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no friends
24/f
I seem to always have had a hard time making and keeping friends. Im 24 now and it just feels like if I try to make friends with other girls Its forced. The few friends I do have have kids or their always busy. I have a coworker whose said she wanted to hangout, but she never texts me. And if I text her she doesn't answer. She has a daughter as well. And then there was this other girl around the corner from where I work and I gave her my number and I never heard from her. And this one girl at the gym who works there gave me her number and it didn't seem like she wanted to. Whenever we talk it's always me texting her. The last time we talked I texted her and she said she was going to the gym, and I said that i might go but I didn't because I was with my mom and we planned to have dinner together. I don't know what to do anymore. I used to have friends but they weren't very good people. They were into drugs and I started doing that but i eventually stopped, because I didn't want to get int trouble And i don't have facebook or any other social media because I got into trouble recently. Some idiot emailed my mom at work telling her the very personal details of my sex life, and how i cheated on my last boyfriend (which I truly regret) so she got upset of course and made stay off social media and I had to get a basic phone as well. I've tried to make her understand that I need friends and I want to be on social media, but she just doesn't get it. I'm so sick of feeling like this. I mean I want for once to hangout with someone on the weekend and not parents. It just seems like everyone already has their own friends and they don't need me in their group or even their life. So what should I do? What am i doing wrong? Thanks.
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Maybe give some free advice about: Friendship?
This brings to my mind the saying, "If you want to have a friend, you have to be a friend." The best way to become friends with people is to listen to them and talk about things in doing daily tasks. Coworkers make great friends not only because you see them often, but you all are coming from the same circumstances, so you'll have lots to talk about and relate on. As far as other people are concerned, don't be alarmed if things don't hit off right away. Maybe make more effort to just have casual conversation with the people at the gym or neighbors. Eventually they will open up more and more to you and you'll be able to be a friend to them through learning their struggles, their likes and dislikes, and all the things that make them, them. This is also a great time for you to maybe try out some new activities to see if there is anything different and fresh you might enjoy where you can possibly meet new people! Try not to view this as an issue and instead view it as a fresh slate. You're getting a whole new opportunity to meet brand new people that are more like yourself than any friends you've had before. Trust me, most of my good friends today are people I have only met within the last few years and they are just as close to me as the few people I've known for a long time. You are 24 years old, don't let your parents run your life. This is a difficult thing because you don't want to disappoint them and you also don't want to be mean or disrespect their authority, but at the same time it is time now to be an adult and take charge of your own life, which your parents will never let you do if you constantly give them control over you. If you want to be on social media, be on social media. Take charge of your life. There are tons of really cool and loving people out there who will be your friend in a heartbeat. Keep your head up and hang in there. Be open to people, communicate with them, accept them. Someone out there wants a friend just like you.
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hey!
I know exactly how you feel, I've always went through stuff like this and I'm even kinda going through it right now. It doesn't matter how many friends you have, you just need a good friend or two, who will always be there for you. Let me tell you what I learned, if you have attempted to make plans but they haven't worked out for the third time because your new friend keeps flaking our or canceling, get rid of that friend. Those aren't friends and they aren't worth keeping, people are busy with their own lives but if they aren't willing to say yes or no quickly or even grab coffee with you when you guys said you would, forget that friend. They aren't friends, just time wasters. I don't know where you live but if you live in a city, that's excellent news because there are soo many ways to make new friends and acquaintances. Go to a new church and try to find a community there or look up classes or fun groups of hobbies online that are near you. There are also phone apps for meetups and fun stuff to meet people. You can also try going to a bar and just get a drink and look around, there are interesting people you can meet, trust me you;d be surprised. Don't worry about this being your fault because it's not, some people just suck and aren't real friends. There are really awesome people out there, you just need to keep looking and trust me you will find great friends. You can message me back if you want more details or more questions.
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Im going to back up what the first poster said, Usually people make friends based on mutual hobbies or places of work, where they live (because you have to see these people often) and things that are located in your city.
People with kids ARE and still CAN be friends if you want them to, you just cant ask them to come hang out at all hours, and you have to plan things where the kids can come along if need be. If you miss those people as friends and want to remain in good standing with them then you need to make sure that you can show your good with kids, can be trusted if your friend has to turn away for moment, and be ok with having to go your separate ways after a lunch and a trip to the park because they most likely have a house hold to run ow and cant stay with you all day anymore.
I too am a young mom that still tries as much as i can to maintain a social life (although its hard with a child) luckily for me all my friends are having kids now and are settling down) but that doesnt mean that all adult fun ends just because theyve had kids or are married. That is a preference if they choose to be all about family and are no longer interested in maintaining friendships with people who may not have kids or be in the exact same place/phase in life that you are. Your not a bad person and dont feel guilty or like your not as good as them if your treated like your not a "member of the club" and if your ARE treated like that then those people arent worth being friends with because they cant put themselves in someone elses shoes.
NEXT, get your social media back when yo0u can and reach out to people you miss! take up hobbies like photography! get yourself a nice camera maybe and then go out (you can do this alone) and take pictures, and show those friends that you have hobbies that are cool, and make you WORTH knowing and being around! Try to get creative and when you do, post it on fb so people can see it. when i started to feel like i didnt have many friends anymore, i paid to take a class in learning how to do nails!
Not only did i make friends there (because we all were there for the same reason) but i got certified to do nails professionally! now although i never ended up actually working in a nail salon like alot of my friends that were there did, i now have friends who LOVE to come over and hang out, see my nail designs and newest supplies, and we get to sit around and they get their nails done, we talk and get to know each other, and by the end of their visit to my house (or me to their house) they just got their nails done from someone who knows how to do them PROPERLY! ; )
see? you cant go wrong.
Now thats just one example, but try your hand at something that will build your social circle and show people that you are interesting and worth wanting to know deeper.
good luck!
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One problem you didnt list is that you are an adult living with parents. While not a problem in itself, parents seem to interfere in their adult kids lives especially when they don't approve of a childs choicds, and continue to parent them as long as they're living under that roof. While it is right to obey any house rules, if you own your own computer and phone and pay your own bills for networker provider, then the parents should have no say over what you are doing.
Now, as to how to meet people. The internet is a wonderful tool for finding people to meet and get together in person. I'm not talking dating sites but theres that too. What I have used to try out new possible interests or meet others with same interests or hobbies as myself is Meetup.com
[Link](Mouse over link to see full location)
When you look it up, it should show already a listing of whats available in the largest city in your area. Click on a title like games or new age to see what all clubs fall under that heading and then read up on what the club is about, where they meet and you can create your own profile and chat with other members of these groups within the meetup system. I know there wont be much of anything for winter right now but come spring and summer, look up your parks and recreational website for your town to see what events are coming up and attend them to see if you can make some friends. Hope this helps you.
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so sorry you are going through this.
Making friends when we are older is difficult.
I think you need to continue to keep your options open like you are already doing and just continue to be friendly but not too pushy.
Find some groups you can join. If you are religious maybe church. If you like sports see what teams your town may have. Volunteer etc. Do a few things at a time where you can interact with people more but also get involved or stick with groups are activities that you enjoy. Even though its hard dont sweat it.
I find that when we focus too much on these things it drives us crazy.
And when that friend comes along...dont stop meeting people..keep busy.
Social Media can help with finding local groups if you ever get back on it but just be cautious with that too.
It will happen ...just give it time. these things take time and just try to relax and be the best version of yourself! In time you will find people that you click with.
Good luck!! and in the mean time look at it this way ...enjoy your drama free life you have for now because soon its going to change! lol great sides to both :)
Hang in there the friends are coming just get yourself out there!! xx
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