Wife, mother, loyal friend to the end, model, classic car collector. almost 30 years old, and seen alot in my few years here on earth. People usually come to me for advice, and i give in return grounded, realistic answers.
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Member Since: January 18, 2005
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adviceman49
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So I am 25/f and I have a really good friend that I've been friends for the last 2 months. She's also 25. Now She's a recovering alcoholic/drug addict who's been arrested numerous times and has even had her son taken away from her. Now she has a job and she's starting school. However I noticed from the beginning of friendship she has gotten very insecure, possessive and tries to use me for rides because she doesn't have a car. I told her how i felt about her asking me for rides and she said well I want to hangout with you and I don't have a car, and you're my only friend (basically guilt tripped me). Now I made the mistake of telling her about this guy I met while we were swimming one day at her apartment complex. He's 41 and we've been hooking up and she's super judgmental about it. We've even gotten into arugements about it. I told her to stop judging me. I forgot to mention ever since she's gotten clean she's become a born again Christian and feels the need to judge me and tell me I should go to church and stop looking for love! The other day I told her about this guy I'm going on a date this weekend, and oh my god her reaction was so ridiculous! She started saying OMG! there's always a new guy every week! first it was so and so and now this guy! and I told her it's called dating and that's what people do in their 20's. She told me I was making excuses and that I needed to stop using dating site apps like Clover and Tinder and find a real guy, "a man of god." I was like are you scared of losing me if I start dating? and her reply was no not at all I have other friends, although I doubt it since she uses people and sits in her apartment that mom pays for. She also told me that I need to go to 12 step program, that's what she's doing. She says it's not just for people with drug/alcohol problems. It's like she doesn't want me to happy. And I had a friend like her who became Christian and she would say the same things to me. But I finally stopped being friends with her. But anyways I told her I might be moving If i get a job in a specific area of our town and she was like ugh why do you want to move there? I was like uhh because it's closer? I don't get it, is she jealous or something? It seems like she is, and can't seem happy for me. I don't judge her at all for her past. She told me once after a fight that I brought up her past even though I didn't. I basically told her to stop judging me, because that's not very Christian of her. I am sick of this, I know I can't change her but should I try to talk to her about it? I mean I'm not sure If that'll do any good, so does anyone have any ideas? Should I just end the friendship? Please help! thanks! (link)
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Ok im gotta break down everything you said here piece by piece because youve given alot of information (which is helpful) but there are many facets to this whole situation that need to be addressed and not just with her but with you as well. So here we go:
"So I am 25/f and I have a really good friend that I've been friends for the last 2 months. She's also 25. Now She's a recovering alcoholic/drug addict who's been arrested numerous times and has even had her son taken away from her. Now she has a job and she's starting school. However I noticed from the beginning of friendship she has gotten very insecure, possessive and tries to use me for rides because she doesn't have a car. I told her how i felt about her asking me for rides and she said well I want to hangout with you and I don't have a car, and you're my only friend (basically guilt tripped me). Now I made the mistake of telling her about this guy I met while we were swimming one day at her apartment complex. He's 41 and we've been hooking up and she's super judgmental about it. We've even gotten into arugements about it. I told her to stop judging me.
Ok, part of this could be that shes a recovering drug addict or alcoholic and she may feel that your the only steady enough person in her life that has their shit together so shes clinging on to you more and doing/saying whatever she thinks she can to keep you closed off from others even if its mean. I have a feeling that she would be unhappy with ANY other relationship/friendship you have thats not HER. This is a situation where you have to figure out how much your willing to deal with.
If i were her i would honestly be a little concerned about the age difference of you and the guy you "met up with" but thats a whole other ball of wax that we dont need to get into right now.
"I forgot to mention ever since she's gotten clean she's become a born again Christian and feels the need to judge me and tell me I should go to church and stop looking for love!"
OK some people who are in recovery do things like this. No one says its right but they may think that now that they have a fresh start on life that they need to fix others lives as well and in doing so can end up coming across as better then others because they "found god" or what have you and thats not ok to do to anyone, no matter what stage in life someone is in. Im not a very religious person so honestly i would have dropped her like a hot potato once she started in with the god/church talk. I respect other people right to believe in whatever it is they want but its not ok to push that shit on others and i think if you want to maintain a friendship then you need to set down some boundaries with her and let her know in a nice way that your not interested in being preached to. Thats not what friendship is about.
"The other day I told her about this guy I'm going on a date this weekend, and oh my god her reaction was so ridiculous! She started saying OMG! there's always a new guy every week! first it was so and so and now this guy! and I told her it's called dating and that's what people do in their 20's. She told me I was making excuses and that I needed to stop using dating site apps like Clover and Tinder and find a real guy, "a man of god." I was like are you scared of losing me if I start dating? and her reply was no not at all I have other friends, although I doubt it since she uses people and sits in her apartment that mom pays for."
Ok this is what you get when you have two people who are in MUCH different stages and phases in life. Not everyone can make great friends and as an adult thats something your going to have to come to terms with. Shes not in that phase where shes open to dating and going out (and its probably for the better right now because of her past) so telling her that your going out on dates and meeting all these people to HER probably doesnt sound healthy because she might be thinking your going down the road she might have already gone down before her child was taken away and all that.
So what it comes down to here is that your just not a good match friendship wise. Its like a soccer mom with 3 kids trying to be friends with a single, swinging party girl that still is free to go out and have that kind of fun. see what getting at?? you cant force that kind of friendship to work because shes got alot of obligations right now (even if her mom does pay for her place) other then that her life is a mess from the sounds of it and she needs to be AWAY from the type of life style that could suck her back in and cause her to make bad choices and her just being friends with you leaves her susceptible to that. So for HER sake and your sanity i think you need to take a step back from her.
"She also told me that I need to go to 12 step program, that's what she's doing. She says it's not just for people with drug/alcohol problems. It's like she doesn't want me to happy. And I had a friend like her who became Christian and she would say the same things to me."
Ok see, this is what im talking about in the answer i gave before this. She is in a different phase of life as you and this is her way if dealing with what she see's as "a problem" in your life and this response is her solution to it. While it may be true that AA isnt just for people who have those specific problems (because ive done it before to help aid a friend who ACTUALLY had those issues) it doesnt mean you "need" to do it too. Its not a cure all like she may be thinking it is. This is showing more and more that your life paths are headed in different directions right now which is an important part of having friends.
"anyways I told her I might be moving If i get a job in a specific area of our town and she was like ugh why do you want to move there? I was like uhh because it's closer? I don't get it, is she jealous or something? It seems like she is, and can't seem happy for me."
Well it seems that its obvious that she doesnt want you to go but she has no place saying anything negative if its for the sake of you supporting yourself. thats kind of not fair for her to say anything if its for an important reason like this. It also seems obvious to me that she may not understand what a healthy adult friendship is, because so far what ive read it doesnt seem like she does. Adult friendships arent supposed to include judging or giving unsolicited advice or mothering someone.
"I don't judge her at all for her past. She told me once after a fight that I brought up her past even though I didn't. I basically told her to stop judging me, because that's not very Christian of her. I am sick of this, I know I can't change her but should I try to talk to her about it? I mean I'm not sure If that'll do any good, so does anyone have any ideas? Should I just end the friendship? Please help! thanks!"
I'd say dont necessarily "end" things if you care for her but let her know that your going to "take a step back from things right now" because of her instability and the way shes been judging you and hurting your feelings. If shes being possessive then you need to speak up about it and not be a door mat. You can tell her in a calm, cool, collected manner that you dont like what shes doing, how shes been treating you and do it without allowing your emotions to over come you. Your both adults here, and there are many aspects of ANY relationship/friendship in life that require rational, level headedness and not acting on pure emotion. The sooner you learn that and put it into motion in your life, the better things will turn out for you and her.
what the both of you do in your spare time is really none of each others business (yes even when it comes to friendship)
good luck and i hope things turn out ok for you and your friend.
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I asked my guy friend to buy me a candy bar and he says " oh, ill buy you a candy bar alright" and smirked at me..... (link)
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I have had lots of guy friends and it sounds like he was just trying to say it in a dirty tone so it would allow you to take it where ever you wanted.
Guys like to do that sometimes (ive actually learned from the way they communicate and have used it right back at them) and this makes them even more fun to talk to at times.
I wouldnt take it personally, it sounds like he was just saying typical shit young perverted guys say that feel like they can be themselves around you. ; )
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Hi, so this girl that I thought was really nice... I just found out she b****ed about me. I thought she was the nicest girl I knew. If people have a problem with me why don't they just tell me or feel the need to tell others? (link)
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Because alot of girls are either jealous or all about gossiping ok. If your in high school just consider it apart of the territory.
Just pretend like you know nothing about it and go on with your business and if anyone says anything to you saying that you said or did something "according to whats her face" then just say you dont know what shes talking about and that you "would never say something like that" and that it "doesnt even sound like something you would say"
What these girls are looking for is either a reaction from you in order to make you look bad so that THEY can be the victim of you, or for YOU to say something bad BACK about them so again they can be a victim. Anything to make you look bad is usually what jealous, mouthy girls who talk behind your back will do. do NOT give a reaction to this, it will only fuel the fire.
Stay calm, dont allow anyone to get an angry reaction from you. It could be a set up to get you to do something you wouldnt normally do. Just continue to be nice but put some distance between you and that girl. Dont hang out with her, be nice when you DO see her but dont tell her anything personal anymore. Dont invite her to do anything with you or a group of friends, and make sure it stays that way. she'll figure out that you probably know what she said and if she says anything to you about it then just say "well what else did you expect when you talk bad about people behind their back??" and then walk away.
; )
girls like this can just be DYING to start drama with others. Dont give in and let her have that. Stay calm, dont get emotional. good luck
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I am 16 and I'm a female. i moved to a new town about 8 months ago and I've made amazing new friends and I love them. My best friend from my old town gets jealous of my new friends and she was being rude to one of my new friends online so I defended my new friends and not her. I called her immature and she is very upset with me now. How should I tell her it was her fault and she shouldn't have been rude? I don't want to apologize because I feel I did nothing wrong (link)
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Its normal for your friend to feel that way if she feels the bond you too had is being threatened. sorry but thats just teenage girls for you! ; )
What you could do is let her know that your friendship is in no danger and that she doesnt need to be mean to other people youve just met. Its natural when you move to a new place that you will start making new friends, thats life and human nature and its not going to change.
Being nice to her isnt going to make you seem weak or anything, but you dont have to say your sorry either.
You can tell her in an adult manner that you care for her but that the things she said were totally unnecessary and if she is really your friend she will understand that.
Teen girls can be notoriously territorial over best friends and is probably sad and upset that you moved in the first place. What shes doing is showing you that shes upset you left and its really kind of a cry for help and shes probably just needs a good pep talk from you.
be the mature one about this, hear her out and try to be kind instead of responding with an overly emotional reaction that in the end wont fix anything at all.
you can do it ; )
good luck
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So I have this friend let's call her Rebecca whom I was always there for, but she's the type of person to abandon all her friends for her boyfriend. Everytime she and her bf would break up she would call me crying and I would listen. Anyways I have another friend let's call her Carrie, Rebecca and Carroe were really close friends but since Rebecca is glued to her boyfriends hip she told me she hates "Carrie" because she feels like Carrie flirts with her boyfriend. (In Carries defense she's very friendly and anything she does could pass off as flirting) Long story short Carrie and Rebecca stopped talking and Rebecca went on vacation to Colombia. Rebecca recently came back from Colombia now she ignores my texts and Carrie told me Rebecca got her a gift from Colombia. Should I be upset about this? I was always the one there for Rebecca and then she does this. Also btw she never texts me anymore in the first place unless she's on bad terms with her boyfriend when they're on good terms he's the only person she sees. I'm not upset at the fact that she didn't get me a gift, cause I wasn't expecting one but I upset at the fact that she specifically stopped talking to Carrie before her trip, talked behind carries back to everyone, made me make sure Carrie stayed away from her bf, then all of a sudden comes back from her trip with souvenirs for Carrie? That's what upset me the most she was being fake to Carrie but brought her a souvenir and me being always there for her she didn't even bother. What should I do about this situation? I'm always the friend who is always forgotten when it comes to gift giving. Btw we are all 17 & 18 year old high school senior girls (link)
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Ok, ive been through this with several friends and since im an outspoken person and usually know how to talk to many different types of people ive confronted friends on this before and gotten a mix of results so im copying you and breaking this down little by little. i hope this helps.
"So I have this friend let's call her Rebecca whom I was always there for, but she's the type of person to abandon all her friends for her boyfriend. Every time she and her bf would break up she would call me crying and I would listen."
Okay if you feel like she only ever calls you after shes broken up with a guy maybe you should talk to her about this and just ask her out right (not in a mean way) but saying something like "hey i have a question and i dont want you to take it in the wrong way but its something ive noticed and been curious about it for a while..." and then say "how come you never really call me unless your going through something?....like with a guy youve just been with?"
And just see what she says? she might feel like theres something about you that makes her feel like she can trust you or that shes able to come to you with things like that because youll understand. You could tell her that you DO understand and that your more then willing to listen as a friend but that you guys never do anything other then that!"
"Anyways I have another friend let's call her Carrie, Rebecca and Carroe were really close friends but since Rebecca is glued to her boyfriends hip she told me she hates "Carrie" because she feels like Carrie flirts with her boyfriend. (In Carries defense she's very friendly and anything she does could pass off as flirting) Long story short Carrie and Rebecca stopped talking and Rebecca went on vacation to Colombia. Rebecca recently came back from Colombia now she ignores my texts and Carrie told me Rebecca got her a gift from Colombia. Should I be upset about this? I was always the one there for Rebecca and then she does this."
Maybe while she was away she realized she was being too harsh with this mutual friend of yours and wanted to make amens with her and did it out of guilt to make HERSELF feel better......thats just an idea idk.
"Also btw she never texts me anymore in the first place unless she's on bad terms with her boyfriend when they're on good terms he's the only person she sees."
Know this about your friend NOW before she calls you again. She is going to continue to go through this kinda stuff until she learns that she cannot put ALL her happiness into one person. It doesnt matter if your in a relationship or not you will always be let down if you cant make yourself happy ASIDE from a relationship with a guy. She makes him her whole world until they get sick of each other and cant take it anymore and then the flame burns out sooner then it should or could have because they smothered each other. some people just never learn and this may be something she will have to learn the hard way.
"I'm not upset at the fact that she didn't get me a gift, cause I wasn't expecting one but I upset at the fact that she specifically stopped talking to Carrie before her trip, talked behind carries back to everyone, made me make sure Carrie stayed away from her bf, then all of a sudden comes back from her trip with souvenirs for Carrie? That's what upset me the most she was being fake to Carrie but brought her a souvenir and me being always there for her she didn't even bother. What should I do about this situation? I'm always the friend who is always forgotten when it comes to gift giving. Btw we are all 17 & 18 year old high school senior girls"
Ok next time, i think the goal you need to reach for here is NOt to be sucked into doing your friend bidding for them. Its not YOUR job to keep someone away from your friends boyfriend because of THEIR insecurities. If she doesnt like a certain female about her man then thats something SHE needs to deal with. If shes adult enough to be dating then shes adult enough to deal with what also comes with that.
What she just did was USE you like a tool or a puppet to make things be the way SHE wanted them to be and even though you may care for her and want to do your friend a simple favor, what shes asking you do to do is not your place or your problem. You need to tell someone when they ask you to do something like that for them that if they have an issue with someone then thats something they need to take up with that person and to not put YOU in the middle of it because as a FRIEND thats not fair. ; )
good luck
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Well I have a friend that I meet online, I’m from Europe and he’s from Asia but currently studying in LA. We started talking one and a half year ago and developed a very beautiful friendship even though it was a virtual one. We talked for hours through messages and Skype about anything from things that happen in our daily life to politics and economics. And since he doesn’t know English that good I offered to help him whenever he needed at his homeworks. In time i started to help him with music, math and other things. I considered him a special friend and it didn’t matter if he was waking me up at 3 am to talk or just ask my help with a resume about Renaissance period. And I think he considered me a good friend too, we exchanged gifts and all his free time he was spending it with me. He said I’m his favorite friend, he would like to show me to his parents and even sent a message to my mother thanking her for giving him such a friend.
This winter vacation he went back to his home country. At first he felt strange among his family and friends and was asking me to talk to him every day. And because I was a good friend I accepted it, it didn’t matter the hour or if I was having the Christmas dinner with my family.
But after the first daytof New year things started to change. That was the last time we talked face to face on Skype, it was I think on Friday. Saturday and Sunday we didn’t talked at all and because I felt strange I sent him a message Monday morning asking him what is he doing. After a few minutes he told me he was with his mother and I told him to have a good time and not to forget to take a selfie with his family since he made me do the same thing. Later that day I asked him to talk on Skype and he told me he was getting ready to take the last dinner with his family and that he’s going to do it tomorrow at the airport. The next day I waited to talk to him even though I was having classes but he told me he can’t talk to me because he needs to stay on a large row to embark. I understand him. When he landed in Vancouver his layover city I asked him how was his flight, what did he eat, how is he feeling but his answer were very short and eventually he told me to shut up and stop sending him messages. Then I saw he was online on Skype and asked him to skype but he refused and logged out. Later that night at 3am he sent me a message telling me that he’s flight to LA has a delay.
On Wednesday he sent me a picture showing me that it rains in LA and he is all wet. We didn’t talked much.
On Thursday I saw he was online on Skype and asked him to talk but he refused saying he’s at school and he’s going to do it later that day after he’s setting his internet at his new home because he was having a bad connection. The time passed and seeing he doesn’t say anything I asked him if he managed to make his internet. He read my message and didn’t said anything. On Saturday seeing that he doesn’t answer and that he’s online on messenger I started sending him message on phone and messenger app asking him if he’s mad on me, why isn’t he answering me, that I’m scared that I may lose his friendship for something that I may have done to him and asked him to forgive me. At the same time when he wasn’t talking with me one of my neighbors died of cancer and I sent him a selfie with tears in my eyes saying him that I’m very sad. He always said he wants to see me crying and I thought we are going to start a funny conversation from this.
After 2 days he sent me a message asking for my help at English and I helped him. Again he was ignoring me every time I was asking him what is he doing, where he is and telling him to Skype (I was always seeing him online)
After a few days I asked him if he’s still alive and he said yes. I told him that I started to book hotels for our trip in Europe that we were planning for months and asked me why didn’t I talked with him. I said that he didn’t talked to me for a while and I didn’t wanted to disturb him after which he said he’s going to talk with me latter when reaches home. After 2 hours I saw him online on Skype and didn’t talked with me.
After 2-3 days he asked again for my help with an essay and I helped him as good friend even though I stayed awake from 2 to 4 am for this.
And again didn’t talked with me until I asked him when is he going back to his home country, what plans does he have for volunteering. Seeing he’s answers are short again I asked if he still wants to go on the summer trip with me. He read my message and answered after 3 hours that he’s going to buy the plane tickets to come to me in march. And that we should go in more countries not only Norway because is expensive for him. He proposed to go on Portugal, Spain, France and Belgium but I told him that I’m not going to have the money to visit all this countries. He said not to worry because he’s going to give me 1000$. I refused and said to give up at France because is expensive , dangerous with all the terrorists attacks and that my mother isn’t going to let me there. But he told me I don’t need to tell me mother and didn’t want to hear about giving up France. He proposed me to stay on hostels to save money and we can even spend time with our roommates. I told him I can’t share my room and bathroom with strangers and told him that he’s traveling with me and should spend time together not with strangers but he told me not to tell him what to do.
Finally seeing that I don’t want to go to France he told me I’m a coward, I am not like him and Bye.
I asked him where is he going. He told me that I don’t know why he ignored me and started telling me that he doesn’t belong to me, that I shouldn’t cry because he doesn’t care about me, I shouldn’t try to make myself a part of his life and he doesn’t want to be a part of my life but only a good memory, let’s cancel the travel I can’t handle you, you’re like a dog, and he didn’t felt anything when he saw me with tears in the eyes and he doesn’t like me to beg for his attention. That i am stressful because I don’t know my mistake, I shouldn’t control him.
After this he unfriended me on facebook , deactivated his profile and blocked me on all messenger app except one where he sent a sad piano song, telling me he composed it for me and told me bye. I’ve sent him a few message but he just read them without answering.
All I can think about is that I’m really a horrible person and feel like it’s only my fault for losing his friendship. Why would he end our friendship using the excuse that I disturbed him with my messages 20 days ago? The only thing i can think is that he wants to travel with someone else and that's why he decided to cut contact with me. Was I so stupid for letting him control me? But in my conception for a good friend I would do almost anything. Can this friendship be saved somehow, is it worth saving? I even thought of taking a plane and go to see him in September and talk to him.
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Let me just say first that im sorry that your going thru this. Ive had someone cut me out of their life before after i thought we were the best of friends. Altho the hurt never leaves you have to keep moving forward with your life.
It sounds to me honestly like he was just using you for your help with his homework and pretended to be friends and really wasnt all that invested like you were.
It sounds like he did a whole lot of inconveniencing you for his OWN benefit and then once he was done with you he kind of just said "screw it". It sounds like he may have just been telling you things he thought you might have wanted to hear for the time being because ask yourself, who makes MAJOR plans to fly country to country you only to cancel them as easily as he did??
People who consider themselves good friends dont do things like that. When they are busy, they TELL you theyve just been super busy and they make the effort to explain themselves to you because they CARE.
Im also wondering why in one of your statements you mentioned that he always wanted to see you cry?? who what kind of friend would WANT to see you cry?? that sounds awful.
Good friends dont wnt to willingly see you cry or hurt you, or do anything that would put stress on you like that. This person sounds immature, selfish, and isnt considering that you cant just go off to other countries with people you barely know. Notice how once you told him you couldnt do something for him he suddenly turned against you?? dont you see that as odd??
This person is acting highly suspicious to me and i wouldnt trust it. Telling you to stay in a hostel instead of hotel isnt safe either. Then getting mad at you because you dont wanna bend over backwards for the guy isnt right either.
Let me tell you something that i tell alot of people on here.
You need to make sure that your not investing more into any given relationship MORE than the other person because when you end up getting hurt, it will hurt MUCH more then it would have hurt them. Its sounds to me like you went too far out on a limb for this person you dont really know i real life and he put on a good show.
You can skype and talk and chat every day but until you know that person IN PERSON and FOR REAL, you dont REALLY know them. understand??
I dont think the friendship is worth saving, i think you need to move on. Your not a bad person, and you deserve better friends around you. You have nothing to be sorry about towards him, he is the one that should be apologizing.
good luck.
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Me & my bestfriend have been friends since Middle school (shes always been insecure/threatened type inside and out), & i guess you can say she's ALWAYS been jealous of me for example, she'd always get mad and annoyed that if a guy she liked thought i was hot so she'd always tell them something like "but she said you were ugly" or something worse. she'd also always try to find a way to bring me down physically and/or mentally. I guess i can say she has gotten over that from what i can see for myself (idk what she says behind closed doors) so NOW lol, she would say i dress to fancy or nice to go to a basic place & i would tell her that iam not a basic bitch i have to look good wherever i go and that she doesn't care about how she looks. She also has a boyfriend now and he would give me compliments and she'd flip out on him. I told her that i wanted to die my hair blonde and like a monh later she dyes her hair blonde and told her boyfriend that i copied her when i finally dyed my hair blonde. She's always been the one to always i'd say complain that i'm concieted, i mean i am, concieted, confident, etc. I always would say "I'm THAT BITCH" because i feel as though i am. but fast forward now she says that she has to look good all the time, she speaks like me, wears the same jewelry as i do, she use to complain about how long my nails were when i would get them done, now she gets her nails long, she trys to wear the same clothes as i do, trys to copy my hair styles, she calls herself "that bitch" now, she trys to be into stuff like i am for example, i am so big into fashion&shoes and she's trying to be the same way (it just doesn't work because she cannot dress) if we go shopping and i say something is cute for me, she buys it, she one day said "(my name) wants to be me" & it was such a lie like i honestly cursed her out because its totally the other way around. she says stuff like "(my name) taught me." like I don't know, am i crazy or does she want to be me? i need your opinions. (link)
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Ok this is a little tough for me because you didnt state your ages so i dont know the maturity level that im dealing with here but since you said middle school im going to assume your now in high school?? So ill break down what you said cause ive had i dont know HOW many friends copy me and now that im older and their getting married and having kids, they've stole baby names from me! so i understand more than you know.
"Me & my best friend have been friends since Middle school (shes always been insecure/threatened type inside and out), & i guess you can say she's ALWAYS been jealous of me for example, she'd always get mad and annoyed that if a guy she liked thought i was hot so she'd always tell them something like "but she said you were ugly" or something worse."
Ok to ME, this is a huge red flag that this girl ISNT your friend. Shes trying to sabotage potential personal relationships for you and thats not what a friend does. At this point i would have stopped being friends with her.
"she'd also always try to find a way to bring me down physically and/or mentally. I guess i can say she has gotten over that from what i can see for myself (i dont know what she says behind closed doors) so NOW lol, she would say i dress to fancy or nice to go to a basic place & i would tell her that i am not a basic bitch i have to look good wherever i go and that she doesn't care about how she looks."
Ok this is abusive right here. This is an active effort to slowly break down your confidence because her OWN is in very short supply. She clearly has her own agenda and thoughts and views of you as a person and shes playing off that when she interacts with you on a daily basis. I GET that girls call each other nasty names sometimes and its meant to be playful, but it gets to a certain point where its really not funny or warranted anymore and its just damaging and hurtful to the other person. Youll know your "over" using the playful nasty names when you start to have more and more days where you see her and she does it and instead of feeling that funny playful feeling BACK, deep down your actually hurt and really not feeling it...; ) youll know the feeling when it comes just trust me on that.
"She also has a boyfriend now and he would give me compliments and she'd flip out on him. I told her that i wanted to die my hair blonde and like a month later she dyes her hair blonde and told her boyfriend that i copied her when i finally dyed my hair blonde. She's always been the one to always i'd say complain that i'm conceited, i mean i am, conceited, confident, etc."
Ok shes flipping out because first off she obsessed with you and your a threat to her big time. So her man giving you any kind of attention (even if its positive and totally neutral) is bad to her and goes against her efforts to sabotage your confidence. Thats totally wrong and unfair by the way and not how a real friend acts. Secondly If shes seriously saying to your face that your conceited and always copying her then i think its time to dump her honestly. You dont need that kind of drama in your life and you know what maybe you should just go shopping by yourself, then see what happens when she has no one to follow and copy anymore. lol. that'll be a show worth watching.
"I always would say "I'm THAT BITCH" because i feel as though i am. but fast forward now she says that she has to look good all the time, she speaks like me, wears the same jewelry as i do, she use to complain about how long my nails were when i would get them done, now she gets her nails long, she tries to wear the same clothes as i do, trys to copy my hair styles, she calls herself "that bitch" now, she tries to be into stuff like"
Ok heres the problem with that part. Friends who tend to hang out alot WILL tend to be into alot of the same things, INCLUDING clothes so unless you stop hanging out with her then shes well within the social confines to be able to like the same things you like. On every other level though im seeing someone who has alot of issues and is abusive and taking those issues out on you because they arent strong enough within themselves or comfortable in their OWN skin so they want to try to wear someone elses. By allowing her to copy you, you arent helping her become more comfortable in her own skin, in fact your sort of unknowingly enabling her to continue this charade by not saying anything. Im not saying what shes doing is your fault because obviously youve never dealt with this before but in life, people come with all sorts of issues and flaws and you have to decide what your willing to put up with.
"i am so big into fashion&shoes and she's trying to be the same way (it just doesn't work because she cannot dress) if we go shopping and i say something is cute for me, she buys it, she one day said "(my name) wants to be me" & it was such a lie like i honestly cursed her out because its totally the other way around. she says stuff like "(my name) taught me." like I don't know, am i crazy or does she want to be me? i need your opinions."
Ok heres the thing, and i say this to a lot of people but i think i better repeat this to you because the sooner you understand this the better off you'll be in life later.
We're all on our own paths in life. We each run our own unique paths (even the ones who wanna copy other people to death) but its your choice at the end of the day who you wanna run along side ok. You cant make excuses for still remaining friends with someone who does this kinda stuff to you, theres no one else to blame but you. You are allowing this abuse to go on (maybe) simply because you've known each other for along time and you have history together (which i get i really do) but you cant allow someone to disrespect and abuse you like this. "what you allow will continue" its a simple statement that really says alot.
Its healthy for good friends to be into a lot of the same things but when it takes the turn that this relationship has, it becomes unhealthy, obsessive, and abusive. This girl is actively trying to sabotage you at every turn! lying about you, telling people your saying things you didn't say just to ruin things for you or make you look bad! this girl is CLEARLY not your friend anymore. She might have been "back in the day" but people change....and sometimes its not for the better.
Respect yourself and pull away. IF she gets suspicious and asks why just be honest. Because you care for her then be kind but you need to be honest. If shes your friend then she needs that. Sometimes people dont realize what they have until its gone.
The next time she does anything like this, nip it in the bud right then and there. Tell her you love her or care about her (or whatever) but that she needs to stop this. Stop the lying about you to others, stop saying false things about you, and stop trying to constantly copy you and then claim your copying her. Tell her you need a break from her and then let her stew on her own thoughts for a while and then wait and see what happens.
Keep more stuff to yourself and DONT tell her when your going to buy new clothes, then people will see that you had that stuff first. ; ) She'll love THAT. ( sorry thats my playful revenge side coming out)
good luck! ; )
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I'm a 12 year old female.
I am in 7th grade, and I'm friends with this group of girls, we text, invite each other to stuff, eat lunch together, do all the squad stuff. I'll call them by the first letter of their names (A, T, M, M2, H, E, L) and their are people I hang out with and consider friends, but they're the main group. Anyway, there are these two girls I hung out with in elementary school, I never really fit in during elementary, but in my middle school I've found my own group. I'll call them E2 and C. E2 left and found some other girls. I was ok with that, I was getting bored of her immaturity, and I went to sit with the squad I mentioned earlier. I started to hang out with them regularly and stopped hanging out with C. C is very immature, not like E2's immaturity which is being very young girly, but she cries over everything. She also is a total downer, I auditioned for the play and I was super excited to get my role, and she's all "oh, you shouldn't get your hopes up" "we're just 7th graders. And she is young girly too, she still plays with dolls. With my new friends we listen to music, watch movies and YouTube videos and gossip, you know? Pre teen stuff (H is almost 13, but whatever). And physically, she hasn't even started puberty. Me and my squad have all had our periods (I had my first he 15th) and wear bras and stuff. The problem is she keeps following me and even took T's spot so we had to move to a different table. How do I get C off my back without hurting her feelings? (link)
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ok what you might try to do is match her up with others like her. Hanging with those people or getting friendly with them in your spare time and then introducing her to them soon after could really help her.
you could even take a night and do a group thing and bring her along and then once you can see that they've really hit it off, after that event encourage them to continue speaking to each other. Allow her or the new friends youve made for her to still continue to approach you for a little while AFTER youve introduced them to each other so it doesnt look like a complete set up. Get her into hobbies and things she might really be interested in and then slowly stop doing it with her over time. You may have to do these things after school hours, just to show that your really trying to help her without SAYING OUT RIGHT what your doing.
then let her take over once shes comfortable and slowly back away from the situation over time saying that your busy but to go ahead and have fun and that you wanna hear all about it later over the phone or something. see? ; )
its not impossible you just have to put some effort into it. She should get the picture somewhere along the line but then be comfortable with the new situation and she wont be mad at you.
if you need help with this you can pm me. Ive done this before with people who would just not go away and it worked like magic.
good luck
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so I have a problem with a girl so lets call her Bella So it all started the day I told her we cant be friends with her anymore because of this incident where her mom is saying all badwords to my brother for no reason so I wrote something that looked like if I was threatning her so this is what I said " I don't want to hurt you in a way I could". I know I was so stupid to say that and what I ment to say was I don't want to hurt your feelings and I got all the blame so I'm restricted to talk to Bella and really she is taking my friends and making a new squad and she is stealing my memebers and I want to punch her and so now she is all boasting about her new squad members so I need advice on what should I do and don't say talk to her because I'm not allowd to not even the school nor my parents want to see me talking to her at all and now she is using everything against my will I already have enuf problems with the principal and my parents so plz help me anybody (link)
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The things Dragonfly is saying here are VERY near and dear to me and i understand what you are currently going through ALL too well.
I actually had the same thing happen to me as a kid, but it was involving TWO GIRLS who were evil little things, and no one else could see it but a small handful of us. They set out to stage incidents between them and others to make themselves LOOK like victims. Well guess what....eventually things caught up with them and they were discovered. When they were found out they then turned on each other! im telling you there is no honor among thieves nor is there between fake, insecure, lying fools either! So try to take heart dear.
I was the one of the only kids who at the age i was had such a strong sense of self AND was willing to speak up about it. I told my mother and she promptly called the school and the others of both these girls and guess what....their MOTHERS were JUST as bad as they were! ughhh!! it was awful.
So i took my moms advice, i let my current friends (who honestly i felt betrayed by at the time) be friends with those girls and eventually they were turned on just like i was by them because two these two girls they only cared about each other and really this was their world and to them, we were just all living in it around them....get what im saying??
Now about your friends who are currently hanging out with them....Understand this because once you do, the better off youll be ok....we were ALL on our OWN life paths. You are on yours and they are on theirs and sometimes your going to cross paths with people who are bad and people who are GOOD, and its YOUR job and your job alone, to decide if you want to continue to run along side someone who is headed in the right direction in life OR go your own way and find other people who want better for themselves.
I can tell you one thing for sure, The people who want more for themselves who you have the honor to run along side in this life will encourage and HELP you to get the things YOU want in this life....the others will not. So its up to you.
Also understand that some people just have to make their own mistakes in order to learn what NOT to do. You and me and everyone else might be able to see that this girl is an evil snake but if a innocent girl comes along whos never dealt with this before, she isnt going to know WHAT to think or how to deal with it because shes never been faced with it before. That girl (or girls) have to decide for themselves weather they want to run with a crowd of people (or a person) who isnt a good person. This is called free will.
Now all you have to do is keep being you, be nice to your friends who are still hanging out with this girl, and eventually they'll see how things really are....but these people have to be able to do that for themselves. You cant make someone see things the way you do. Two people can look at the exact same thing and see it completely differently get me?
good luck, and this is a rough time but it will pass!
; )
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I need some gay friends will anyone be my gay friend? (link)
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Not sure why your using the word "need" but ok, go to some gay bars with friends and start talking to people....be friendly, let them know right off the top that your just looking for friends, compliment them and once you get to talking then BOOM! new gay friends. got it?? lol
good luck
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I'm 20/ f
I have trouble getting in touch with friends who used to be in my life. I go to Uni and live there and everyone seems to have a group at home too.
With me I kind of feel people have moved on and I haven't in the past made an effort to keep up with them. I've lost so many pals from them moving away or me moving away..
But I also feel that it shouldn't be me all the time who makes the effort.
What should I do? I am worried after uni my friends won't keep in contact. Also sometimes they organise things last.minute so I struggle to go to things. Does it make me look like I'm not bothered?
How can I make more friends? I know uni do societies but you go and everyone already comes in pairs and I feel awkward turning up on my own.
I feel that sometimes other people are jealous over me... (link)
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Well when it comes to friends youve had since you were younger, you have to realize that people change over time, people can grow apart while their busy leading their own lives and if you wernt there with them AS its happening then yes, you could be forgotten.
Alot of people tend to mingle with people who are also in the same phase of life as them because its just be more comfortable and they feel like their with other people who understand.
It DOES take to people in a friendship to keep the connection, BUT theres some flaws to that. If one of you has moved, lives far away, cant get together often anymore, and they have plenty of other people that they CAN hang out with, then people can some conscientiously sort of disconnect from you because they have to move on with their lives and not just sit there and be lonely and WISH you could be there, and in doing that they just become MORE involved with the people they DO have that are closer by. It has nothing to do with them not caring for you anymore or not wanting to still be friends.
People DONT WANT to feel lonely, so they will naturally seek out other people to hang out with and because they assume your busy with school and all they may also assume that YOUR busy with your college friends and your probably doing the same thing and blahhh blah blahh ya know??
If they are just getting together with friends and its on short notice then they may think theres no need to invite you if its not for something really important
try not to take that too personally, try to continue to stay connected so when or if you DO come back, it wont feel like youve missed alot.
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The one who loves you is the one who cares for you//// (link)
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Im gonna say no on this one. Just because someone has strong feelings for you does not mean that they are thinking of your best interest and whats good for you.
There are many relationships where one person just wants control over the other and USES "love" as a way to get it, playing to the other persons emotions the whole time, and fooling them into thinking that this is what love is.
A family member can also "Love you" but not necessarily know whats best for you, because your YOU and YOU know whats best for you, and if you have half a brain in your head then you can SAY "i know that this is whats best for me and i dont need other people to make those choices for me"
Love is not control over you, possessive, name calling, yelling, or belittling.
Its devotion, loyalty, kindness even when your full of sass, and caring about your well being EVEN if its not with them and means you have to leave them for a little bit in order to get what you need.
Next time please post a question and not random statements.
; )
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I think if I've learned anything about friendship, it's to hang in, stay connected, fight for them, and let them fight for you. Don't walk away, don't be distracted, don't be too busy or tired, don't take them for granted. Friends are part of the glue that holds life and faith together. Powerful stuff. (link)
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There are people in my life (or were at one point in time) that i wish would have this very same realization...) I miss them, i hope their doing well, and i hope that once they HAVE this, that they will hit me up because i will welcome them back with open arms.....
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I live in a small shitty 2 bedroom apartment, It's condition and furniture is really bad, I really hate living in it. I never invited my friends over, I have been friends with them for 5 years and never invited them once. It's really bad I can't invite anyone, also when they visit my neighborhood I just meet them in the streets and they keep hinting how they want to come over. I keep making up excuses. My parents are divorced and my father doesn't pay anything. my mother is struggling on her own, I am so sick of getting scared if they ever decide to just knock on my door. I hate this life what should I do? (link)
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Ok, this can be really simple IF YOU WANT it to be.
ASK your mom if "WE" can clean up the house.
By this i mean gathering up all the shit in the house you dont need and or never use and either toss it in the trash or put it in someones car if you dont have one and then go donate it to the nearest goodwill or thrift store. All you have to do is walk in and say you have stuff to donate, they dont turn people away at all or inspect what youve brought, they let you just drop it off and then they sort through it later.
Next, When it comes to furniture, throw out anything shitty or half broken and then like i said go to the thrift stores that sell used furniture! I have a huge ass sectional in my living room that i bought for 70 bucks! and although it doesnt exactly look new, its in decent condition, not filthy, and friends can sleep on when their visiting!
Listen, the thing to remember here is that everyone DOESNT have the perfect house ok. I come from a poor welfare family and trust me i know what its like to have a shitty ass house, i lived in a condemned house at one point that had no heat. so i get it. We used a giant cable spool as a dining room table, old computer desk chairs for it, and whatever else we could find outside as furniture for a while. and this was me, my brother, and mom living in a one bedroom duplex where i shared a bed with my mom until i was 14 years old ok. lol.
Now im grown, married to a good man that makes good money but i have never forgotten what i come from and i know the struggles.
Just start slowly getting rid of shit you guys dont use and start always being on the look out for nicer things you can get for cheaper. Go and just walk into thrift stores in your free time, maybe with your mom maybe on your own, and just look around. You might be really surprised by what you can find. Check them regularly for new items coming in and go with friends if their down for that if you have nothing to do.
Ive walked into thrift stores with friends just to look around and make fun of some of the silly and old things they have in there and it was actually alot of fun. This will get them into the spirit and THEY might actually find things they like TOO.
Make it more of a priority to slowly start cleaning, start by getting rid of all the obvious trash, and then move on to sorting and throwing out anything thats broken, rotten, taking up needed space etc.
talk to your mom about this and ask her if theres anything you can do to help. Just her child asking if they can help make things a little better can be a huge stress reliever for her alone. Offer to go with her to some thrift stores or flea markets in your area to see what kind of deals they have on shit.
good luck i hope that helped a little..
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this guy hustled me for $7,500 and hid out of state for a year when I finally got him to court. I thought I was going to die during that whole year, I thought I was having a breakdown. I finally served him out of state with a law suit and I didn't think he was going to show for court but he did. We went thru a mediator and I agreed to settle for $5,000 with him paying me $200 a month. Since he has gone back to his state I have allowed him to call me and I could kill myself for even speaking to him because I really despise him. He has the nerve to talk about his girlfriend. We were never really a couple though. He wanted me to think we were at the time. I would never ever want him in my life but yet I don't want to feel rejected. Why have I allowed myself to be any part of him. I am sick over this and I have been so disgusted with myself!!!! I hate myself for this. Thanks. (link)
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I think you ned counseling. This man basically pimped you out and you still feel like theres something in him thats WORTH feeling rejected over?? no hunny.
It sounds like your having some major self esteem issues, maybe some abandonment ones as well im not a doctor here but anyone who does you wrong like that NEEDS to go, and SURE you might always miss the person you thought he was but it wasnt real. none of it ya know....
Theres no reason to feel disgusted with yourself, you trusted this man and he betrayed that trust. Period. HE did YOU wrong and you did nothing to deserve any of that, so dont beat yourself up over feeling rejected by someone anyone would more vulgar words for then i can say here.
Its not your fault you trusted him, and you got tricked. It HAPPENS ok.
Try to get yourself some counseling if you can to get through this.
good luck.
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Hi. So I'm 14 years old, and I'm female. Basically, I'm not a nice person. I'm really full of myself, and I value myself more than other people. I talk about people behind their backs, and I have a lack of empathy for people. Like if an acquaintance of mine died I wouldn't care. I know I'm awful but I still think I'm 'awesome'. Yes I get self conscious, and yes I do get anxious- but a lot of the time I feel like I have too much self esteem. I attention seek as well. I've had counselling, it didn't help. I used to be so nice, like genuinely. But I've changed, and it's not as simple as just being nicer and appreciating people more, it's a habit that I can't get out of and I simply can't be bothered with other people. I want to change, but I wouldn't know where to start. My friends are starting to get sick of my bad attitude, and I don't want to lose them. I have told my closest friends, they seemed rather nonchalant about it. I don't know what to do and advice would be appreciated, but I don't want hate. (link)
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Well clearly your not too full of yourself to come here and ask for help right?? lol
Well lets turn the tables here, what if everyone around you started treating you the way you treat them?? how would that make you feel? And dont take this lightly either i mean REALLY people going out of their WAY to make life difficult on you.....you probably wouldnt like it. In this world you DO get what you give, so if you treat people the way you do, your GOING to get it back at some point.
Its kind of like The person who lies all the time. We all know someone that lies constantly do we? WELL....what happens when that person is actually telling the truth?? NO ONE believes them, and NO one is willing to back them up on it when things are serious. and depending on what the subject of what their saying is, they may be REALLY feeling like they NEED to be believed! and guess what no one gives a fuck cause "hes the lier"
Well, youll be seen as something similar to that. "oh shes the girl that doesnt give a shit about anyone but herself and is mean and uncaring" then when you actually ARE nice, it wont matter because of your past history.....I dont know, its just all about how you want to be treated. Some people are worth caring about more than others in this life and in your life and its your job to figure out which of those people are worth the effort. You have to figure out what is being nice and helping someone out with a favor, and what is selfishness on your part.
Everyone "values themselves" little more than others i mean thats pretty normal, but you dont go and act like or treat people that way. Most people are reasonable people until you give them a reason not to be. Unless your miss
understanding the things people say to you and just THINK their saying mean things, then thats a communication issue you have that you need to work on.
If you have alot of self esteem then why dont you use it for something good? teach a class full of kids, or stand up infront of a large crowd at school, or lead a group. Something that requires everyone to look at you, THEN see what people think of you after.....
you are your own worst critique so your probably playing this up a bit to be worse then it really is, but just treat people how you wanna be treated, i mean its not that difficult.
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So you've probably seen some of my questions about how I don't have any real friends and today being my birthday just proves what kind of friends I have. I don't hype up my birthday because if you're my friend you would've remembered like I get it sometimes you have a lot on your mind and forget but this happens every single year, if I don't tell me friends "hey today's my birthday" or if I don't text them the day before "tomorrow's my birthday" I won't get a birthday wish. The only person that's not in my family that wished me a happy birthday was this girl who I don't even talk to anymore, we drifted apart I tried keeping the friendship with her but she stopped cause she has more relatable friends now. Every time it's my friends birthdays I always remember to wish them and even try to make it special for them but for me they don't do anything other people get texts and stuff at midnight on their birthdays I got only one from that girl so I let it slide at that time now it's nearly 12 noon ad literally nothing how much you wanna bet if I say it's my birthday on snapchat they're all gonna message me happy birthday? What can I do about these friends? The ones I really wanted a happy birthday from I texted them a Happy NYE to see if they realize NYE equals my birthday cause they know that so far no reply yet. Don't say they may be planning a surprise cause they're not it happens every year even at my birthday party last year. The only time they treated me like it was my party was when it was time to cut the cake either than that it was like I was a guest at somebody else's party no one paid attention to me, when we took group photos I was pushed to the back when clearly the celebrant should be in the middle of the front, they would talk to each other no one would really try to talk to me they would leave in groups to go take pics no one wanted a pic with the bday girl. I turned 17 today (link)
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Ok im gonna break this down for you piece by piece here because As an adult you will need to realize what im about to tell you, and the sooner you do, the better.
Firstly, understand, that not matter what happens in life, you need to make your own happiness and not rely on people around you to complete that, because if you do you will always be disappointed.
secondly, because of the day your b-day falls on, weather people have forgotten you or not, its new years eve. lol. So your b-day unfortunately falls on a very inconvenient day for most people, so you should assume they forgot about you because they didnt say anything, this whole time of the year is VERY busy both around xmas, and NYE. These peoples family members could be planning things like trips and your friends (if their underage) dont really have a choice in what happens yet depending on the family their from.
Your b-day being over shadowed because it falls on or around another major holiday (two actually) this is a very common problem, and it doesnt ALWAYS make your friends "not really your friends" or uncaring because of it.
Sure theres always the fact that people are busy during this time of year, or the possibility that those people really dont care, but at the end of the day, its YOUR day and ON that day, being able to simply do something for yourself that YOU wanna do (where as you normally wouldnt) is going to have to be enough. Youll discover that as you get older, this is the case with adults. Life is not a fairytale, its not what you see on tv, and its not ever going to go the way you think it will.
Give yourself something special for your birthday, show other people that you dont NEED them to make you happy, and usually people will be MORE attracted because they see someone who is in control, and will run their life as they see fit and have a good time with or without them and they will want to "go with you" and will "regret" having not thought of you or remembered see? lol.
If you do something cool for yourself, this shows everyone that "they could have been there, had they hit you up and/or remembered" that it was your bday. Dont let the fact that they didnt acknowledge your day effect you when they speak to you about it and just play it off, act like its fine and then mention something cool that YOU went and did WITHOUT them and that your OK and HAPPY about it and the next time they will WANT to be there. ; )
good luck.
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24/f
I seem to always have had a hard time making and keeping friends. Im 24 now and it just feels like if I try to make friends with other girls Its forced. The few friends I do have have kids or their always busy. I have a coworker whose said she wanted to hangout, but she never texts me. And if I text her she doesn't answer. She has a daughter as well. And then there was this other girl around the corner from where I work and I gave her my number and I never heard from her. And this one girl at the gym who works there gave me her number and it didn't seem like she wanted to. Whenever we talk it's always me texting her. The last time we talked I texted her and she said she was going to the gym, and I said that i might go but I didn't because I was with my mom and we planned to have dinner together. I don't know what to do anymore. I used to have friends but they weren't very good people. They were into drugs and I started doing that but i eventually stopped, because I didn't want to get int trouble And i don't have facebook or any other social media because I got into trouble recently. Some idiot emailed my mom at work telling her the very personal details of my sex life, and how i cheated on my last boyfriend (which I truly regret) so she got upset of course and made stay off social media and I had to get a basic phone as well. I've tried to make her understand that I need friends and I want to be on social media, but she just doesn't get it. I'm so sick of feeling like this. I mean I want for once to hangout with someone on the weekend and not parents. It just seems like everyone already has their own friends and they don't need me in their group or even their life. So what should I do? What am i doing wrong? Thanks. (link)
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Im going to back up what the first poster said, Usually people make friends based on mutual hobbies or places of work, where they live (because you have to see these people often) and things that are located in your city.
People with kids ARE and still CAN be friends if you want them to, you just cant ask them to come hang out at all hours, and you have to plan things where the kids can come along if need be. If you miss those people as friends and want to remain in good standing with them then you need to make sure that you can show your good with kids, can be trusted if your friend has to turn away for moment, and be ok with having to go your separate ways after a lunch and a trip to the park because they most likely have a house hold to run ow and cant stay with you all day anymore.
I too am a young mom that still tries as much as i can to maintain a social life (although its hard with a child) luckily for me all my friends are having kids now and are settling down) but that doesnt mean that all adult fun ends just because theyve had kids or are married. That is a preference if they choose to be all about family and are no longer interested in maintaining friendships with people who may not have kids or be in the exact same place/phase in life that you are. Your not a bad person and dont feel guilty or like your not as good as them if your treated like your not a "member of the club" and if your ARE treated like that then those people arent worth being friends with because they cant put themselves in someone elses shoes.
NEXT, get your social media back when yo0u can and reach out to people you miss! take up hobbies like photography! get yourself a nice camera maybe and then go out (you can do this alone) and take pictures, and show those friends that you have hobbies that are cool, and make you WORTH knowing and being around! Try to get creative and when you do, post it on fb so people can see it. when i started to feel like i didnt have many friends anymore, i paid to take a class in learning how to do nails!
Not only did i make friends there (because we all were there for the same reason) but i got certified to do nails professionally! now although i never ended up actually working in a nail salon like alot of my friends that were there did, i now have friends who LOVE to come over and hang out, see my nail designs and newest supplies, and we get to sit around and they get their nails done, we talk and get to know each other, and by the end of their visit to my house (or me to their house) they just got their nails done from someone who knows how to do them PROPERLY! ; )
see? you cant go wrong.
Now thats just one example, but try your hand at something that will build your social circle and show people that you are interesting and worth wanting to know deeper.
good luck!
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I feel like i always get hurt in the end.. I have so much to give but i dont recive same love.. I feel like people just use me thay need me and then they forget about me.. I am A student so lots of people are there on test and those stuff but never to actually be there for me.. I have 2 best friends but i dont know if i can still cal them that.. Actually what is best friend..? I dont know and i may never know.. Because people always change and act like soem things never happend and they forget so many thing that i have done for them.. But they never return taht favor or simply love.. I feel liek im good person( i hope its not wird to say that ). The world is so cruel. I am trying to help everybody becaus im liek why not it would mean something to them but they never remember taht how many time i have hleped them.. And for friends i have they are all fake.. They change their personality when tjey're with different people.. and i feel like im the only one that sees that.. And them how much i study,put effort in something on the other side someone who hasnt studyed just going through has better life that me and better future.. How that?
I just look at all small girls trying to act older putting tons and tons of make up fake nails and all those thing.. And in year 12/14 you already had 2 boyfriends taht you both loves so much.. Well good for you while i havent had one boyfriend in m life.. Im just sick of everything right now... -.- (link)
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First of all, i can barely understand what your exactly saying or asking because your sentences are so broken or your english, but i DO wanna let you know that you are more mature for knowing and seeing what these other people your own age are doing and knowing that its wrong and fake.
Next, you have to stop helping people if your expecting something in return. In the adult world, your friends can tell you all about the things their going thru and that they "really need someone right now" or whatever but you have to remember that you can only help someone to a certain degree and then THEY have to take it from there and take care of their own business. You have your own life to live and your own things to worry about, so dont take on other peoples problems emotionally and let it stress you out.
At the end of the day, what their going thru and their weight to burden and not yours so let them deal with their own problems. All you can do is tell them that your "here for them if they need to talk" but you need to take a step back and not go out of your way for people who wouldnt do the same for you.
Also dont offer what you cant give to people. It doesnt matter how long youve been friends with someone, dont help someone who you KNOW wouldnt appreciate it.
I cant tell your getting sick and tired of not being appreciated for what you do for people so lets start small. When you do something for people, if they dont even say thank you, SAY TO THEM "you welcome?" and stare at them and smile. REMIND them that when you do ANYTHING for them, that they need to say thank you.
This is a way to sort of remind them that they need to show gratefulness towards people that help them not just you. If they try to say anything to you about never having said thank you to THEM about something they did for YOU then say back "well you know what, i AM very thankful that you helped me with that, i just never got the chance to say it" then leave it at that.
This lets people know that you EXPECT to be thanked for things you do to help them and that you will NOT be taken advantage of and you demand respect from the people around you. Just give it a try and see how differently people start treating you. Also remember to say it back to people even if its for simple things. Look them in the eyes when you say it so that they SEE that your that your serious.
Dont worry about those fake ass people at school, usually people like that deep down arent really secure with themselves and have to put on this whole big mask to try to make themselves feel better about the fact that they still dont really KNOW themselves yet and may not be comfortable in their own skin.
good luck and just give this a try, you may really start to see a change. ; )
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First off, I'm 21 and female.
I just started dating a new guy after breaking off an engagement a year ago, taking 7 months to just get back to being myself, and going on several dates with men that led to nowhere.
I really like this guy and I've already spent a lot of time with him. He's funny, smooth, college educated charismatic, and has good life goals. I'm also very attracted to him (more so than with previous dates) which is a big deal for me because I don't find myself attracted to most men I meet.
However, my best friend doesn't approve of him. She doesn't think his sense of humor is funny and she doesn't trust him at all. He goes to her University and she looked up his name in the student directory and didn't find anything. I wound up finding out from him (after I confronted him about it) that it was because he's had a legal name change and was under some kind of protection order after an ex girlfriend went psycho. Because I confronted him about it, I of course had to tell him how I knew he wasn't in the directory because I go to a different college. He wound up getting a little upset at my best friend because they share the same ethnicity and religious upbringing and he couldn't understand why somebody who goes through the same challenges of being stereotyped due to their background everyday would be so quick to throw somebody else dealing with the same struggles under the bus.
She doesn't believe him no matter what I say, she thinks he's lying and that he doesn't go to school at all. I feel like that would be a stupid thing to lie about though and he's told me stories about his classes and other things that match up so he'd have to be lying about all that too. Any time I try to tell her I don't believe he's lying and why I think that, she says I'm "justifying" and now anytime I say anything about him she says he lying.
She's never actually met him by the way.
Of course I still plan on asking for his student ID next time I see him to be sure but by her saying all this stuff it's making me paranoid too and I feel bad about it.
What do I do? Obviously this isn't a good start because now neither of them like each other. I love my best friend (that I've known for years and I really like this guy and I don't want this kind of tension going on between them. I don't want this to be the start of the end of our relationship because it's been a long time since I've felt so strongly about somebody. I really mean it when I say I like him a lot and it's not just an infatuation.
(link)
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Im going to make this very basic for you. Females can get jealous of other females happiness.
They can be very controlling over other close friends to the point where they will attempt to even sabotage your relationship with that person in an effort to keep you all to themselves.
Talk to her, find out what her chain of logic is behind WHY she specifically doesnt like him, and go from there. humans can be very simple creatures if you think about it.
Let me break this down for you:
When you go to the zoo or some place that has animals, you always see peacocks amongst plain old birds, like pigeons and what not. Peacocks will be everywhere because really, they dont like to be contained. Infact they'll just die if they cant explore the area they live in and look for new things but they always come back to where they really want to be for whatever reason it is that fulfills THEM. Now a pigeon is just a plain old looking bird, thats average and not special from any of the other birds around.
Now as a human we all think "god i would love to have a beautiful peacock to keep and adore forever" because of how special they are, how beautiful they are and how they capture the attention of everyone around them...
Well EVERYONE wants a peacock yet they are hard to attain and keep because of the spirit to do their own thing and not want to be hindered by others....and it sounds to me like you are a peacock, trying to discover new things and meet new people and your friend is acting like an average pigeon. Jealous, not capable of just being happy for someone else.
you sound like a peacock trusting a pigeon hunny. Altho your friend might have raised an alarm bell about his ID at school, it still sounds to me like she cant stand him being around and giving him a chance and thats not fair. shes putting you in an awkward place, and sooner or later your going to have to ask her why she cant just be happy for you and speak up. Dont let someone put that kind of doubt about your own boyfriend in your mind like that. Its toxic and poisonous to the relationship. Listen and hear her out if you care for her but trust your own judgement when it comes to certain things.
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