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Boyfriend feels unappreciated :(
I'm 18 years old and I've been dating my boyfriend for ten months.
We got in a really big fight today, smoothed everything over, but he said something that kind of stuck with me.
He told me that he doesn't feel appreciated by me and that everything good he does for me goes unnoticed. I do have to agree with him a little on that, sometimes I do take him for granted. Sometimes I'm just really stressed or distracted and I get mad about little things.
It hurts me that he thinks that, though. It makes me feel like I've been a bad girlfriend to him.
I guess I'm asking advice, primarily towards males, on what I can do to show him how much I really do love him.
Thanks!
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I'm going to add one tiny thing to the absolutely excellent advice you got from Witty, because I find it's an error I frequently make…
Ask your boyfriend what he feels he is doing for you, and then thank him for it, or let him know he can stop that particular thing.
Many times I've found that my partners feel they are 'doing things for me' but those things they think they are doing are completely meaningless to me. I once had a boyfriend who would always make the bed and fold the towels... Only I didn't give a rats ass about these things. Clean towels get hung up in the bathroom just like dirty ones and I just toss the sheets back on the bed. I take no pleasure in a ‘made’ bed. What he felt he was 'doing for me' was beneath my notice (and honestly, I found a little annoying.)
Being aware of what things your boyfriend believes he is doing for you, and having a chat about which of those things are actually valuable to you, can really help the two of you get on the same page when it comes to appreciating each other.
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Speak up. Men are direct, and logical. When we tell you that we feel like you don't do something, that's direct instructions to do it more, and to think about it often enough that you do it without us saying anything.
In this case, he wants you to make a slightly bigger deal about the things he does. He wants you to sometimes respond in kind with thoughfullness. He wants you say something when he does something you appreciate that will make him feel good about your interactions with each other.
Really simple, basic stuff.
Also, try every once in a while to make him the center of attention. Every few weeks, maybe once a month, have a day that's entirely about him. Do stuff he likes, eat food he likes, since you're not a minor and I assume neither is he, if you're active, have sex that he likes. Sit him down with a movie he loves, put him on the floor in front of the couch, and give him an hour long scalp and shoulder massage while he watches a movie that he loves (and that you can tolerate without wanting to die to get away from)
He gives you attention because he wants you to do the same. It's really that simple, leave your stress behind, chill out with him, and spoil him a little bit.
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