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somthings annoying me... could it be you?
this isnt your normall boyfriend girlfriend type question that your used to, no no no..
this about advicenators on love and sex related questions. some of your answers annoy me slightly, dont get me wrong when you get down to it you guys and gals have saved my ass countless times, but i was just browsing through the answers from the Sex Section and love Section and most answers to certain questions are all "Guys that age do NOT want girls your age for anything more than sex" to be really fair the question was about a 15 year old wanting to date a much older guy. but thats not the point, what gets me goin is how they'r so sure that all guys my age or at that age are all hormonal sex addicted sluts... which is far from it with me and most other people i know, i havent had a girlfriend in 4 years or so, but there have been a few people i have really liked during that time. all of them with beautiful personalities and endless qualities that i could dream of for days, but nothing ever sexual has ever come to mind in all those 4 years (no matter how harrasingly frustrated i became). so why is it that decent "guys my age" who have just been condemmed with so easily with the title of "Wanting nothing more than sex". granted to you that there really are some guys out there who want nothing more than that, but they will soon be shamed and come to thier senses. whos to say girls dont do this either? is the reason you post this degrading sentance because you'v had some painfull expiriences in your life that make that decsion for you? "All guys want it sex" goes against everything i have allways thought, the last thing on my mind ever whilst being with a girl is sex. just having some one besides me who i know loves me back as much as i love her is a much better feeling than the short burst of Adrenaline.
iv been thinking about posting this qustion for about 2 weeks now and i'v finnaly done it
So i'v had my rant and got my thought's off my mind.
all i wanna do now is wait for what your reaction is, dont get me wrong... im not pickin fights nor am i trying to start one. debate my point and help me understand your side(s). So now i'v had my rant and got my thought's off my mind.
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
Haha
Because I'm a guy, a student of psychology, and have a bunch of evidence, both anecdotal and statistical that I've studied.
Lets make an example using the word "you"
Lets say you were 27 and she was 14, there was a question like this earlier.
If you are 27 and she is 14, you are either a pedophile, extremely emotionally immature, or both.
This is a fact, not a contention. Normal adults seek people similar to their own maturity levels in order to form normal relationships. This is a basic human drive.
Given this, we can assert that a guy in his mid to late 20s who wants to date a freshman or sophmore in high school is either
a) At a 14 year old emotional level making him compatible with her
b) Above a 14 year old emotional level making him someone who uses his experience and age to manipulate people because he cannot handle or does not desire a relationship with someone who is on equal footing with him relationship wise.
Additionally, all guys want sex. This is not the same as "all guys want is sex". Men are biologically driven to reproduce, and are designed to be capable both emotionally and physically to reproduce with more than one woman at a time. This is a biological imperative based in the concept that when there is mate competition, the best mates win out and pass their genes along. This perpetuates evolutionary and biological development and progress.
What does all this gibberish mean?
It means that some guys accept this, and are normal function adults who control their behavior.
It means that some guys either don't notice this or know it and don't bother controlling it, making them the assholes everyone warns girls away from.
It means that a third category of guys tries to hide this aspect of themselves, for various reasons that are almost universally negative.
You want us to believe that you have not had a sexual thought about girls while mentioning sexual frustrations. Offhand, that implies that theres a good possibility that you have sexual desires that you want to hide for one reason or another, which in turn implies that you aren't a normal well adjusted male.
The other outside possibility is that you have an abnormally low sex drive, in which case you are making the mistake of assuming your own experiences are somehow statistically significant. They aren't, and if you do indeed have a lower sex drive than average your desires and wants don't define the average guy any more than my abnormally high sex drive defines them.
When I am with a girl I am dating or interested in I am ALWAYS thinking about sex. That doesn't mean its my only desire, or even the strongest desire at any particular point in time, but it IS always there. Again, this is not universal, but few guys go out with a girl without considering sexual possibilities at some point before, during, or after the interaction. It doesn't mean that you sit there fantasizing about what she will look like on her knees blowing you, but it does mean that the idea probably occurs and has definite appeal.
This fact is not degrading, its simply a fact.
As a sidenote, studies have also shown that when an immature relationship intersects with sex (immature being defined as a relationship not based on a knowing, comfortable love being shared that has developed through a process of getting to know your partner well) that quite often the relationship becomes about sex. Both parties are thinking about how to best facillitate sexual desires rather than simply getting to know each other and form a functioning mutual relationship)
This is especially prevalent in teens and young adults who get caught up in the excitement of sex and are too inexperienced to understand the other parts of a relationship to the point that they seek and desire that more than the excitement of the sex present in the relationship.
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There are a lot more clues in a question that leads me to conclude a guy (or frankly, a girl) is just after sex then simply their age.
I’m not arguing with you however. There is absolutely a generalization that exists, and it’s derogatory. However, many generalizations exist because they are OFTEN true, not because they are ALWAYS true. We are wrong to treat them as though they are always true, but there are reasons we do it anyways.
A teenage male will OFTEN be keenly interested in sex and engaging in sexual activity. I don’t think that statement is unfair or derogatory. It’s like saying teenage females will OFTEN think babies are really cute. It’s not saying all teenage females are baby-crazy nut bars who will do stupid and irresponsible things to get near, or have, a baby, but it’s still a generalization that is OFTEN true, and that is reasonable to make.
A teenage female who THINKS the boy she is interested in is keenly or solely after sex, frankly, is more likely than not to be right. NOT because ALL teenage boys are that way, but because it’s OFTEN true, and because she has found reasons to suspect it. She could be wrong; however, it’s not an unreasonable conclusion to come too, and to act on, from the standpoint of self-preservation. To put it more simply: If a girl feels strongly enough to ask for opinions here if someone she knows is only after sex, just by her feeling the need to ask the question there is already an increased chance that they are.
Although many columnists will use age as their main reasoning for why someone is merely interested in sex, there are other clues in a question, normally really obvious and clear ones, although explaining to an inexperienced teenage girl WHY these other signs are present would take more time than simply slogging out the tired old generalization that “He’s just after sex”.
As for your comment about ‘personal experience’ that is always a very dangerous and ungenerous accusation to level against someone. To argue “Well your opinion is biased because of your life experience so I’m not going to take you seriously!” is a capital crime in a realm of polite debate. To write someone off because you assume they have a past experience which colors their opinion is not much different then someone writing you off as sex-crazed because you are a teenage male. It’s the same kind of unfair generalization and nastiness.
So, you are right about this. It’s not really FAIR, but it’s doesn’t come from a completely unreasonable or irrational place. Many people won’t have the maturity to either A.) Choose their words in a more balanced way or B.) Explain in detail what in the question really leads them to believe the person is only after sex, besides their age (even if age is a factor).
You ARE right. All of my talking about doesn’t EXCUSE the behavior of sexism and unfair generalizations, all it does is EXPLAIN it. We should aspire to behave better as Advicenators then to make those sorts of knee jerk reactions and sexist remarks, HOWEVER, there is no point in getting upset, taking it personally, or trying to make it personal by assuming someone had a bad life experience or is just bitter.
What is best to do is remember that although those generalizations are not fair or just, they OFTEN come for a place that is generally not evil, they are just not complex or thoroughly expressed opinions. The best thing you can do, is offer your own advice to the person, and better express yourself and your opinions.
People are going to be throwing you into groups and making generalizations about you for the rest of your life. Some of them will be negative, like this one and some will be positive (Canadians are polite, for instance), they are human, and inescapable. Letting them upset you on a personal level is not helpful, correcting them calmly and rationally is.
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