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i made a huge mistake...
have been dating my girlfriend Caitlyn for two years in October. She is the most amazing girl i have ever met and about 7 months ago i gave her a promise ring and i know Cait is the girl i want to spend the rest of my life with. Sometimes we get into little fights and blow them way out of proportion. About a month ago we had one of these fights and she wouldn't come to a party with me that night. At that party, i got pretty drunk and slept with a girl from another school. I didn't tell her about it and everything seemed like it was fine until this girl i slept with showed up at my baseball game and just so happens to sit down next to Cait and her best friend without knowing it was them. They start talking and pretty soon Becca, the girl from the party, has to go so she asks my girl friend if she could give me a ring back that i had left at her house (the promise rings we gave each other. i guess i left it there that night) of course my girlfriend gets curious why this girl has my ring and so she asks becca about it and she told her the whole thing. After the game Cait brought the ring up to me and said that my "little friend Becca" thought i would want it back and asked her to give it to me. I was totallly shocked and had no idea even what to say. Cait broke it off right then and there. I need to find some way to make it up to her. She is the love of my life and i totally regret what i did but she won't even talk to me which is really awkward since i am at her house all the time since her brothers are my best friends and her dad is my football coach. How can i get her back?
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Wow, you really messed up. And it seems like you weren't even aware of what harm you could cause until the damage was done. I mean didn't you even miss your ring, and wonder where it was? Well I am glad that you got caught and maybe you have learned your lesson. And that could be a good thing. We'll see. Well I did give this some thought for a couple of hours before I answered. I do feel for you, and I hope I can help.
There are a few steps you need to take. First the fact that she is mad at you and won't speak to you is a good thing, this means she still cares. She cares enough to be mad. If she didn't care, she could take you or leave you and maybe just ignore you and that can be worse than hate.
But she is pissed and needs time to cool off. You need to stop going over there for a while. She needs to start wondering where you are and what you are doing. I mean if you have made it clear, one way or the other, that you would be with her if she would have you, then she knows she can have you back any time she wants. That is why you have to get lost. She may or may not have made up her mind, OR she could even change her mind. But if she has you over a barrel, she can just let you hang for a long time. So, you need to make yourself scarce.
Then, you need to do some soul searching, (and if she should ask anyone what you are doing, that is the answer they should give her. )
Dude, you need to understand why you did that! Why would you cheat on someone that you have promised yourself to, and that you say is amazing and you want to spend the rest of your life with. Why? BEcause it was easy? Because you could? BEcause you were drunk? We'll those opportunities are always going to be there. BElieve me, maybe for the rest of your life. Guys still make passes at me, and I'm over 50! What are you going to do the next time? That is probably what she is thinking. She just can't reconcile it in her brain. What you did, She knows you will have more opportunities and she has no idea how you will react.
You have to be brutally honest with yourself. Why did you do it, and will you ever do it again. Sure you know how much it hurt her, and you;re sorry, but what if an opportunity came up and the girl was hot and you knew for sure that Cait would never find out? Would you go for it? If you would then you don't deserve to be in this relationship. You only deserve to be in a relationship were the two of you would do this to each other. Because that is what you both would bring to the relationship. Now Caitlin deserves better than that.
AFter you have done this soul searching and have come to the conclusion that you would never do this again, and you mean it. (Don't lie, you would only be lying to yourself now) And don't rush this now, give this some time, because she needs some time too.
Now you have to find a way to let her know that you are a changed man. You have to find a way to let her know that you know exactly what you did to her. And that you do understand how she feels because if she did that to you, you would be devastated. (as she probably is) And you have to let her know that you love her dearly, and that you want to marry her, and that you will never ever be tempted again, and that you will do what ever it takes to gain her trust back.
Also I suggest you find a unique and crazy way to get this message to her. In writing, or record a song, or on a billboard....think of something.
Now pay attention to what is going on when you drop out of sight. Is she asking for you, is she coming to the game? (sure to see her dad, yeah, sure) If she starts to show her face where she knows you will be, that will mean that she is interested and may be getting to the point where she will forgive you. But you will need to crawl.
And let me say this, when and if she does forgive you. Say thank you, lots of times, from the bottom of your heart.
Well this is what I recommend if you want to win her back. Of course the final decision is up to her. and you will have to accept that, AND accept that you brought this problem down on your own head. If she never goes back with you, you may always have a broken heart about her, but you will find someone else and fall in love and you will get married. Just don't do it to her either.
Good luck to you. I do hope that it works out for you.
Michele
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If she is really smart, you just won't. Why should she get back with you? The only chance you have is to do whatever it takes and not give up...but it is not up to you, it is up to her. Why do you need promise rings? Did you intend to keep your promise or just use it to keep her safe in your control and away from other guys? It clearly does not mean anything to you, so don't lie to yourself or her again. Stop thinking about what you have lost and think about what you gave up. There is a difference and it is about choices. You have a lot of growing up to do and that is okay. The way to avoid breaking someone's heart is to not lie to them or promise what you are not ready and able to deliver. You made a mistake, and I don't think you are a bad person, but you alone are responsible for the deception. Apologize with sincerity and ask for nothing in return. Look up the word integrity and start living it.
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