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Ending friendship advice
Well I have a friend that I meet online, I’m from Europe and he’s from Asia but currently studying in LA. We started talking one and a half year ago and developed a very beautiful friendship even though it was a virtual one. We talked for hours through messages and Skype about anything from things that happen in our daily life to politics and economics. And since he doesn’t know English that good I offered to help him whenever he needed at his homeworks. In time i started to help him with music, math and other things. I considered him a special friend and it didn’t matter if he was waking me up at 3 am to talk or just ask my help with a resume about Renaissance period. And I think he considered me a good friend too, we exchanged gifts and all his free time he was spending it with me. He said I’m his favorite friend, he would like to show me to his parents and even sent a message to my mother thanking her for giving him such a friend.
This winter vacation he went back to his home country. At first he felt strange among his family and friends and was asking me to talk to him every day. And because I was a good friend I accepted it, it didn’t matter the hour or if I was having the Christmas dinner with my family.
But after the first daytof New year things started to change. That was the last time we talked face to face on Skype, it was I think on Friday. Saturday and Sunday we didn’t talked at all and because I felt strange I sent him a message Monday morning asking him what is he doing. After a few minutes he told me he was with his mother and I told him to have a good time and not to forget to take a selfie with his family since he made me do the same thing. Later that day I asked him to talk on Skype and he told me he was getting ready to take the last dinner with his family and that he’s going to do it tomorrow at the airport. The next day I waited to talk to him even though I was having classes but he told me he can’t talk to me because he needs to stay on a large row to embark. I understand him. When he landed in Vancouver his layover city I asked him how was his flight, what did he eat, how is he feeling but his answer were very short and eventually he told me to shut up and stop sending him messages. Then I saw he was online on Skype and asked him to skype but he refused and logged out. Later that night at 3am he sent me a message telling me that he’s flight to LA has a delay.
On Wednesday he sent me a picture showing me that it rains in LA and he is all wet. We didn’t talked much.
On Thursday I saw he was online on Skype and asked him to talk but he refused saying he’s at school and he’s going to do it later that day after he’s setting his internet at his new home because he was having a bad connection. The time passed and seeing he doesn’t say anything I asked him if he managed to make his internet. He read my message and didn’t said anything. On Saturday seeing that he doesn’t answer and that he’s online on messenger I started sending him message on phone and messenger app asking him if he’s mad on me, why isn’t he answering me, that I’m scared that I may lose his friendship for something that I may have done to him and asked him to forgive me. At the same time when he wasn’t talking with me one of my neighbors died of cancer and I sent him a selfie with tears in my eyes saying him that I’m very sad. He always said he wants to see me crying and I thought we are going to start a funny conversation from this.
After 2 days he sent me a message asking for my help at English and I helped him. Again he was ignoring me every time I was asking him what is he doing, where he is and telling him to Skype (I was always seeing him online)
After a few days I asked him if he’s still alive and he said yes. I told him that I started to book hotels for our trip in Europe that we were planning for months and asked me why didn’t I talked with him. I said that he didn’t talked to me for a while and I didn’t wanted to disturb him after which he said he’s going to talk with me latter when reaches home. After 2 hours I saw him online on Skype and didn’t talked with me.
After 2-3 days he asked again for my help with an essay and I helped him as good friend even though I stayed awake from 2 to 4 am for this.
And again didn’t talked with me until I asked him when is he going back to his home country, what plans does he have for volunteering. Seeing he’s answers are short again I asked if he still wants to go on the summer trip with me. He read my message and answered after 3 hours that he’s going to buy the plane tickets to come to me in march. And that we should go in more countries not only Norway because is expensive for him. He proposed to go on Portugal, Spain, France and Belgium but I told him that I’m not going to have the money to visit all this countries. He said not to worry because he’s going to give me 1000$. I refused and said to give up at France because is expensive , dangerous with all the terrorists attacks and that my mother isn’t going to let me there. But he told me I don’t need to tell me mother and didn’t want to hear about giving up France. He proposed me to stay on hostels to save money and we can even spend time with our roommates. I told him I can’t share my room and bathroom with strangers and told him that he’s traveling with me and should spend time together not with strangers but he told me not to tell him what to do.
Finally seeing that I don’t want to go to France he told me I’m a coward, I am not like him and Bye.
I asked him where is he going. He told me that I don’t know why he ignored me and started telling me that he doesn’t belong to me, that I shouldn’t cry because he doesn’t care about me, I shouldn’t try to make myself a part of his life and he doesn’t want to be a part of my life but only a good memory, let’s cancel the travel I can’t handle you, you’re like a dog, and he didn’t felt anything when he saw me with tears in the eyes and he doesn’t like me to beg for his attention. That i am stressful because I don’t know my mistake, I shouldn’t control him.
After this he unfriended me on facebook , deactivated his profile and blocked me on all messenger app except one where he sent a sad piano song, telling me he composed it for me and told me bye. I’ve sent him a few message but he just read them without answering.
All I can think about is that I’m really a horrible person and feel like it’s only my fault for losing his friendship. Why would he end our friendship using the excuse that I disturbed him with my messages 20 days ago? The only thing i can think is that he wants to travel with someone else and that's why he decided to cut contact with me. Was I so stupid for letting him control me? But in my conception for a good friend I would do almost anything. Can this friendship be saved somehow, is it worth saving? I even thought of taking a plane and go to see him in September and talk to him.
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Let me just say first that im sorry that your going thru this. Ive had someone cut me out of their life before after i thought we were the best of friends. Altho the hurt never leaves you have to keep moving forward with your life.
It sounds to me honestly like he was just using you for your help with his homework and pretended to be friends and really wasnt all that invested like you were.
It sounds like he did a whole lot of inconveniencing you for his OWN benefit and then once he was done with you he kind of just said "screw it". It sounds like he may have just been telling you things he thought you might have wanted to hear for the time being because ask yourself, who makes MAJOR plans to fly country to country you only to cancel them as easily as he did??
People who consider themselves good friends dont do things like that. When they are busy, they TELL you theyve just been super busy and they make the effort to explain themselves to you because they CARE.
Im also wondering why in one of your statements you mentioned that he always wanted to see you cry?? who what kind of friend would WANT to see you cry?? that sounds awful.
Good friends dont wnt to willingly see you cry or hurt you, or do anything that would put stress on you like that. This person sounds immature, selfish, and isnt considering that you cant just go off to other countries with people you barely know. Notice how once you told him you couldnt do something for him he suddenly turned against you?? dont you see that as odd??
This person is acting highly suspicious to me and i wouldnt trust it. Telling you to stay in a hostel instead of hotel isnt safe either. Then getting mad at you because you dont wanna bend over backwards for the guy isnt right either.
Let me tell you something that i tell alot of people on here.
You need to make sure that your not investing more into any given relationship MORE than the other person because when you end up getting hurt, it will hurt MUCH more then it would have hurt them. Its sounds to me like you went too far out on a limb for this person you dont really know i real life and he put on a good show.
You can skype and talk and chat every day but until you know that person IN PERSON and FOR REAL, you dont REALLY know them. understand??
I dont think the friendship is worth saving, i think you need to move on. Your not a bad person, and you deserve better friends around you. You have nothing to be sorry about towards him, he is the one that should be apologizing.
good luck.
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