How do i tell if i have broken my hymen?

it might be hard to tell if your hymen is broken.

the first time i had sex @ the age of 18, i could tell that i had broken my hymen because first there was pressure, like trying to squeeze an orange through a quarter-sized hole. and then i felt a pop (that was the actual breaking of the hymen) BTW that part hurt really bad, like a really really sharp pain, luckily i was in the throws of passion, so i wasn't completely focused on the pain. and finally i bleed.

I'm not sure that you can check it yourself, maybe get a mirror and see if you can see anything... otherwise you could try looking for symptoms for hymen breakage.


okay this boy trevor , who i thought was my friend used to tell me how pretty i was and stuff and how i was fun to talk to and idk but we were just friends. like nothing more that that .. and well we were talking sunday night about this kid matthew and i was like yeah matthews hot but he wouldnt remember me anyways cause i met him for like five seconds and hes like yeah matthew said that you didnt look bad in your pics but your ugly in person? ... but i dont think matthew even remembers me or knows my name but whatever .. i told him to ask him where he saw me on monday and he said he would .. but he hasnt talked to me since and i kept asking him if he was mad at me but he wouldnt say anything or he'd delete my comment ... so today i texted him on my friends phone and was like are you mad at melissa and hes like no i just dont have my phone whenever she texts me and stuff ... well a little bit ago his friend from my school IMs me and goes do you like trevor and i was like as a friend why and hes like cause he told me to tell you that the next time i see you at school i have to say he thinks your ugly and he never wants you to text him again ... and i just don't know what to do anymore .. i feel like im the ugliest person alive and no one likes me ... i just idk what to do , someone helpp me please [:

well, I think that it is pretty obvious that your "friend" trevor is jealous of your interest in another guy. he seems to like you more then just friends.

could you ever like trevor for more then just friends? if you could then you should attempt to make amends with him and tell him how you feel... in a personal private conversation... not in a text or any other written form of communication that he can pass around to his buddies.

IF you don't like trevor for more than just a friend then you should cut your loses, and move on with your life... because it will never be the same way that it was... trevor has crossed that line with you and made it so that your friendship is compromised. it is up to him to make amends and try to spackle together your friendship with him, and he doesn't seem like the kind of mature guy that would be able to do that.

so, i am sorry but unless trevor makes the attempt to say he is sorry first, i don't see you haveing any kind of relationship, friend or otherwise with him.

and on another note, you can not, and must not think that you are an ugly person and that no one likes you. you have other friends besides trevor that will say different... and as for the ugly part... trevor was just manipulating you and trying to hurt you because you hurt his immature male ego when you said you liked another guy. you are more than likely a very pretty girl that had the unfortunate luck of having a mean, jealous, and selfish friend.

I hope that you are able to put this event out of your mind and focus on the good friendships that you do have.

good luck!


Ok im in Jr. High and I'm in 6th...At my school people play "flip", If you don't know what that is, it is when a boy and a irl play or two boys, or two girls. You pick either rock, paper, or siccers, and the loser has to ask out someone of the winners chose. If the boy I like asks me out and I say yes and he was just playing "flip", and he turns around and says oh...well I was just playing "flip", but if the boy I like comes up to me and says will you go out with me and I say no and he will really sad, and he might really like me then he and I will both be sad. So how will I know if he is playing "flip" or really asking me out? Please Help Me

I don't think that there will be anyway that you will be able to forsee if he is into you, or just playing "flip".

if the boy you likes comes asks you out, and you want to go out with him, be friendly and nonchalant, and say "sure..." that way you win if he really does like you..... but on the of chance that he was just playing "flip" then you won't be too embarrassed because it will seem like you really didn't care if you went out with him or not.

either way there is a 50/50 chance that you are going to be hurt. just know that this may seem like a big deal in your life right now, but in 10 years your life is going to change so dramatically that you probably won't even remember liking a particular boy.

but another way around this would be to ask him out yourself. and if he says "yes" then awesome, and if he says "no" then you can say, "darn, I was playing 'flip' and now i lost." or ya know whatever you want to say.

i hope i helped, and good luck


I have these 2 friends, lets call them casey and sarah, well me and casey used to live practically in the same neiborhood. I was always spending the night over her house or going out to the movies with her, or just having great times with her. Sarah was one of are really good friends to, she started out liking me more than casey and wanted to be my friend more than casey's, then everything changed. She started to change and wanted to become friends with Casey more. Well suddenly Sarah invited herself to casesys church and has become a member with her. Casey began telling me how annoying sarah was because she kept inviting herself over casey's house, this sounds so bad but i was happy because i knew that this way casey would still like me better. then Casey stopped talking about Sarah and they began hanging out more trhey would call each other and not me, go somewhere and not invite me then talk about the funny stuff they did together, and laugh about it knowing i have no idea what there talking about. They'll even have sleep overs sometimes and wont even think to invite me. its like were the tree musketeers but im the outside. It hurts so bad because i dont know why they leave me out, its gotten to a point so that sometimes they'll even leave me out why'll im there suddenly casesy will be sitting next to me and go sit next to sarah and tell her she doesnt wanna go home then sarah will say come to my house and they wont invite me. Its making me hate them please tell me is this relationship toxic what should i do? because I think they know they're leaving me out, but they just dont care.

it is difficult to be in situations like this, throughout mylife i have been "sarah" on occasion, and sometimes i've been a "casey".

through out life people will drift in and out of your life if you choose to let them. it is possible that someone that you never thought would be your friend ends up becoming your bestfriend. (that has happened to me just recently) and then again, your best friend might become your worst enemy.

i'm not saying that your friends will become your enemies; I'm just saying that it is interesting, and sometimes downright baffleing how people can drift in and out of our lives. i don't believe that your friends are purposely intending to hurt your feelings. they are in the midst of new things in their lives, they are drifting. and maybe it seems that they are purposely hurting your feelings by neglecting to include you in everything from sleepovers to conversations.

and on that note i think that the best advice i can give to you is to let them know that you are feeling like a third wheel. Sure, they should know better that they are leaving you out of things, and that are hurting your feelings, but maybe they don't, and then it is up to you to tell them.

I don't think that they are going to hate you or ridicule you in anyway, more than likely they will console you and make an effort to invite you more often, and if they don't, then they aren't true friends.

and on another note, i think that after you confront them on how hurt you are, and if they are sorry, and make amends, then i think that you should attempt to make the effort to include yourself in as much as you can. don't wait for an invite, just go ahead and ask for yourself. or, maybe try to squeeze yourself back into the three musketeers by inviteing them to do a ton of things with you... basically you just need to incorprate yourself back into the friendship that you had with these girls by inviting them to do things with you, and by inviting yourself to do things with them... and if they don't like it then at least you know where you stand with them.

good luck, and take care!


I really thing i am a nice guy. I like helping ppl a lot but the basic problem is that i am an average looking guy. I am not such a dude type....or somewhat of that kind that ppl call cool....I always wish to have a girl friend but somehow dont believe in going around proposing the girl, i find beautiful. sometimes i think a lot about this as i wish to find that one spl friend whome i can trust and talk to. i still do not understand when will i find that spl friend??? also answer this question how will that help me in solving my mastuerbation problem.

well, for the obvious reason, finding that special someone who is willing and wanting to be with you in that way, will help with your masterbation. you say "masterbation problem" once again, i don't believe that it is a "problem" you are a young man and it is to be expected that you would be interested in this sort of activity.

as for the girlfriend. i met my husband online about 7 years ago when i was then just 17 years old. we were great email buddies for about 8 months before i started to develop a crush on him. by then i was 18 years old and wanted to pursue it further. we connected in that way and just a few months later i went to visit him. eventually i moved to be with him, and the rest is said and done.

i can't tell you the best places to go, or the best things to say to girls to get them to want to be with you. all i can think of is cruise the internet, not for love, but for friendship.. maybe love will develop later.

also, look into becoming active in things in your community.. not only will it help you develop yourself, but it will open up doors to meeting new friends, and possibly love interests.

good luck, and remember love comes faster when your not looking for it.


I liked this guy for four years in high school and it was really complicated becasue he liked me in the eighth grade and I hated him then because he would tease me but beginning of high school, I started liking him. Just before grad we started talking at parties and conversing but it was all cut short when we both graduated.
In high school, my crush was really intense. My other friends went through crushes but I always seemed to have this weird bond with him and I couldn't move on.
After high school, I put my little girl crush aside since there was no chance of us seeing each other again because I don't know any of his friends and even though I still liked him, I tried my best to get over him and I thought I was over him.
Two saturdays ago, at three in the morning, I was dropping a few friends off and I saw his car leave the street and I followed him (I think we live around the same side of town). My heart started beating so fast and I honestly started shaking. I passed him because he wasn't going fast enough and I wanted so badly for him to see me. Eventually, he ended up in front of me again and I followed him until he turned into another street then I moved on.
I can't stop thinking about him just because I saw his car and back of his head in his side window. Now I don't know what to do. I'm totally crushing on him again, daydreams and all. I thought I was over him, I saw him once in September and I was a little freaked but it was still early. I don't know what it is about this guy, I've been meeting so many boys since I've graduated and none of them have this impact on me. I just can't stop thinking about him and I've tried soooo hard to get over him but I feel like crying. It isn't fair, I'm just trying to move on with my life and he shows up out of nowhere and leaves me in pieces. I'm such a wreck. What do I do?

i know what you are going through, i had an intense crush on this one guy since 6th grade, i had a feeling that he could've liked me back, but nothing ever came of it. now, i've graduated college, moved out of my home state, married and bought a house, and i am 25 years old, and even to this day i wonder where is he now? what does he look like now? how is his life working out now? not, that i have ever really tried to find him, but i suspect that after this long it would be nearly impossible.

if your heart truely desires to be with him then you can attempt to do something about it. in the area that you last saw him, maybe there is a church nearby, or a store, or resturant nearby. get to know the area that he frequents. take up jogging that area, just frequent that area as much as possible and if you "run" into him by "accident" just pour on the charm... maybe even try to ask him on a nonchalant date... if he thinks that you are stalking him then it could ruin your chances, if you come right out and ask him out, you might be scareing him off (men like to think that they are the 'manly' ones) so don't make it a date just make it a 'get together'.

and if you do all that you can do to run into him again, but it never happens, or maybe you do and he isn't interested then you need to make an atempt to get on with your life.

good luck!
I hope i helped.

you are still young and your crush is still fresh in your mind... i would just let thing


ok my boyfriend has a family reunion at 1:00 so i said i would go because i wanted to meet his dads side of his family...but i told my little cousin i would be on her dodgeball team...and thats at 1:30.....this really blows...i want to go to both...can anyone help me out?

i agree, go with whomever you made the plans with first.


I am a male, 19 years old. I dont know when i started mastuebating but now i am a mastuerbation freak. I mastuerbate everyday sometimes even 4-5 times. Is mastuerbation bad and how should i stop myself from doing so??

its just a phase, i am a girl and when i was your age i did just that much if not more in one day.

it will take a while, you might not get over your "fix" for months if not years, then again you could wake up next week not feeling the urge as much.

until then, surf porn on the net, and get it in as much as you want. but don't be ashamed of your endeavers. and don't think that there is something wrong with you, you are just a 19 year old guy expressing yourself. also, if you want you could try to find a girlfriend... that might help you along if you want.


I just had the greatest date ever. I know a guy at school, and we've talked on a few occasions for an hour or two at a time. Anyway, we had a wonderful date tonight, and of course, ended up making out. A lot. We talked a lot too, but ooh my god, i don't know where to get started with the making out part. Anyway, we sat on a stairwell and started making out, and I ended up sitting on his lap, straddling him, which felt so good and comfortable for both of us. But i don't know if I got carried away or not. I was kissing his neck and touching the top of his chest. And when he dropped me off, we made out in the car for a good 15 minutes or so. ANd I don't know...is all of this generally appropriate on a first date, even if you totally get along with the person?

it's great that you are coming into womenhood with such enthusiasum. if you feel that you might have gotten carried away with him, then it is possible that you did.

but it's not like you had sex with him or anything like that. i wouldn't worry about your make out session, if anything develops between you and him make sure that you take a little bit longer before you have sex.

otherwise have fun with your new and exciting experiences!


I have this friend who did almost everythin with a guy she even made out with another guy wen she was dating some guy and well im kinda with someone and she keeps tellin him tht she did all these things with a guy and wud tel only him not anyone else she even wanted him comin to her house a few times im worried she mite want something from him like being more then jus friends but i feel i mite be blaming her for somethin tht isnt there..i duno wat to think..thx

i was friends with a girl who hung out with a lot of guys, and complained about other girl's attitude towards her. later on i discovered that she cheated with a guy who had a G-friend, also cheated with a guy while she had a B-friend, she casually sleeps around, and is extremely competitive to steal men's attention away from other girls, including her own best friends... i've seen her go so far as to flirt with a nerdy guy just because he was hanging around and interested in one of her friends, its like she can't bare the thought that her girl-friends are getting attention from guys that aren't into her.
and then she wonders why she is all the time fighting with her best friends.

i think that this is what is going on with you and your friend. i think that a girl who gets attention from a few men love that kind of attention that they get. and they start to see every man in that light, someone that they can possibly flirt with; someone they can makeout with. and not an actual human being.

it is very possible that your friend can't understand that your boyfriend is a human being, and should be treated with respect; and that he is not just "a guy" who'll give her the attention that she wants from him i.e. flirting, makingout, etc.

i'm sure that if your friend had any feelings for the friendship that she has with you then she wouldn't try to undermine the relationship that you have with your boyfriend.

she is not being a good friend to you right now, and i think that you have a duty to your relationship with your boyfriend to spend less time with her... stop hanging out with her, try spending more time with your boyfriend. if she calls you on your sudden absence in friendship just confide in her that you are sorry, but you are spending a lot more time doing things with YOUR boyfriend, and stress that in the conversation. use "my boyfriend" a lot, but not in a childish (myyyyy BOYFRIEND) otherwise she will know that you feel threatened by her.

just be cool, calm, and mature about it.

if your boyfriend still wants to do things with her or starts to wonder why you aren't doing as much with her as you were in the past, then simply tell him that you just want to take some more time to develop your relationship with him right now, and that your friend has other things to do right now... but don't tell him the truth, otherwise he might think you are overacting, and see you as being childish... also, he might tell your friend.

good luck!


"thx she also started spreadin rumors bout me to other friends lies like i told her things i never did n also makin my rep bad..how can i make this stop?? help lol "

I don't think that she is a friend of yours at all what-so-ever, and the sooner that you drop her the better you and your relationship with your boyfriend will be.

since she seems like a vicious person who would spread more rumors about you, and possibly even make it her life's ambition to wreak havoc on your life and your love life if you cross her. I think the less offensive way to get her out of your life is the best option.

stop hanging around her, if she starts walking your way at lunch, etc. just get up and leave, smile at her, and stop and chat for a brief few seconds and tell her some made up story like.. "sorry, I can't stay, but my parents are riding my butt about my grades and i need to go study." etc. or if you HAVE to sit through lunch with her, make sure that you are not alone, in other words that you have other friends around. and just sit quietly... maybe you can join in with light conversations. don't offer up any information about your life, or the life of your boyfriend to her or the rest of your friends.

if you are quiet more than usual, and they start to ask you about why you are being so quiet just say something like, "teacher so and so, is being a jerk and i'm just bummed about it thats all."

the point of all this is to try and distance yourself away from her to the point that she no longer assumes that you will be reliable "friend" that she can do things with (talk on the phone, gossip with, shop with, steal a boyfriend away from, etc.) and when she no longer relies on you to be her "friend" or as i like to call it her crutch. then you can quietly and gracefully bow out, and start to live your life backstabbing "friend" free.

this method may take some time, but all things worth having usually do, and the peace of mind that a "friend" is no longer in your life to spread rumors, and possibly steal your boyfriend away is worth it.

either way the last thing that you want to do is let this 'blow over' even if she did die down with her flirty ways to your boyfriend and her rumor starting of you, that doesn't mean that she will stay that way forever. it will only be a matter of time before she starts up again on you.

and the other option is to tell her how you feel, and possibly have this thing increase into a vicious fight between the two of you, and no offense but you seem like a nice girl who will fight fair, but she seems even more likely to be a the type that wouldn't fight fair, and therefore i don't think you stand a chance of winning.

so, good luck, and i hope i helped.


ok so you kinda answered the alst question but should i send it anonymous or from me and what should i write on the card thing???

yes, you should let him know that it is from you, otherwise he would only guess, and might possibly get it wrong; and that'll suck :)

i think that you can write anything that you would like to on the card. just remember that anything physically written carries with it the possiblity of embarrassment. in other words, he might and probably will pass the card around to his friends, so keep it nonchalant, and friendly; don't spill your heart. just say something like:
"hey, i just wanted to make sure that i wished you a very Happy Valentine's Day!"

good luck!


I really need a advice! I went out with this guy for one year and four months. we shared everything, he promised me lot of things. I got raped one day by my best friend, his feelings changed big time. He started feeling nervous around me. Later, he broke up with me because lot kids are trying so hard to break me and my exboyfriend up. We became best friend, and two weeks later, he asked me out again but kept our realtionship low. Yesterday, he broke up with me again because hes not interesting in our realtionship, i was hoping we will beome best friend again, but instead i found someone else and we talked. I putted his name on my away msg. my ex boyfriend got mad, he kept on calling me slut because he thinks i just go for the guy i like for his gential place. Its not true what can i do to solve this? I tried so hard to get out of this crazy situations but my exboyfriend starts everything again i tried to be nice and he kept being so mean!

I am 15 years old. I am female :) im Reina.

i am sorry for your horrible experience, and that your ex was unable to be the solid rock for you and your relationship in your time of need.

though this is not what you may want to hear right now, you are better off without him in your life.

he broke up with you, twice; and then he feels like he has a right to call you a slut when HE is the one that didn't want to be in a relationship with you?! WTF? he needs a reality check, and he needs to learn to grow up.

i say move on with your life, tell him that he made a choice for both of you, and he needs to learn to deal with it just like you have learned to deal with it.... does he not ever want you to be happy ever again?



me and my ex broke up about a week or two a go i lost my virginity to him which at first made things difficult. He is now going out with the girl he went out with before me. Now i have been moving on because in this situation i think it is the best. Well he kept iming me all the time un until today. Basically everytime we talk it would be some kind of competition i hate it. I want to be friends with him but its hard. Last night he finally said out of possibly frustration you were right, i just wanted to get in your pants and he is telling me to move on and stuff when he is the one iming me and talking about other guys i am seeing. I dont understand, he was the one who said we should just be friends until we fix things. I dont get him, Why do you think he is acting like this? Do you think we will ever be friends?

first of all i am sorry that you are having a horrible time with you ex.

i'm sure that him saying 'that he only wanted to get into your pants' was nothing more then fustration, and pissibly jealousy of you moving on with your life... like you said before, HE is the one that keeps IMing you, so HE is the one that can't move on.

it is for the best that you two broke up, if he can say such hurtful and angry things to you then he doesn't really care about you; you want to stay friends with him, but he is making that too difficult to do.

cut your losses, and block him, don't answer him, and you will be helping not only yourself, but him as well, he needs to move on, so don't be his enabler. force him to move on with his life by not communicating with him, and you will be helping yourself by not going through his verbal, and or emotional abuse. his extra baggage is not of your concern anymore.

good luck!


Semi is about 4 months away,and i know its early,but i want to get a dress. But I can't find any that might go good with my body shape.I'm 13 I'm only a 32A, and also im pretty skinny. I'm also short, 4"9-10,so its hard.I'm looking for a dress thats short [not knee high,shorter.] I have really long legs.They're like my whole body.I have brown hair/brown eyes.I'm not the tannest. So what I'm asking is, what color would look good on me, what dress would go good for my body type,and where can I get it? And if you want to,maybe give me examples or something? thanks lots fellow advicers!

i know that places like boston store, marshall, and JCPenny (if you look hard enough) will have gorgeous dresses out for things like prom, so you might have better luck closer to that time of year.
not too sure what you are looking for in terms of price, i think that with your height it is going to be difficult to find a short dress, an average knee length dress will probably come down to your mid-chin, and a short dress would probably be your knee length. so, good luck on that.

i think that a mid-light purple is pretty on pale skin, and dark eyes and hair. a light or medium pink is also pretty. the only thing i can think of for like the type of dress, i would go to walmart and buy a pair of silicone bra cup inserts, it would increase your bust size by a cup, and then i would look for a nice sleeveless a-line dress with an empire waist... couple that with a nice pair of flats, or if your confident than a pair of low or high pumps in a complimentary color.

good luck!


Ok so it's almost valentines day and we have one of those things at our school where you can send like a little card thing like you know for like christmas you can send a candy cane or something well should i send one for matt the guy i like or not and if you say yes should i send it anonymous or not??? .


well, how has things developed with Matt? is he still showing signs of likeing you?

If nothing has changed then i don't see any reason why you could/should not send something to your crush.

just make sure that you not only send something to him, but to a few others, your friends, other classmates, etc. that way you won't look too stalkerish, and more like you are just enjoying the spirit of the holiday. if you decide to send him something, keep it small and friendly. and also make sure that you look your best, go with what you know works for you; now is not the time to be trying out a new hairstyle, make-up, etc. just make sure that you are very approachable in case he comes up to you personally to thank you for the gift.. and that is another thing, you should be thinking of topics to discuss with him in case he comes over to say 'thank you'; you don't want to seem desperate, but you don't want to seem too cold either.. somewhere in between would be best; so say something to the tune of "your welcome for the candy cane, i hope that you like it, and by the way; happy valentine's day!". make sure to smile a lot, be pleasant, and very approachable.

i hope you have good luck, and remember to enjoy the holiday no matter what happens!


What does a hangover feel like?

i never really had a hangover during my first few drunken years, mostly because i drink clear alcohol like vodka, and gin, and stuff, LOVE my tinis! :)

anyway, one night i made the stupid mistake of drinking 2 appletinis, 2 chocolate-tinis, 1 jagerbomb, 2 sex on the beach shots, a drunken bout of "sexy back" grinding on the dance floor, 3 more martinis, and half a glass of champaign, my first taxi ride, and throwing up at 3 o'clock in the morning in a genesis bathroom. and i was out like a light by 4.

the next day i woke up in pain... my head hurt, i was sensitive to a lot of light. i was nauseous all the time, the thought of food made me throw up, or made me want to throw up... and my body felt like it was thrown against a 5 foot thick steel and brick layered wall while going 80 miles per hour.

every muscle, bone, and vein in my body just ached. luckily it was a 3 day weekend for me, and that is what i needed, 3 whole days to get over my hang over.... i learned my lesson that night, don't mix... if you have beer, only have beer, if your drinking mixed drinks (martinis, margaritas, etc.) then only drink those mixed drinks, if you are haveing wine, only drink wine, and so on and so forth.


I dont want any stuff like "omg you're wayy to young" "wait a year" because i dont wanna hear it.

So heres the deal, me and my boyfriend have been together for 7 months. tonight we tried having sex for the first time, notice the word tried. We arent allowed to in the first place so it was a little hard. He brought a condom. So we made out did foreplay, that kind of stuff, foreplay was rushed, we had a limited amount of time. He put the condom on and his penis started like geting unerected. So we were sitting there trying to get it into me. Didnt work. So he takes the condom off and I give him head again. He puts the condom on. And his penis get unerected. Well, this happened 3 times all together and by then I was pissed. So his penis wouldnt go in, I wasnt wet enough, and it kept getting unerected.

So my questions are...
Is this normal?
Has this happened to anyone before?
Why do you think it did that?

Please help me
Sorry it was so long
thank you :)

well, i will not tell you that you are too young..

you are unexperienced, as is he, i lost my virginity to my husband, and both of us were virgins, the first night that we tired was a complete disaster. we couldn't get the rythm down, he had anxiety and couldn't perform, etc.

the next few times that we tried it got better, and better and now, no complaints :)

your boyfriend had performance anxiety. next time you try you need to allow a lot of time to "do the deed". having sex is not a race to the finish line; and it doesn't have a set amount of time. don't be in such a rush next time... take it slow and easy let it evolve instead of rushing it, or pushing for it. it can get irritating, but some of the best things in life are worth waiting for, so next time just make sure that you are comfortable and have a lot of time to spend together in privacy before you try again.

I would say "good luck", but that seems weird to be saying that to a 14 year old trying to have sex; oh well.


ok this guy that i really really like his name is matt ok and his friend nolan asked me out for matt i said no thinking he was joking then a few days ago these 2 kids corey and jeremy asked me out for matt again and i didnt even answer them so my friends thought that matt actualy liked me and also i got sent to ISS which is in school detention for something really stupid but while i was gone my friends said that matt was like wheres julie wheres julie and looking around for me and then i was sitting there laughing and he looked over at me and smiled it was really cute hehe yeah anyway so my friends really think he likes me i dont though but my friend liz said that corey one of the guys that asked me out for matt was like i asked julie out for dont tell him or something so i was just wondering liek does anyone know if this guy matt likes me or not and if you have any suggestiong that would be great too btu i'm a really shy person when it comes to guys so just remember that please and thank you

i answered a similar question a while back, it does seem to me that he likes you, and if you like him also then you need to let that be known.

realize that no one is born with experience when it comes to the opposite sex. others might be more naturally relaxed with the opposite sex, but what doesn't come natural can always be learned.

and right now is the best time for you to develop yourself socially, and learn how to be more relaxed, how to take a compliement, how to hold your own in a conversation with a guy you like, and how to interact with the opposite sex.

believe me it will be a life saver later on in your life if you conquer this scary, but easy thing.

if his friends ask you again, then you should be very polite, and well mannered and ask them why he doesn't ask you himself, after all you don't bite.

give him a smile when you see him...

not to scare you or anything but i have seen it happen so many times where a guy will like a girl and vice versa but they never talk and eventually they give up all together.

if you want to have a chance with him then say "hello" or "good morning" followed by your best smile. if he smiles back and responds with a "hello" or a "good morning" then you are on the right track, if he engages you in conversation, and you aren't confident then all you need to do is ask him a few questions, "Hey, do you know what the cafeteria is serving for lunch tody?", or "i am having a hard time in math/science/etc. are you good at math/science/etc.?", or "so-an-so, gave me this really nasty candy and i can't get the taste out of my mouth, you don't by chance happen to have a peice of gum or something do you?"

or you know whatever you can think of... truely listen to what he says, and while he is talking think of something that you can ask him about what he just talked about, that way you can keep him going in a conversation, and learn alot more about him... later on when you can hold a conversation a little better then you can talk about something about you so he can learn more about you too...

but for right now, you need to make yourself seem approachable, you need to allow him to see that you are a sweet and polite person, and that alone might coax him out from his shy shell long enough for him to come over and say "hi".

good luck.


me and my ex went out for a year and 5 months and broke up for a stupid reason. we were an on and off couple but not a bad one.. anyway. when we broke up he got a new girlfriend that i totally hate now and hes only dating her cus he tried to get over me.. and it didnt work. hes still coming over and kissing me and telling me he loves me and hugging me. but he says he loves her and crap. we even had sex.. but ahh i dont know does he really love me or is he using me?

i'm sorry that you have found yourself in this situation. i know that you have a lot of memories and history with this man that you could not possibly convey in a single paragraph for complete strangers to disect and comprehend.

you care for him, as i am sure that he cares for. but he is doing something wrong.. stringing 1 if not both of you girls along. he was yours first, and so how do you feel now that you are a second? he is having his cake and eating it too. for me, i would be wondering about him... i'd be thinking that if he feels that comfortable to cheat on his new fling; that maybe he cheated while with you.

i think that he is only going to stick his hand further in that cookie jar, the other girl might not know about it, but you do, and he is just seeing how far you will let him go.

do you want him back? is what you had so great that you can't live without him? if the thought of not being with him hurt so much, then you need to let him know, you need to let him know that you need him all to yourself, and that you want another chance with him... but if he refuses to give up what his got with that other girl then you need to walk away... and you can take solace in the fact that their relationship will not last, if he isn't cheating on her with you then he will find it somewhere else, or it was nothing more then excitement for him and he will tire of her and come running back to you...

the question is not "if he loves you, or if he is stringing you along"... you deserve better, and the real question that needs to be asked is do you know that you deserve better, and what are you going to do about that?

i hope you make the right choice; good luck.


I have recently broke up with my bf after like a year, and I dunno how to feel. Sometimes I am really good, others I am so depressed I cant stop crying, I keep on seeing things that remind me of him, or hear songs or certain places that wind me up. I try to go out and get my head of things,but itsnot happening.

He had self-harm issues. There where a few occasions when he never got his way (For example, if I talked flirtaciously with a friend of mine, refused to speak to him because we where argueing) that he would cut, bite or hurt himself. Sometimes he even performed these things infront of me, and at times threatened to kill himself.

He was also rather violent towards me. He spat in my face a few times, grabbed my side so hard that it bruised entirely, punched me because he was being cheeky, so I was cheeky back,we knocked the hell outta each other twice (the first time I wanted to go home, he pushed me, screamed in my ear, shook me and wouldnt let me go, so I defended myself, the second I ended up in hospital with a black eye, it started becasue he punched me. I hit him back, AND HE PHONED THE POLICE), He full scale booted me infront off his best mate when we went camping, becasue I spoke to his friend and not to him cus where argueing, threatned to smash a mirror over my face and tried to burn my face with GHD straighteners, again,becasue I wanted to go home as things where getting too much. He also pushed me oncewhen I touched his facewith wax byaccident and I fellout the door. He hated me going out by myself without him, and mademe feel guiltyall the time, and unless I texted him throughout the night, would start an arguemtn the day after. He also went nuts at me for watching on porn my computer, but doesnt everyone, lol? He put me down an awful lot, calling my stupied or pathetic, even typing the words hurts.

He blamed me for his actions, casue I drove him crazy etc. He has trust issues. I didnt tell him bout talking to my ex, as he would get the wrong end of the stick, and told him it was weird seeing him with anohter person (when I saw him for the first time after the split), but we did talk, not bout us, just bout the youth club we both attended. I made up a few wee fibs, bout sleeping with someone he used to like and I didnt tell him my true a level grades, casue he was so smart and I felt daft on our first date.But helied bout weesilly things too and they didnt annoy me. The first time he grabbed meand hurt me was when I was honest to him bout not sleeping with the guy and talking to Andi. But after that, its hard to turst anyone who hurts you, took me a few days to realise what he did to me was wrong. I confided in my friends about some of the things that happened and he went MAD at me,but you need to talk, and he washard to talk with with that temper.

But we are broke up now and things are hard. He did treat me bad. But its hard for me. I wanted to help himin the way I couldnt my brother (who commitedsuicide a few years ago). And now I have to go out each week and face him in the one gay bar that we have, its so hard. How doya get over something like this, I miss him so much at times it hurts. And hes always in town as well wheich makesit harder,.


P.S...I am gay btw!

sometimes it feels good to just write down the actions that took place, and your feelings and perception on what happened... it helps to go back and read it again... and it seems to just solidify your emotions...

I think that you are a brave individual with all that you have survived in that relationship... it seems to me that your ex has a lot of emotional inbalances. he is dealing heavily with something that he can not control or get over, and you can not help him, no matter what you thought or did to try...

he needs something more; he needs counseling.

it is hard sometimes to step back from someone you loved, someone who loved and hurt you so deeply... it is hard to step back and realize that there was nothing you could have done to help him, he needs to help himself now.

i hope that you can overcome your hurt, and that you walk away from that situation with the knowledge and experience to help others that you love in the future, and that above all else that you love yourself enough to know when to know when to fight for someone you love, and when you need to say "no" to the abuse, control, and the hurt. i hope you find happiness, and the strength that you need right now.


<<< Previous Advice Column
Next Advice Column >>>

eXTReMe Tracker