Brandi_S's advice column | Page 131

home view feedback ask questions add as friend advicenators

Gender:

Female

Location:

Kansas

Occupation:

House wife, Mother, Local Loon

Age:

35

Member Since:

July 15, 2006

Answers:

3333

Last Update:

March 11, 2013

Visitors:

125050

Favorite Columnists

hitler_the_goat

about

I'm a mother of 2 boys who are 13 months apart. Talk about a handful. I'm a wife to the best husband I could have ever dreamed of.
I'm one of the very blessed.

I have Bipolar 1 Disorder. I hate taking all these medications and always going to doctors appointments, but life is too short to let mental illness get the better of me.

Often times life is a challenge, and nobody knows that better than me. I wake up wondering if this is going to be a day my illness overpowers my meds, and either sends me flying like a bat out of hell, or leaves me laying on the couch like a wet dish rag.

Thank all that is good in the world that I have an excellent support system at home.
I'm one of the lucky ones.

I'm honest, and that can either be a perk or s flaw. Depends on how you choose to look at it.
I like to see it as a perk, because it's better to hear the truth than to be told candy coated bullshit.

advice

my hair is always frizzy and and it used to stay straight but not it gets all wavy.

i got it highlighted a few times and the person that did it wasn't to great. is that maybe why my hair looks like not good anymore?

it used to be like shiny and smooth not it's just the opposite. will it ever grow back and look normal agian since i stopped highlighting it?

Yes. Out of all the chemical treatments you can do to your hair, one is perming and the other is bleaching. Highlights are bleaching. It completely destroys the hair strands to bleach out pigment.

Use some deep conditioning treatments and when it gets grown out, cut off the color treated hair. Your hair will regain its original luster after all signs of chemical treatment is gone.

which situations require law? i need like 10... for example preventing speeding cares, or protecting mp3s... u know PLEASE HELP thanks thanks THANKS

Your question doesn't really make a lot of sense. What exactly are you talking about here? Lots of situations require law. Basically everything around you is protected by law in some fashion or form. So, you may want to clarify your question if you expect responses that make sense.

okay theres this guy who was doing this joke which i didnt get. and i know he wasnt doing it quite right, because other people were like, brian thats not how it goes.
but he held his hand up for a high five and went, high five! and when the other person went to high five him, he quickly brought his hand down to his penis area and went, whos gay?
i dont get it...

I get the joke, but it isn't funny, in my opinion. I think it is stupid and juvenile. Actually, if I were to witness some guy preforming this joke, I would say to them "You must be because you seem to like the feel of penises." Beat him to his own silly punch line with a silly one of my own. Kind of a "who's the joke on now" sort of thing.

how long does it take for the food in your stomach to go through your intestines and you poop it out?

I think the average person poops once a day, so... roughly 24 hours for complete digestion? I'm not 100% certain, but that would be a fair educated guess.

Okay, so I'm 14/f and yes I'm a freshie. I know that I am way too concerned about my grades for being in 9th grade but I can't help it. I'm just geeky like that. But since middle school my #1 goal is to be valedictorian [sp?] when I graduate [duh]. And that goal still stands strong for I am a very stubborn person when I make up my mind and I'm the kind of person that HAS to accomplish a set goal or die trying.

Hmm let me simplify this by listing it:
6th grade--Latin I (B)
7th-Latin II (A) and Alg I (A)
8th-Latin III (A) and Geometry (A)

Those were my end grades for the high school courses I took in middle school. And none of them were weighted so it was a 3,4,4, and 4.

Now, I'm in al IB Prep classes and there are 3 weighted credit classes. On top of that I'm in 2 other weighted credit classes (Latin IV and Adv. Strings). From what I know there is no one in my grade that is in their 4th year of their chosen foreign language so by far I have the most weighted credit classes (5 out of 7 classes) in my grade level. The person that has 4 weighted credit classes would be another guy in strings with me but I know that he's getting pretty bad grades right now. If the band doesn't have a weighted credit class (do they? i don't know) then I'm pretty confident that I'm going to have the biggest chance at being valedictorian.

What do you think? About what percentage do you guess that someone would surpass me and become valedictorian. yes I know it's too early to actually get accurate details but I'm asking you to guestimate for me...Thanks =]

Good for you for caring about your grades. Sadly, there are so many out there who could care less.

It sounds to me like if this guy is getting bad grades, his overall GPA is going to drop. Just keep doing the good work and you will be successful.

However, if you happen to not get valedictorian or have to share the honor with someone of equal character, don't be hard on yourself. Honestly, the excellent educational opporitunity you are giving to yourself is reward enough in its own. You are going to go far in this life, and being valedictorian is only a pebble in the river of achievements.

So...I am 15 (soon to be 16) and this past Saturday, I lost my virginity to my boyfriend. We've been together for almost 3 months. His Dad found out and now I have a feeling that he is going to tell my mom. I want to tell her. I really do, but I think that she will be really disappointed in me. I was going to tell her tonight but I couldn't do it. Something told me that it wasn't a good idea, but then I get the feeling that I should because if she finds out from his dad, then she will be even more disappointed in me for the fact that I didn't tell her myself. I don't think she'll trust me ever again. And I have a feeling that she won't want me to see him anymore. I can already see what she is going to say. "You're only 15." or "How could you be so stupid?" or she will call me a slut...I don't know what to do. Should I tell her? Or not...

Of course it would be best coming from you than from his dad. So, YES TELL HER.
If nothing else, she will know you are sexually active now, and will hopefully see that you are completely educated on prevention of STDs and pregnancy.
Since you are sexually active, you would be wise to get on birth control and your mom can help you. She may be more understanding than you give her credit for.

Why do some of you get on here just to be nasty and write rude things(when not attacked) that dont even have anything to do with the question... or purposely write wrong answers? no ones twisting your arm to hit the answer this button..if you dont know...then dont answer.Then you want to whine about getting a low rating and pust the abuse link..when you didnt help in the first place...This might sound rude but as another colunmist and a person who asks advice...I think that people who ask question should be able to report abuse to.

If some one is being rude to you or giving you a pointless answer, DO file an abuse report! You don't have to put up with that.

On the left side of the screen, under "Miscellaneous" is an option "Report Abuse." That is where you get that business done. Be sure to have all of the information they need to take care of the problem- MOST IMPORTANTLY you need to copy and paste the link from you address bar that takes them to the question you are filing the report about. Tell them what is up, and they will get it taken care of.

Hi,i was wondering,my g/f is having her period and i was wondering what i could say to her to make her feel better/more comfortable about it,and what i could just do to be nice about it..especially when the mood swings start =(

thanks =)

Age=14

Do something nice for her, like maybe go cut some flowers and bring her a bouquet.
I wouldn't advise saying stuff like "sorry you got your period, hope this makes it easier" because that definitely won't help prevent a mood swing... Also, you don't want her to be embarrassed about it.

my dad always like criticizes me whenever i eat something. like all the time, unless its breakfast. like he says he always sees me eating when its not true, but usually im eating when hes around, but still. its really annoying because i can control it myself, and not really overeat alot, but it really pisses me off when hes like "no more supper for you, you already ate enough" because i ate dinner kinda early, and 5 hours later i just wanted a little more.. and that was like 1 hour ago. maybe i need to stop doing stuff like that cause sometimes i just eat not for hunger but for like.. because the food tastes good or something, and ive noticed i've gotten a little fatter, but im still okay and i do alot of sports too, so i can burn it off. but my dad is kinda stubborn and only thinks what he says is right. like when im eating i get bored so i read books, and my dad doesnt want me to do that.. he says i should eat first then read, and i tell him all the time that like its more efficent not to, and ive been doing it for years and the books never got stained. ugh but he doesnt reason. same with the eating thing. he doesnt wanna hear what i have to say after, which is how alot of times he misjudges the situation and stuff.. and then overreacts. the same with my mom sometims, but thats a different story. -sigh- i know im just a 13 year old kid so what much can i really do, and i dont have to clean old peoples shit in the hospital as a job (well thats what my mom said she does sometimes cause shes a nurse) but like seriously.. im sure this will all be good in the long run or whatever but my parents constantly are hard on me and its kinda annoying. they wont even let me go to or have sleepovers with my friends (only with family). just cause my parents never did that kinda thing when they were younger (they're cameroonian from africa.. different culture and such. i live in america now though). they worked hard to get us a good life here in america and blah blah, and i do work hard in school and stuff. and i may sound like a broken record... but like.. i dont know what to do sometimes. i want to go to summercamp, i know we dont have a whole lot of extra money for the really cool ones, but.. like my childhood is important too. i've never even been to it before. luckily i can do sports though, and other activities, but yeah.. and i havent even really gone shopping since last spring. i got like.. 3 pairs of pants and like 1-3 shirts inbetween on different days, but those don't really count.

I would be willing to bet that your parents growing up in a COMPLETELY different culture than you are now has a lot to do with all of the things you are frustrated about. I imagine they are hard on you, because more than likely, their teen years were harder on them.

If your parents don't want to listen to your feelings on these subjects, the best thing I can think for you to do is suck it up and go with it as best as you can. I know that isn't what you want to hear, but you can't change people, their ways, their feelings, or the way they think.

Don't let the things your dad says to you about eating and such hurt your feelings. I doubt he would say anything if he didn't care and wasn't concerned about your health.

I know you are just a kid, and you have a ways to go, but before you know it, you will be 18 and considered an adult. You will then be able to make whatever decisions you want for yourself. I know the future doesn't help how it is now, but it gives you something to look forward to.

Remember: your parents love you, and you are lucky that they care so much about you. Maybe their care is a bit overboard, but it's really the thought and feeling behind it that counts. There are a lot of kids out there in this world who's parents are too wrapped up in their own lives to care what their kids do; Some kids do harmful things to themselves, and their parents have no clue, because their own children are strangers to them. Sad, sad fact about life.

Ok my mom is in her 80s and I am in my 50s. STORY: I buy jewelry that is 99 cents (rings, bracelets, necklaces and pins) that look expensive. Every one including my mom have told me all the jewelry I buy is beautiful and they cannot believe I only spent 99 cent. Tonight my mom and I were discussing the jewelry and I told her that I cannot believe how I can get jewelry this cheap that look beautiful and how it looks as if I brought them at Lord & Taylors, Nordstrums. She turned to me and said; But you cannot get that at Tiffanys; This bothered me and I told her she does not have to be negative. She said; Well they arent real stones, I mean they look like you can get them at Lord & Taylors, Nordstrums, Bloomingdales but Tiffany only sells emeralds, diamonds, etc.; I called my friends and told them the conversation and they told me that all my mom is saying is that the jewelry is beautiful but they are not real stones. MY QUESTION: DO YOU AGREE WITH MY FRIENDS. Thanks.

I agree with the friends. I don't think it was a comment intended to be negative or hurtful. She is saying they may pass off as being high dollar jewelry, but not THAT high dollar.

Besides, at least you know if it doesn't look like it came from Tiffany's, it won't get stolen. Correct?

You really need to stop reading so much into what others say to you. Look- you are turning the words people say into things that hurt your feelings. You are over analyzing the opinions of others to the point that it sounds in your own head as though they are saying something that is cutting you down. See, you are the one who is being negative, and you are being negative to yourself by putting false thoughts behind people's words.

So your jewelry won't pass for Tiffany's; big deal. YOU like the jewelry, don't you? Well, that's all that matters. It makes you happy and you enjoy it. Don't ruin your own happiness by fretting over the things people say about it.

I know you think your mother is negative and critical. But that doesn't mean you have to take every comment she makes to heart. Like I said to you yesterday, I wager if I reach my 80's, I'll probably be a grouchy old bird, but I hope my kids don't get hurt by it. I hope they just let it go in one ear and out the other, because it would never be my intentions to hurt their feelings or make them feel as though I'm cutting them down. I would like to think that your mother thinks the same way.

Have you ever sat down and had a heart to heart conversation with her about your feelings? I mean without arguing, losing your temper, or snapping at her? If you haven't, you should. It may make you feel better to get your feelings out in the open with her. Remember- you need to give her the same respect and listen to her feelings as well.

i need to find out the artist for a song called iron man its a really old song a line in the song is 'here comes iron man running so fast from the (cloo or coo) clucks clan' and 'the white hooded men' and 'chasing him with a baseball bat' i need it for school its kinda a violent song for school but i need to no the artist who sings or writes it or both if its the same thing

The song Iron Man is by Black Sabbath. It was written by the band's guitarist, Tommy Iommi.

Sorry, there is no lyrics involving Ku Klux Klan, white hooded men, or chasing with baseball bats. That's just a bunch of nonsense silly people make up because they have nothing better to do with their time.

Here are the lyrics. Look them up online if you so choose:

Has he lost his mind?
Can he see or is he blind?
Can he walk at all,
Or if he moves will he fall?
Is he alive or dead?
Has he thoughts within his head?
Well just pass him there
Why should we even care?

He was turned to steel
In the great magnetic field
Where he traveled time
For the future of mankind

Nobody wants him
He just stares at the world
Planning his vengeance
That he will soon unfold

Now the time is here
For iron man to spread fear
Vengeance from the grave
Kills the people he once saved

Nobody wants him
They just turn their heads
Nobody helps him
Now he has his revenge

Heavy boots of lead
Fills his victims full of dread
Running as fast as they can
Iron man lives again!

you may have to look back on this question but i asked about what that guy was thinking when he was tlkain to my friends nad stuff well the only problem is we just tlkaed we were not friends and now he talks to my friend all the time and acts like he is mad at me or sumthing buti haven't done anything......idk i was just wondering about other people thoughts on the situation and i can't ask him because it wuld seem really wierd....he would ake it strange if asked him since we aren't really friends.

Honestly, I really can't tell you what is going on in his head. I wish I could.

The only thing I can think to tell you is that if he is acting like he's mad at you for no reason, he is doubtfully worth your time and effort to begin with. And he is doubtfully worth your friend's time either.

He doesn't seem to be real friend-worthy to me.

I would, however, at least ask him what his problem is all the sudden, and why he acts like he is mad.

my friend stares at people in class for a while till it freaks them out. she thinks its funny and then starts laughing like its a really funny joke, when its just freaky. i told her this but she doesnt agree and then just laughed about it. ermm how can i convince her not to do that, cuz shes kinda unpopular and seeing how this would give people a negative view on her, i dont think its that great. i mean looking yes you can do that, but just staring at people for a while makes them uncomfortable. ugh and shes not in any of my classes too so idk how it goes, but like.. yeah XD;

Well, there isn't much you can do about it. Obviously she doesn't care that people think of her negatively.

Just because you don't think she should do it doesn't mean she is going to stop. If she ever cries to you about how nobody likes her, you can tell her exactly why that is and that she brought it all on herself.

ok so my ex has always been my best friend and we are still really in love with each other (i know this for a fact) and well you see he just started talking to my friend. and if i know my friend she will fall for him and it makes me really sad. i cried all day today because i saw them together. it really upsets me but i can't be mad because i really love my friend and i really love him i just don't understand how they could do this to me. so here is my question:
1) How can i approach him and talk to him about our feelings for each other?
2) What should i say when i'm talking to him about this?
3) What should i do about my friend?
Thanks for any advice i need it bad.

Well, if he likes your friend and starts to go out with her, he isn't as in love with you as he lets on to be.

1) If he is your friend and/or is still really in love with you, you should be able to feel comfortable talking to him about your feelings.

2) You should tell him how you feel, plain and simple.

3) I don't know that you should do anything about your friend. Realistically, if she is the one he likes and he wants to go out with her, there isn't anything you can do about it but accept it.

a hole looks so small.. how does the guys "thing" fit in..?

Depends on what "thing" you are referring to. Car keys? It has teeth specifically designed to fit the small hole in the ignition...

Is it more like when you go all red in the face and head over heels, or can it also be like... you feel happier than usual when you see the person... you feel strangely like you want to be around them a lot..?

I feel slightly different around this one guy friend than around the others. I'm not quite sure what to do about it.

(if it helps, I'm pretty sure he feels the same)

Sounds like you like him.

well i have been having like pain in my , not ankel.. but a little above but not my shin, and its on the side of my leg,
and idk if its a pulled muscle or what
it just hurts very bad, and sometimes my ankle the same side, hurts also
Any ideas what it is and how i can make it stop
xox thanks

Nobody can tell you how to fix it if they don't know what the actual problem is. My advice? Ask your doctor.

15/f

So, I realize "love" between two people can make happiness for them and some degree of comfort. I haven't had a steady boyfriend for basically two years, so I don't understand what's so attractive about the whole thing.

Sometimes I will be sitting on the couch and I will see some show about people being in love and my chest will completely tighten and I will wish that it was me. But really, when I think about it I don't understand what is so fantastic.

I know that part of this may just be that I don't know the "right guy".. but why is being in love so great? What happens?

Thanks =)

No matter what anyone says, the only way you will truly understand why being in love is so great is to feel the emotion for yourself. You will someday, I promise. Have patience.

Okay. There's this guy that I still love.. He was my first boyfriend and we were going out for two years.. Today would have been our 2 year anniversary if we hadn't broken up yesterday....He said he thought it would be in our best interest and I think it was too. ..But I do still love him and he says he still loves me. ...We just dont fit together like most would consider normal...We have lots of little fights...But thats not what this question is about.......My main problem is that we still love each other...Ive never had to deal with a breakup....We decided to remain friends, but its going to be hard to talk to him...Ive been crying since 2:30 yesterday afternoon...and its now 6:45 today...so over a day...and I still haven't stopped.....I need to know how to get over him while still remaining his friends...I feel like I'm going to die and like I've lost the only thing in the world that meant anything to me..Please help me through this

It is hard to remain friends, especially if there is still feelings involved. The best way to get over him is to steer clear of him until you get your emotions together.

You are going to have to remember one thing: If you remain friends with him, you are going to have to be able to see him dating other girls without it bothering you. Until you know you can handle that, you need to stay away from him.

does your period stop sooner if its heavier?

Not necessarily. Sometimes they are just heavier than other times.

<<< Previous Advice Column

Next Advice Column >>>