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Is he right?
Hey, My name's Nikki and I just got out of an on again off again relationship that's lasted for the past year and a half. During the "breaks" me and my ex would have, we would both date other people. Well, the first time we broke up, I started dating this guy (lets call him:) Alex. Me and Alex got along great, we had a lot of fun together, and I thought he was AMAZING. My ex called me one day on the phone and we started talking a bit, and he started to tell me how much he missed me and how he made a mistake and just stuff like that. Well I still liked him, so I decided to give him another chance. I explained this to Alex and to my surprise, he was really nice about it, and just said that if I ever needed him again, he'd be there. So I got back with my ex and it lasted for a few months, but then I made a mistake and flirted with this guy in my chemistry class. Word got around and my ex ended it once more. I was really sorry and upset, and since me and Alex still kept in touch, I told him about it. We ended up dating once more, and a few weeks later, my ex came back saying he overreacted and that we should have worked it out. I told Alex and this time he was kind of annoyed with it, because my ex had been spreading rumors about him. He was really upset, but he said it was my life and I should do what I want. You can guess what happened next. me and my ex got back together, then broke up again, this time because he wanted to and "didn't feel the same". Shortly after, I lost my virginity to this guy that I've been friends with for a while, but little did I know that he was close to Alex, too. The subject just never came up. I told Alex about the breakup, and his only response was "I'm not going to date you again. I'm tired of being someone you use as a replacement until you and your boyfriend fix things. The last straw was when you screwed my friend. You're just wasting your time with me. goodbye." He hasn't talked to me since. Now, understand that I've really fallen for this guy. REALLY HARD. and I know I've made misakes, and I've admitted I was wrong. One of my close friends tells me to just be patient, but I'm not sure how long I can wait. I've been single for about 2 weeks, and I just have a problem not being able to have someone there beside me, you know? But I just want to know, is he right? Is what I did really that unfixable?
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he's definitely right. he's never going to look at you the same. he was a nice guy and you didn't want that. more than likely if he wanted you around from here out it would be to use you. he put in time with you and even cut you slack. when you left your bf you should have been going to him. he didn't own you but he thinks he deserved to be first on your list. then you went and slept with a third person. what was there is destroyed. you have to move on. he'll never respect you again. plus, lets say he did give you another chance. do you think he wants to take his girlfriend out and have the 3rd guy there? no guy wants that. you didn't do anything evil or really that wrong. it's just that a guy can only wait on the back burner for so long. we do get tired of being played after all.
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You have problem hun, and it isn't that Alex doesn't want to be with you.
Your problem is that you aren’t okay being single.
That isn’t a small problem hun. That is a HUGE, horrible, life-altering problem that will make you and probably anyone you date miserable for years to come.
You need to fix THAT problem.
You need to learn to be okay by yourself. You need to become a respectful and honest friend. You need to have enough self-respect and confidence to not fall to pieces because you don’t have a boy in your life for two weeks.
If you can’t learn to be okay by yourself, then Alex WILL be right. He’ll be exactly right about you. He’ll be right that you were just using him to satisfy your own weakness. He’ll be right in thinking you were simply being selfish and toying with him. He’ll be right in choosing not to be your friend anymore, because he’ll be right in all the not so nice things you’ve given him reason to believe about you.
So your friend’s advice was good: patience is a good place to start. There is no trick to learning how to be okay by yourself, you need to find other activities and spend time with family and friends. You need to keep busy and keep confident.
Only once you’ve made MAJOR steps to at being single and confident without a boyfriend, should you even think about contacting Alex. Your apology to him is insufficient; it only means you feel bad. If you actually think you deserve another chance with him, you’ll also need to prove that you are willing to make the effort and correct your flaws, and that takes time.
If you CAN’T be alone. If you find yourself falling into another relationship, then this sort of drama will simply continue to happen in your life. Please trust me on this. I’ve watched my friends grow up like you are, never okay being alone, and they simply float from one guy to the next endlessly, never really getting what they want, and never really being very happy or loving themselves.
Only time will tell if you have a chance will Alex. But whether you do or not, take this from him as a gift: he has given you the gift of a swift kick in ass. You cannot go on living the way you are and expect it to make you happy.
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