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oops I think i might've messed up
so I have a boyfriend.
I love him and we've been going out for almost 5 months. he is my prince charming and i love everything about him.
anyways.
theres this other guy i've known for almost 5 years. I used to have a crush on him but then i found my prince charming. I always suspected that he had a crush on me but i wasnt sure. I've always wanted to ask him about it but i never wanted it to ruin our friendship.
I wrote him a note the other day not to like start a relationship but to just find out if he ever did.
he read it after my friend gave it to him but he hasnt talked to me since.
I'm scared it has ruined our frinedship but I'm kinda to scared to talk to him about it.
Any advice, i really need it.
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Wow -this relates to one of my FAVORITE quotes in the book - The Awakening.
The heroine is married. She is in love with another man and suspects he loves her too - but he has not admitted it because to do so would be improper ... But she wants to know for sure anyway. His reply is my favorite quote:
"I .. think you cruel ... Maybe not intentionally cruel; but you seem to be forcing me into disclosures which can result in nothing; as if you would have me bare a wound for the pleasure of looking at it, without the intention or power of healing it."
I think you unintentionally hurt him and maybe embarrassed him. If he has carried this crush on you for years, your question drove the point home that you will never be interested in him in the same way he is interested in you. If you were, you would have been more careful of his feelings and put your "need to know" second to his need for a little pride.
I hope he is talking to you now. I don't think it would make things worse to apologize and to let him know you were out of line and would hate to lose his friendship over such a stupid, unthoughtful act.
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HI,
If you're so happy with your boyfriend and had such a good friendship with the other guy that you didn't want to jeopardise I wonder why you couldn't help 'rock the boat?' I suppose it's a case of curiosity killed the cat! Talk to your friend about this as soon as possible - the longer it's left the worse and more awkward it will get. Explain how important he is to you and how much you value your friendship and if it's so important to you to know if he had a crush on you, ask him. In future maybe bear in mind that talking honestly face to face is better than having a friend pass notes about! MM
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It was wrong of you to write him that note while you are in a relationship.
Not because it was 'cheating', obviously it wasn't. But because it was unkind to your long-term friend to ask him to bear his soul to you about his feelings while you are unattainable.
That is cruel.
It's like dangling a precious gem in front of someone but saying 'Opps! No, you can't have it! Maybe if you acted faster! But not anymore."
No matter how kind your note was, there is no avoiding that. It was wrong, and unfriendly for you to try and find out how he felt at this point. It is a way to make you feel good (because you know you are desirable and your feelings where returned) at the expense of making him feel awful (because it's awkward, embarrassing and you are unattainable and have a boyfriend).
Please understand I'm not calling you an awful person, but what you did was very unkind and poorly thought out. You ought to be kinder and more sympathetic to a good friend and not put them in uncomfortable position for no real reason.
If he does speak to you again, don't ask him to respond to your letter. Instead, apologize for putting him in such an awkward position, tell him how much you value his friendship, and promise not to put him on the spot in such an unfair way again. In that way, you can start to repair the damage you probably did.
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