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Attracted to an older man?
When i was in middle school i was molested by my friends dad, and ever since then i have never looked at an older guy in a physical way. I'm 21 now and i work with a 40 year old who is insanley good looking for his age. He showed intrest in me and we've hung out a few times. The first time he tried to kiss me i felt VERY uncomfortable and said now, but each time we hung out i started to like him that much more, so we ended up making out. One night after drinking, we went back to his place and he tried kissing me more but i was tired so i started to pass out. I felt him taking my pants off, and then my underwear and he started to go down on me and then he had sex with me. I was pretending to be "passed out" the whole time, but he didn't know. So what's wrong with me? I think i didn't want him to know i was awake because i didn't want things to be awkward at work from then on, and i may have secretely wanted to have sex with him but didn't know what to do. What do you guys think my problem is? Because i still can't get him out of my mind. I just can't believe i could ever like someone 19 years older than me who technically raped me.
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First off I am so sorry that yoor friends dad molested you, andI hope that you told someone and that all of this got straightened out.The guy should not have had sex with while you were sleep and I dont think that he would be a very good choice ina man for you considering the emotional toll and all. And who knows how many other girls that he has done this to.Keep your relationship business like and dont let him knkow that you were awake when he had sex with you, but refuse to go out with him again.
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hey! first of all why did you went to his place and get drunk? yes he technically raped you (because there was no actually consent from you) because he might thought that you're being submissive anyway.
i hope he's not a family guy so nobody would get hurt. and yes, there's a bit wrong with you. i think you're having a hard time trusting a older guy because of what happened in your past. but past is past. not all old men are the same. learn to take care of yourself above anything else. now, if i were you, i'd make sure that this guy loves me and i wouldn't end up being hurt. how much do you know about him? i hope too that he's not your superior at work.
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You can find all your answers from the same question you asked 2 days ago here..
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Hi, I'm old enough to be your grandfather and I think I have some advice that will be of help to you.
First; I'm sorry your friends father molested you. It is apparent from what you have written that his molesting you has left it scars.
There is a group called RAINN: which stands for, Rape, Abuse, Incest, National Network. I would like you to contact them. They operate a 24/7 hotline staffed by volunteers who are trained to help you find people in your town who can help you and are part of the RAINN network. There number is 1-800-656-HOPE. Please call them now.
If you would like to check out their website, the URL is: [Link](Mouse over link to see full location)
As for the man who had sex with you when your were drunk. Being drunk means you were not legally able to give consent, therefore you were raped. I would suggest you discuss this with the counselor from RAINN and follow their advice.
Once again I'm sorry your friendsfather molested you. Your parents should have sought therapy for you when it happened.
Please call RAINN and talk with their call takers. let them help you find someone in your town who can help you work through all this. In the mean time I would suggest you do not date this man.
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Hey,
I don't think there is anything wrong with you. You just had a rough past and some hard choices in life; this being one of them. I think that you really liked this older guy and didn't want to act on it cuz you weren't comfortable with the situation (when he wanted to kiss you that first time). Even so, I believe you shouldn't of gone drinking with him if you knew had feelings for him. Beer + men = mostly trouble. Alcohol puts you in a different mindset where you are willing to do almost anything... that said: pretending to be passed out tells me: part of you wanted to have sex with him, you wanted it to seem like you couldn't do anything about it, and that you weren't sure of what to do (as you said).
I think that you can't get him out of your mind, for you still have feelings for him. Knowing your age difference and what he did, I do not know if you should be with him. If he thought you were "sleeping" and still had sex with you, what does that say about him? That he didn't care about your feelings? He only wanted sex? You said yourself this is technically rape. Would you want to be with someone who takes control over women? You could keep seeing this guy knowing you like him and had sex with him (pretty much) unwillingly or you could call it off, find someone you like more/is closer to your age and forget this ever happened. Yes, it is possible to love someone who is way older than you. I liked a guy who was over twice my age, good looking and one of the sweetest guys I've met, but in the end I didn't see any relationship that would work beyond friendship. So that is where I left it at.
I think your dilemma is you don't know if you should speak up or keep quiet. Whether you think this would be a good idea/what is right for you is your decision. Just know that whatever you choose will affect your next week, then month and year... make a wise decision <3
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You have years to figure out if you secretly wanted to have sex or not, why that situation turned you on, and why you made the choices you did.
You can keep those years healthier, saner and safer by staying the hell away from the dangerous, awful man who took advantage of you
... and getting some counseling to help address the abuse you suffered when you were younger.
There is nothing wrong with being attracted to older men. Many women - who were never abused in their lives - are.
Although it was dishonest and inappropriate to pretend to be passed out, there is nothing wrong with being turned on by those scenarios. Many women - who were never abused in their lives - are turned on by those sorts of reluctance or non-consent play.
It isn't wrong to feel that way, or be sexually excited by those things.
It is very, very unwise to put yourself in that kind of situation with an adult male (one who should have known better than to behave as he did). At best, he's a moron. At worse, he an abusive creep who was perfectly willing to rape you.
Get your butt to therapy. It's always okay to feel something - but the choices you've made and the way you are acting could lead you down a very dangerous road. Talk it over with a therapist.
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