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Razhie. Advicenators Member Since: June 13, 2005. Answers: 5077. Visitors: 211514.
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The Question
hi, im 17 and my boyfriend is 27 and i know he's really old for me but ya i dated him for about 5 1/2 months things went up and down and so recently ive been really busy with school, so i couldn't meet up with him as much. Anyways i got a text from him after school saying lets meet at college campus at 2;30pm and i was like no because, i have after school activites to go to. so after that he Never called or texted me again.And i even sent him a text 2 weeks ago saying how are you? and he never replied. Does that mean he broke up with me? or should i call him or just forget about it and move on?
The Answer
Forget about it and move on.
You know why this guy is dating a seventeen year old rather then someone his own age? Because he is a shit and no girl his own age would put up with a cowardly move like that. He'd get himself kicked in the balls if he behaved that way with someone who was in his own group of friends or classmates...
Two weeks without contact and you are broken up. Relationship is over. If you want to be the bigger, mature person, send him a quick message saying "Dude, I've got to assume we've broken up at this point, so, have a nice life." or something like that and then forget he ever existed.
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The Question
Hi,
I am 21 and Ive recently been feeling really horrible and slutty about during my teenager years of how i lost my virginity with someone who i knew but wasnt my boyfriend and he then went and slept with someone else that same night i found out later on. Not only this incident but i also feel ashamed of another person who i slept with who wasnt my boy friend wither about a year after that.I was single so that is not an issue but I just feel really slutty and im worried its going to affect my future relationships if they find about about it. I just genereally feel guilty of how i acted in my teenager years with boys and need to ask whether or not anyone thinks I should feel worthless and not worthy of having a serious relationship?
The Answer
You can be ashamed of being a prude. You can be ashamed of being a slut. You can be ashamed of having sex once, twice, a dozen times. You can be ashamed of being in a relationship, of not being in a relationship, or of being divorced...
You can be ashamed of pretty much every, tiny little thing you did in your life that you now think wasn't such a hot idea.
There will always be more then enough shame to go around.
No one can tell you what you should feel. However, if you are with a guy who holds a sexual encounter you had as a teen agianst you, that guy doesn't love you. He loves himself and his own ideas more then he gives a damn about you, the person you are, or the way you feel.
The only way such simple teenage judgements challenge future relationships is ONE if you let them and TWO if you date insenstive, judgemental jerks who have rigid ideas of what people 'should' be, instead of an open tolerance and respct for learning and growing...
Forgive yourself and don't date assholes, and you'll be just fine.
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The Question
A year ago last month I ended a bad relationship with my ex and my mother told me to just come back home for a while. I'm almost 23 years old and have been residing in my mothers 1 bedroom apartment since. My mom is on public housing so her apartment is small and I sleep on a futon in her living room. She has 2 cats and 1 dog and she isn't very motivated to keep up on cleanliness when it comes to the pets or even her things. I clean the living room daily and by the time that I get done with work the house smells like dog feces and there's things all of the place again. I told my mom that I didn't think that she should get a dog and if she got it that it would be her responsibility because I thought it was a horrible idea in the apartment. She's using puppy pads for a bathroom for the puppy and well that might be smart but she's not training the puppy how to go outside, just lets her do what she wants in the house. Now she doesn't even take the puppy with her, the dog has become my responsibilty to take care of. Not only is that frustrating but back in January she got pulled over for a dwi and the police found traces of meth in her car so she's getting evicted. As far as I can think back I've never really known my mom to pay a real rent she's always been on some kind of assistance. If she wasn't my mom and just a room mate, she would no longer be living under the same roof as me. Now that she's being evicted we have to find somewhere else to go and I'm so frustrated because without me I don't think she can make it on her own, but I don't want to live with her anymore it's so frustrating. Am I being selfish for wanting us to go our own seperate ways? What should I do- do my own thing and just let her try to figure something out on her own, I don't think she'd make it. I just know that if I move with her now that I'm going to be obligated to stay with her for who knows how long because she definitely can't afford to pay rent on her own. This sucks, I feel like my own mother has me trapped and if I worry about myself first then I'm being a "selfish little brat" as I'm sure she'd call me.
The Answer
You can't live with her anymore.
Yeah, I get it. You feel like you have to stay to help her. You are going to have to get over that feeling, or stay miserable. Those are the two options. There is no magical pick unicorn of a third option. Moving or Misery. That's what ya got.
You are an adult. Your mother is adult.
Adults get to decide where and how they live. Your mother has decided to live in filth and engage in illegal activities. If your decision is to NOT live in that environment, as difficult and as damaging as that decision might be to your relationship, you are going to have to stick to it.
Are you selfish? People will call you selfish and you're going to have to accept that in order to make your life better. But just because you are putting yourself first doesn't mean it's not the legitimate and right thing to do! When a house is on fire the right thing to do is run out of the house, not stick around and die with someone else who is refusing to move. It is perfectly right for you to get out of living arrangement that is painful, damaging and unhealthy. Imagine, if you were six years old and your mother was caught driving impaired, with methamphetamines and a house covered in feces, the government would not have left you stay in the environment. Why should you subject yourself to an environment that, if you were a minor, every cop, social worker and sane person would be fighting tooth and nail to keep you from?
I really do know how tough it is to watch a family member go to jail because you can no longer stand between them and their own self destruction. There aren't many things in the world as painful as having to make that choice. Unfortunately, sometimes it is the only choice left.
A small note: Before you leave, drop the dog (and maybe the cats too) off at animal shelter. Especially if the dog is young, it probably has a better chance at life there than alone with your mom. If you going to take the difficult and painful step of saving yourself from her, you might as well save the puppy too...
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The Question
My friends are ALL talking about Justin Bieber's interview today.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DkKqihEUmH4&feature=player_embedded
Here is a link to the youtube video if you haven't seen it.
So since he doesn't even know what the word German means even when he reads it off a card, why are all my friends still crazy about him? I was the only one who thought he sounded like a girl and had stupid scene hair. Now he shows he is a moron and they just "think it is cute!" AWWW! I could vomit.
Can you tell me why morons with stupid hair are sexy? I don't get it.
I will rate you!
The Answer
He's sixteen.
I'm sorry, I really am, I know there are lots of very intelligent sixteen year olds on this site, but seriously, how many of you come across words you don't understand? How many of you have trouble automatically reading something out loud? How many of you misspeak?
I do this every day. I watch adults slip up in their language or reading every day. Teens have less experience are going to do it even more often.
I'm sorry Hun. I'm on the Biebar-bashing bandwagon with you. The obsession with him is moronic and there are a lot of legitimate reasons to dislike the Biebar phenomenon. However, attacking him because he you don't like his hair had a momentary struggle with automatic reading is just being pointlessly mean to a completely stranger, just because you friends behavoir annoys you. Take it up with your friends and don't be a bitch about some poor guy who'll probably be crushed under his own fame by 25.
WITTY: That video is from funny or die... It's meant as satire. Sure, it's not very good satire or very funny, but someone else wrote it for him to read to attempt to make a viral video... Give the kid a break. I get not liking a phenomenon. I get finding a particular kind of cultural engagement really stupid. I get not liking the music. I get changing the channel, turning off the radio or telling your friends to shut the hell up about it. I don't get the personal attacks against some 16 year old guy...
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The Question
...and I was always one of those people who got so annoyed by all of the girls who were freaking out asking if they could possibly be pregnant... but now I guess I shouldn't have been so quick to judge. My circumstances are a little different though. You see, I have implanon, the implant thing that is inserted into your arm, which is supposed to be 99.999 percent effective, which I got last year (2009) in September. Since I have had it, I have had a continuous period, not as heavy as my normal ones, but enough that I have to use a pad everyday. But I kept telling myself that I would wait it out, everyone said the bleeding could last up to six months before it straightened out. Well, I ended up waiting seven, and just a couple weeks ago it stopped. As it was in the process of stopping, I noticed really tender breasts, more frequent urination, and somewhat of a distended stomach... even my mom said I look pregnant (joking, of course, about a small amount of weight I have gained). Now after a week the bleeding has started again and all the other symptoms continue as well, and I am kind of freaking out. I feel like I have been so responsible about this whole sex thing, and I feel like with both types of supposedly the best protection out there it would be practically impossible to get pregnant... but these symptoms have left me wondering. Anyways, I'm sorry this is sooooo long... and I know the only way to be 100 percent sure is to go get tested, but I guess I just wanted to see what you girls say first... thanks a lot in advance
The Answer
Go talk to your doctor.
I sincerely hope that one of the people whose advice you sought while you bleed for six months, was a doctor.
You need to speak to a medical professional. Now.
You are probably not pregnant, but if you are noticing physical changes and continuous bleeding you absolutely MUST talk to a doctor. Maybe nothing is wrong, but something certainly seems wrong, and you need a doctors help to figure it out.
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The Question
My baby will be three and a half months old next week and he is my first. My husband and I don't want to have any more children for another 3 or 4 years, at least, and so I've been breastfeeding our little boy. My mom told me that you can't get pregnant if you are breastfeeding and that I should breastfeed for as long as I can to put off getting pregnant or having to go on birth control pills again. Then, I saw a link on some breastfeeding moms site I was looking at about a woman who got pregnant while breastfeeding her 2 month old.
Is getting pregnant while nursing common? I mean, I've been having unprotected sex with my husband ever since I was able to do it again with him, thinking that I am safe. I haven't had my first period yet since giving birth but I thought that was normal and now I'm scared I might be pregnant and that my mom was totally wrong.
So, what are the chances of getting pregnant while breastfeeding?
The Answer
Your mother is completly wrong.
No one here can pull the chance you might be pregnant out of thin air, but the chance does exist. For goodness sake go talk to a doctor about birth control, contraception and when/if you should take a pregnancy test. I'm sure your mother is a lovely, well-meaning women, but you cannot take her opinion as medical advice.
Breastfeeding is a good idea, but not a contraceptive.
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The Question
i know this may seem weird but i'm really open about this topic to all my guyfriends, as well as my boyfriend. when i ask my friends, they say they do it at least 3-4 times a week. i think the last time my boyfriend did was like 6 months ago, last i asked him.
this may not seem like that big of a deal, but its putting a downer on our sex life. since he doesnt masturbate, hes prone to certain "issues". for instance, when we're about to have sex, he has trouble getting it up. and when he finally does, it takes him forever to ejaculate. we could thrust for what seems like an hour and still nothing! this is very tiring for me, and he's also very lazy about it. i've tried talking to him but he doesnt seem to get the message that its not healthy.
what can i say to him?
The Answer
You aren't a doctor hun, so you aren't doing him or yourself any favours when you blame your issues on his lack of masturbating.
Someone who doesn't masturbate might have less knowledge about what works for them and what they like, but the problems he is experiencing with arousal and performance probably have nothing to do with the fact he doesn't masturbate.
What seems more likely, is that there is an underlying health issue that is killing his sex drive. (Or, having almost no sex drive might be normal and natural for him!)
However, I'm not a doctor either, and that is who he needs to talk to.
If he doesn't see this as a problem, there is little you can do to convince him it is, except dump him (or, threaten to dump him if he doesn't look into it). Some people do have lower sex drives then others, and yes, as sad as it is, it does kill otherwise good relationships when one partner has desires the other simply cannot share.
Tell him how serious the issue is to you. Tell him there might be something medically wrong with him. Ask him to take it seriously and see a doctor. If you don't think your relationship has lasting power when you have such different desires and expectations about sex: Tell him that too. It might hurt, but better to hurt him now, then lead him on and let him think it's all okay.
Stand up for yourself and what you'd like, but don't diagnose him.
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The Question
I need some help, i am writing a term paper about polygamy, because i am interested in learning more about it. I need to have an interview, but idk where to get one. It's supposed to be from some national group, or someone with a doctor degree or something.
idk, but if you are any of those, or are a polygamist yourself, i would like answers to my questions. also, if you do answer, i would please like your name, because we have to source our interview
1. describe polygamy
2. what are the reasons people are polygamists?
3. what religions include polygamy?
4. In the terms of health, is polygamy a bad thing or good thing?
5. what does the bible say about polygamy?
6. what are your thoughts on it?
7. what are the laws of countries around the world about polygamy?
thank you very much, please try to answer this, my paper is due may 14. and i really need an interview. thanks.
The Answer
Most of what you asked in this question are not interview questions. Only questions 2, 4 and 6 are really good 'interview questions'. The other questions you have are things you really should be able research and at least begin to answer yourself before you start talking to people about polygamy.
All good interviewers and reporters research the ideas and groups before they start talking to the interviewee. That is what helps them get the most out of the interview.
You might consider going to pro-polygamy websites, forums or e-mailing people who have written articles about polygamy online. You will get much better answers that way. Although someone here might be willing google the facts for you, you really should be doing that part yourself and it's unlikely very many people here will have much direct experience with polygamy.
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The Question
Sorry its so long :)
So my boyfriend 2 nights ago texted me while i was at work telling me about how this girl was hitting on him at the bar and asked me what he should do. I told him just tell her you have a girlfriend, and he said okay. When i get back from work, hes at the apartment, and so is this girl! Granted, another guy was there, but there sitting in the dark watching a movie and drinking some wine she brought over.
The other guy, Derek, told me that all night she was asking people if he had a girlfriend and that he never told her he did. Derek ended up telling her that Joe was taken, and after he told her that this girl, Susan still came over to my house.
I walk in and she got all pissed off that i was there, and she decided to leave. Derek offered her a ride home and she refused and when Joe asked if she wanted him to drive her she responded with a very fast yes.
So my boyfriend drives her home, comes back, and doesnt think he did anything wrong!
How can i make him understand that what he did was completely unfair. Im not a jealous person and i didnt say anything rude to this girl. All i want is to explain to him how he hurt my feelings.
How can i go about doing this? I dont want to yell or anything, so what is the best way i can go about explaining how he hurt me?
The Answer
Ask him if he realizes how much he confused and offended her.
If you don't want to attack or yell at him (which honestly, I think might be the correct response on your part anyways) point out to him how confused and hurt she was by his behaviour and dishonesty. Get Derek's support on this.
Yes, you're boyfriend's behaviour wasn't very kind to you, but if he doesn't realize that, point out the person he mislead, wronged, embarrassed and was unfair to, was Susan. She had the sense to inquire if he was single, and to get ticked with him for not being forthcoming when it was obvious he wasn't. She was confused and ticked off. Pretty good signs he messed up and mislead her.
Her confusion is your weapon. He should be able to recognize that another girl thinking he was single, and therefore treating him as though he was, is unfair to both her, and you.
EDIT:
I fully realize she was trying to sleep with him. You asked for a way to explain to HIM, why HIS behaviour was wrong: If he doesn't understand it from YOUR perspective, get the hell over yourself for two minutes and try explaining it from this other woman's. It means letting go of your ego for a minute to actual help him see the problem. From the angle of her confusion and annoyance, he might be able to see why what he did was misleading and cruel.
If the goal is to make him understand, this is viable approach. It will keep your from yelling and focusing on your anger with him, and help you to explain in simple, clear terms, why what he did was hurtful and dishonest.
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The Question
I'm a 15-year-old bisexual girl. I am naturally a flirt, but I find myself unsure of flirting with my female friends. All of my close friends know I'm bi, but it's not common knowledge in school (though if anyone asks, I'll tell them). I know my close friends could care less whether I flirt with them or not (or at least pretend not to care) but with girls I don't know as well, I don't want to make them feel uncomfortable. However, most teen girls jokingly flirt with each other A LOT. If they think I'm straight, they wouldn't have a problem with it. However, I feel this might be decieving. Is it wrong to flirt with girls if they don't know I'm bi?
The Answer
No. It's not.
You aren't required to disclose your sexual preference to everyone you interact with, in anyway. Not people you flirt with, not people you work for, not people who teach you. I also flirted like crazy with girls in my teens, it is really common and depending on the direction your life takes it might fade a bit as you get older. It's noble of you to be concerned about it, but you are not required to shake hands with somebody and say "Hi, my name is Erin and I'm a straight, Jewish girl who doesn't like dead baby jokes." anymore then you are to required say "Hi, my name is Erin and I'm a bisexual, Wiccan who is afraid of clowns."
Being honest when asked, and being willing to allow it to come up and conversation naturally, is all you should need to do. If you know someone who you feel might be offended or confused by your being bi, then be respectful and scale down the flirting with them, or throw it out into the conversation.
Your job is to be respectful of other people. Their job is to be respectful of you. Honesty is an important part of that, but don't feel like you need to wear a pin that reads 'bisexual' on your shirt at all times just because some people would be uncomfortable with it.
The fact that you are worried about this, and sensitive too it, means you are going to do the right thing already on a case by case basis and are prepared to be respectful of other people. I'm very serious when I say: Way to go you! Don't worry about it anymore, just follow your conscience with each person you meet. You've got a good one. It'll steer you right.
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The Question
I was with this guy for almost three months. Things seemed to be going perfectly as far as I knew. There are a few years between us, but we established from the start that that didn't bother either of us. We'd already said 'I love you's but I hadn't force him into it, by any means. Every time he wanted me to come over, I did. (He worked a lot and I wanted to make sure he still had guy time without me, so we saw each other like, an afternoon during the week, and I came over late on Friday and spent the night and left in the afternoon on Saturday. )
We never argued or fought. His friends all like me and think I'm good for him as far as I know because I calm him down. His friends girlfriends all like me, too. (He likes to rant. Haha) and its as important that everyone likes me because they're always together. We aren't exactly alike, but I feel like we compliment each other. We keep each other in check.
So here's the thing: last week he asked me if I wanted to go to dinner with him, just the two of us to be special cause we're always with his friends. We made plans, but some how we both ended up kind of sick, so we just grabbed some food and went back to his apartment and watched a movie. That night went really well, and even though nothing amazing happened, he said he was really happy that I was there to kind of baby him when he was sick. On Saturday, we kind of had a general conversation about the future. We were on the same page about not like, getting engaged or anything anytime soon because we're both young and don't want and couldn't afford anything big or major anytime soon, so that was fine. That was Saturday afternoon.
On Monday he seems all freaked out about something, but tells me he'd rather talk to me about it in person, so we do on Tuesday.
On Tuesday he tells me he's really unsure about his future (he graduated from college and he's working at a dead end job applying everywhere possible for a job that is actually in his field) and doesn't know if he wants me in it or not. He said that right now he just can't seem to manage his time very well. He said that he doesnt know if we'd be compatible enough to last. (Although I'm not sure why. )
He and his friends play a lot of video games and card games (magic) and he said that even though I say I don't mind, he doesn't just want me to sit and watch and tolerate (which I don't. I told him I like it.). He also said he felt like he HAD to choose between me and his friends, (which I don't know why. I have no problems with his friends.) And that sometimes he just wants to get wasted with them, then just watch a movie or someething with me. (Which I don't mind boys nights.) He and his friends drink a lot, and although I don't see anything wrong with that, I don't drink much so I don't feel comfortable getting drunk around some of his friends that I don't know very well yet.
So what I'm asking is... do you think he'll come back? I really, really want him to and he fits in with my friends as well as I do with his, so I don't know what happened. It just doesn't make sense that on Saturday I woke up to forehead kisses and an 'I love yoooou!' And on Tuesday we broke up.
Plz help? :/
The Answer
He probably isn't coming back. Sure, people can be unpredictable, but often they do what they say they are going to do. He has said he going to go off and find himself and that he doesn't feel you have a place in that.
If you told him you didn't have a problem with the things he wanted, and he wanted to break up anyways, then he either didn't believe you, or he made excuses rather then telling you the true reasons he became uninterested in you. He might just one of those generally confused men who never can bring themselves to believe that some women actually aren't trying to trap them or he might have been trying to spare your feelings (or excuse his own misleading behaviour) by giving false reasons...
Either way, you don't want to be with someone who doesn't believe you when you speak, or someone who doesn't have the nerve to express to you the true problems he has with your relationship.
I know it hurts, especially it being so recent, and even more so since it's likely the reasons he gave you didn't feel genuine to you, but he is probably not coming back, and you should count yourself lucky that he went off to be confused and flakey someplace else.
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The Question
How do you know..when the one you love is really the ONE? You know what i mean..I just want to know if it will last..I feel very comfortable with my bf we have been dating for 2 or 3 months. I never thought I'd need someone so much, and I can't picture myself without him I really can't..just tell me..the signs of if it will last or not because I really want it to.
The Answer
All of your relationships are going to end, until the one that doesn't.
Sorry. I know that doesn't answer your question, but your question doesn't have an answer. There are lots of 'signs'. Things like mutual respect and admiration. Similar goals and ambitions. Those are good things to look for, but sometimes, even all the good things in the world wont be enough. It's not about needing someone, it's about actively choosing someone, and keep on choosing them.
You may as well ask how to know when the world will end, or who will win the world cup this year! Some people will have theories, some of the theories will be good, and some will be bad. In the end, all you can do is work at what you want.
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The Question
Everytime I pee lately, my bladder stings afterwards, and twice a tiny bit of blood has come out. Also, sometimes it feels like I have to pee a lot more than I actually do. Whats wrong!
The Answer
You need to see a doctor, and soon.
As Annie said, there are a few things it could possibly be. The most like however, is a UTI. A UTI will grow worse without treatment, more painful and more dangerous to your health. They are common, and can be cured easier, but you must go to a doctor. There are no over the counter remedies.
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The Question
A while back, i was dating this guy exclusively, but we didn't call it a relationship. as time went on, he became more distant. he started bailing on plans multiple times a week, and basically only texted me to tell me he was too busy to hang out again, or to try to see me if it was friday or saturday night. i tried everything to deal with it, i suggested we study together if he was too busy to do anything else, i tried being more present in his life, then less, finally tried to detach myself completely. when that failed, i realized he didn't care about me and ended it. he said that after 4 months, he still couldn't be emotionally invested because i'm going abroad next year.
it's been a month, and i tried to move on. i met someone new who's wonderful, but we're taking it slow. last weekend, my ex saw us together and expressed to my roommate how upsetting it was for him. if i thought he cared enough to be jealous, i probably wouldn't have ended it in the first place. if we want to be together, it seems silly for my pride to get in the way, but i just don't know what to do. as of now, he's given me no reason to think he cares about me at all. should i wait for him to express it to me directly? should i initiate some conversation?
The Answer
No. You should not initiate conversation.
No. You should not wait for him to express it directly.
You should just forget about the gossip you heard, and keep on with your life.
Just because this guy 'cared enough to be jealous' doesn't mean he wants to be with you. Even if it did mean that, you really need to have a higher standard for your partners then 'caring enough to be jealous'. You should be confident and demand that people you are with are honest, respectful and open with you. All these things your ex has already proven he was not able to give you.
This isn't your pride getting in the way; it's common sense and self respect. He might have 'cared enough to be jealous' but that is a VERY, very far cry from 'caring enough to be a decent, respectful and loving partner'. There is no reason to believe he has changed that much based on this tiny piece of emotional trivia.
Everything about your question, your multiple attempts to deal with his rudeness and detachment, and now your immediate willingness to take him back on the tiniest little hint that he gives a damn, paints the picture of a girl who needs to learn to demand more from her partners.
You are worthy of better.
Go find better, and find it with someone else.
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The Question
Hi Guys
I'm feeling pretty upset right now, I mean me and my boyfriend broke up a couple of weeks back & i'm still feeling quite hurt. He's the first boyfriend who I REALLY cared about & didn't want to lose. Whenever I have dated anyone else I have never been so interested & wanted to make the relationship work, but with this guy it was really different. We broke up simply because he felt that the relationship was not going anywhere. I disagreed & he knew I was upset about us breaking up, however he said he wanted to remain friends which I really didn't want because I know it would hurt me too much. We only dated for 3 months, but we were on and off for about 6 months before that due to his "Lack of commitment" as one may call it. Sorry for this being so long, but basically I know I have accepted the break up, and I really do want him to be happy whether it's with me or not - but I can't bring myself to date anyone else and i'm scared I never will. In the 6 months we were "on and off" we were "off" for quite a while and I went on a few dates but it never felt right to me, I didn't look forward to the dates and I weren't interested in the guys. I have the same situation now - there are 2/3 guys who have shown interest in me yet I can't bring myself to go on a date with them as much as I want to? It has become quite annoying because I would love to be able to move on but I just can't. Has anyone else ever felt the same way? I don't know how to describe how I am feeling - but it comes off quite annoying when guys ask me out.
The Answer
It's been a few weeks, hardly enough time to worry about not feeling like you can ever dating again. It almost always feels like something is impossible (telling someone you like them, kissing someone, giving a speech, completing a project), until all of a sudden, it IS possible.
That is just the way it works when you are dealing with intense emotions, they are your whole reality, until the day comes when they aren't anymore.
So, it's perfectly normal. Completely annoying, but perfectly normal. And even better that you are dealing with this in a smart and honest way. You aren't forcing yourself to pretend you can be friends, and you aren't picking up with new guys when you aren't really feeling it.
Keep being true to yourself, and giving yourself some more time. If you keep being sincere about what you are feeling and trying to move forward, and you'll get through the process.
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The Question
Well I'm really into astrology..with the signs and what not..I've read up on all of it.>.< I just wanted to know if its something i should hoenstly believe in? I wanted to know..how to please my bf better..and he's a Leo..a wonderful bf so silly. Caring, and very loving very friendly..what should I suspect dating him? I'm a cancer..and were a lot alike..does it have to do with how close our bdays are? Mines July 22 his is july 30..Just wanting to know XD thanks!
The Answer
You should not believe in astrology.
Of course, you are free to believe whatever you'd like, however, that will not make astrology any more true. It will still just be ancient myths like Zeus and Ra or unicorns.
Here is the biggest problem with astrology, quickly summarized by the amazing Bill Nye...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oQPFoDkGFrU
For a longer explanation of how astrology and other forms of divination actually work, check out Derren Brown. A magician and illusionist, he shows people how he can do exactly what telepaths and fortune tellers do, and why it's just a trick...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=haP7Ys9ocTk
Astrology is for entertainment purposes only. Anyone who tells you otherwise is either completely confused about what it is, or lying to you.
If you wanna figure how what to expect while dating your boyfriend, there is only one fool-proof way to do that, and that is to go on dating him!
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The Question
I'm 18 years old and I've been dating my boyfriend for ten months.
We got in a really big fight today, smoothed everything over, but he said something that kind of stuck with me.
He told me that he doesn't feel appreciated by me and that everything good he does for me goes unnoticed. I do have to agree with him a little on that, sometimes I do take him for granted. Sometimes I'm just really stressed or distracted and I get mad about little things.
It hurts me that he thinks that, though. It makes me feel like I've been a bad girlfriend to him.
I guess I'm asking advice, primarily towards males, on what I can do to show him how much I really do love him.
Thanks!
The Answer
I'm going to add one tiny thing to the absolutely excellent advice you got from Witty, because I find it's an error I frequently make…
Ask your boyfriend what he feels he is doing for you, and then thank him for it, or let him know he can stop that particular thing.
Many times I've found that my partners feel they are 'doing things for me' but those things they think they are doing are completely meaningless to me. I once had a boyfriend who would always make the bed and fold the towels... Only I didn't give a rats ass about these things. Clean towels get hung up in the bathroom just like dirty ones and I just toss the sheets back on the bed. I take no pleasure in a ‘made’ bed. What he felt he was 'doing for me' was beneath my notice (and honestly, I found a little annoying.)
Being aware of what things your boyfriend believes he is doing for you, and having a chat about which of those things are actually valuable to you, can really help the two of you get on the same page when it comes to appreciating each other.
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The Question
I dont understand why men find foreign women, like asian, latin, or easter european women better wives? Is it truly because they are submissive, and men like that? I always thought that for men, a strong, independent woman that can take care of herself is most attractive so why is it that so many men say that they want to marry women from foreign countries because they are better wives, and dont nag you, and cook and clean and take care of children, etc etc. Honestly I am from Eastern Europe, and Ive lived in the US for 9 years and I adopted some of the ideals of equality from here, but my boyfriend still says that he loves me because I am not like those american girls that are egotistical and feminist. But I hate that because it makes me feel like hes going to want me to do everything for him like cook, clean etc, and although I dont mind doing that stuff per say, I dont want to be alone in doing it I want it to be 50/50 or at least 40/60 you know? Why do men like women that are submissive???
The Answer
You can't say 'Men like women who are submissive' anymore than you can say 'Men like brunettes'. Some men do like brunettes, and even still, they might fall in love with and marry a blonde. There are definitely stereotypes about 'foreign' women, but they are just stereotypes. They are often untrue, and almost always cruel and stupid.
I wouldn't obsess over this if I were you. If you are concerned about how your boyfriend sees your life together, ASK him. Think about things you'd like to do independently. Think about things you'd expect your partner to do. How does he think chores should be divided? Who helps the kids with their home work? Is it okay for a wife to work? Go back to school? Have a 'ladies' night out? Have male friends?
You might also want to gently point out that you don't like the word 'feminist' being used as a put-down because, like many American girls, you believe in equality between the sexes. Maybe being a wife and mother is an important life goal for you, but let him know you don�t believe that makes you �submissive�, if that is the life you want, you feel like you can go after it.
I think you might be getting a little bit too worried about something he said that was just careless, but it is always good to have a serious talk with your partner about what you want and what you believe, so, let him know what�s on your mind.
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The Question
i'm a girl and i'm 14, and i admit, i have a boyfriend. we've been going out for 9 months and he's usually NOT like this!
i'm keeping this brief, cuz i hate going into detail about it.
we were at a park alone recently, and he was sitting at the base of a slide and i was on his lap. i was kinda uncomfortable, but we were just talking and i didn't see any harm. but then he started....rubbing my thigh and getting closer to my butt...
i really didn't like it so i got up and pretended to look at something.
he asked me to sit next to him again. i didn't want to, really, but i thought maybe he just wanted to tell me something.
well he started touching me like that again. i was about to say something, but i was SO scared!
i hate myself for not doing anything!! you have no idea...
just then his phone alarm went off and we had to go. as we were standing up, i noticed a bulge in his pants and...it REALLY looked like he had a boner...
it was SO AKWARRRDD!!! he was trying to cover it up with his shirt and pretend nothing happened...
for two weeks i was totally hung up about it.
i hate anything sexual, my eye kept twitching, i was zoning out more than usual, i kept thinking about it and flinching when people touched me.
he's apologized, but now he doesn't seem affected.
he's usually such a good kid, though.
oh btw he's 15, just information i forgot to add.
am i overreacting? he's my first boyfriend, so i don't know how significant a boner is...
help pleeez.....
thanks...
The Answer
If you aren't comfortable with being touched like that, you should speak up and he should respect it. You've got to tell your boyfriend where you draw the lines though, that is only fair. You're going to have to screw up the courage to actually say "Dude, remember when we at the park and your hands were all over me? Yeah, it made me uncomfortable. Don't do that please."
That's really, really important. Your boyfriend deserves to know.
However, you are overreacting about the erection. Guys get hard. Girl fart. Everybody vomits sometimes. We sweat and stink and our insides are kind of gross. Part of being in a relationship is accepting that your partner is HUMAN and does all the normal gross things human beings do.
It's okay if him having an erection made you uncomfortable, but you have to realize really clearly that although he can control his touching you and you can talk to him about that, he can't always control an erection and you can't hold that against him. That is an issue you are just going to have work on getting over yourself, because it's silly. If you are that grossed out by it, you might not be ready to be in a relationship at all...
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The Question
heres the story.im a very happy girl i love to dance but my boyfriend hates when i dance with guys he says he feels disrespected even when im dancing a foot apart..he always accuses me of cheating and tells me im gonna leave him one day. he tells me how id rather hangout with my friends than him and i should just admit it.did i mention he has two tattoos of my name and is planning to do a third i can see he gets a bit jealous when i hug my guy friends and he always tells me im his(but i guess thats normal right?)he always asks who im going with and where..and when i dont answer he gets extremely upset..i already stopped talking to two of my guy friends because of him:(.i know im a very bossy girl . i always feel the need to have at least 85% controll of the relationship and i would hate if he danced with another girl as well(so is that good or bad) do u guys think hes controlive??...PLEASE HELP!
The Answer
You are both being nasty.
A guy getting a bit upset when you dance with other guys is well within normal. Constantly being accused of cheating, having multiple tattoos of someone's name, and giving up friends for his comfort... That is not normal. It's not a normal or healthy way for your relationship to work.
You are both fighting for control over the other person instead of being in a relationship. Honestly, when a guy starts demanding to know where you are and who you are with, that is when you just break it off. That isn't just controlling, that is threatening.
Find someone else, and while you are at it, improve your own behaviour. Being bossy is one thing, but telling yourself you want '85% control' is fucking nuts and completely unrealistic. Nobody gets that. The only person you ever get control of is you. Learn to deal with it and respect your partners self-control, instead of bossing them around, and you'll be better girlfriend. You'll also be more attractive to guys who aren't bullies themselves.
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