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I sometimes take long breaks from the site. I'm more than happy to answer anyone's questions, but just make sure they're not too time sensitive. :)

Facts about me:
*happy
*employed
*married
*large extended family
*bisexual
*advanced college degree
*no kids (yet)

advice

Last week i had sex & oral with a guy. The next day my vagina was alittle swollen, but that normal for me since ive barely had sex. The next day the swelling was gone, but about 3 or 4 days ago i noticed my vaginal area was a bit itchy. Afew days ago i looked at my vagina and found that there are about 3 little bumps that are alittle red with a slight white color on top. they are located on one of the inner lips right by the opening and its alittle swollen. Im freaking out and dont know what to do about this or how servire this might be. Someone please help and tell me what i should do about this. Im only 17..

It doesn't matter how old you are. The longer you wait, the worse it could get. Getting this looked at right away is the most important thing. Do whatever you have to do to see a doctor. If that means telling your mom, that's what you have to do. Do not risk your health. This could be really serious. You made the decision to participate in an adult activity by having sex. You need to be an adult about the consequences. You can't just have fun and then go back to being a kid. You have to get treated right away and you need to tell the guy that you hooked up with to get treated as well. There's just no way around it. Sorry, and good luck.

while i was over at my guy friend's house we were talking about fingering. we started kissing but then he stop and was like your turn. what was he talking about and how do i get him to do it next time. Ive never been finger before.

Who knows. When he says "your turn" just ask "to do what?". There's no secret explanation that you should have known. It could have been anything. He's probably just as confused as you are. My guess is that he didn't want to ask you or tell you to do anything because he was afraid that you would say no. If he says "your turn" you could interpret that in any way that you want and could do anything that you want without him having to ask for you to do something specific. Guys are just as chicken as we are, don't worry. There's no shame in asking and he may even have liked it if you asked. I'd throw it back at him and ask him what he's talking about. Don't let him try to get you to do something without telling you what he wants you to even do! Remember not to rush into anything that you don't feel comfortable doing or are not ready for. Good luck!

So my fiance wants us to take a shower together. Which I don't know how to feel about it, I don't know what we would do. Can you give me some tips on what to do or something. This whole thing just boggles my mind! Thanks.

Remember your first kiss and how you didn't know what to do with your hands? It may not be that fresh in your mind, but you probably felt a little awkward at first. Taking a shower together is going to be awkward at first. You're standing, water gets in your face, there may not be a lot of room for two people, you might get cold if your partner's in the water and you're not, I'm sure you can think of more. The thing is, it's something that you should try that could be fun. Just because it may have been awkward doesn't mean you shouldn't have tried kissing. I'm sure you're great at it now and it feels natural. You'd hate to be missing out on it now. Same thing with the shower. If you do it a few times it may not be as awkward. It's good to expect some awkwardness, but don't focus on that. Taking a shower together feels great. It's sexy and one of those sort of "forbidden" things to do. If your fiance has this fantasy, you should try it! There's no harm. If it totally sucks it's not like you'll have to do it again. If you end up loving it, then great! No harm either way. From someone that's done it before, it's definitely worth trying. My advice is to not feel as if you have to have sex in a weird position. Try to do more with your hands and go from there. You don't even have to do anything too sexual, just rub soap on each other, dry off, then have fun outside of the shower if that's easier. Good luck!

Hi, 20/m

I'm a small town boy, soon to be moving to a big city. I'm trying to look for a room in an apartment, and have been looking on craigslist.

I've never done this sort of thing before, and so I'm a bit confused.

Some of the pictures look like they've been taken off a website i.e. they look like billionaire penthouses. Are these scams? Is there any damage in contacting them?

Also, any other tips you could give me when searching for a place on craigslist? I.e. what to look for, what to avoid, how to tell if its fake/a scam?

Any help is much appreciated!

Thanks

I agree with Braiden, craigslist is not the way to go. There is a potential for getting caught up in a scam if you use craigslist. Many people do not trust it and while you will see lots of ads on there and some of them may be legit, those same people will advertize their apartments in other places too. You're much more likely to get involved in a scam on craigslist than you are with an ad in the newspaper or other website like http://www.rentals.com/. No one in their right mind would only advertize their apartment on craigslist and many people do not use craigslist because they do not find it reputable, so you'd be missing out on some opportunities. A local newspaper is the number one place to find a good apartment. A lot of newspapers have websites with a place where you can interactively search for an apartment. Find out the name of a big newspaper in the area where you're going and you should be able to find the website for that newspaper. Other than that, I'd go with rentals.com or another site other than craigslist. Craigslist just can't be trusted with something important like getting an apartment when you can find one another way.

My mom won't let me get contacts and I am 13 years old. What should I do?

Contacts can be expensive. If you could come up with the money to pay for the eye appointment (about $90 every year) and the money for the contacts ($30 every 3 months) then maybe she'd be more inclined to consider it. Knowing why she doesn't want you to get them makes a huge difference in what you should do. You'd have to take a completely different approach if she thought they were unhealthy and didn't mind the cost. I convinced my parents to get me contacts because I wanted to be better at sports. I didn't want to wear my glasses when I played basketball because they could fall off or get broken and I couldn't see well enough to be a good player. See if you can come up with a practical reason for wanting them. I know it's a drag having to wear glasses and you know you'd look so much better without them, but parents want practical reasons. Good luck! :)

Hey everyone! I'm 14/f

In 4th grade, I rode a bus to and from school. On that bus was a boy who lived on the other side of my block who I used to hang out with a lot. I was talking to him on the bus in the morning and he said "You're really pretty." & I said thanks and then later he told me I was "blessed". I just want to know what that means? I haven't talked to him in a long time since he moved but I still think about what he said to me. I know it was meant to be something nice though.

It has been on my mind a lot for 4 years! Everyone I have asked said they have no idea what he could've meant by it. So I decided to ask on here. I hope someone knows!

Thank you to everyone in advance! Anything you may know will be appreciated!

A lot of the time when people say "blessed" to a woman, they're referring to her having big boobs. Since you were in 4th grade, I'm guessing that he just meant that you were pretty and he liked the way you looked. It's possible that he picked up the word blessed from someplace and didn't really know what it meant himself. He was just a kid that wanted to give you a compliment. :)

What can I do so it won't be dark after I shave? The skin is darker than the rest of my body. I tried lotion and when I was shaving I used a new clean razor, so why is it so dark around my bikini area?

For some people it just is. I think it may have something to do with blood flow. If you search online, you can find "remedies" for it, but I'm guessing that they're the equivalent of making your genitals larger. You just can't. If you do look at any of these "remedies" be very, very careful. You don't want to mess around too much with that area. A darker bikini area is something that is natural and that many, many people have. If you watch enough porn, you'll notice it. I'm not saying watch porn, but this is definitely a common thing and it's no big deal. Nobody's going to look at you and say "ew", don't worry. It's honestly, totally normal. :)

Okay so my friend/ex-bf and I still like each other but everyone in our school would say stuff if we started dating again (since we had kind of a bad break up but we worked it out). So we wanna be friends for a while since we hadnt talked in 2 months and then later on date. I don't have a problem with that. But when we were hanging out, we started making out and we agreed that since we will start dating again that kissing as friends won't be a big deal. Is that a friends with benefits? We aren't doing anything besides kissing but does that still count? Btw we are both 15 and I am turning 16 soon, if that makes a difference.

I don't want you to take this the wrong way, but right now you are embarrassed. It's not a bad thing and I'm sorry I couldn't think of a better word, but let me explain. It seems as if the two of you want to be and would be in a relationship, but you're worried about what everyone would think. Again, this isn't a bad thing, just the way it is and you're totally justified in being worried about it. It's a definite possibility that there will be people that disagree with your decision and do not want the two of you to be together. First, drop the whole friends act. If you're just doing it to soften the blow for your friends and family it is going to leave the two of you confused. You're in a relationship, albeit a secret relationship, but a relationship just the same. If you try to label it as friends, you may be setting yourself up to get hurt. What if you find out your guy was making out with another girl and he tells you that it's because you're just friends and not committed to each other? Save yourself the confusion and just be in a relationship if that's what you want to do. The best way to break it to everyone is to explain it. You said that you had a bad breakup and you worked out your differences. The people that are close to you know more details than that and they won't be satisfied with a quick explanation. You should explain to some of them exactly what you worked out, how you worked it out, and why you worked it out. The more you explain and the more honest you are, the better chance that people will be accepting of it. It's possible that your family doesn't like him anymore simply because the two of you broke up. If you got back together, maybe they'd be fine. The main thing I want you to take out of this is that you and this guy can't just be friends. That's pretty clear. Just be honest with yourselves and with everyone else. Good luck!

My mom wears a bra size 36DDD so I always figured that I would get big boobs. Im 14 and I just found out that she had a boob job a few years after she had me. She wont tell me what size bra she wore before the boob job so how can I tell what bra size I will be?

Even though you'll tend to inherit this kind of stuff, you might not inherit it from your mom. Look at your other family members - aunts on either side, pictures of your grandmothers, maybe your cousins. I'm sure there's a wide range, but you might get a general idea. Even though you can never really know, it's kind of rude and ridiculous of your mom not to tell you what size she was. In any case, do not worry about this. It may seem like a big deal now, but breast size is honestly not important when you get older. Guys will gravitate toward women with large breasts when they're younger, but when they mature a little, they're a bit more selective. I'm small and it used to be a big concern to me, but at this point, I could care less. I'm in my late 20's, married, and totally happy. It's the last thing on my mind. They'll be whatever size they'll be. Try not to worry or think about something that you can't control. Good luck! :)

I read that if the only drink you have is water for a week, you could lose weight. Because it helps release the water weight your body holds onto when you drink sugary drinks. I don't know if I believe this. I may not even be understanding it correctly. If you've heard of this or did it, could you tell me about it. How does it work? What exactly does it do? Thanks.

Xenolan hit it right on the money. Just about every single diet out there is a gimmick because the only true way to affect your weight is by controlling your calories. Most diets, like low-carb for example, are just another way to cut calories. Drinking water helps people lose weight because it has 0 calories as opposed to something else that you may be drinking. If you're interested in losing weight, check out http://www.livestrong.com/myplate. If you make an account, you can input your height and weight as well as what you eat and how much you exercise. It keeps track of your calories for you so you don't have to count them yourself. I lost 12 pounds in 2 months and I'm still blown away at how easy it was. You hear people complaining about how hard it is to lose weight all of the time and I think they're having a hard time simply because they're doing it wrong! Don't believe any of these weight loss gimmicks. The only reason any of them work is because they involve a cut in calories. It's hard to maintain a diet when you cut out certain foods. When you're counting calories you can eat whatever you want as long as you don't eat more calories than you're supposed to each day. I lost 12 pounds while eating pizza, cheeseburgers, and cake. No joke. Even though you can eat poorly and still lose weight, you should still try to maintain a healthy diet. You can be skinny and unhealthy, which is almost as bad as being overweight and unhealthy. Make sure you're responsible and if you're female you consume at least 1200 calories per day and if you're male 1500. Any less than that could be dangerous. If you're going to try to lose weight good luck!

I have made out a few times but a part of me wonders if I'm doing it right. Is there a certain technic or tips I can do? I don't want to be embarrassed by the way I make out and I'd like to fix it now while it's not too late.

While there are certain things you can or can't do that certain people may or may not like, technique isn't something that anyone can describe and be told whether they're doing it right. The only way to know is to ask someone that you've made out with. Ask them to be totally honest and hopefully they are. The one thing you don't want to do is make out with someone new solely for the purpose of them telling you if you're good at it or not. That's just not a good idea and could make problems for you. Just ask someone that you've already made out with. I'm sure they'll be able to critique you and give you advice because they actually have something to base it off of, unlike any of us! Good luck! :)

I don't really know if this fits in this category, but I'm writing a story that I hope to turn into a movie fairly soon. I don't have a full story line for some of these yet, but tell me what you would be most interested in. Also, let me know if they're too sad. I'm really better at comedy, but I just thought I'd take a shot at drama for a change.

A. A story about a boy and a girl who fall in love after being introduced to each other by their fathers, who are old friends. Their relationship gets serious, even though the girl's father doesnt approve and feels akward about the situation. Then, the boy is involved in a car accident and taken to the hospital. The next day, the girl goes to visit him and sees that other than some cuts and bruises, he seems fine. Shortly after she gets home, her roommate tells her that she's just heard that the boy had just died from internal bleeding. I don't know the rest of the story, but it will involve the girl's family helping the boy's family deal with the agony of losing their son and it will have some kind of lesson about love and friendship.

B. A story about a man whose wife is murdered and his infant son is kidnapped from their house one night when he was gone for a very short amount of time. The man spends twelve years looking for his son and after he discovers that the man who stole his son passed him off as a child put up for adoption, he goes looking for the couple who adopted him. Then, he must choose between bringing his son home or allowing him to stay with the adopted parents who raised him.

C. A story about a man with a wife, a daughter, and a son who are involved in an accident together and taken to the emergency room. The daughter dies, the wife is declared brain dead, and the son is near death from damage done to his heart. The man gets to the hospital and the doctors tell him that they want to take his wife off of life support so they can give their son her heart. The man doesn't want to let her go, but if he doesn't, he will lose the only member of his family with a chance of survival and he has only minutes to make the decision.

I like the third one. I also think that IcanBNE1 had a great idea. Instead of putting a huge back-story first, you could incorporate flashbacks. Like, as he's in the hospital looking at his family, you can go into a memory that he has from the past showing how much he loves his family members and whatnot. The storylines you came up with sound a little like something Mitch Albom might do, so if you're unfamiliar with his work, take a look. If written well, any of these stories should be good. I'm not sure what kind of movie you mean or what kind of experience or connections you have with writing or making movies. If you don't have much, I suggest you try to get it published as an e-book. If people can buy it for a dollar, they're more likely to take a look and your popularity could take off. It's a great way to become established. Good luck!

This is a long one, so bear with me.. I'd appricate if you'd read it though, because I really want to hear your views...

When I was 4 I started visiting a beach and made friends with a guy called Finn, he was 3. Every summer I travelled down there and spent the time with finn, One summer when I was 5, I met his Cousin, Louis. We had an instant connection, a chemistry, that everyone saw but us. As we grew up, I began to realise it. But, seeing as we lived far away, I moved on, and tried to forget him.

Summer 2011, I met a Guy called Ash and we started dating, for 5 months, it ended when he went to college and started to neglect me, at this time, I started texting Louis, and after a month or so, we got together, just one night we kissed under the stars.
3 months ago I started seeing Daniel, he was everything I could want, I was happier than I'd ever been before, I truly loved him. He was beautiful, clever and breathtaking.. We broke up, because we lived 30mins from each other.. There was tears, and yelps, and I sunk into a deep place for a while.. But Daniel kept saying I love you, we kept in touch, carried on like before. When I came back from holiday, I told him I still loved him.. But In the 2weeks I'd tried to move on, Louis fell for me. I love Daniel, but theres still the 30mins between us.. I ache for Louis, but I cant leave Daniel..
I havr no idea what I need to do, because I'm still in love with the wonderful person Daniel is.
Please. Thank you, I appricate it..

This may not be what you want to hear, but I think that it's the right thing to do. You should take a break from all of them for awhile. It doesn't have to be long - just long enough for you to decide what you want to do. You need to take some time by yourself to clear your head. Only going off of what you've said about these guys, they all seem great and I wouldn't be able to tell you which one to choose. You know them deeply, which means that you are the best person to make this decision. If it's too much to think about right now and you have no idea what to do, time is what will really help. Try not to talk to any of them for awhile - tell them that you want to take some time to think about your life and what you want to do. It may only take a week, it may take a month, or you may even find someone else that's even better. You never know, but what I do know is that you should take a break from all of them and give yourself the time you need to figure all of this out. Good luck!

14/f
ive had a prob with cutin asked yall. Yall told me about a rubberband and i waz remembered something today used the rubberband but didnt work i wanted 2 cut more even so please give me another method that will work.
Please any advise will be very thankful

If you go to the website below, number 6 has some options other than the rubber band that might be useful to you. I know that ice can be really painful and the red pen seems like it could be a good idea. Make sure you look at the rest of the article too, there could be something in it that could help. Don't pay much attention to the people that want to bash on you. It's really hard to quit doing something like this and you're doing a great job of it so far. Searching "how to stop cutting myself" on Google brings up a lot of good information. I wish you the best of luck!

http://www.wikihow.com/Stop-Cutting-Yourself

Nuva ring has made my vagina extra dry so dry that it hurts to use any body wash down there and its very hard to get wet and sex hurts. I have no stds or infections or anything of the sort. My friend said she also had this problem. What is wrong and should i change my birth control?

Probably. You should at least talk to your doctor about what's going on. There may be an easy solution. Good luck!

If you were, would you consider ending it all to allow your long term partner to move on to a normal life. If your condition meant no sex was possible and you could not go out ever. Life was suddenly stopped in its tracks. What would you do?

There is never any good reason to end your own life. Your partner can make their own choices about what they want to do. Your partner hasn't left you and really cares about you. They have free choice and could leave you if that's what they wanted to do, but they haven't. It would hurt them more than you could possibly imagine if you took your own life. They would feel an inconceivable amount of guilt and pain. I wouldn't be able to kill myself because I wouldn't want to cause them that kind of pain. Do not do that to someone that loves you. Killing yourself is not the best choice that you have. Please call this number and talk to someone about what you're feeling and what your other choices are.

1-800-273-8255

I met this guy in 1 of my classes as a sophmore we dated for about a year and broke up in febuary. He's talking to other girls and moving on with his life,he will text me sometimes and act as a friend and will just catch up on life. I'm pretty sure he's over me but I'm not over him.. I don't understand why I can't just move on I've tried likeing other guys but I just cant,when I hangout with my girls he's always in the back of my mind. I need to know how to get over him and move on with life. I'm a 17yr old female. Texas

It's very difficult to get over someone. It can take as long to get over them as you went out! Don't feel discouraged though. It's important to know that it could take a long time. My advice to you is to avoid talking to him for awhile. Don't be mean or anything, but stop having conversations. It'll only make you think about the relationship more and probably depress you. It takes a lot of control to do it because talking to him is so natural and may make you feel good for a few minutes, but it will really help to cut these conversations out of your life. You shouldn't be asking him how he's doing and finding out about how he's moved on and how he's happy with someone else. In all likelihood he hasn't gotten over you yet either and he's with someone else to avoid feeling some of the pain that comes with a breakup. Just take things slow and soon enough you'll be okay. Give yourself time to heal - you were with him for a whole year, that's a lot to let go of. It may be helpful to go out on a casual date with someone else, it may not. Do what you think would be good for you and you'll be over him before you know it. Good luck!

i met a great guy and he appears interested (he txt everyday, invited me out with his friends) but he hasn't asked me out on a second date. he says he needs to plan one when i give hints but he still hasn't asked me out. what should i do or don't do if doesn't ask me?

Tell him this" "I really like you and I want to go out with you again. Do you feel the same way or do you want to take it slower?" The worst thing he can do is tell you that he's not interested in you. At least then you'll know. It's going to take a ton of nerve to say something like that (believe me, I know), but it's something that you have to do in order to get the peace of mind that you want. Maybe he's nervous too. What if he isn't sure that you like him? Guys are people and have the same feelings as us women do. It's really unfair that they are expected to put themselves out there all the time and we aren't. It could mean a lot to him if you do and it may be what needs to happen for this to go anywhere. If he's too scared, nothing may ever happen even if the both of you want it. Don't be scared and just spit it out! Like I said, the worst that could happen is that you figure out that he's not interested. Even though you may be sad for a little while, in the grand scheme of things, that's not a big deal. Good luck!

ok after having my baby boy in august i noticed a month later a white slick substance comming out my vagina an o never had sex since having him.. but now the white fluid has a lil oder an it comes own on my panties.. if i wear the underwear for to long now it would start to burn .. the rawness is not on my vagina but on the outside like inner thigh but the back near my butt.. idk what it means can you help me by telling me what is happening?

You really need to see a doctor. It could be something simple like a yeast infection or it could be something more serious. Get it checked out!

Hi, I'm 16
I have a boyfriend and we r really close and talk about everything. He always brings sex up tho and asks me when we can have sex and stuff like that. I know tht I am of age so if I wanted to I could but I don't know if he's hinting or what but I'd love to I just am too embarrased to tell him tht straight out.
How can I tell him that I'd love to have sex and do other stuff.

If you can't talk about it, you're not ready. You want to make sure that when you have sex that you are as safe and comfortable as possible. What if while you're having sex, you wish that he'd do something a little differently? You have to be able to tell him that while you're doing it. you may think that you'll be able to, but if you are having trouble talking with him now, it's not likely that you'll speak up then. What if the condom or other birth control fails and you end up getting pregnant? What if you have to talk about that? Will the two of you be ready for that conversation? Does your boyfriend believe that you can't get pregnant the first time you have sex, does he believe that you don't need to use a condom during certain times of the month, does he believe that sperm dies when it hits the air, does he think that he'll have enough control to pull out before he finishes, does he know what pre-ejaculate is, do you? All of these things could mean huge trouble for you. Sex isn't just something that you do when you feel ready. It's something that you have to learn about, talk about, and really prepare for. If your boyfriend believes any of those things he has to be set straight or having sex with him could be very dangerous. If the condom falls off you need to have a plan. What if he just pushes it back up and doesn't tell you? If you got pregnant would he leave you? There are so many things that could go wrong and so many incorrect beliefs that he could have that could jeopardize your life. Sex is a huge thing that you must talk about with him before you do it. It's a good way to prove to each other that you're mature enough to have it. If he's simply hinting at it and joking around about it, I'm guessing that he's embarrassed to talk about it too so you won't be alone. Please, please do not have sex with him before you have a serious conversation about the rules and the consequences. You'll be so happy and relieved once you do. Always remember that if anything bad happens, you'll be the one stuck with the responsibility, not him. It's a bigger deal and a bigger decision for you so you must make sure that the both of you are completely ready. The only way to do that is to talk about it.

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