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i made a huge mistake...
I have been dating my girlfriend Caitlyn for two years in October. She is the most amazing girl i have ever met and about 7 months ago i gave her a promise ring and i know Cait is the girl i want to spend the rest of my life with. Sometimes we get into little fights and blow them way out of proportion. About a month ago we had one of these fights and she wouldn't come to a party with me that night. At that party, i got pretty drunk and slept with a girl from another school. I didn't tell her about it and everything seemed like it was fine until this girl i slept with showed up at my baseball game and just so happens to sit down next to Cait and her best friend without knowing it was them. They start talking and pretty soon Becca, the girl from the party, has to go so she asks my girl friend if she could give me a ring back that i had left at her house (the promise rings we gave each other. i guess i left it there that night) of course my girlfriend gets curious why this girl has my ring and so she asks becca about it and she told her the whole thing. After the game Cait brought the ring up to me and said that my "little friend Becca" thought i would want it back and asked her to give it to me. I was totallly shocked and had no idea even what to say. Cait broke it off right then and there. I need to find some way to make it up to her. She is the love of my life and i totally regret what i did but she won't even talk to me which is really awkward since i am at her house all the time since her brothers are my best friends and her dad is my football coach. How can i get her back?
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Ok, coming from a girl. You should just start with talking to her. Let her warm up to you more. Sit her down and tell her the party story. She will then knwo that you can tell her the truth. When you are done say I will never lie to you again, and mean it. If she still doesnt forgive you kick it up a notch. If you aren't a singer and she knows it. Sing her a song. Girls like knowing you will go out of your way to make up for something. Sing her Hey There Delila. Instead of using Delila use Caitlyn. Sing it at her bedroom window, start by throwing a rock at it then as she is opening it start singing because she might not keep it open if she knows its you so sing right away. You know the song right? Hey there delilah whats it like in nyc im a 1,000 miles away but girl tonight you look so pretty yes you do. But sing like Hey There Caitlyn Whats it like inside your room Im outside your window and tonight you look so pretty yes you do. That should win her heart. If that doesnt get her a basket with her favorite food in it, like her fave candy,fruit, and stuff like that. If all else fails. My screen name is xocrazy4monkies talk to me whenever im on.
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ok im going to tell you right off the bat what you did was at the top of any girls lists of "jerk things to do".
but enough of that, and more of what you should do
she's obviously going to be mad for a while, but try giving her some space because thats really most likely what she feels that she needs from you: space.
so just say little things to her to have her know you are still there but dont push it too much. after a while if she still doesnt respond (which will most likely be yes&no's.) then you'll just have to do something really sweet to tell her you want her back. what that is will have to come from your heart and be really personal...something between the two of you that will make her feel so loved. however there's no garuntees that she will forgive you even at that because you did hurt her. but its worth a try and if she doesnt forgive you make her know how sorry you are (which you should be doing now anyways) and just try to be her friend.
theres really not a lot i can tell you to do, just do things for her that come from your heart and maybe you can win her back over since she always loved you before and you are still the same person. make her see that:)
xoxo helpachick
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Hun, let me just be practical. There really isnt much you can do at this point except let Caitlyn know that your sorry and still want to be with her. But, its not going to do any good if she has already made up her mind that she is done with you. Girls are like that. Once we make up our mind, we don't stray from it often. If she loves you, she will come back.
Just hang in there.... and no more sleeping with random girls at parties. Lol.
Best of luck.
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To be honest mate, I'd break it off with you too.
I know you were drunk but you had a girl, you should've been more responsible.
What you need to do is talk to her, explain it. Tell her what you've told me, that she's the love of your life and you didn't mean to sleep with her, you were drunk, you were stupid and it was a mistake.
That's the only thing you can do it, it's up to her whether she belives you and takes you back.
I wish I could help you more but honestly just tell her the truth, that's all you can do.
Good luck babe <3
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Please understand that, because of the nature of advice columns, I find giving advice difficult due to lack of information. I don't know much about you or your situation... Only what you have told me. I will try to address the situation as thoroughly as possible...
I assume that you are probably male and possibly attending highschool... You said that sometimes you and Caitlyn fight about trivial issues and that these issues tend to get blown out of proportion. I wonder... How healthy is your relationship? You said that you were drunk when you and Becca slept together... Is that the reason for your affair? Were you just drunk... Or were there other factors that contributed to your decision? Were you angry at Caitlyn as a result of the arguement you had had earlier? Or were you having serious doubts about your relationship?
I can not answer any of these questions... Only you can. Before you try to win Caitlyn back I suggest that you assess your relationship and ask yourself a simple question... Is this what you really want?
If you decide that it is... There are at least three essential qualities that a healthy relationship must possess: trust, honesty, and communication.
Trust
Okay... You made a mistake. That doesn't make you a bad person, it makes you human. However... You've betrayed Caitlyn's trust. Even if you and Caitlyn get back together, lack of trust will seriously endanger your relationship. You both will have to work very hard to overcome this obstacle and rebuild your trust in each other. It will not be easy and it will take a long time. You will have to go out of your way to prove that you love her and that you are trustworthy. You will have to be patient... Because she will be fighting her own demons. She's probably going to feel insecure and paranoid... And she'll probably act jealous and possessive at times. She's also going to have to learn that you aren't perfect (that's okay, no one is) and that people make mistakes. She will have to learn forgiveness.
Honesty
The fact that you didn't tell Caitlyn about Becca... That she had to hear it from another girl probably really hurt her feelings. In the future please remember that dishonesty isn't just lying... It's also omitting the truth.
If the two of you are experiencing other problems... Now would be a good time to be honest about that as well. You need to let her know if there are things that she says or does that make you feel negatively, and how her behavior makes you feel. I know that's really hard for anyone who's in a relationship... Often we fear talking about problems because we are afraid of hurting the other person's feelings or making the problem worse. But not talking about these things DOES make the problem worse.
Communication
It's not just important to communicate... It's important to know HOW to communicate. Be honest and direct... But try not to sound accusatory. Stay calm, don't yell. Don't say anything that you don't mean just to hurt the other person, you'll regret it later. For example, let's say the two of you start to argue about something trivial... Instead of letting it get blown out of proportion what would happen if you said, "We're both angry. Let's walk away and calm down first before we discuss this any further?"
My advice: Since she won't talk to you... How about writing a letter? What do you say? How about telling her the truth? That you made a mistake and you're sorry. That you want her back abd that you'll work hard to make it work. You know it will be difficult but you believe the two of you can work it out. Whatever you say, make sure that is the _complete_ truth and that you mean it. Writing a letter will give you the opportunity to really think about what you want to say and you'll be able to say it without interruptions. You're also giving her the option of reading it or not.
Good luck to you. If you have anymore questions you know where to find me. ;)
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Ok, you really like this girl it is so obviouse.
First write her a letter, make about three that say the same thing (incase she rips them up) then when you go hang out with her brothers, tell one of them to give it to her when you are gone and for them to make sure she reads it. Then the next day call her and tell her you love her and made a big mistake, and you would do anything to hve her back.
Let me know how it goes,
Good luck,
Alyssa
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Okay im not sure this advice is going to be the best but im gonna try.
I think you should get her to sit down and talk to you some how. Proove to her that your really sorry and want her back. Example send her flowers and with the flowers write a card about how you feel. Tell her how you want her back and want a second chance. And how you want to spend the rest of your life with her and she could be the one. Everyone makes mistakes but in a way I probably would have done the same thing. But if you proove to her how much you want her back and how much she means to you .. im sure she'll give you a second chance. For love..anything is possible. Explain to her how love doesnt require you to be perfect it requires you to forgive (boy meets world incase you didnt know, something like this happened on that show). But that quote is true love can survive through everything you put it through..just as long as you belive in it, and belive its there. Fight for her love back. If this doesnt work out, ask her brothers and her dad to talk to her. Im sure they'll have a good idea of what to do since they've known her for a long time.
But I hope this helped. If you need anymore advice just drop one in my inbox at anytime!!
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Don't want to sound mean, but you're right. You did make a huge mistake, but you have to understand that if she doesn't forgive you at first, don't be angry with her because you slept with another girl and she needs time to cope with that. But I think you should make her a video. You should tell her EVERYTHING you just told me. You have to let her know that she is the one, and you don't know how you'll live without her, you made a big mistake. (But don't keep telling her "I was drunk, I didn't know what was going on..." because you have to focus on her, not you. Don't try to prove yourself that it was an accident, because it already happened.) But you also have to mention that you understand if she needs time, let her know that you're NOT rushing her into getting back together with you. But at the end of the video, say something like, "Cait, you're the one. And I love what we had. I'm just hoping and praying that we could get back to that." I think that if she's watching the video alone, she's going to feel something. But you have to give her time, and let her know you understand. When you make a big mistake, most people need time. Good luck, I hope you guys get back together, and if you have any more questions drop it in my inbox. :)
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I am a very bad person to ask this question too dear. Frankly, if Caitlyn has any self respect, which it sounds like she does, she is not going to take you back.
Getting drunk and sleeping with someone else is deeply immature and inexcusable. If she does give you another chance it WILL NOT be because you deserve it, or earned it through your actions. It will be a gift she gives you because she wants to believe that you are a better person then your actions tell her you are.
You can beg, plead, buy her pretty things and make promises over and over again, but you don't really *deserve* a second chance, so if she doesn't want to give you one, you are shit out luck.
Let her know once what you want and how you feel. Be honest, be apologetic, but then the ball is completely in her court. There is nothing you can say or do to make her take you back. It's all up to her now.
Oh, and stay the hell away from this Becca character. She knew exactly what she was doing with that ring business. Girls like that are crafty and dangerous.
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wow. i really dont know with this. but your gonna have to try really hard to get her back. like think of something really romantic to do and your gonna have to really work hard to show her that you wont do it again.. which would prolly mean like no more getting drunk and stuff. and just really try and show her that you love her as much as you say you do. and like show her you care. like i cant really think of a lot because thats a pretty bad thing. but yeah. i dont know sorry..
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Thank you for asking to my inbox =]
Well, this is an awful situation to be in =/
Start off by calling her, tell her you're sorry, and whatnot. If she blows you off completely, just give her some time. She might need it ot think everything over. Then, do something incredibly sweet for her.
Something like:
- Write a book.
Include One page for everyday you've been dating. On each page, write something you love about her. When you give it to her, say something meaningful, like, "Caitlyn, I'm sorry I slept with Becca. I made the biggest mistake of my life. I promsie I will never ever hurt you again. Please give me a second chance, Becca was nothing compared to you and I filled up this notebook with reason why I love you to show you that I really do mean this."
- Write her a song.
Girls love this, well, at least, I know I would. Write a song and make it your form of an apology. Make it a cute, sweet love song like "Hands Down" by Dashboard Confessional. Or just one about loving someone, kind of like "So Much Love" by The Rocket Summer.
- If you can't write a song, make her a mix cd.
Include any songs you can think of that include apologizing and being in love with someone. Then put it in her car/backpack/mailbox or wherever you have access to, so she'll find it and think of you.
- Make her something.
I don't know what she likes, but make her something sentimental (sp?). Something you know she'll like. Like, if she's like me and loves teddy bears (XD) make her a little build-a-bear.
- Write her a letter.
Just get everything you want to say, out. Then put it somewhere, like in her backpack or purse or under her pillow (maybe her brothers can help with this?) where she might not find it right away.
- Cook her dinner.
Invite her over, then surprise her with a fancy shmancy dinner of some sort. Make it romantic, and let her know you did this for her because you love her.
- Simply go to her door, and tell her you're sorry.
Bring her roses, and just explain to her what you did was wrong. Explain to her you never meant to hurt her. Let her know you still care, and always will. Tell her you lvoe her, and mean it.
Basically with any one you choose, just let her know you're sorry and never meant to hurt her the way you did. Just let your feelings out, and let her know you regret what you did more than anything you've ever done before.
Also, have you ever read the book "Boy Meets Boy?" by David Levithen? The climax o the book is when the main character tries to get the one he loves back and he does all these really sweet things. I'd reccommend checking it out =]
I'm all out of ideas, I really hope on of them sounds good.
Good Luck && Let me know how it goes!! =]
-Laura. (15-f)
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You're right. That is a huge mistake. In all honesty, I don't know if she will forgive you or not. I've been with my boyfriend for two years now, and if you read my information, you will see I plan on spending my entire life with him. If he cheated on me though, I would have reacted the same way as she did. I probably would have broken up with him, and to be quite honest, I don't know if I would take him back or not.
The idea of someone I care about having sex with another person breaks me heart to know end, and obviously your girlfriend feels the same way as I do. Having sex with another girl, whether you were drunk or not, will probably end up being one of the biggest regrets of your life.
I think you should deffinately give your girlfriend time. Let her cool off some, and then try talking to her. Send her flowers, or candy and a teddy bear. Leave her a sweet IM or text. If she doesn't answer your phone calls, leave her sweet messages on her recording machine. Let her know how much you love her, and how it will never change. Tell her you will wait for her until there is no tommorow, and so on and so forth.
Once she settles down a little bit, explain the night to her. How you felt, and why you did it. But don't make excuses. That's the worse thing you can do. Apologize like crazy, and tell her what an idiot you were. (No offense on my part, sorry.) Whether or not she'll forgive you or not, I have no clue. But it's worth a shot.
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Hmm.
I actually skipped this question earlier, but since you asked just me Ill go ahead. I just didnt really have much of a positive answer.
Honest answer, you may not be able to get her back. Some people, this kind of a violation is just too far for them to forgive.
Its compounded by the fact that the girl you slept with didnt know you had a girlfriend, and your girlfriend got told that you cheated by the girl you slept with. So she didnt even find out from you, and Im sure neither of them had glowing things to say to each other when they discussed it.
How you start. First, dont deny responsibility. The proven most effective way to get a girl to respond is throwing yourself on the mercy of the court. If she knows you feel horrible about it and she still cares about you she will empathize.
Second, be persistent without smothering her. If she asks you to go away, do so, give her space, and come back. Forcing her to deal with you immediately all the time will just make her push you away further.
Third, talk to her father. Ive rarely met a girl whos dad didnt have a pretty big part of her life and who didnt have her ear. If he can forgive you, it will be easier for her to. Im assuming that he knows and so do her brothers.
Fourth, think about what you do from now on. Do things to reassure her and be present of the fact that if she stays with you, shes still not going to trust you. If she calls, answer your phone or call her back promptly. Tell her where youre going to be. Show her that you can be trusted by going the extra five miles to make sure everything you do is transparent.
Fifth, never go anywhere near the girl you cheated with again.
Those five things might give you a chance. There is no guarantee, I dont know her or you or what your relationship was like, so all I can do is give you advice on what to try.
Good luck, and dont fuck up like this again.
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Oh wow. The typical thing to say would be "If you really loved her, you wouldn't have slept with somebody else..." But I guess it wouldn't help your situation any further if I said that, now would it? The only thing you can do is explain EVERYTHING to her and hope that she understands. You need to beg, ask for forgiveness, TELL HER YOU CARE ABOUT HER...but not only tell her, you must PROVE IT. Tell her you were drunk and out of your mind. Make her understand that you know what you did was wrong, and you regret it with everything inside of you. In order for your relationship to rebuild itself, you must pick up the pieces. If she does decide to forgive you (then obviously she loves you enough to give you a second chance), you're going to have to rebuild the trust in the relationship. It's not going to be easy...but if you claim to love her this much, then I assume you must be willing to go to any extent to get her back. Good luck!
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okay it's going to be really hard to get her back. i mean how could you cheat on a person you love? don't blame the alcohol either, it was your choice and your decisions that led to this. you need to think of the most sincere apology a person could think of. then you need to HOPE she'll give you a second chance. you can't balme her if she chooses to move on either. you broke the trust after she gave you the greatest gift of all, her heart.
give her some time too, and don't expect an answer right away.
i don't really know what else to say..hmm maybe stand outside her bedroom window with a huge sign with your deepest most sincere apology on it?
i hope the best for you =]
-hannah-
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wow! this is a toughy! only because i prob wouldnt talk to you ethier but...im going to try to put myself in your girlfriends shoes!okay she, i think would first prob be angry at the fact that you didnt tell her!i totally understand that people make mistakes but you dont have a true realationship if you dont have trust!she trusted you and in her eyes you have failed her!if you really love her like you say tell her how you feel! explain to her that you were extrmely drunk and dindt know what the hell you were doing! explain to her that youd rather die then loose her and that it was the biggest mistake youve ever made.explain how you wouldnt be able to live if she werent in your life.tell her your miserable without her!tell her that your so sorry you didnt tell her and that youd do anything to go back and change what happned!and finnally tell her that you love her with all your heart and make sure she knows you meen it!i believe you are sorry for what you did and i believe that you really love her... now all thats left is to make her believe!just dont be afraid to por out your feelings to her! it might seem kinda gay but its the manliest thing to do in a womans eyes!especially in this situation!
well i hope this helped you in some way and good luck to you!
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To be honest, you may not be able to get your girlfriend back. What you did was inexcusable & don't blame it on the alcohol. Although you were drunk, you should've been okay enough to come to your senses & realize that what you were doing was wrong. Alcohol is no excuse to cheat on someone you "love."
That being said, trying to get your girlfriend back is going to be extremely diffucult, and you may not be able to do so. You really need to sit down & think about the shit you did, and you need to take her feelings into consideration, seeing as how you didn't the night you cheated on her. And I can understand kissing someone else, but you had SEX with ANOTHER GIRL. That completely crosses the line, and you should basically punch yourself in the face right now.
Honestly, try to talk to her about things. Even if she won't talk back, just make sure she listens to you. When you're at her house, just say "I've really gotta talk to you about what happened, and even if you don't wanna talk back, can you at least listen to what I have to say?" If she agrees, tell her everything, pour your heart out & let her know you're truly sincere. If it doesn't work, then you need to accept the fact that you no longer have a girlfriend. Trust is a big thing for people, and once you break it, it's insanely hard to get it back.
Good luck.
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