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January 23, 2009Answers:
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'Never argue unless you're right, and never argue with me because you won't be right!'Hi and thanx for visiting my column,
Problem?
Honest, no nonsense advice awaits
Talk to me,
Mitch Moore, LONDON
advice
so i love hooking up and making out with my boyfriend, and the beginning part of the kiss is always great. but then when we get more into it, he stops moving his lips, sticks his tongue into my mouth and swirls it around like a windmill. it is really not pleasant for me...is there anyway to let him know i don't like that without straight-up telling/asking him?? i need help....
:(
Unfortunately I don't think so! ... you've got to either put up with it (ugh) or just tell him straight (yeah, he may well be upset or offended) or of course you could get rid! MM
So I'm only halfway through higschool and I've been with this guy for a while. We are both getting really serious. I like being serious, and I can't stand the fact that we could possibly break up, but everyone tells me not to get so serious, because there's PLENTY of guys out there, especially when I get older! I agree with this, but I don't ever want to break up with him! I'm afraid though, that if we don't break up, I'll never get to experience the things I wanted to in highschool and beyond! Any help? Thanks. =)
For as long as your happy with your boyfriend and you want to stay with him - stay with him! but your right being young is about having fun and having different experiences. Most (but not all) relationships between young people are short term and the time may well come when you want to move on but don't worry about that, just take it as it comes. MM
17/f
I have known this boy for years and we have always liked eachother. finally after years of on and off seeing eachother there was always a connection. finally we are together. we are in love and talk to eachtoher all the time and text 24/7. the down side is we only get to see eachother twice a week. he is very insecure and emotionally weak. he trusts me but every once in a while he says he has his doubts and can't trust other people. it takes him forever to get over things which bugs me because i never worry about anything and i get over things quicker than they begin. is there anyway i can fix this?
thanks soo much :)
Your ability to get over thing and move on is a good thing. Worrying is such a waste of time isn't it? Not everyone shares our outlook on life though. I don't think there is any way you can fix this, only your boyfriend can deal with his personal issues. You can help but he has to recognise he has a problem and want to change. If things go on as they are do you think it will begin to have a detrimental effect on your relationship?, I suspect it will. Maybe you should explain this to him. Defiantly talk about this, don't just plod on and pretend all is ok. MM
so I have a boyfriend.
I love him and we've been going out for almost 5 months. he is my prince charming and i love everything about him.
anyways.
theres this other guy i've known for almost 5 years. I used to have a crush on him but then i found my prince charming. I always suspected that he had a crush on me but i wasnt sure. I've always wanted to ask him about it but i never wanted it to ruin our friendship.
I wrote him a note the other day not to like start a relationship but to just find out if he ever did.
he read it after my friend gave it to him but he hasnt talked to me since.
I'm scared it has ruined our frinedship but I'm kinda to scared to talk to him about it.
Any advice, i really need it.
HI,
If you're so happy with your boyfriend and had such a good friendship with the other guy that you didn't want to jeopardise I wonder why you couldn't help 'rock the boat?' I suppose it's a case of curiosity killed the cat! Talk to your friend about this as soon as possible - the longer it's left the worse and more awkward it will get. Explain how important he is to you and how much you value your friendship and if it's so important to you to know if he had a crush on you, ask him. In future maybe bear in mind that talking honestly face to face is better than having a friend pass notes about! MM
me and my bofyriend are on a break..
anyways idk i have never broken up really or stuff like that im not good with it or know the best way to act what to do but this is a long relationship and my first almost 2 years and were 18..
idk any tips?
im hoping this will make him realize more of me and how much he needs me
cause he started to take me for granted and i dont like that
so any ideas?
any personal experience
i will love you if you help me out, share stories hgive advice anything thank you!
If you're on a break the relationship hasn't been working - what makes you think it will next time? A relationship is either good, and you want to be with the person or its bad, and you need to get out - all this 'we're on a break' stuff is a load of crap!! Sorry to be harsh but I learned that the long and hard way. If you're not happy with the way this person has been with you and the way he has taken you for granted the solution is not hoping he sees the error of his ways and miraculously changes - you need to say I choose something different, something better for myself. Don't be one of these people who cling desperately to a nightmare relationship thats up and down and on and off constantly - lots of people do that - it doesn't make one of them happy! MM
I am a girl and I have been talking to this 19 year old who is not like other guys that I have had a relationship with before...(He's not one of those guys that wants to get in my pants) - he's actually the nerdy/music lover/guitar player type that goes to college and trust me, he's not going to screw me over. Moving on, I am only 16. :( I know it's illegal to date him and all, but he really is the cutest along with being funny and an overall fantastic personality over any guy friend I have. I also feel kind of foolish for liking someone 3 years older than me. We haven't hung out, only talked in person a whole lot. Though, we have talked about hanging out.. Anyways, I know my parents would absolutely go ape shit if they found out how old he is.. If he picks me up and comes to the door, am I suppose to tell my parents that he's 19 ? Or should I lie about it ? I have no idea what to do.
Hi
Well im from the uk and that is not illegal hear, I'm always shocked to hear how uptight 'the land of the free' really is (no offence) - look this guy sounds really great and I think you would be very upset to leave him behind, so don't! One of my friends is dating a 16 year old and she is 24! I don't think the age gap is at all outrageous! What your parents don't know won't hurt them and if you don't tell them you won't need to argue with them about it. Be careful though - as in don't get caught! lol - Good luck MM
PS - Having looked at other columnists answers I see it may well not actually be illegal in the states so I apologise (on this issue at least) for accusing the US 'powers that be' of being uptight! MM
me and my x have been on and off for 2 years. we were friends with benefits at points and now i made it clear i just want to be friends and nothing more. i feel like i am never his top priority as a friend though. he always ditches me for other people and blows me off and i pretty much feel like he uses me or tries to. he also gets angry a lot. i don't know what to do it makes me so upset b ut i know hes not a great person
You know he is not a great person, he uses you, your never his priority, he blows you off, he ditches you, your relationship was on and off, up and down ... don't just end the relationship, end the friendship. May be hard but has far as I can tell there are no positives about knowing this person.. get rid, move on! MM
im gay and have a crush on my best friend melissa brother robert and he is straight but wishes that i was a girl because we have all the same exact qualities that we look for in eachother. Please Help
P.S. ive never been in love before so I really want this .
Hi,
Well Ill just say i too am a gay guy - and there will always be straight people you fancy! Unfortunately theres nothing you can do! He is not gay, your not a girl and thats that! He soundls like a good guy and very accepting though so hold on to him as a friend! And go out and find a guy you like who is a gay! MM
i have a bf
i went on vaca, and i like this guy nw
he lives like many miles away but we talk all the time
and i dont think i like my bf anymore
but weve been together a long time liek 7 mths
and now with this new guy i noticed i could do better
and the new guy lieks me back
and i wold be willing to do long distance w. him
but idk waht i should do , is it worth breaking up?
should i keep living a double life utill summer when ik i can easily b/u w. him
help pls any advice possible
16/f
Hi, well being with someone a long time isn't a good reason to stay with them - you should stay with them because you want to be with them and to be fair you don't sound that mad about this guy. Should you keep living a double life - well how is it making you feel, do you feel guilty, do you feel stressed, is it difficult? If the answer to those questions is yes then my advice is sort this thing now. If the answer is no then maybe you feel you should hang on and keep your options open. Others may disagree with me saying that but I'm not going to judge you or give you a lecture on the rights and wrongs of how you conduct your love life! I suspect what you really want to do is ditch the boyfriend and go for it with the other guy? If that's the case go for it! But do think about your boyfriends feelings and try to be fair to him. MM
16/male.
[sorry this wont make sense if i don't do from start to finish]
okay.. so it all started dropped for me since December 4th... or October 2nd to be precise..
Me and my girlfriend were together for a while, then her mom decided to get married, well the person she married [at an offaly fast timing] lived in Texas... Well, we were happy with each other, i knew i was in love, the ACTUAL Love. nothing fake... She told me she was as well.. She moved on October 2nd and it tore us both apart inside. We stayed in touch for a long time, but i noticed a change in the way she would talk to me over the AIM and Emails and such, we could not talk on the phone because her mother didn't want her to talk to anyone unless it was free; unfortunately it was around the time both our Verizon phones got cut off.. and so she went to Alltel and i am still phoneless to this day.. But after she moved i tried my hardest to keep everything up.. i never thought about breaking up with her. i loved her so much, i didn't care how far she was from me.. But on December 4th.. i asked her if it bothered her when i told her "i love you" and she told me "Yes, only because it hurts and we cant see each other" well, Later.. she broke up with me because the distance between us was killing her.. she couldn't take it, she was to upset about it, the following week though she came to visit for her cousins Band Concert.. she didn't know about it... that was the last time i saw her too..
Well, Since school has started back up, iv tried moving on.. but no matter how hard i try, whom ever i try to get into a relationship with, i also stop myself to the thought of how much im in love with her still. i cant get over her, i cant talk to her still.. my email wont receive hers for some reason..
Oh well.. i talk to her now and then i guess, we are still friends yes..
But recently i tried to move on, and i met someone [E].. she was dating someone with the same name as me, but she told me she liked me a lot.. and "loved" her bf even though they just got together. well, it went on for a while. i walked to her house with the intentions to hang out, it worked were she wanted me to bite her neck.. Well, of course being a teenage boy i did it.. but then she told her mom and everyone half the story, she bit mine as well... But she only told them that "He bit my neck, and it scared me" so everyone thought i was the bad person. i told everyone who asked me about it the entire story.. she still said she liked me.. later on she broke up with her boyfriend, and then a few days later BLAMED it on me... i took the blame for everything, because i liked her.. even though i still had my ex on my mind more then her.
I tried talking to friends about it, but i didn't get the answers i wanted.. my mind has become mentally unstable, because i left the person i liked just a week ago.. [we weren't together i just got tired of the lies, the using and of course, the hurting]
She hurt me, i don't know why i liked her, now she struts around school with her "new" boyfriend and i feel like she's trying to make me jealous.. its not working, just annoying me making me think she's a whore or something. because when she blamed me for her previous break up she would go around saying "I shouldn't have left him i am in love with him" .... yeah... right..
But anyways, my friend [SG] got a new girlfriend, she reminds me of My ex girlfriend soooo much its incredibly awkward. at first i was scared to meet her 'cause me [sg] and her were suppose to hang out' so we did. but at first i thought nothing of it, [SG] is my ex cousin so you know. but i confronted him about it, and told him and he agreed in a way.. said she did in some ways. but he still dates her, and i told him never to break up with her. but i cant really control that... so, i hope he doesn't do it.. but anyways, i met her friend.. thought she was cute and funny.. :) So i started talking to her.. but over the week iv been gaining feelings for my best friends gf not meaning too! and for the past 4 days iv had non stop dreams about her each night.. i dont know what they mean.. but i told her how i felt about her the other night.. and she didn't have a response honestly. i don't want her though.. like, in a way i want her, because how she reminds me of my ex.. and then again, i want to be with her friend.. but i want to get to know her more.. but as well as, i want to be with my ex again.. i dont think im ready to love someone else; love never goes away from what im told... they were right... but
Please, help me.. i don't know WHAT to do! my feelings are split into so many different ways, it's making me daze out of school completely, and as well as making my anxiety attacks more frequent. and even give me suicidal thoughts whenever the anxiety strikes...
I just want to be happy again...
My ex told me not to long ago i still keep her calm.. because we were talking and she said something about her step sister drives her insane, and she told me over the phone that im the only one to keep her calm...
and she told me again... and it made me think she may still have feelings for me?
Someone.. if you can, if you bothered to read this.. please, please please please, help me.
iv gotten to the point where i dont want to be
alive.. but i just want to be happy again...
she was the only one to make me truly happy..
I have feelings for my best friends gf..
i am still in love with my Ex..
I like my best friends gf's best friend..
what should i do.. my dreams are not helping me at all!
Hi, ok - wow! The first thing you should do is sit down and take a few deep breaths! I agree with you, I think you are too confused and upset to think properly but the fact that you recognise the state your heads in at the moment means you can start putting it right. Your girlfriend moving away and the lack of contact must have been, and still be extremely difficult. Too difficult for your girlfriend to cope with it would seem. I think to be honest she made the right desiccation to finish the relationship, as the way things where you both where being torn apart and not coping at all well. Moving on is so hard, I know. We've all been there but honestly time is a healer and things will get better. There should however be no reason you can't maintain a friendship, but maybe a little space for a short time would be advisable. As for the other two girls, well for the moment - and just for the moment - stop thinking about other girls. Give yourself time to digest what's happened with your girlfriend and start to come to terms with that. Time to start and heel. Surround your self be your friends. You need to go into a new relationship because you want to be in that relationship not because you need to get over an ex. Another relationship won't help you with that one. As for the girl who's told all the lies / caused all the trouble - keep well away from her! Try to worry about things less and take them as they come. Give yourself time and don't go into a new relationship just yet. Make sure you have the support of your friends and soon you'll feel things getting better! Honest!
Take care, MM
16/f
Say your cousin Had sex with you when you were 7 and they were 13, but nobody made ur cousin do it she chose to herself. She kinda used you as a sex toy. But Your both girls. Is it still considered Rape?
Hi,
Very difficult question and subject matter.
Im not going to attempt the question 'was it rape' as I think a more important question is simply 'was it right / ok for that to happen?' And the answer is of course absolutely not.
At thirteen that girl was very young herself but old enough (and older enough than her cousin) to make what she did very wrong indeed.
Im assuming that the seven year old is you, although of course it may not be. I think this girl in question, weather it be you or not needs to talk to someone about this. A professional who is experienced in dealing with things like this.
With the limited information I really can't say more than that. Take care.
Mitchmoor2009@hotmail.co.uk for questions that will never be posted anywhere. MM
ok.... so im 19f in college and ive just recently found out that this guy in my roomies program likes me.
Im not sure how i feel about him, ive never given him and i much thought. Hes not realy attractive, but hes always been nice to me. He seems quite forward, and ive heard alot of him sleeping around. I dont just want to be another count for him.
Im not sure if i should get to know him more than i do to see how i feel...or... take it as the pig just trying to get some more.
I already know hes had a thing for both my roomates... he seems to "like" alot of girls. Yet he says hes just trying to find a relationship. I dont know what to believe and i dont want to get hurt.
what do i do?
Hi,
You know theirs nothing wrong with casual sex and having fun messing around if you're comfortable and happy with that - it sounds as if your not. So my advice is (unless you come to know him better and find he is not just after one thing) to stay clear. Plenty other boys out there and your right you don't want to get hurt. MM
My Friend has a boyfriend called Callum.
They were best friends before hand :)
But out of the blue his dad died 2 weeks ago.
She doesn't know how to be there for him.
I've told her she just needs to be there for when he is ready to talk about and not push him to far. I told her he isn't going to be himself for a while so always take it into consideration if he not in the mood to hang out or whatever,
but I really want to help her.
Because everytime something bad goes wrong in a relationship for her and she gives up. This is a very hard thing for her to deal with. She's not at all emotional - What advice can I give her to look after her boyfriend? What should she do to make sure he's ok?
Hi,
Well the advice you've already given her is absolutely right. All she can do is be there to support him, listen to him and really just love him! The thing is nothing she or any one can do or say will bring him back. It will take time, maybe a long time and there's no easy way to deal with it but with time things will get better. And I think you need to support your friend in a similar way to how she needs to support her boyfriend. There's nothing you can do to change the situation, all you can do is be there and be a friend. Take care, MM
please help me...
ok i have been on and off with this guy austin for almost six years..i love him i do..but he doesnt treat me like i know i should be treated..sometimes he even just makes me feel shitty about myself sometimes though..he makes me feel reall good...we have been through more good times and bad times..than anyone i know...also..his family is my family..they adore me..and i feel the same about them...it that makes it harder....and everytime we break up..it never fails..i go back to him.. because i cant stand the sight of him and someone else...
but theres this justin guy that has just recently come into my life..and we have become extremely close over the last 5 or 6 months..give or take a few...but he makes me feel so good...hes so sweet..hes so good to me.he treats me like way too good i feel like..he makes me feel reall good about myself...and makes me happy...but yet so does austin..sometimes...but anyway...justin has me on this pedestle..and i dont feel like i belong there..or deserve to be there...he looks at me like no one has..ever looked at me...but i cant shake this thing that i have for austin..and i hate seeing him with anyone else...im just so confused..i dont want to hurt anyone..but i also dont want to hurt myself anymore...i really really love them both..and cant picture myself without either one...
please write me back asap.
Well I could give you an extremely longwinded, blabbering answer but I'll keep it dead simple - ditch Austin and go be happy with Justin! Why is it do you suppose that you feel you don't deserve to be treated properly, with respect, like a lady by Justin - yes because of Austin's handy work over the past 6 years!
The fact is people like Austin rarely change. Staying in a relationship with such people is like a never ending headache. Get some self respect, you know you deserve better!
Do these two guys know about each other? Because this is not fair on them either is it? Some may say what your doing at the moment is selfish! You're going to have to get the back bone to finish it with one of them. And if you can't get over this jealousy you have when it comes to Austin being with other people I suppose you'll just have to stay with him, be unhappy and be treated badly - oh yes and break Justin's heart! Don't be stupid ... Be happy! MM
I am 17 years old and I've never had any type of serious relationship. I met this amazing guy few days ago and we hung out twice. Last night he came and picked me up where we went to his house, watched a movie, cuddled, kissed...etc
It was great! I really think i am starting to like this guy. But now what? should i call him? wait for him to call me? ahh im nervous.
You're nervous, but in a good way, right?1 Don't worry about it, just go with it and have fun! And if you wana call him just do it! MM
so my (first) boyfriend of about 2 months is suicidal... he tells me that he's really scared that he'll lose me--i dont even no why because-- and he loves me so much. he tells me that im like air-if he doesnt have me, he'll die. i really love him, and i would never want to lose him. I don't know whats gotten to him. please help, im desperate.
You've been together two months and he says he can't live without you? With the greatest of respect he clearly was doing an ok job of living without you up until two months ago! This obsessive and extreme behaviour from your boyfriend is NOT healthy - fact!
Without wanting to upset you - this is your first boyfriend. We all think we're madly in love and will stay for ever with our first boy/girl friend but in almost every case of course this dose not happen!
It sounds to me like your boyfriend is trying to creating a situation where you feel you don't have a choice but to be with him out of fear of what he would do if you did end the relationship. You cannot allow yourself to be in that position.
This behaviour from your boyfriend needs to stop. He needs to understand you cannot stay in this relationship unless this worrying and abnormal behaviour stops. Let him know your there for him and he can talk through his concerns and problems but ultimately if this situation does not improve soon my advice is get out fast!
And if it does come to the point where you have to end it, I am sure he will live!
MM