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Razhie. Advicenators Member Since: June 13, 2005. Answers: 5077. Visitors: 211514.
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The Question
My boyfriend of 3 years and I have been having some problems before but it has gone way too far. I don't know what to do anymore because I love him but I found out that our whole relationship has been based on a lie. I was suspicious of him one day and checked him one email and found pictures of girls in their bra and panties and bathing suits that he had been talking to. He had a wouldyouhitthis.com account when we first started dating and promised to close it. All this time I thought it was closed and I tried to get over the whole email thing. But today I just found that he has had his account open since at least July 24,2008 and has been flirting, looking at, and talking to these girls on the sex site. I don't know what to do anymore. He lied to me this whole time and told me his account was closed except he randomly opened it before christmas but then closed it. He lied, he didn't open it around christmas, he had it open since at least July 24,2008. Two days before my birthday... what a great present and I didn't even know it. He has been talking to girls still too. He said he was done after that sex site thing but then started talking to a 14 year old girl. He's 25 years old. Am I wrong for thinking that's disgusting and wrong? He was calling her hot and asking her if she would date him regardless of his age and asked her what panties she was wearing. What should I do? Nothing will change will it? Should I just move on?
The Answer
Dump him.
Tell him what you found. Tell him you think it's revolting and completely wrong, and walk away.
You would be perfectly well within your rights to dump him based on everything else he has done, but the chatting up a fourteen year old is going to kill any of the affection and respect you have left for him. Even if he changed tomorrow (which he almost definitely won’t) how could you even get past that kind of betrayal and horrific behaviour? Some things are just deal breakers. Trolling for sex with minors should be one of them. Now is the time to move on.
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The Question
I was brought up by my dad so I really don't know much about being a girl and I don't really have anyone to ask. How can you tell if you have a yeast infection, and how do you get one?
The Answer
Yeast infections just happen, like zits or ear infections.
Some things can make them more likely to happen. Taking antibiotics sometimes brings them on. Also, if you wear a bathing suit too often, especially when it's wet, that can cause them.
Yeast infections are itching, burning and redness. They can be treated by over the counter medication, but you should always go to a doctor the first time to confirm that really is a yeast infection. After that, you'll be able to recognize it much better and faster and just pick up a something at the drug store, but other things can look like a yeast infection, so it's best to have it checked, especially if you've never experienced one before.
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The Question
Is it right for a girl you are going on dates with but isn't your gf to makeout with one of her guy friends once while you are both contiuously going on dates?
Also is dating multiple people at once acceptable while not being a couple with anyone but going on dates with one person over and over again weekly?
How do you convince someone to get tied down and realize a relationship isn't bad and that while they may lose their freedoms it's worth it? Should one even try and convince them of this?
The Answer
If you are not a committed couple, then she is free to do what she likes.
However, if it's unacceptable to YOU, either ask her to commit or stop dating her.
There is no sure fire way to convince someone to commit if they don't want too. You are even less like to convince her if she is utilizing her freedoms so actively by making out with her pals... You can try. There is the odd time when someone puts their foot down and insist on commitment or nothing, their partner might rise to occasion. But that is the exception not the rule.
Decide what is acceptable to you. Ask her is she can provide you with that. If she can't, and you can't accept any less, stop dating her.
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The Question
Im fifteen year old male and she is twelve.Well me and my girl friend have been dating for two days we started out at a school dance and we have already made out and and she has told me that she will not go any farther no matter what but i want to change that not soon but in the future maybe in a few months maybe in a few weeks but we really like each other and i want to atleast get a handjob
The Answer
15 years old and 12 years old is statuary rape in many states, and still illegal as contributing to the delinquency of a minor in most others. Sexual contact with a 12 year old will land you in serious trouble, the only difference between statuary rape and delinquency is whether or not they send you to jail. So you are very lucky she said no further.
Don't be a selfish horn dog. There are plenty of girls your own age who are into having sexual contact with someone they've only known for days. Go find one of them, and don't screw up this poor young lady (or get caught with her by an adult and have the police get involved).
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The Question
Hello, I am 15 years old, and i have a huge Labia Manora. I beieve this means the outer lips of the vagina. I am so uncomfortable all the time. I have to put toilet paper in my underwear because of all the vaginal discharge that i get daily. i masterbate a lot, does that have to do with it? I am embaressed for anyone to see it. My friends and sisters joke around and call it a "penis." When I was little, I didn't know what it was and I used to stretch it out and play with it. Now, I am uncomfortable and ashamed of my Vagina. I tried so many times to tuck it in and hide it under. I don't want surgery because I am scared of it. Is there any possible way to shrink it? Please, please please please, help me?):
The Answer
You can't shrink them. Please don't try. You'll likely harm yourself.
Your best bet is to talk to a doctor and ask for their advice, however, you already know what their advice is likely to be: Accept it, it's normal.
And it is normal. Vaginas are all very different. This one is yours and it's only one you get. The only person you are going to hurt by being ashamed of something completely normal, is yourself...
Don't sabotage your relationships, your sex life and your self esteem by letting this plague you. If your doctor says you are healthy and fine, try to accept your body for what it is.
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The Question
I'm a 16-year-old girl, and I can't seem to stay in any relationship. Every time I like someone and end up going out with them, I just suddenly don't like them anymore, and break up with them. What's my problem? It's not just that I like the chase, because I don't. I honestly don't do much chasing (I'm a big flirt, with everyone, whether I like them or not, but that's it). It's not likely that I like attractive people but realize I don't like their personality. Personality is one of the major reasons I would have a crush on someone. Is it just that I'm not ready for a relationship but not willing to admit that? (It's not a great thing for a 16-year-old girl to admit today). I feel so confused, because I legitamately like guys, but can't stand being in a relationship with them. Can anyone explain this?
The Answer
You are sixteen.
I worry far more about sixteen year old girls who are still dating someone they were first attracted to when they were 12, than I do about young women who have the sense to figure a person out a bit more before taking any leaps or committing themselves.
It's quite possible you don't feel like you are ready for a relationship. Although it's not a popular thing to admit in today's teen culture, it's still might honest. Even in my adult life, I've had times when I knew I just wasn't in a good place to enter a relationship.
I know its confusing, but if you still find you can't get past a date or two when you are twenty, then you can you start to worry, but for now you've already learned something far more important, and something women five times your age never do:
Don't force it. Don't stick it out with somebody if you don't want too.
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The Question
I've been dating a guy since 2005 who has never been employed. I, too am unemployed but I'm unable to work an am on disability. I have 3 boys and this person is very kind and giving to them and me as well. We have out ups and owns but he is a good guy. He lives with his parents and two siblings and he runs errands for them, takes them to dr's appt etc and where this is quite commendable he is 37 and we cannot be a family when his family is so dependent on him. He has promised me countless times that he will find work and this is before the recession. He went to a 3 day security training program several months ago an every time I ask if he has received his background check info he says no and when I tell him this is taking quite some time and that he should follow up it seems as if he never has. He does not have a car anymore, his license is suspended for tickets and unless I'm giving him motivational talks it seems he has no real desire to achieve anything and it is like he almost becomes irritated when ever I question him about his efforts and I RARELY ask. I'm tired of waiting for things to improve. I have a house, car, valid and current license and I take care of my family and I feel that if I can manage all of this then why can't an able bodied man that does not have any children accomplish something? I care about him and he has character traits that I do not care for and I'm sure I irritate him as well but this is really wearing on me emotionally and physically.
The Answer
He is 37 years old.
It's very unlikely he is going to change.
It's damn near impossible that he is going to change because you beg or bully him into it.
You can't be family unless he changes. That means it is very unlikely that you will ever be able to be a family.
That should irritate you. You've invested six years of your life into someone who is probably never going to move forward an inch, someone you cannot build a family with, and someone who has no interest in changing, not for himself and not for you. If you stay with him, the next six years are very, very likely to be exactly like the last six.
I would bet you already considering ending the relationship. Unless you can find a way to be satisfied with the current arrangement, that is probably the best path.
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The Question
i don't care how old you are, but please only answer this question if you feel mature enough to do so. It is not anything bad, but I'd just rather not have an answer that i can't put to use. I'm a 19 yr old woman. I am in love with my ex-boyfriend. I have known him since I was 16 and I still feel for him the same way I did when I first met him. We broke up (his idea, not mine). I thought things were going fine. Time has been able to heal a lot of my wounds, and I understand why the break up happened now. i am not going to write the whole story because I just need an answer. However, you get the idea. I HAVE CHANGED! I'm still the same girl he use to know... BUT, I am not the girl he broke up with. I no longer get upset over little things. I am in college and so is he. We ended up in one of the same classes by pure chance b/c we both took the class before. (he failed it and i dropped it)... so it's pretty crazy we ended up in the same one! But, I know he loves me. He loves me but the guilt of breaking up with me for a bad reason is overwhelming him. He's afraid to go back to my family (for them to be mad at him). I understand. But, they have forgiven him and they love him too. He needs to know it's okay to come back. But, I can't just go up to him and say that. It's kind of weird for me to just say that. But, I know for sure he loves me. We have mutual friends and a lot of his friends are my family members, so I KNOW. But, he is overcome by his guilt to the point where he can't talk to me. I think if I just went up to him and gave him a hug, things would be better. It's a good start, at least. But, how can i do this without making it awkward... how can i just give him a hug after class? what's an opening line i can use to talk to him?! than you and i really appreciate it from the bottom of my heart. God bless you.
The Answer
You need to tell him pretty much exactly what you told us here.
It IS going to be awkward. There is no magic spell you can cast to make something that is very emotionally charged and difficult, any less emotionally charged and difficult.
Don't try to script out how everything will happen. Don't pretend that is will be easy, or that anything you can will make it easier.
I wouldn't go quite as far as Wiity with the forced kiss ;) but that kind of direct communication is the right way to go.
Man up, admit its going to be hard, realize it isn't going to get easier if you wait, and walk up to him and say "Hi. I'd really like to have coffee with you and talk. When are you free?" or something to that effect.
Set a date and time right away, so neither of you can chicken out. Take time beforehand to relax and dress in a way that makes you feel confident. Meet him, say hello, talk about your lives and what you are up to and when your mouth starts running away with all the things you want to say, let it go.
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The Question
ok as the title says, im like positive my boyfriend is in love with his ex. i cant prove it and i dont want to mention it cause i know he'll get mad at me because im always hassling him about other girls. but the thing is she lives like far away, he moved. they went out for a while and i know he still has feelings for her but the long distance thing wasnt working out for them. we are dating now but sometimes i think he wishes he was still with her, or that he wants her more than he does me. we're still in high school but i havent had a relationship in a while and i just want this to work...what in the world do i do?
The Answer
Stop torturing yourself.
If you can't stop torturing yourself with obsessive, pointless beliefs about things he denies, then stop torturing him, and dump the poor dear.
If you can't trust the person you are with to tell you the truth about their feelings, you shouldn't be with them.
A person who is going to cheat, is going to cheat no matter what you do. They will cheat if you nag, and they will cheat if you don't nag. A person who isn't going to cheat, simply isn't.
Unless you develop telepathy, you are going to have to take his word for his feelings about you and your relationship. If you can't trust him, do both of you a good turn and end the relationship.
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The Question
Baby shower invitations were mailed stating "no children under the age of 12 please" per the expectant mother's request. I just recieved a call from one of the guests asking if she could bring her newborn due to nursing issues. There are several other new mommies invited that have young kids. It is a tea party theme; lots of china and grown up food. How do I handle this without offending this guest and the other Moms that will be here but have not asked if their little ones can come.
The Answer
In my opinion, your best defence is no defence at all. A 'young kid' is not a newborn, and it's not so terribly irrational to make an exception for a breast feeding infant (they are generally too small to seriously threaten the china).
If all your other guests have kids who can move, crawl or walk then you owe them no explanation. If others have immobile newborns on strict feeding schedules, you might consider extending the same courtesy to them. If any mother of a toddler with busy hands and feet complains (which would be hideously rude of them) say firmly with a smile that Yes, an exception was made for babes in arms. You no sooner have to justify the exception to the rule, then you needed to justify the request in the first place.
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The Question
I have a daughter dx with depression at age 10. It has been a long battle of medicines, doctors and fragile emotions....she is now 19. I have done everything I know to do.meds, doctors, counseling. At 19 she is a good student and she is a beautiful young lady. She has many admirable traits...except her depression keeps her from so many things. She refuses to take initiative in her treatments, she will not follow doctors orders, she will not assume any responsiblity for her recovery at all....I am at wits end. It seems all of her disrespect, sarcasm and negativity is directed absolutely at me, her mother, and only me. I understand that in mental illness, emotions cant always be controlled however, she functions well around other people, just not me. I have bent over backwards to try to do all that I could to get her the help needed, I am supportive in the things she is able to do and I try not to push to hard when it's appropriate....As her mother and the main caregiver, there is little support from my husband in this area...he doesn't understand depression etc...and he works very long hours so I try not to bother him.. and I have not confided in many people about these problems or the stresses.....It has been many years of stress and I love my daughter dearly, but I don't know how long I can keep doing this. Any advice??
The Answer
It's time for you to go to counselling and work on yourself.
If you want to find a way to stop bending over and taking it from your daughter far better you do that with the guidance of a professional.
You probably aren't going to learn overnight how to set up boundaries, how to stop allowing your daughter to abuse you, and how to stop empowering her to disrespect you. After all, you've spent the last two decades of her life teaching her to treat you like shit. Of course she gives you the lions share of her bullshit! Other people in her life would't put up with it. They would reject her or walk away from her. Moms can't do that. But Moms do have other tools to retrain nasty adult children.
Your daughter has a mental illness. With a diagnosis at 10 years old, she likely always will. If you want to learn how to live your life without being a slave to her mental health, you are going to have to do the very hard work to acquire those skills. If you are ready to take that hard work on, start it it with a professional counsellor.
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The Question
My best bud Lance has been dating this girl Rebecca (aka becca) for about 4-6 months now, and i feel like shes a total snob towards him. I mean me and her were friends a while back, so i decided this would be a good chance to rekindle that friendship with her. And it worked but, lately she has been ignoring me, giving me dirty looks, and talking behind me back. She is totaly agressive and does kick-boxing so she also punches my friends and i. I for one dont apriciate that, and she seems to snap at everyone who talks to her. Like a chihuahua. I confronted Lance about this(in case your wondering) and he said he was going to talk to her about it. And i can tell he did because she keeps her distance now.
I still want to be friends with her, even if i do like her man. she knows i do too. But that has never been a problem until now. Is there a way to keep a calmer, more peaceful friendship going?
-Olie (im 14/f Lance is 15/m and becca is 15/f)
The Answer
Why on earth would you want to be her friend? She acts poorly towards you and other people you care about. You called her a whole bunch of nasty names here. And that's fine, you are probably right about her, but don't say that kind of shit about her and then lie to yourself about 'wanting to be her friends'.
What you want, is to be friends with the girlfriend of the guy you like. You want to keep the peace with her because you want to stay close to him, and prove you can be cool and the bigger person. Being friends with Rebecca is the best way to prove to everyone that you are superior to her.
Please, never, ever try to prove to other people that you are a good person, or that you are okay or mature or the bigger person by forcing yourself into a miserable fake friendship with someone who doesn't deserve your friendship, doesn't value it and brings nothing but negativity into your life.
Shrug off her bad behaviour with civility and respect. The way to keep the peace is not to pretend you can be friends. Stay friends with Lance, but don't force something with his girlfriend. If she is giving you some distance now, great, do the same. Maturely accept that it aint gonna happen, and start to move on with your life.
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The Question
Before I even begin to ask for advice on this subject I already feel childish...
I have been dating my boyfriend for 6 months now, and he adamantly desires that we not be facebook official. We are in our late twenties, and he is in the military and just deployed for a year. He brought it up a day or so after we started dating because he didnt want "people to be in my business". I was taken aback by the topic, but tried to be understanding, he told me that it was hard when he got divorced after an unfaithful wife and then having to answer all the "oh! what happened?!"s to people online. I really am trying to get his perspective, but I really cant see his point of view.
I havent met any of his friends, they keep mysteriously not showing up to things. I'm really feeling like he wants to hide me from everyone, and I think about it so often that I feel like there is something that I am lacking to make him proud to be with me. I have brought this up a couple times and have shown him that I am visibly upset. I dont know if it is the distance and the war getting to me and making make a bigger deal of this, but I cant let it go.
The whole privacy issue with him is becoming moot since he posts what he is doing throughout the day. but never one mention of me, not one picture of us, nothing.
Could I be wrestling with this too much, could he actually have a valid claim?
The Answer
He has a completely valid claim. Even if his reasons were no good (and I can completely understand his reasoning) he gets to decide how he uses social media and what he is comfortable revealing. Period. End of story. You can complain. You can break up over it. But in the end, he gets to decide what he posts, not you.
However, you have still have problem, a big serious problem you need to deal with, but Facebook is just a tiny little symptom of it.
You do need to talk about your feelings of being hidden from his friends. You need to able to ask about the tensions in his group of friends, and respect that divorce really fucks up your friendships, no matter who is 'at fault', no matter how firmly they are 'on his side'. You need him to be able ask him what his fears are, and for a timeline you can fairly expect to be incorporated more into his life.
Forget about Facebook. You are right: It IS childish, and it's not the problem. The problem is that he is navigating issues in his life without your input, and more importantly, without making you aware of what the issues ARE. Backing off this pointless little sticking point might help you to actually get around to having conversations you need to be having about how he is dealing with his friends, and what your role can be in his social life, and when.
Ask more questions and do more listening to what is going on his friendships. Ask what they are up too. How they are doing. What he's talked about with them. Blindly insisting on your place within his friends, without understanding what is going on, in his head, and what he is worried about in their heads, is not going to help either of you.
You are long distancing now, and focusing your frustration and insecurities on a silly issue. It makes sense: It makes sense that is scares you that he is protecting himself against a public facebook break up! However, you also need to respect his right to do that, and seek reassurance that he is invested in the relationship in other ways. Take a deep breath. Think about the real problem you are facing in the real world, not online, and talk to him about it in a calm way.
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The Question
Ok i'm going to be 18 on July 10th and there is this dude named Jason who I like and he likes me too...he says that I have all the qualities he wants and in a girl and he just makes me feel real good...but there's a huge problem...He is 27!!!! ahhh I don't know wut to do!! I think when ur 18 ur legal, but still is it bad gettin involved w/him? I'm real confused!
The Answer
Probably not.
Sorry, but if you want the honest truth instead of pretty 'Love Conquers All!' bullshit lines, then the truth is a guy who is 27 years old but feels an 18 year old has all the qualities he wants in a girlfriend is probably not a very stable and well adjusted person.
Age differences don’t mean very much at all when two people are in similar places in life, like when they are both still in school or both out in the workforce… But at 18 and 27 your worlds are completely different. Or at least, they should be. Your goals and desires from a relationship should be pretty different too. If he, at 27, has the kind of wishes and expectations for his relationships that are compatible with someone who just graduated from high school that doesn’t say positive things about him…
That has nothing to with you. You could be brilliant. You could be Aphrodite herself. You'd still be an 18 year old goddess, and a 27 year old guy who seems a viable partner in a teenager, is someone I would have serious concerns about.
It’s not your maturity or ability to handle the relationship I question: It’s his.
If you do this, keep your eyes open. This might be the kind of guy who dates teens, because he can’t manage women his own age. Watch out for someone who domineers or dismisses you. Of course it can work! Like you said, once you are legal no one can stop you, but even then it’s probably not the best idea you’ll ever have.
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The Question
This may be a weird question, but bear with me. I'm having trouble, here.
I'm 22, and I have a boyfriend around my age. He's wonderful to me (except when we bicker, which we do because we're both scorpios, stubborn, and opinionated). I got out of an addictive/emotionally abusive relationship with much difficulty and struggle, and I thought I was okay.
The other day, I drove past my ex's subdivision and I felt really panicked, and my throat kinda closed and every time I tried to breathe, I squeaked. I was on my way to meet my current boyfriend at his mall job so we could go shopping after his shift, and I felt so exhausted when I got out of the car, it was all I could do not to just collapse.
I'm a very strong person in a lot of ways - to react this way to something I thought was ancient history is very unusual for me. Another thing is that when my current guy and I fight, instead of handling it calmly and talking it out like I so pride myself on being able to do, I seem to feel like I'm drowning and just terrified.
Is this something I could get counseling for? Is this normal? I don't even know, but it's bothering me.
...:(
The Answer
A single panic attack (and that is most likely what it was) absolutely doesn't stretch out to PTSD. Throw the labels out the door for now: You had a single anxiety/panic attack, and that's a pretty far cry from a disorder or syndrome.
Panic attacks are normal. Fucking unpleasant, but almost everyone will have one at some point or another in their lives, so, normal.
But 'normal' doesn't mean good. Yeast infections are normal too, but you still get 'em treated ;)
Counselling is a very good idea if you feel your life, or an important part of your life, is spinning out of control and you are experiencing too much fear to handle. Learning how to handle panic and talking through your anxieties will only help you in the long, and in the short, run.
I also pride myself on being quite calm in conflicts, but when I've begun to panic it's pretty much impossible to stay calm. With counselling and practice I've become much better at knowing my limits and even dealing with it when they've been crossed...
So do go and talk out your problems with a pro, but go into it looking at it as more of 'tune-up' sessions, rather than a crisis or major medical issue.
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The Question
I know there's a way to change your email name.
for example; mine is lookitslorin@yahoo.com
Its not very professional & I'm going to be going to college soon where I have to email my professors. Is there any way I can change it to something different such as lorin@yahoo.com without actually changing the email?
thanks in advance :)
The Answer
Your college will almost certainly provide you with an e-mail address like lorin.lastname@yourcollege.edu.com!
If not, what you are best to do is create a new address and then forward your old 'lookitslorin' account to the new address. A bit of googling should bring up instructions on how to do forward to and from whatever your email provider of choice is.
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The Question
My boyfriend thinks I'm dirty and weird, cos I like porn films and magazines. He thinks it's just for men. Am I dirty and weird, or is he being a prude?
The Answer
Can we go with inexperienced instead of prude?
Prude is a bit of derogatory term these days. It seems to have come to mean the choice to be wilfully ignorant and judgmental of others sexual expression. Inexperienced is just that, inexperienced. He hasn't talked to enough intelligent young women to realize that many girls like porn and erotica… women are generally much quieter about the issue then guys are... Give him a nudge to educate himself about the issue, instead of calling him names.
If he IS calling you names, and refusing to learn more about the great wide world of women who love porn, THEN call him a prude and a jackass.
EDIT:
Kudos to you for actually looking up prude! I did go with the more of the urban dictionary definition... The common usage of 'prude' is so insulting these days, and obviously this guy isn't really being 'wise' either ;)
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The Question
Is there a condition when you can't controll your emotions? Like maybe one time you feel happier than ever and then fell really pissed off and go running off and killing someone or something like that?
The Answer
That isn't what bi-polar or manic depressive means. (Sorry, it really bothers people when people think bi-polar = mood swings. That's just a really unfair stereotype and simplification of a serious mental illness).
Although people who suffering from manic-depressive or bi-polar mental illness do in fact have trouble control their extreme emotions, VERY RARELY is this something that happens within a day or a week. Instead, people with these serious mental illnesses go through weeks or months of EXTREMELY manic (up, happy, energetic to the point of causing themselves harm and taking stupid risks) phases and then extremely depressed (suicidal, can't eat, can't sleep, self-harming) phases.
Mood swings, within a day or a couple of days, are far more likely caused by treatable physical issues like hormone imbalances, vitamin deficiencies, thyroid problems and really poor diet choices. They are also, in all honesty and love, part of growing up and realizing what you put in your body affects your mood, and how to manage your mood.
If you, or someone you care about, are having trouble staying emotionally level, don't try to diagnose them with a mental illness. Instead, encourage them to eat healthy, exercise a bit, and see a doctor to rule out any underlying physical problems.
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The Question
How do i set limits on lending someone money? My ex-boyfriend and best friend is a great guy (wonderful) but he borrows money frequently. He will borrow money weekly if he thinks I have any cash.
He borrows large and small amounts; he simply asks for whatever amount he thinks (or discovers) I have and that he needs. I often forget all the 10 20 30 dollar loans so sometimes he pays money back and sometimes he does not. He currently owes me over a thousand.
He got really angry when I once asked him to sign a repayment agreement, so thats not an option. He expresses frustration if I try to give him a check rather than cash. I always try to avoid talking about money with him, but if i do or if he knows I have purchased any item for more than twenty bucks, he will comment that I must be doing okay financially and can he borrow money?
I did borrow money from him once about five years ago when I was unemployed and ill; he said it was a gift, but I decided we could take it off what he owed me from a year earlier. (this infuriated him- he wanted it to be a gift.)
I want to maintain our friendship because i enjoy his companionship. However, last week i lent him another five hundred and he wanted even more... it is too stressful. I told him I dont want to loan him anymore money. Today he called for another hundred.
I am a single mom with three college age kids. My 17 year old is still at home, and I spend more on my friend than i do on my daughter... this borrowing has got to stop. how can i set limits??
The Answer
How much is this friendship worth to you? $2,000? $10,000? If you are looking for that kind of limit, I think you need to realize how insane that is.
You don't need a limit or a boundary, you need a full, complete and total stop. You need a large sign that reads
"The Bank. She is closed."
He is bullying you. He might be an otherwise great friend, but he is also a selfish bully and you are rewarding his most horrible and abusive behaviour.
Just stop loaning him money. Say no.
I realize it doesn't FEEL that easy, but despite your feelings about the situation, is IS that simple and there is no magical unicorn solution besides just that.
When he asks for money say "No. I'm not loaning you money."
when he asks again say "No. I said, I'm not loaning you money. If that is all you want to talk about, I'm going to say goodbye now."
He will throw temper tantrums! He will punish you for no longer giving in to his bullying! He might say mean things. He might even end the friendship. He will probably never pay you back! But he probably wasn't going to anyways!
Make your peace with the risk of loosing him OR decide in yourself that your friendship is worth tens of thousands of dollars, because that is what it will likely cost you over the years. If that is your choice, then admit to yourself that you are making that choice: You are choosing to pay someone to maintain intimacy. At least that way, you wont be angry with him. You'll have accepted it as your own choice.
If you can't say no, and still have his friendship and respect, then you never actually had his friendship or respect in the first place. You'll be richer in the end. And if your friendship survives, it will have the chance to become a real friendship, between two equals, instead of a co-dependancy, where he needs your money, and you need him to like you.
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The Question
hii. i was just wondering if wearing two condoms is better than one ?
thanks
kaitlyn
The Answer
No. Absolutely not. If you use two condoms, both will break.
Buy your condoms new, store them someplace away from light and heat and apply them properly (without bending or twisting them). That how you make a condom as effective as possible. If you want a second barrier, get the pill.
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