LoveNJstyle's

advice

Does this sum up what is going on, or did I miss something?

(This was originally posted in response to a question about why most people here are 13 year old females.)

Hello there,

I have been trying my best to figure that one out...

Have you noticed that girls will tell their dads things that they simply can NOT bring themselves to talk to their mother about? Same thing goes for boys. There is a definate lack of Dad type creatures around these days. Failing to have that person to bounce things off of, they ask their peers.

Why? Because, quite frankly, when you are 13, practically everyone you know well enough to ask advice. Boys and girls all the same.

The difference comes in that a boy can ask his mother: "Hey Mom, what can I do to impress this girl." Mom is a girl, so she knows the answer usually. Don't EVER ask your mother what a boy likes... :-)

A boy at 13 has a number of people around of the male type, varying in ages, which he can ask most everything he would ask a dad if he were there. Pastor/teacher/martial arts instructor/mechanic/barber, etc.

We wouldn't think twice about asking someone we hardly know if we should get roses or chocolate, do we look alright, etc.

People say men don't ask for advice... That's bull. You see, we do. We will ask, get the answer and move on. I remember hearing girls talk about what their friend said they should do, and their friend's friend said this and that and the other.

Men, are very simple in such respects. We don't intentionally ask people we know will give bad advice. If we have a matter of life experience, we like to go to people who have already lived through a few more things than we have. For example: Back when I was 12, I wouldn't go seeking investment or job advice from someone 13. Try 50+ They have already done all the career stuff and if they did it right you get good advice. If however they did it wrong, you get to find out what job you do NOT want to get into. By asking our elders these things we learn something either way.

Today we all have reduced opportunities. When you are little today, you can't just hang out with adults... The news people have everyone convinced that every adult is a predator unless they are your parent. Guess what? The last figures I saw indicated that better than 80% of all child sexual abuse is committed by one or both parents.

What effect has this had? When I was about 6 my Dad went to pick up something from an equipment yard. I went with him and noticed a guy rebuilding an engine. Dad went into the office to pay, so I wandered over and started bugging this guy. By the time Dad came out, I was learning how to use a torque wrench. (The thing you use to make sure all the bolts on something are tight enough, but not too tight.)

Dad asked the guy if I was bothering him. He said not at all, so Dad left me there to learn for about 3 hours. I got a lot of that. Dad was a fair judge of character.

Now, there usually isn't a dad at all. :-( Everyone is so scared of things that kids never get a chance to talk to many people wiser than themselves.

We have ended up in a place where the only place to get advice is from our peers. People your own age usually give bad advice about almost everything. Boys, girls it doesn't matter.

Right now, on this board, there is a 13 year old female asking what she needs to do to start having sex. There are a few people who asked her to think twice, but those in her age range were less concerned with her mental health, and more concerned she get an appropriate condom.

A 14 year old, said something like "Don't wait till you get old like me, get your groove on before you get too old"

BAD ADVICE! Down! Bad Advice, no biscuit!

Adults in general aren't out to get you. It's a fact. If your Mom gives you bad advice, it isn't because she is trying to ruin your life... It is because she THINKS WHAT SHE IS TELLING YOU IS RIGHT. It doesn't make it right. Not at all. Same thing for Dads. (Though I mostly see complaints about mothers here.)

When my parents knew I was old enough to think for myself is NOT when I said I was. It was after I proved it. I thought something my parents said was unreasonable. My dad told me to put it in writing. I did my own thinking on why I felt that way. Then I started researching the idea. What I found out was that my parents were right about that. I wrote it out and handed it over. It was after that that my parents KNEW that if I looked into things for myself I would come to the right conclusion. Even if I didn't like it.

Short version: You want to be treated like a thinking, well read, intelligent and wise adult? Act like one.

Adult life is a lot easier when we spend our youth listening and learning everything we can to make smart choices.

Here's another thought: Travel. Out of this country. See how the rest of the world lives. Most people buy clothes because they are durable, not because they are "IN" (for about a week.) Guaranteed to open your mind to a whole new way of thinking.

Over a quarter million people died in the recent Tsunami... The survivors have NO PLACE at all to call home. And the current threads here are: "Should I wear a thong?" "Where do I get Like size 00 clothes, that are, like, in?" I like this boy...girl, etc."

The best thing that ever happened to me was seeing that almost everything I had been told to believe was important: Cars, clothes, trends, music, hair, team choice, etc. was completely and totally meaningless when you look at the big picture. I would have been right here asking the same kinda stuff(boy version of course) had I not had that opportunity.

Ok, this became a rant. Not against 13 year old girls. A rant against what our society tells 13 year old girls and boys is important for them to be worrying about.

Back to the topic of WHY:

Girls, let me ask you a question: How many of your girlfriends did you tell about this site?

Now tell me how many boys you told about it? Did you tell them there was a guy with 20+ years of computer experience they could ask questions for free? (I normally charge $75.00 per hour in my shop.) Did you tell them there was a place to ask questions about cars and trucks? How about model rockets? R/C cars? Paintball? Airsoft guns? Model building? Sports? Weight training? Hunting? CB radios? Computer hardware/software/networking? Car stereo? Hydraulics? Truck driving scools?

Have you told a single boy you know about any of the things that HE might be interested in?

Do I see one hand raised? Ok, so you get a boy in here and he asks a question. Wonderful! What do most of the girls do? Make fun of him, laugh at him, tell him he is stupid or he would already know and CORRECT HIS SPELLING! I am almost to the point where I have looked at every question on this site. I saw a lot of that on my way through.

What do I do when someone asks a question I don't know the answer to... I research it and post links to appropriate resources. When was the last time you did that for a question you couldn't answer? Saying something "cute" or mean as hell does not encourage the participation of teen boys. Teen boys are actually quite insecure about opening themselves up to be called stupid, or made fun of. They don't handle it well at all. It just guts them and they are never quite the same.

Here is something to consider: You have this guy, who you really like. You set up a date. You go out and buy the BEST outfit on earth. Your Mom likes this guy, so she gives you her credit card, sends you to get hair and makeup done in the BEST place in the city.

So far so good? Ok, now he shows up to take you out, and when you open the door, he bursts out laughing! Pointing and LAUGHING AT YOU!

Your new duds may be stylish, and the hair may be the latest french design but to him it is hilarious. He doesn't know anything about french fashion, or Neiman Marcus so to him you look like a hooker in a clown suit.

How BAD would you feel? Would anything ever make you COMPLETELY whole again after something like that?

Same thing if this site offers to answer questions and then the people here ridicule and belittle the askers. Boys minds work different than girls. It isn't a bad thing, it is just they way we are wired.

I got an email from someone after I answered their question. They said they quit using the site because the response they got to a very well thought out question was: "F***ing Dumb*SS!"

I reported another place this person used the same abusive response, using the abuse report feature, and this was the response:

"Moderator Response
Submitted: by FrEe2bMe
Reponse: While K**************'s response was not appropriate, if you look at their over all rating it is only a 2.21. That is why there is now a threshold where you can set who you want to recive answers from Under Profile Setting adjust it so you only recieve answers from people like 4 or higher or whatever your comfortable with. :)"

This guy, yes GUY, 15 years old didn't know that, so he will never be back.

Did anyone step up to tell this person off? Did anyone else report it? Do you even know where the abuse link is?

It is up to the majority here to decide if this is going to be Advivenators.com or Abusenators.com

Since the majority here are 13 year old girls, I ask you: Which will it be?

DangerNerd

Thats probably the smartest thing I have heard on this site yet. I used to have a different column where I would give answers that were beyond my years. The reason I stopped was because no one appreciated it! I get better ratings on my new column where I just tell them what they want to hear so I dont have a little brat cursing at me because I dont support her decision. Some of the boys on this site mock the question also, its not just the 13 year old girls that probably shouldnt be on this site either. Thank you for noticing and trying to change things.

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Anyone know were/how I can make a *FREE* website on my own..Like I can have links to other pages like one link could be my pictures (but on the same site not linked to a site where they are) and another link could be ramblings..its not exactly a journal but idk exactly what it is either..can someone please help me! I love making sites taht have already been made for me,but I want to make my own! ** I rate high **

xanga.com

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my boobs hurt all the time, i dont really mind when a guy touches them it just is SO painfull for me. is there any home remidies or anything i could do to relieve the pain?

i think you might need a more supportive bra.

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i was thinking about who i would call up for my candle ceramony for my sweet 16..i counted 12 relatives, and the other 4 spaces would be for my friends. Problem! I have 3 friends i know im definately going to call up..but thenn there is only one more space left..and i have some other pretty close friends! :/ how doo i not hurt their feelings!

well you could have your 3 close friends and then someone who isnt a friends but is someone you admire so you dont have to pick out of them. sorry if this doesnt really apply to you .. its all i could think of from the info i had.

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Ok so my hs is holding a musical FAME. im part of the comitie im securatary. im only in 8th grade the rest of the officers are upper class men. i was wondering i dont have a song to sing. i want a bway song but not a fame song.

have you heard of the musical "wicked". its the coolest thing ever and a lot of the songs are really cool. also, "godspell" has some really good and easy songs to sing like "day by day". hope this helps and good luck at the audition!

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OK ive been to a few sweet 16's this year and everyone has the same thing : music and food for like 3-4 hours. People who arent the dancing queens and are dancing all night..tend to say they are bored, etc. For mine..i def dont want that to happen.

Is it a cool idea to go swimming for 2 hours at the hotel(im having my party there) with my closer friends ..then a half hour later the actual party starts? There are showers and i could bring a hair dryer (its a nice place) so my friends could do my hair so its not sopping wet. Also, there are a ton of pretty cool games i found off the internet which i was figuring would keep everyone happy.

Examples are :

(twister,hula hoop contest,game where two teams and together as a train..everyone has to walk to the finish line in single file while everyone has a bananna they have to get across without using their hands..they have to press it against the backs of the other ppl,

guy belly dancing contest, dancing/singing contest,pinata,limbo, and the human string relay, where there are two teams in a single file line. The first person has a spoon tied to yarn, and they have to put it down their shirt and pants..pass it back..same thing happens,,whoever is done first wins, "Roast" where people get up and tell funny story about guest of honor (me), game where as guests come in..you give them a necklace and tell them if they say any form of "yes" then the person who hears that can take their necklace away..person with most necklaces at the end wins.

for all these games i was thinking spending $50 on prizes for the night and for the winners i would hand out prizes

if you dont like these could you give me an idea on how to keep everyone happy and for my sweet 16 to be different and unique? thanks!! 5's for everyone who isnt rude because i know this is super long..but its really important to me

thank you again! :)

i agree with the scavenger hunt idea. my friend did that for her party and its a blast! then you can meet back at the room and do aq few of those. the guy belly dancing contest sounds sweet!

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I am 27 yrs old and my mom has never been there for me. I want to completly cut her out of our lives but will i be hurting my children? I have cut her out for anywhere from 2months to almost a year.

depends how old and how attached your kids are to their grandma. you could cut her out of the picture then see her when they want to.

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Okay this is my friends question.. She wanted to drink just for the experience but then when she did everyone was bitching at her because she wanted to be like them.. Like she was a poser or some gay shit like that.. Well she just wanted to know why everyone thinks she wants to be like everyone else???

well if thats being a poser, i think everyone has been at some time or another when they first started. people are pressured into drinking to fit in and be like everyone else and if they hate her for that, theyre not gonna like her no matter what she does.

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My friend was around marajuana over the weekend, i'm not sure weather or not she smoked, but she could have. Then she got sick and her mom took her to the doctor, where she had a blood test done to see weather or not she had mono. Should she be worried about the marajuana showing up on the test? do you think that the doctor will notice if it does? Please help!

:)annie

im not sure if it will show up in the blood test but if she took a urine test, it will show up. luck!

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Whats a disk defragmenter? My computer is very slow and my cousin suggested that I use the disk defragmenter and I've tired, but it doesn't seem to be working, I'm not even sure how it works. Can anyone explain this for me? Thank You.

a disc defragmentor cleans out any unecessary files on your computer that take up space causing it to be slower.

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Is it okay to fall for someone if they complement you and make you feel amazing when ever your feeling down and make you laugh all the time?


What if they were 6 years older than you?
Please help...

maybe if theyre 6 years older, theyre more expirienced with the sweet talk and just do it to drive u wild even thought they have no intention of being with you. if they like you then sure go for it.

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how can you find your bra size? like is there a way to measure yourself? maybe with a tape measurer or something?

www.beinggirl.com

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I need some suggestions for a good, reliable car that gets good gas milage and is safe. Don't give me answers with sports cars; insurance bites.

toyota corolla is PERFECT!

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Does anyone know where I can get some good quality (preferably with an underwire), but inexpensive bras? (like under $20)

kohls...some might be a bit (like $2) over but theyre really good.

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I dont know what to say I am thinking bout it but .... my boyfriend said he wants to go down on me but I dont know I feel weird bout it you know what I mean I know I am clean but I dont he says it different for the guy then it is for the girl I feel he is gong to look at me different after he does it he said after he does I am goig to want him to do it again what do I do HELP!

ok DONT DO ANYTHING YOU DONT WANNA DO! if you feel weird about it, make him wait. it could lead to other things if u mean what i think u mean then your gonna regret it after he breaks up with you.

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I hate my column colors, their getting old. Anyone have any cute colors that go good together? Other than Pink/black. Right now its pink/black/baby blue and I want something different. I rate 5's if you try! =)

maybe instead of colors, get a backround then make the text similar matching colors.

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does anyone have any good advice on how to kiss???

i went on google for you and got this site...i think it has pictures too. links2love.com

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ok im planning a sweet 16 at a hotel..i was wondering how i can control the people who come in? i dont want people who arent invited or random teenagers who are hotel guests popping in. Any suggestions? 5's for anyone who isnt obnoxious

have someone(older sib?) guard the door with the guestlist.

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i have this friend, and he is a year older than me(im 13, he is 14). we met through another friend and we have talked for a long time. He is really hott and hard to resist. we both have webcams and we had gotten naked for each other and we would do stuff for the other one to watch. he had always had a girlfriend during this time and it never seemed to bother him. about 2 weeks ago, we were gonna go on cam again. i took off my shirt and my bra and he was watching and everything was like normal, then, when it was his turn to show, he used the "i cant do this, i have a girlfriend" excuse. i dont know if he really meant it or not or if he just wanted to see and not show. that doesnt really bother me...its just now...that him and his gf broke up, he wants me to show him stuff again and i dont want to anymore. what should i tell him with out actually saying that? please help...i will rate!

just dont do it anymore. he prolly saved the other times you did tho. thats kinda scary.

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were can you find really cute bedsets for a teenage girl? ((bedsets as in comforters?)) please help!

wal-mart has really cute ones that are really inexpensive. potterybarn teen has some good ones too but theyre pricier.
pbteen.com

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