(Ask A Question.) (Feedback.) (Discussion Board.) (Make Razhie A Favourite.) (Advicenators.)
Razhie. Advicenators Member Since: June 13, 2005. Answers: 5077. Visitors: 211514.
Favourite Collumnists.
(WittyUsernameHere.) (karenR.) (NinjaNeer.) (rainbowcherrie.) (DangerNerd.)
The Question
ok so here it goes I like this guy that goes to the mental health center that I go to and iam 22 years old and he's 40 years old and the manager there says we can't date each other becouse of the age difference what should I do?
The Answer
You should not date him.
Sure, it's legal and maybe they couldn't stop you, but it's a horrible idea.
It's a horrible idea because at forty years old he should want a different things from a relationship than you do at 22. If he doesn't, that's a serious problem. If he, at forty, sees you as a viable partner, than he is more likely than not, a not great person for you to be with.
Add to that the fact that you both need to access services at this Mental Health Centre, and that the people there (who know you both well) have said it's an awful idea... I think you need to accept that although it's fine to have a crush on someone, pursuing this particular crush would be a very, very bad idea.
(View All Other Answers.)
The Question
My girlfriend told her friends(best friends) she cheated on me and when i asked her she just said she was a compulsive liar and that it wasn't true. I really belive it isn't true either because it was supposedly with a guy 10 years older then her. how should i deal with this situation?
The Answer
You should break up with her.
Whether it is a truth or a lie, she is not capable of being in an honest, respectful relationship with you right now.
If she lies to her friends for attention and drama, she will do the same to you.
(View All Other Answers.)
The Question
When i was in middle school i was molested by my friends dad, and ever since then i have never looked at an older guy in a physical way. I'm 21 now and i work with a 40 year old who is insanley good looking for his age. He showed intrest in me and we've hung out a few times. The first time he tried to kiss me i felt VERY uncomfortable and said now, but each time we hung out i started to like him that much more, so we ended up making out. One night after drinking, we went back to his place and he tried kissing me more but i was tired so i started to pass out. I felt him taking my pants off, and then my underwear and he started to go down on me and then he had sex with me. I was pretending to be "passed out" the whole time, but he didn't know. So what's wrong with me? I think i didn't want him to know i was awake because i didn't want things to be awkward at work from then on, and i may have secretely wanted to have sex with him but didn't know what to do. What do you guys think my problem is? Because i still can't get him out of my mind. I just can't believe i could ever like someone 19 years older than me who technically raped me.
The Answer
You have years to figure out if you secretly wanted to have sex or not, why that situation turned you on, and why you made the choices you did.
You can keep those years healthier, saner and safer by staying the hell away from the dangerous, awful man who took advantage of you
... and getting some counseling to help address the abuse you suffered when you were younger.
There is nothing wrong with being attracted to older men. Many women - who were never abused in their lives - are.
Although it was dishonest and inappropriate to pretend to be passed out, there is nothing wrong with being turned on by those scenarios. Many women - who were never abused in their lives - are turned on by those sorts of reluctance or non-consent play.
It isn't wrong to feel that way, or be sexually excited by those things.
It is very, very unwise to put yourself in that kind of situation with an adult male (one who should have known better than to behave as he did). At best, he's a moron. At worse, he an abusive creep who was perfectly willing to rape you.
Get your butt to therapy. It's always okay to feel something - but the choices you've made and the way you are acting could lead you down a very dangerous road. Talk it over with a therapist.
(View All Other Answers.)
The Question
Okay so my dad doesnt like my boyfriend I'm 16 and he's now 17. I've been dating and we have been together for almost 3years. The problem is my Mom put this restraining order against him and the restraining order is only for me and my two sisters.My boyfriend didnt do anything for the restraining order to be agianst him. I was 13 and he was 14 when we first met. Well recently my boyfriend got out of jail because of the restraining order and he wants to try talking to my dad, but I dont think thats a good idea. But I want to see what other people think. Would this be a good idea to meet and talk to my dad and possably see if we can be a couple with out sneaking around.If so where would he talk to my dad? Should I try talking to my dad about geting the restraing order off? How would I start off?
The Answer
Hun, no one is going to believe you if you tell us this guy did NOTHING and get a restraining order (not just for you, but for your sisters as well) and that he did NOTHING and went to jail.
That's just amazingly, ridiculously, unlikely. People will be able to advise you better if you give the full story - even if you don't like or agree with the full story.
A good idea would be for you to talk to your dad yourself honestly about your troubles and disagreements with your mother.
Your dad can't magically make the order the disappear, or give you and your boyfriend permission to ignore it.
If this boy is serious about behaving as a person who doesn't need a restraining order against him, then he needs to appeal directly to the courts, and convince them that the order is no longer necessary. Your dad has almost no influence in this issue at all.
(View All Other Answers.)
The Question
I have a pimple like thing on my labia. It showed up the morning after having sex. STD's are not a concern with my partner or I. How could I get rid of this pimple like thing? It hurts very badly, even to sit, where underwear, jeans, wipe, etc.
all suggestions are welcome as long as you don't try to diagnose me with some STD, just options and oppinions of what to do. please and thank you.
The Answer
STDs are always a concern. Virgins can have them. People can carry them without having symptoms. Not all of them can be tested for reliably.
You should have regular checks ups and pap smears. We can't diagnose you with an STD or anything else online. It could literally be a pimple, or a cut, or a wart or well,pretty much anything really.
Go see a doctor. Get a check up while you are at it if you are due for one.
(View All Other Answers.)
The Question
I'm a highschool female. I have a thing with this guy at my school. Well, I might have ruined my chances. Everything was going great until I ended up going to a party with my friend last weekend. I was having a lot of fun, and that certain guy wasn't there. I was chillin with another guy in his grade, and something happened and the next thing I know, we were making out! We both decided the next day that it was just pure fun, but then the guy I have a thing with found out. Here's where I'm confused.. he said he wasn't even mad! He said "well it's not like we're dating..." I apologized anyways, and the next day he seemed fine. But now he's just straight up ignoring me! I'm not stupid, I'm pretty sure he is mad but still... haha it's probably not even a big deal but I REALLYY like him sooo any advice?! :) Thanks!
The Answer
The guy you like is intelligent.
He is intelligent enough to know he has no right to be mad, that you aren't dating and there is no reason for him to be angry with you.
However, he also intelligent enough to like you less, since you made out with someone else when you were 'certian he wasn't there'.
He might not be angry - he's just smart enough to take your feelings for him less seriously than he did before.
If you want to be taken seriously agian, you'll have to tell him so, apologize agian and promise to be behave better in the future.
If you REALLY like him, take the leap and ask him out. Tell him you are sorry about what happened, that it was a mistake and that you want to date him. Bite the bullet and move things forward with him before you loose him for good.
(View All Other Answers.)
The Question
this is kinda weird but my boyfriend gave me this perfume (bvlgari jasmin noir) for my birthday and i was just being myself and went to check how much it costed online it's a 5ml and it said it's a tester which probably meant it was free, should i be upset about this?
The Answer
Just before I advise you I'm gonna say, I had some trouble finding a 5 ml verion of Jasmin Noir - even thier samples appear to come in 3ml bottles - so I'm going to ask you this:
Are you sure it's 5 ml?
To give you an idea of what 5ml actually looks like, take a look at your nail polish bottles. Most nailpolishes come in 8 ml to 15 ml bottles.
Is your perfume bottle bigger than your nail polish bottles, or about the same size as large nailpolishes (like the OPI bottles), then you have a normal store bought size of perfume.
If your boyfriend actually did give you a sample, talk to him about it. It's possible he got scamed by someone and paid for it. It's also possible he is a total dolt.
(View All Other Answers.)
The Question
I am fifteen. My mom recently found out I am dating again. Due to past relationships that broke off badly and left me in a horrible depression, I have been not allowed to date. But my mom didn't seem upset or angry at all when she told me she found out. I want to talk to her and tell her she can trust me not to make all the bad decisions of sex again and tell her I know what I am getting into. I'm afraid she's bluffing so I will spill the beans faster.
Is she bluffing or should I talk to her?
The Answer
You should talk to her - even if she is bluffing.
'Cause if she is bluffing, the longer you leave the more severe her reaction is going to be. If she is bluffing, then her anger is growing and she will turn this into "You betrayed our trust by not telling us something you know we'd forbid you to do anyways!"
Which is not really fair. I hate it when parents use that kind of entrapment on thier children. It's just nasty oneupmanship, not honest and clear bounderies and rules. If she is bluffing you, she is behaving badly. You can't change it, or really fight it, but know in your own heart that she didn't treat you kindly if that is what she is doing.
If she isn't bluffing, but does in fact has the respect for you that you deserve, then your conversation will be well recieved and it will take the strain and anxiety off of you both.
So, either way, telling is your better opition. It almost always is.
(View All Other Answers.)
The Question
im 18/f hes 19/m
so me and my bestfriend kissed the other night, i have massive feelings for him, i dont know how he feels about me though...We've talked about wanting to kiss each other for a while, but he said he wants to take the risk but hes afraid...anywho, we were talking outside and just as i was about to leave he said "i owe you this" and kissed me so sweetly, i was shocked.
that was a week ago, i thought he atleast remembered kissing me until tonight he confessed he remembers seeing my face and the rest is blank. He also said his friends told him he kissed his friend. and he was going on worried that i saw it happen etc etc. i didnt see him kiss this other girl. Then he started to get worried about what i wouldnt tell him, so i flat out told him that he kissed me that night too. he texted back "-____-" and i knew then that he obviously regrets it.. i mean he regretted it with his other friend...anyways we were texting apologizing to each other about it. then he sends me this text
"totes facepalming. it wasnt suposed to happen yet >.< " then he told me to ignore that text, and then i get another text from him saying "ill tell you what i mean by it one day". now im extremely confused. thoughts?
The Answer
He wants you to be confused, and curious and thinking about him. He is using classic ploys to keep your attention focused on him.
That much you can certainly know, even if you can't know exactly what he means.
My advice would be to give him a little distance for a while. He likes you, perhaps he likes you enough to date you. At the moment you can't know, and he's refusing to tell you.
Don't go crazy about it. Take a deep breath. You'll spend most of your romantic life 'not knowing' something or other.
(View All Other Answers.)
The Question
My Ex boyfriend broke up with me when we were very much in love. Other people pretty much got involved in our relationship WAY TOO much, and I know we shouldn't of let them but I was the main one for letting it get in the way.
Any way he tried and tried to make me stay friends with him and he said he thinks it's "So stupid" that I won't stay friends with him, I explained that this is to help me move on. So he tells my friend "Why won't Nicole just speak to me?" Why is he that bothered about it?
Also he saw me and a guy hanging out at college and I spoke to him later that day and he said "you might start dating that guy y'know and then you might break up and then we might get back together" Is he saying this to have control over me?
The Answer
Many people, although in my experience it's especially true of men, want to 'stay friends' to prove to themselves that things are okay, to somehow earn forgiveness for the dumping, and to pretend that they can keep the same sort of closeness and support they had before, even though they broke up.
And yes, some people want to ‘stay friends’ to keep that door open, and imagine that they can just get you back whenever they like.
Your ex is probably not deliberately trying to control you - but he is trying to keep your attention.
He’s uncomfortable with you having a life, connection and emotions that he doesn’t know about. That’s not okay, but it’s not evil either. It’s tough to go from knowing tons about a person, and talking to them every day, to knowing very little about them, but that is what breaking up means.
You can tell him off at this point. You’ve been clear that you don’t want to be friends and his failure to respect that is beginning verge on bullying you. That isn’t cool. His comments about ‘maybe…someday… sorta… you never know… we could.’ are also totally not cool and are rather nasty.
He probably doesn’t mean to be evil, but he is not being nice, and you should feel free to tell him to stop.
(View All Other Answers.)
The Question
22/f.
I graduated from college yesterday, and my boyfriend came with his family. I never received a card or a gift from any of them. I couldn't help being disappointed that I didn't even receive a card or some flowers. Do I have a right to be mad?
Thanks
The Answer
Is it going to do you any good to be mad?
It's always a smart thing to share with your partner how you are honestly feeling - you are honestly feeling disappointed.
Being angry is likely an overreaction to a completely unintentional slight. Tell your boyfriend you were disappointed that he didn't even bring a card. It was a letdown.
(View All Other Answers.)
The Question
ok so why do we need movie ratings if parents let kids go see them any way or let them watch them at home alread
The Answer
Same reason we need labels on our food to tell us what it is them.
Some people want to know. Some people need to know in order to live thier lives the way they wish too and make informed choices for themselves. The goverment has said to movies and foods that you have to tell people honestly what you contain.
(View All Other Answers.)
The Question
I'll try not to make this too long, because I hate reading questions that ramble on and on.
My boyfriend and I have been going out for over 9 months. He's my first boyfriend, my first everything basically. We've had fights but nothing too serious, and we've never gone on a break or anything.
But lately it's been too much to handle. We are seniors and obviously graduation is coming soon, which stresses everyone out. My bf is extra stressed because he has to work to pay for prom costs and on top of it his family is moving 4 hours away from here in the summer. As all of this is coming closer and closer, he gets more irritable and argumentative.
I feel like once a week he has a 'freak out' moment and gets so angry and stressed out. Of course he takes it out on me, and then expects me to sit on the phone with him for hours and 'talk' about it. I cannot talk about this same situation again and again, especially when we can't change that we are getting older and graduating. Then he just thinks I don't care and don't want to talk to him. He asks me to 'tell me everything is going to be okay and that you love me.' I can't do that. I don't know what the future holds and I'm not here to hold his hand and reassure him every day. I feel like we are old enough to see the reality of the situation.
I realize he is very attatched to me, and at this point I feel like he is too clingy. He says I love you, that I mean the world to him, all of that. I don't feel right saying those things.
I just don't know what to do. I would like to have fun with him the rest of the year and even am willing to try our relationship in college, but I can't deal with all the drama and him being attatched at my hip. Do you think a break is a good idea?
Anyone in the same boat or has some advice for me?
The Answer
You've already made up your mind about this. He's a bully and a whiner. You are going to dump him.
He is an emotional bully. He expects you to be his mommy and promise him that you'll always be there and that there are no monsters under the bed.
But you aren't his mommy. You might not always be there. And the big bad monster called graduation is coming for you both and you're going to have to handle that together, or separately.
It's pretty clear that he can't face the monster. That he can't treat you as his equal partner in this. It’s pretty obvious that he can’t deal with the realtiy of your relationship.
It’s also pretty obvious you’ve lost respect from him, and are begin to resent him.
So dump him.
It’s not working now. It looks like it will only work even less in the future.
(View All Other Answers.)
The Question
Just curious for people's thoughts.
The Answer
There are many people.
Some good. Some better. Some awful.
'The One' is an illusion. There are many people I would be compatiable with. Some of those relationships would be better than others, but many I could choose.
Love isn't about meeting the perfect someone who is just for you. It's about finding the someone you are going to choose as your one.
(View All Other Answers.)
The Question
I texted my boyfriend asking him how the bus was, and he said, "It's cool. Looking at other girls breasts. They're pulling them out of their shirts." My sensitive side took over. I instantly got upset. I am a very sensitive person, and he knows it. We've been dating for three months now and I know I shouldn't take his playful attitude so seriously, but he went too far. He knows I am insecure and emotional and easily upset but he says those types of hurtful things that make me want to cry.
In a way I know I should accept his teasing and quirky jokes, but my emotional side takes over me. I told him I don't like how he jokes like that and he needs to stop. I don't know what to do. I'm happy with him and I don't want to lose him because of my paranoid mind. Help?
The Answer
It's not funny. What he said wasn't a quirky joke. It was stupid.
Okay, so you are insecure and overreacting. That's probably true.
But please take this from a girl who is twenty six, who partners go (and she goes with em!) happily to burlesque shows and strip shows:
What he said was legitimately unfunny, immature and stupid.
You should tell him it was stupid and unfunny.
You can tell him straight up:
"Okay, I know I'm insecure and overreact sometimes, but even if I wasn't as hurt as I am by what you said, it was still an immature and unfunny thing to say.”
There are mature and honest ways to deal with the fact that yes, other people have bodies and they are attractive. But his 'joke' was about as mature as a fart joke. Unless you are dating a twelve year old, it's okay for you to expect better behavoir.
If you want permission to tell him to stop it, you have mine. That was a dumb joke - made even dumber by him insensitively lobbing it at a girlfriend he knew it would upset.
Please, tell him he upset you. Admit that you know you are overreacting, but that he still should have behaved better. Just because you aren’t absolutely perfect in your emotional reactions doesn’t mean he can do whatever he damn well pleases. Maybe it’s your mistake that your reaction is so severe, but he can make a mistake too, and he did.
(View All Other Answers.)
The Question
is it legal for a 18 year old to date a 15 yeard old
The Answer
In some states and countries, yes.
In some, no.
Wikipedia's state by state break down of the Age of Consent Laws:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ages_of_consent_in_North_America#United_States
(View All Other Answers.)
The Question
So I'm sixteen, a girl, and I'm 5'4, 105 pounds. I've accepted that I'm small. I'm not really that strong either. My legs are well defined, and have always been fine. My arms... yeah. Not so much. Pretty much pathetic. My boyfriend is convinced that if I were ever to be in a situation where I need to defend myself, that I would basicallly be helpless. Just cause I'm not strong. But that's not true! I took loooots of classes, so I know a lot of self defense teqniques. If someone were to grab me or something, I could probably get out of a hold fairly well. I'm also very good at squirming! Haha. But seriously. It's a little condescending to me that he thinks so little of my ability to protect myself. It's not that he goes around telling me how weak I am, but... he almost is! He gets worried easily. He expresses his worries about how "breakable" or "vulnurable" I am. And he's not compleeeetely far off... I was attacked about a year ago, and it freaked us both out pretty bad. Nothing too horrible, just grabbed, pulled off into a room, but someone came to help me before the guy could anything more than my shorts off. My boyfriend is very protective now. It doens't necessarily bother me, but I wish I could just show him that he doesn't need to worry so much. I took those classes because of what happened a year ago, and I feel pretty confident in what I can do. I just wish he would feel the same way. Just cause I'm small, doesn't make me helpless right??
The Answer
Alin is brilliantly correct. Far too many young ladies put too much faith into the 'self defence training' they receive - but it creates a false sense of empowerment which leads to a misplaced sense of guilt and shame if they do become victimized.
However, because you are physically smaller and vulnerable (like pretty much every woman on the planet when compared to the vast majority of men) doesn't mean the way he is addressing you is acceptable. It is condescending and it is part of what reinforces the idea of all women as potential victims and targets. It supports an environment of fear. It’s not okay to remind you of that, anymore than it would be okay for him to constantly dwell on the chances that you might get cancer tomorrow, or be in a car accident.
Tell him he needs to find a healthier way to deal with his negative feelings and fears about what happened when you were attacked. Reminding you of your constant vulnerability is NOT an acceptable way to deal with his fears and concerns. It is condescending and it is unkind.
It's condescending and unkind NOT because you could protect yourself. If you were seriously attacked, you would not be helpless, but your training would be of limited use, and it wouldn’t be your fault - trained or not trained - you’d be the innocent victim of violence.
It's condescending and unkind because it is not productive or respectful. He should be empowering you and respecting you ability to make smart choices and to ask for help when you need it. Beyond that, shit happens. And shit might happen to you. Shit might happen to HIM too.
He doesn't get to keep dragging you down just because shit might happen.
You are aware of your physical reality. So is he.
Your physical reality is that you are smaller than most people. That is not going to change.
Like someone whose physical reality is that they are blind or physically disabled - your physical reality comes with certain dangers.
But that doesn’t mean you should live in fear, or that he can live in fear for you.
(View All Other Answers.)
The Question
Okay so I'm 20. I feel like I can't breathe properly, as if I'm not getting enough oxygen into my lungs which causes me to feel lightheaded and dizzy. I also can't do a full yawn sometimes and like i need to yawn every couple of minutes. It usually takes me 6 or 7 tries to get the satisfaction, its the same as the breathing.
I am a smoker, have been for 6 months BUT I've been having this exact problem since I was 5 years old and the only thing the doctor will do is put that thing to my chest and back and ask me to take deep breaths but I don't have the breathing issue when I'm in the doctors office seeing as i only talk to him for 5 minutes.
Doctor also said It could be anxiety and yes I've had anxiety and depression before but like I said, it's been happening since I was 5. Sometimes when I try to get that oxygen satisfaction after a while, my shoulders hurt near my chest area(like the colar bone area) and i can't take deep breaths again for about 5 minutes.
He hasn't even mentioned the possibility of it being Asthma or anything else besides stress and axiety but that can't be it for the reason i stated above and also because it happens 24/7 every single day even when i'm calm and i'm stress free! Dad thinks I'm crazy too, like it's all in my head, but it's not. I've tried breathing exercises and i walk alot and i drink a lot of water and everything and yeah, since I was 5! and I'm pretty sure i wasn't suffering from anxiety or anything when I was 5 so thats another reason.
Does anyone else have the same problem and if they can help? I feel like i'm about to faint or worse, die!
The Answer
This is worrying you enough to pursue it and see another doctor.
However, I've also got to tell you this:
I have an anxiety disorder. You'd have to know me really, really well these days to spot it, but it my teens and earliest twenties it was pretty obvious.
Airway constriction was part of my anxiety. My mother noticed this when I was barely three and she would take me to the pool. I was a great swimmer - until I had to put my face in the water. Being able to breathe has always, since infancy, been a huge part of what scares me - some people would even call it severe enough to be a phobia.
I don't have asthma. I don't have allergies that cause shortness of breath. Like you, I was thoroughly checked out, but I still felt I couldn't breathe. I wouldn't wear tight necklaces or scarves. I wouldn't wear turtlenecks and only very specific kinds of bras. I exercised, but I wouldn’t do much cardio because I thought I would faint the moment I started to breath heavily. I was terrified of coughing hard or throwing up because it interrupted my breathing. I didn't let even my best friends or romantic partners put their hands around my neck or press against my chest.
At 17 or 18 years old I would have sworn to you there was something wrong with my breathing. But there was nothing wrong with my lungs (or my stomach and intestines - which was always in knots from the stress and fear). All of my physical troubles were rooted in my anxiety. Even when I thought I was calm - I wasn’t. I was anxious all the time, and it was ripping my body apart. I very rarely have any trouble these days - although I do get a little sensitive to my breathing patterns when I’m nervous or stressed, that’s pretty much it. I learned to swim and to jog without being afraid my lungs would burst. I love turtlenecks and scarves now.
Get some therapy. Specifically try out a solid cognitive behavioural therapist. If the first therapist doesn’t feel like a good fit to you, try another. Therapy works when you work it. So find someone to support you through it, and work it.
I can’t tell you that you don’t have a medical issue - I’m not a doctor. If you are this worried you absolutely should see another doctor (as well as the therapist!). However, I can tell you that your experience sounds awfully similar to mine. The mind is more powerful than you realize. Maybe there is something physically wrong and you should keep looking, but anxiety is absolutely capable of making someone physically feel this way as well.
(View All Other Answers.)
The Question
I don't know if I'm expecting "too much" from my roommate but I wish she could be more considerate about what she does and says. My biggest problem with her right now is the inordinate amount of noise she makes when I'm trying to sleep. I don't get much sleep at night because I'm up late studying and up early going to classes. When I take a valuable nap in the middle of the day, she claims she didn't realize and/or didn't see me. During those times and when I go to sleep before her/sleep in after she wakes up, she is so inconsiderate and loud. Some examples include leaving the door to the common room open - my suitemates are obnoxiously loud and it lets in a hefty amount of light and noise, bumps into my bed (it shakes it enough to startle me), closes her drawers and closet with too much energy, throws her granola box to the side after she's done crunching them in her open mouth, has phone conversations in the room, turns on music or the light, brushes her teeth in the room with her electric toothbrush, etc. I have already asked her to be careful when I'm sleeping because she wakes me up...in vain.
What's more aggravating is that she tells ME to be quiet when she's getting her precious 9 hours of sleep. First of all, she signed up to be in a morning suite when she's not willing to get up any tie before 9am. I have 8am classes almost everyday so I have changed my routine a lot just to make my mornings as quiet as possible - laying out my outfit in the mornings, packing my bags at night, using my phone alarm instead of my alarm clock, changing my lamp lightbulb to a dimmer one, etc. But she STILL tells me to be quiet because I wake her up when in reality she rarely wakes up except when she is sleeping really lightly. I am quiet as a mouse in the morning but I have no motivation to do so.
Just 4 hours ago, at 3am, she knocked the top half of my desk (it's a detached shelf like component) in her sleep. She says "Sorry, haha" and goes RIGHT back to sleep while I spend an hour putting it back up and picking up everything that fell and lying awake in my bed, super annoyed.
She also has a tendency to demean the college we go to. She says that this was her back up and she should've gotten into an Ivy League but doesn't know why she didn't. She says everyone here is such a slack with no motivation to do well. She talks about transferring, how she's so shocked at how low of a standard the school and kids have, etc. First of all, this school she is talking about is UVA - #2 public college in the US. Second of all, does she not realize that she's not doing so hot academically here yet she says UVA kids are stupid and she should've gone to an Ivy? Third of all, does she not realize how annoying and insulting that is?
I only have 2 months left before the semester ends, but I am at my wit's end and on the verge of just screaming my head off at her. What should I do? What should I say?
The Answer
Honestly, if you've got two months left I'd just grin and bear it. You've passed the time when it would be possible to create a healthier and more respectful enviroment.
Change is hard.
Riding it out might be the best bet.
Buy earplugs and a sleep mask, and learn to use them.
I know they are awkward and uncomfortable at first - but it's a worthwhile skill to have.
Someday you might find out the love of your life snores like a mofo, or works the midnight shift, and you'll be glad you put in the effort now - even though this girl doesn't deserve you going out of your way.
Keep being as polite as you can in your morning routine, and ignore her, end the conversation or walk away when she whinges and moans about the university - you aren't her friend - you don't have to listen to her bitch.
If you really want advice, you might try talking to whatever type of Don or RA you have on your floor or building - they exist to mediate the kinds of conversations you two need to have. That mediated conversation, and private seperate preson to gripe too, will probably be more productive than trying to handle this yourself. That is, after all, the whole point of living in the dorm - a little extra support while you learn to live as an adult. You don't have to go it alone.
(View All Other Answers.)
The Question
So, this is my first uni assignment and I was just wondering if this is good English.
".. The number of times she interrupted me was astonishing. Having someone interrupt you was annoying enough, but having someone assume what you were to say was irritating, rude and unbearable."
My question is, does ".. what you WERE TO SAY" make sense? Is that good English? Does it even make sense? It sounds academic to me, but it doesn't sound so right. So, I just wanted to run it past this family! :)
Thank you in advance!
The Answer
"...what you were going to say"
It sounds academic without the 'going' but it's just pretentious and needlessly unclear language.
We often think confusing shit sounds smart - but it’s just confusing.
However, the real problem with your sentence is that you are actually missing other words as well. You are saying:
“… having someone assume what you were going to say was irritating, rude and unbearable.”
What you mean is:
"… having someone assume they knew what you were going to say was irritating, rude and unbearable."
Also you might, depending on the whole context of this, want to change your tense. She interrupted in the past, but having someone interrupt you IS annoying, regardless of when it takes place.
The sentence makes the most sense when it reads:
".. The number of times she interrupted me was astonishing. Having someone interrupt you is annoying enough, but having someone assume they know what you are going to say is irritating, rude and unbearable."
Always work on clarity first - flowery and ‘academic sounding’ second.
(View All Other Answers.)