. thanks
The Answer
He's IS lying about OkCupid updating his location 'all by itself'. I don't use the site, but I can't believe for a second that that is true. Especially when he tries to justify it by saying it would have 'found it' on other websites. Websites are NOT that clever. They can't be! There would be serious privacy infractions and all sorts of errors if that were true! If he has said OkCupid knew from his IP address, I might give him the benefit of the doubt (or at least a bit of credit for being a good liar) but if that is really what he said then he's trying to pull one over on you.
However, that doesn't automatically mean he was cheating. He might have simply been doing something rather stupid and then trying to keep you from being hurt by his stupidity.
You should tell him however, that you don't believe him about OkCupid 'automatically' knowing what country he is in and that there are plenty of places to take 'tests' that don't exist for the sole purpose of meeting other people.
After that, if you want to believe he's still true to you, go ahead. He might be. This might have just been a meaningless mistake, but don't be so foolish as to believe him on a website's telepathy. That just sounds like a foolish little boy trying to keep you calm when he got caught doing something wrong.
You don't need to attack him, but don't play the fool.
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The Question
im 18/f the guy is 23
Okay so my good friend set me up with her boyfriends friend, i was informed before we went out to dinner that he already had a girlfriend (to whom he was once engaged with and they still live together) who apparently treats puts him down, cheats on him and the only reason he is with her is for stability. We went out to dinner the four of us, he paid for my meal, he complimented me on how beautiful i am, and how mature i am for my age. So we hit it off, ended the night with a kiss and i let it be known that i didnt approve of the fact he had another girl and if we were to pursue something he would have to leave her. To me he seems like a genuine guy and i tend to be a good judge of character but its just because of how many times ive been messed with in previous relationships that scares me, especially the fact that there is another woman in the picture. But i feel it was good that he could be honest with me straight off the bat. What do you think of this situation?
The Answer
HE HAS A GIRLFRIEND.
Don't get me wrong, stability is a decent excuse to stay with someone, but it's NO EXCUSE for betraying that someone, misleading a partner and trying to turn YOU into the 'other woman' in his life.
There is NO excuse for that. It is inexcusable.
It's great that he is honest about the fact he is willing to lie and cheat on her.
That doesn't make it okay.
A person might be totally honest about a deep-seated racism and a belief in white supremecy!
Honesty doens't make THAT okay either.
It's great that he is a geuninely nice guy and an honest one.
His behavoir still SUCKS.
And your good friend should be kicked in the shins for 'setting you up' with a guy with a live-in girlfriend. Seriously. I'd be offeneded if I had a friend who thought that was okay.
This guy is messing around. That doesn't make him a horrible person, but it does mean he is MESSING AROUND. He has a girlfriend. That simple fact makes it IMPOSSIBLE that he wont mess around on you. Don't get involved. Don't kiss him agian. If that is difficult for you, don't talk to him agian. Because even if he means well, he is not acting well, and you should have no part in it.
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The Question
Hey, My name's Nikki and I just got out of an on again off again relationship that's lasted for the past year and a half. During the "breaks" me and my ex would have, we would both date other people. Well, the first time we broke up, I started dating this guy (lets call him:) Alex. Me and Alex got along great, we had a lot of fun together, and I thought he was AMAZING. My ex called me one day on the phone and we started talking a bit, and he started to tell me how much he missed me and how he made a mistake and just stuff like that. Well I still liked him, so I decided to give him another chance. I explained this to Alex and to my surprise, he was really nice about it, and just said that if I ever needed him again, he'd be there. So I got back with my ex and it lasted for a few months, but then I made a mistake and flirted with this guy in my chemistry class. Word got around and my ex ended it once more. I was really sorry and upset, and since me and Alex still kept in touch, I told him about it. We ended up dating once more, and a few weeks later, my ex came back saying he overreacted and that we should have worked it out. I told Alex and this time he was kind of annoyed with it, because my ex had been spreading rumors about him. He was really upset, but he said it was my life and I should do what I want. You can guess what happened next. me and my ex got back together, then broke up again, this time because he wanted to and "didn't feel the same". Shortly after, I lost my virginity to this guy that I've been friends with for a while, but little did I know that he was close to Alex, too. The subject just never came up. I told Alex about the breakup, and his only response was "I'm not going to date you again. I'm tired of being someone you use as a replacement until you and your boyfriend fix things. The last straw was when you screwed my friend. You're just wasting your time with me. goodbye." He hasn't talked to me since. Now, understand that I've really fallen for this guy. REALLY HARD. and I know I've made misakes, and I've admitted I was wrong. One of my close friends tells me to just be patient, but I'm not sure how long I can wait. I've been single for about 2 weeks, and I just have a problem not being able to have someone there beside me, you know? But I just want to know, is he right? Is what I did really that unfixable?
The Answer
You have problem hun, and it isn't that Alex doesn't want to be with you.
Your problem is that you aren’t okay being single.
That isn’t a small problem hun. That is a HUGE, horrible, life-altering problem that will make you and probably anyone you date miserable for years to come.
You need to fix THAT problem.
You need to learn to be okay by yourself. You need to become a respectful and honest friend. You need to have enough self-respect and confidence to not fall to pieces because you don’t have a boy in your life for two weeks.
If you can’t learn to be okay by yourself, then Alex WILL be right. He’ll be exactly right about you. He’ll be right that you were just using him to satisfy your own weakness. He’ll be right in thinking you were simply being selfish and toying with him. He’ll be right in choosing not to be your friend anymore, because he’ll be right in all the not so nice things you’ve given him reason to believe about you.
So your friend’s advice was good: patience is a good place to start. There is no trick to learning how to be okay by yourself, you need to find other activities and spend time with family and friends. You need to keep busy and keep confident.
Only once you’ve made MAJOR steps to at being single and confident without a boyfriend, should you even think about contacting Alex. Your apology to him is insufficient; it only means you feel bad. If you actually think you deserve another chance with him, you’ll also need to prove that you are willing to make the effort and correct your flaws, and that takes time.
If you CAN’T be alone. If you find yourself falling into another relationship, then this sort of drama will simply continue to happen in your life. Please trust me on this. I’ve watched my friends grow up like you are, never okay being alone, and they simply float from one guy to the next endlessly, never really getting what they want, and never really being very happy or loving themselves.
Only time will tell if you have a chance will Alex. But whether you do or not, take this from him as a gift: he has given you the gift of a swift kick in ass. You cannot go on living the way you are and expect it to make you happy.
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The Question
if a guy begs for a bj after youve already said, sorry but no, considered sexual harassment? is it weird if he occasionally keeps on bringing up the fact that he wants to have anal sex with me after i keep saying sorry i dont think thats gonna happen. but then he just says yeah one time in real quick your not gonna want it out.
and then at the end of our conversation, after ive already said a few times before that i dont think doing that is a good idea, he brought it up again and said ugh im def doin you in your ass.
i may see him soon and im kind of wondering if these are signs that he will try and do it and then not stop..this goes the same with the bj [he has asked for that a lot more]and whenever i say sorry but i dont think thats happening, he continues to beg
p.s. we arent even togethor so of course doing that would make no sense
The Answer
It may or may not be sexual harassment.
It is definitely not so smart to keep on being friendly to such a person who may be harassing you!
Stop saying 'Um no.' and 'Probably not.' He might be confused and think you are "playing hard to get" or something like that. Stop being polite (He isn't being polite!). Be clear.
"No. That is never going to happen AND I think it's rude and offensive that you keep bringing it up."
"I don't appreciate these conversations. Stop it."
Maybe even "Stop being an asshole. I told you no. Deal with it."
Stop teaching him that it is acceptable to treat you this way. Start teaching him some respect by putting your foot down about what kind of behavior you find unacceptable.
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The Question
I am a travel & tourism student in college, and recently I have been given an assignment on welcome meetings.
This is a group activity and we each have a section of the welcome meeting to deliver. I am doing "Resort" and I am really struggling to gather the information!
The resort is: Lake Buena Vista, (Florida)
I have to find out local information and how far from our chosen hotel these things are.
The hotel is: Comfort Inn Lake Buena Vista
The things I need to cover are: Beach, chemist, hostpial, supermarket, police station, places to eat, bars, taxi/bus information, culture information
I can't find this anywhere, whenever I search "Lake Buena Vista Resort" it comes back with the hotel Lake Buena Vista Resort & Spa.
"Comfort in, Lake Buena Vista Resort" Doesnt help much either.
Can anyone help?
The Answer
EDIT: I gave you a link to the hotel below when I first answered this question. There are links on the right side of the page to nearby ammenties and attractions. If that isn't enough, call them and ask them your questions. That way you can talk to a native and find it all out...
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http://www.comfortinn.com/hotel-lake_buena_vista-florida-FL445?promo=gglocal
I mean no offense when I say this, but you should probably make an appointment with learning skills at your college for an introduction into web searches, or ask a really tech-savy friend for tips on how to use google. This kind of thing isn't difficult, and you need to know how to do this to get on in this world these days.
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The Question
I am a girl and I have been talking to this 19 year old who is not like other guys that I have had a relationship with before...(He's not one of those guys that wants to get in my pants) - he's actually the nerdy/music lover/guitar player type that goes to college and trust me, he's not going to screw me over. Moving on, I am only 16. :( I know it's illegal to date him and all, but he really is the cutest along with being funny and an overall fantastic personality over any guy friend I have. I also feel kind of foolish for liking someone 3 years older than me. We haven't hung out, only talked in person a whole lot. Though, we have talked about hanging out.. Anyways, I know my parents would absolutely go ape shit if they found out how old he is.. If he picks me up and comes to the door, am I suppose to tell my parents that he's 19 ? Or should I lie about it ? I have no idea what to do.
The Answer
I don't know what state you live in, but it's almost never illegal to date someone, and at 16 and 19 it would be illegal for you two to have sex in only a few small number of places.
Look up the Age of Consent your home state/country. It's good information to have.
If you do date him, or hang out with him, tell your parents the truth. They will only react worse if they find out later and feel misled. Get out infront of thier concern and you'll be better able to handle it.
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The Question
I'm really confused about what to do!
To make a very long and complicated story short and simple, I had sex with my ex boyfriend of 4 years about 2 months ago. He committed suicide about 2 weeks ago.
I think I may be pregnant with his child. I'm against abortion and would never give up my own child for adoption because... you know... it's MY kid! However, I don't have the money to raise a child. I'm in college right now and if I am pregnant, then the baby would be due around October... I can't not go to school because then I won't have a degree to get a decent job, besides who would take care of the baby while I'm working/in school... my parents would never help me out with this... they would press for adoption or abortion because they're barely financially stable enough to help us - I'm in school strictly on student loans, my brother is joining the armed forces so they'll pay for school, and my sister never went to college- she's got a full time job and is living at home. None of us can support a baby, and I can't ask my dead exes mom to help - she just lost her son and is extremely financially pressed... it's insane! I don't know what to do !!
What would you do if you were in my situation?
I don't have anyone to turn to because the baby's father is dead... I just don't know what to do right now!!
The Answer
Find out if you are pregnant first.
Seriously. You are just going to flip out about this until you go to the doctor, and get a definate answer.
Once you have a definate answer, then you can flip out. But then you can also tell your family, and your exes family, and your friends and other people who care for you, and you can ALL brainstorm togeather what is to be done.
Your parents can't make you give the baby up if you don't want too... so just be clear that those aren't opitions and be open to suggestions, even ones that aren't exactly what you want.
But first things first: Go to the doctor and get a proper pregnancy test.
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The Question
I've heard a lot about these Ab belts lately on tv. I was wondering if anyone has used them and seen good results? What ab belt would be the best to purchase?
The Answer
Ab Belts are scams.
Companies that sell those belts that use electronic stimulation of the muscles (like Energizer, AbTronic, FastAb, Gymform) have been charged, repeatably, with false advertising. One company gets shut down and then another comes out of the woodwork. Although eltronic muscle stimulation has some medical use (for people who need physical therapy because they've been in a coma, or lost the use of an limb for some reason, electic currents can be applied to keep the musicles from wasting away completly from dissue), it really has no application to weight loss. The kind of electrical current that would actually be needed to cause serious toning and calorie burning would be VERY PAINFUL.
So in a nutshell, Ab belts don't work. They can't work. It's not scientifically possible. Please don't waste your money.
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The Question
ok, my older sister Julie is letting me use her account to ask my question.
14/f
my parents are really super religious and stuff (catholic, we go to church every sunday morning at like the break of f-ing dawn) but i don't believe in God at all. i mean, he created us but who created him? he couldn't have created himself. that's impossible, it doesn't make any sense, and he couldn't have just always existed, cause, like, you have to be made first to exist at all, right? but any time i try to tell them how i feel thay flip out on me and ground me. how the hell do i make them understand that i dont believe in their stupid religion? they wont listen to me. I mean, when Julie brought it up, they listened and let her quit going to church and stuff when she was my age. but, i guess, could it be because she was always sort of...idk, i guess they just knew that if they tried to force her into somethin she wasnt into that she'd flip out on them and probably, like, run away or something. she's just always been true to herself and has never allowed anyone to control her. so what do i do to make them stop, to stop going to church when i dont believe in it, it seems kind of hypocritical and shit. so, what? do i just start acting like Julie, or maybe i could lock my bedroom door sunday mornings so they can't get in. what the hell do i do?
Carry P.
The Answer
Hold your tongue, and sit tight.
Arguing with the kind of faith and poor logic that would allow a parent to ground you because you disagree with them philosophically isn't going to get you very far.
Your parents are adults, and they have heard it all before: Criticizing the 'first cause' argument and all isn't new to them. They have ignored that sort of argument before; they aren't going to change their mind about it now. So stop trying.
If it is REALLY important to you to not attend church anymore, put your foot down and refuse to go. Let them ground you and punish you. They are your parents and you can't stop them. Sometimes we have to suffer for what we believe in (or, don't believe in).
Maybe you should ask Julie for some advice on how to deal with this, but I’ll tell you now that you don’t need to ‘flip out, or run away or something’; those are just childish ways of throwing temper tantrums. Just stand up for yourself and accept the consequences! Don’t lock your door, just don’t get dressed. Read a book in your room and tell them to have a pleasant time, but you wont be joining them. You don’t have to be a brat, or threaten them, or argue with them, you just have to say, over and over again “I’ve made a choice. I’m not coming.”
They will probably punish you. Lord knows my parents did. The choice I made was to quietly sit in church and fantasize about sex: I choose to attend to keep the peace, but they can’t force me to believe anything I didn’t want too.
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The Question
okay, so i have been dating this guy for 4 months now & he never wants to take me out and do what i want.. it's always what he wants. i feel like all he cares about is himself. so on our 4 month anniversary i said we should go to a movie and he said he didn't feel like it.. and we have only gone to a movie 3 times in the 4 months we have been dating and to dinner 4 times and one out of the 4 times he had a free meal. and i'm always willing to do something if he wants to do it .. like go to parties with his friends but if i ask him to come to a party with me and my friends or if he wants to go to dinner with my sis and her boyfriend.. he never wants to. because it's not convenient for him and not what he wants to do. BUT i just really feel used because we have been dating for 4 months and he has never picked me up at my house and took me anywhere. but when we hang out he usually wants me to just drive to his house and we do nothing he doesnt take me anywhere.. we have sex and i have leave the next morning after breakfast.. i am 20 years old and he's 18 and just feel like he should be doing more for me and making me happier .. are most relationships like this or am i overreacting?
The Answer
If you aren't happy, dump him.
All this justification, all this complaining, is meaningless. Some people would be perfectly happy in that sort of relationship. Some people would be satasfied. If you aren't, end the relationship.
You don't need perfect reasons, you only need your own reasons. If you have your own reasons, end it.
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The Question
I just wanted to know who "owns" the internet. I want to claim a domain (my name) which no one has bought or uses yet, but every time i look into it through google they say "buy this domain" or "this domain is not taken yet buy it!" who the hell has a monopoly over the internet isn't it supposed to be open territory... seriously it's equivalent to someone owning all of earth..... is there a way around it?? for me to get the website which i believe should be mine since its MY NAME??
The Answer
No one actually owns the Internet, and no single person or organization controls the whole internet.
There are organizations that standardize and register domain names. Without these rules and standard procedures, our computers wouldn't be able to understand each other and 'surfing' would be impossible.
It's like the telephone system: Nobody owns the whole thing, but many people own part of it. You own your phone, maybe your state owns the telephone wires but the company you pay actually owns the satellites and stations that they give you access too… Just because someone is selling you service and assigning you a phone number, doesn't mean they own the whole system.
You need to pay a company for internet access... and a similar thing needs to happen when you want to purchase a web address.
There is company called The Internet Corporation for Assigned Names and Numbers. It’s a non-for-profit corporation that oversees the registration of domain names (website addresses). But you don’t need to deal directly with ICCAN, there are lots of smaller companies that have relationships with ICCAN and will ‘sell’ you domain names that ICCAN tells them are available.
So you need to pay one of these registers to get a domain name and they do all the work with ICCAN to make it yours, for a while. Most of them require you to renew your domain name every few years. And it’s pretty cheep, less then $20 normally, to register.
HOWEVER, to actually build a website, you need to have a server. That is a place to store the information on your website and that costs more money. The more information you want to have, the more expensive it will be to be ‘hosted’ on a server. For example, advicenators will pay a lot more for all the space it’s information will take up on a server, then someone’s own personal website will pay. But you aren’t paying them because they ‘own’ the internet. You are paying because they own a server where parts of the information that makes up the internet is stored, and you need s place to store your little part: your website.
I hope that makes more sense now. The two things you need to pay are 1.) The registration of your domain name and 2.) the space on someone’s sever that the information for your site takes up.
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The Question
this isnt your normall boyfriend girlfriend type question that your used to, no no no..
this about advicenators on love and sex related questions. some of your answers annoy me slightly, dont get me wrong when you get down to it you guys and gals have saved my ass countless times, but i was just browsing through the answers from the Sex Section and love Section and most answers to certain questions are all "Guys that age do NOT want girls your age for anything more than sex" to be really fair the question was about a 15 year old wanting to date a much older guy. but thats not the point, what gets me goin is how they'r so sure that all guys my age or at that age are all hormonal sex addicted sluts... which is far from it with me and most other people i know, i havent had a girlfriend in 4 years or so, but there have been a few people i have really liked during that time. all of them with beautiful personalities and endless qualities that i could dream of for days, but nothing ever sexual has ever come to mind in all those 4 years (no matter how harrasingly frustrated i became). so why is it that decent "guys my age" who have just been condemmed with so easily with the title of "Wanting nothing more than sex". granted to you that there really are some guys out there who want nothing more than that, but they will soon be shamed and come to thier senses. whos to say girls dont do this either? is the reason you post this degrading sentance because you'v had some painfull expiriences in your life that make that decsion for you? "All guys want it sex" goes against everything i have allways thought, the last thing on my mind ever whilst being with a girl is sex. just having some one besides me who i know loves me back as much as i love her is a much better feeling than the short burst of Adrenaline.
iv been thinking about posting this qustion for about 2 weeks now and i'v finnaly done it
So i'v had my rant and got my thought's off my mind.
all i wanna do now is wait for what your reaction is, dont get me wrong... im not pickin fights nor am i trying to start one. debate my point and help me understand your side(s). So now i'v had my rant and got my thought's off my mind.
The Answer
There are a lot more clues in a question that leads me to conclude a guy (or frankly, a girl) is just after sex then simply their age.
I’m not arguing with you however. There is absolutely a generalization that exists, and it’s derogatory. However, many generalizations exist because they are OFTEN true, not because they are ALWAYS true. We are wrong to treat them as though they are always true, but there are reasons we do it anyways.
A teenage male will OFTEN be keenly interested in sex and engaging in sexual activity. I don’t think that statement is unfair or derogatory. It’s like saying teenage females will OFTEN think babies are really cute. It’s not saying all teenage females are baby-crazy nut bars who will do stupid and irresponsible things to get near, or have, a baby, but it’s still a generalization that is OFTEN true, and that is reasonable to make.
A teenage female who THINKS the boy she is interested in is keenly or solely after sex, frankly, is more likely than not to be right. NOT because ALL teenage boys are that way, but because it’s OFTEN true, and because she has found reasons to suspect it. She could be wrong; however, it’s not an unreasonable conclusion to come too, and to act on, from the standpoint of self-preservation. To put it more simply: If a girl feels strongly enough to ask for opinions here if someone she knows is only after sex, just by her feeling the need to ask the question there is already an increased chance that they are.
Although many columnists will use age as their main reasoning for why someone is merely interested in sex, there are other clues in a question, normally really obvious and clear ones, although explaining to an inexperienced teenage girl WHY these other signs are present would take more time than simply slogging out the tired old generalization that “He’s just after sex”.
As for your comment about ‘personal experience’ that is always a very dangerous and ungenerous accusation to level against someone. To argue “Well your opinion is biased because of your life experience so I’m not going to take you seriously!” is a capital crime in a realm of polite debate. To write someone off because you assume they have a past experience which colors their opinion is not much different then someone writing you off as sex-crazed because you are a teenage male. It’s the same kind of unfair generalization and nastiness.
So, you are right about this. It’s not really FAIR, but it’s doesn’t come from a completely unreasonable or irrational place. Many people won’t have the maturity to either A.) Choose their words in a more balanced way or B.) Explain in detail what in the question really leads them to believe the person is only after sex, besides their age (even if age is a factor).
You ARE right. All of my talking about doesn’t EXCUSE the behavior of sexism and unfair generalizations, all it does is EXPLAIN it. We should aspire to behave better as Advicenators then to make those sorts of knee jerk reactions and sexist remarks, HOWEVER, there is no point in getting upset, taking it personally, or trying to make it personal by assuming someone had a bad life experience or is just bitter.
What is best to do is remember that although those generalizations are not fair or just, they OFTEN come for a place that is generally not evil, they are just not complex or thoroughly expressed opinions. The best thing you can do, is offer your own advice to the person, and better express yourself and your opinions.
People are going to be throwing you into groups and making generalizations about you for the rest of your life. Some of them will be negative, like this one and some will be positive (Canadians are polite, for instance), they are human, and inescapable. Letting them upset you on a personal level is not helpful, correcting them calmly and rationally is.
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The Question
My best friend is a guy, and we are incredibly close. I love him SOOO much...in a friend way, like a brother. But...he likes me more; like a 'love'. Like a girlfriend. And he WONT STOP TRYING TO GET ME TO GO OUT WITH HIM! He knows i only like him as a friend, but every single day he continues begging me to "give him a chance". I have explained to him MANY times that the only feelings I have for him are FRIEND ones. But he just wont stop, and now I feel bad. I have tried EVERYTHING. What more can i do? I mean, this guy is my bestfriend, he means the world to me, and i love him unconditionally. but like a friend. So what can i do to finally get it through to him that i wont date him cuz i only like him as a friend?
The Answer
Do you still like him a friend?
Or perhaps more to point: How much longer can you keep liking him as a friend if he continues to bully you about dating him?
Don't mince words and don't take it easy on him. Tell him straight up that you can't take it much longer, and that what he is doing is disrespectful and bullying. It will ruin the friendship. It is that bad, and that wrong and unfriendly for him to do.
Stop playing nice with him. He is misinterpreting your gentle 'No...' as 'Maybe's. Clear up his confusion, very firmly and utterly.
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