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For adult advice givers
I am glad these kids have a place to go where they may get some logical advice about sex (and some bad advice too which is sad)
I am just wondering how many of you "adults" think that too many are having sex too early? To me, they know very little about the consequences--most questions are asked after the fact. Perhaps this shows that sex education is not done early enough and it is not effective enough. What do you think?
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Well I am a teen and yes I am sexually active. I am 16 years old now, I lost my virginity at 15 and I was ready, I have been with my boyfriend for 2 years now. I have to say that it is not about age, there is no right or wrong age to have sex. As far as the "sex ed" us teens recieve it is mostly about women and thier periods, and the sperm fertalizing the egg. They need to be teaching more important things. I have heard a million crazy questions, recently my friend came up to me crying because she thought that if you were a virgin and you have sex for the first time you cant get pregnant, and now she was. We dont need hear every year about how our eggs get fertalized or how we can get stds, everyone knows already. We need to know how to protect ourselves, the diffrent options, and all our questions need to be answered before we make mistakes.
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Dear Early,
I thank you for thank us and I do agree we have some horrible advice givers here on the site telling teens the glory part of having sex as if it is a momentary fling and will make you more mature. I also agree that no teen fully understands the consequences of such actions, but as a teenager a few years ago engaging in such activites I didn't view the consequences for I rarely saw the consequences, I never had a friend have an unwanted pregnancy or std. And it is the same today youy always get the preaching but never the action and when you see the action of the consequence its almost one out of a few hundred that you hear of. Its also why I am shooting a documentary about the situation, its deals with female sexuality (girls gone wild phenomenon, in how sex has grown from 10 years ago till today and the influences in which have changed that out look). And like I said its how it is portrayed to teens, if you as a teen never see a consequence than you will never see it as something you shouldn't do no matter how much awareness there is.
Christopher Lee Espinoza
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i read the kinds of questions 13 year olds ask about boys and relationships and sometimes they make me laugh because they are so silly (and they remind me of myself when i was 13 because i was exactly like them). to see such young, naive people who don't know ANYTHING about relationships and have had very little life experience have sex is absolutely scary and horrifying! not to be picking on them, but i don't want them all to become pregnant and have STDs and what not. my little sister is 14 and just the thought of her having sex freaks me out and makes me never want to let her out of the house! 13 year olds can't be responsible for themselves or their actions, and as a result they should NOT be having sex no matter what!
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I don't think people are having sex too early. Sex is a marvellous thing, one of the best feelings in the world. It seems unfair to deprive people of that. I think age-related laws are unfair, as they differ from country to country. Who is to say whether someone is mature enough to cope with the implications of sex? There are some very mature 15 year olds out there, and also some very immature ones.
There are risks to sex, and we should provide people with advice to protect themselves from diseases and pregnancy, but I think people can only discover what implications sex will have for them after they've tried it.
Sex education deals mainly with technical facts, like a biology lesson. What needs to be dealt with more are the psychological implications of sex. There should also be room for discussion of the kinds of things people will REALLY be asking, if not aloud!(e.g. how do I get laid? how can I stay with him/her?).
Personally I think sex education is so offputting that it prevents people asking questions at all. This site is great because it lets people ask the things they're REALLY thinking about.
I also think parents have a responsibility to tell children how they were made as soon as they can talk, practically! Too many parents side-step this responsibility.
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Sex education is a joke, and isn't taken seriously. The kids take nothing from it other than free condoms and a few childish jokes. The real problem at hand is the parents who rely solely on the schools to teach their kids about sex. These are the same kind of parents who use TV as a babysitter, and let the kids make Easy Mac and fend for themselves.
We can't individually beat these parents senseless (which I would LOVE to do), and there isn't a whole lot we as a society can do. There's only so many times we can say "I told you so". I think that after this generation, the children now who will become parents will not become pregnant at 14 as often, as they themselves had to experience what life like that is like, and won't wish it upon their own children. Teen pregnancy rates will drop, and at one point will rise again, as a cycle.
My advice to anyone out there is to accept the fact that sex = children, and if you are willing to do the first part, you need to be willing to face the consequences of the second. If you do not have the financial and emotional ability to support a child, don't have sex.
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I may not be an adult (my a female and 15 years old), but i truly understand how sad and terrible it is that young kids like me are sexually active. It often comes from just being rebellious or having low self esteem to themselves (mainly from the communication connections throughout the household with their parents). The parents i think should talk more with the kids and try to get on their level and give them some old schooling. My mom talks to me about being a lady and that the name of the game is not to give it up and that's what makes the guys go crazy. Kids my age should know like me to stay a child as long as they can as in no drinking, getting sucked into peer pressure, smoking, and sex. I don't know what's the fuss about kids my age having problems resisting peer pressure. I got it plenty of times and frankly it never bothered me to say NO. But probably for some kids it's probably really important to be in the "IN CROWD", be like "un" unique or to be cool. My parents taught me to love myself very well and just stay a kid cause i won't be a kid for long! It basically all depends on the parents and how they teach things to their kids. As much as the responsibilities, talking with them, and learning and asking about life in the house. Specially it's also most important to have a firm, but calm obedience structures. Hope i helped with this from a kid's point of view!
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I'm not an adult, but the number of questions here written by 12 year olds asking if they could be pregnant after having unprotected sex alarm me. Way too many kids are having sex way to early these days. No matter what grade sex education is taught, its never something that people take into account before having sex. I think many just get caught up in the moment and don't realize that sex is a big step, its not just maybe kissing.
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Sex education is taught really early, 6th grade here in San Diego. It's just the peer pressure to be "cool" that most people have sex for. I personally am going to wait till I'm married. Sex is becoming less and less important so more people do it without thinking about the consequences. Plus, I know some classes give out condoms during sex education so abstenence is not being taught just protected sex.
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I'm 20 and I have to agree, I don't think enough information is available for younger people who may be considering having sex.
I watched a TV programme recently called 'Let's Talk Sex' and the statistics of young people getting STI's, STD's and falling pregnant were ridiculous. The UK has one of the highest, or the highest rates of teen pregnancy and underage sex in Western Europe.
When I was at school, we had sex education at around 11 years old. We had it again twice in secondary school and I was happy with it. They covered all the available forms of contraception, the biology of sex and so on. Having watched the programme, however, I've found out that sex education is not compulsory in UK schools, as all they told they have to teach is the biology of the reproductive system. Most schools don't teach about different forms of contraception beyond condoms and the majority of young adults don't know how to put on a condom!
Far too many kids are having sex between the ages of 13 and 16, when, in my opinion, they are too young to understand all of the implications involved in a sexual relationship. There's a lot of emotional issues they just aren't aware of and too many don't understand enough about contraceptives, pregnancy, STI's and STD's.
Since this is the case, I feel sex education (AND relationships) should be taught from the age of around 6 and up, as they do in Holland. Teach them about relationships when they are 6, the biology of the reproductive system when they are a few years older and then about the whole lot when they reach around 13/14. This way they grow up with respect for themseolves, with a full understanding of sex and relationships and rather than viewing it as a taboo and embarrassing subject, it will be what it actually is. A normal part of every day life and something which cannot be undertaken without a strong sense of responsibility.
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It's the combination of young age and lack of maturity that is concerning.
I was an early starter, but I'm going on six years in a solid relationship (and about to have my first child). Age wasn't an issue because both my partner and I knew the dangers and were rather well equipped to deal with the emotional parts. However, that's unusual.
I am often surprised how ignorant my younger peers are, even with sex ed. It's not so much that peers give out bad information (even though it does happen), it's that sex is either made glamorous by entertainment or being hushed up by parents stuck on keeping kids as kids (doesn't work). It's difficult to get information untainted by someone's agenda, especially when everybody thinks you're too young to be getting any. Even while trying to protect a younger generation, we do need to remember that teens can be sexual beings too.
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well i agree kids are having sex too young, but i really dont think sex ed earlier is going to help, matter of fact thats the problem, if you notice kids who dont know squat about sex are less likely to be intrested untill there 15 or so when the hormones start goin nuts, but here in the good ole US of A our kids learn about sex just watching tv and listening to the music of today. the sexual content in our everyday basic cable is enough to spark an intrest in the young who would otherwise know nothing about it dont get me wrong kids need to know the consequenses of sex including the dangers, but i saw it at 12 and even then was a lil disgusted by it. it made me think they knew we were all doin it, even tho i wasent so i then looked at my age mates and wondered who had. another thing is it does fall to parenting, i honest to god dident have my own tv untill i was 14, before that the only tv was in the living room. now i see my best friend and shes put a tv in her 2 yr olds room. it cant be denied that seeing all these "cool beautiful" kids/teens on tv having sex sparks an intrest because unfortunately the goal of childhood these days is to look and feel more grown up. instead of rushing to show kids all the lil secrets of life early enough that thier "warned" we should be teaching them morals and protecting thier innocence as long as we can. i personally believe sex ed is a cop out for good parenting, theres no doubt about it children will be exposed to sex just from media and class mates talk, but shouldent they be comming home directing there questions to thier parents? i think parents are lazy these days they figure kids learn about it in school an thats one less uncomfortable thing for them to deal with, when your that young things your parents tell you are alot more believable than some stupid video that tells you the facts of how to make a baby in technical terms, i can remember being seperated from the boys and we girls were showed pads and tampons while the boys were showed condoms. thats rediculous...WE WERE 12!!!! i dont think there was much talk about sex among my class mates untill after sex ed. its a parents job to teach thier kids about sex, when there ready, not before, if schools have to do it, it should be for 15 year olds. if you think about it an looked up the statistics id just bet back when the thought of sex ed in school was appaling, and seeing janet jacksons tit on tv really would have made people pass out, there was prolly a whole helluva lot less young sex going on back then. the point is why introduce kids to something they arent metally ready for yet? only parents can tell you about the emotional and moral side of sex. sex ed really doesent. its basically a crash course in where babies come from, using terms like reproductive organs. sorry for going on an on, just a strong subject for me. very disgusted with it all.
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I first had sex at 15, I know people who have done so as young as 12 with no ill effects for their long-term future and adult lives.
It is a matter of maturity (physical and mental) not age. I don't think it matters IF people get good sex education and have access to contraception.
What bothers me isn't that kids are having sex young, it's that they're so pig ignorant on AIDS and other STDs as well as even the basic 'mechanics' of sex. That's where the danger lies.
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surprise surprise who ever thought a guy would respond to this question lol, i agree with all yall people. It is the lack of moral character, for some reason parents are doing a lousy job of teaching their kids the importance of self control and good moral character. It is interesting and disappointing with all these young kids getting into sex, society these days is way to much into the opposite sex there is much more that these kids obviously arent getting access too. I believe they would be less likely to be so into the opposite gender if they were given opportunities to explore themselves as an individual rather than explore little cindy in science heh sorry :-d. You know what they say about idle hands! But the problem must be addressed at the source, teaching kids sexual education alone just wont do it. At a young age they must be taught and then reinforced sex is for mature adults, but this is just one problem not easily fixed. I should think the schools just must do double time in making up for parents lack of parenting skills and moral conduct if i was in a position to make such a thing happen i would do it in a heartbeat. who knows maybe in the future i will get the chance to put my money where my mouth is :-d
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I agree with you. I agree with younggrandma's point (as usual) in that a lot of it has to do with parenting. Sex education is only necessary because fewer parents are doing a good job. And honestly, with the questions we get on this site, it's not doing much good. If one parent screws it up a lot of kids could suffer through that one kid. I'm engaged, will be 20 in a few days, and am very proud to say that both me and my fiance are still virgins. Parents need not only to instill these values into their kids, but educate them, and not allow them to have so many opportunities to make mistakes. Yes, mistakes are a part of growing up, but having to listen to your parents until you are ready to grow up is important too.
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oh my god i know it really scares me to see all the 13 year olds asking if they should have sex and asking about oral sex and stuff. what concerns me is the will i get my period and questions like that oh my god i have a 6 year old and to know in 7 years my kid could be sexually active scares me. seems that the kids are under educated with high hormones. its reallllly sad that they cant talk openly with thier parents on these topics so they can be educated and protect themselves against disease and pregnacy. just reallly really scary
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Well, I'm 18 years old, so I'm sort of an adult, sort of a kid... I guess that gives me a unique perspective :)
It makes my stomach turn to see 13 year olds having sex, and it makes me wonder if my childhood was just particularly sheltered... when I was the age that children are thinking about having sex now, I was still being stupid and running around. I lost my virginity around the age of 18, so it wasn't like I was particularly delayed or morally against it.
I think the reason that kids are having sex earlier is influence from the media and from older people. For instance, it is now acceptable to be a sexually active woman, if not more desirable. I think these kids see it as a way to grow up faster... didn't you want to grow up faster when you were their age?
It doesn't seem to be a huge issue here in Canada from what I've seen, but I see this happening a lot in (not to make an unfair generalization) American children, especially as the government does not sponsor a fair sexual education program that gives information about all facets of sexuality, not just abstinence. I think this is a huge issue. Knowing fully about the consequences of sex from an early age helped me to make a good decision.
To protect kids, parents really have to get involved, and provide the information they're not getting from school themselves.
Hope I said something of some relevance :)
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i completly agree with you... im only 17 and i lost my virginity at a young age... but i think a lot of ppl are very uneducated about sex it should be taught at an earlier age.. but some parents would not agree wiht that or allow it which is probably why it isnt.
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Its scary isn't it?
I don't know about sex education in the schools. I don't think they have it at all in the schools in my small town area.
I blame a lot of it on the parenting. Maybe I should say lack of parenting. My kids weren't dating when they were 13. They didn't have cell phones and *gasp* they didn't have computer access except at school.
We had good communication, they always felt they could come to me with any problem they had.
Maybe parents are to busy. There is a sad lack of two parent households. A lot of guilt feelings I think they are trying to ease by letting kids have "stuff" and letting them do things they are better off waiting until they are older to do.
Certainly not all parents are that way. But I think it contributes a lot to the problems we see here.
I hope those who give some bad advice will also read how others respond and maybe learn something themselves.
I hope in some way, no matter how small, we help someones child who needs somebody to talk to. :)
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