|
omg what is wrong with me
okay so i am going to give some background story to my im having this feeling
girl, 14
so during early december, our school organised a trip to places, and in that trip, we had amazing trip leaders, and so we added them on facebook to keep in touch. there are 2 leaders that are pretty awesome lets call them T and F. personally, i like F more that T and my friend likes T more than F. so i usually chat with F and i kinda like him (as in like a brother) and lately its kinda awkward since he said im his sister and being sweet. i still want to talk to him but ive started a conversation like 2 days ago and he still havent reply my message.
i want to chat with him because i dont feel lonely, but him ignoring my message happens often but when we talk, he usually says he misses me and shit. when he dont reply, my whole self just feels down and even if im around my friends, i just dont seem like talking and i just want to be back at home. i just want him to be my close friend but at the same time im kinda developing feelings for him but i dont really want to like him since we are like 10 years apart?!?!!?!??
oh and since he havent reply my message and hes seen it, should i message him again or wait? im afraid that if i continue waiting, that text that im waiting for will never appear. or should i just ask him straightly "why are you not replying to my messages?"
thanks to whoever that has read up to here about my weird ass life.
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
My first question which you dont have to answer is whether you have a Dad in the house and have a good relationship with him. Does he take time to talk and interact with you?
The reasons behind my questions: What you are feeling is right on time for a period all young girls go through. When we change from young girls into young women, we subconsciously feel a need to be validated as now being a young woman and no longer a girl and we dont want that validation from a sibling or Mom. The only satisfactory way to get it is from a trusted male family member who will not compromise things and expect sex. All a girl needs to hear is her Dad saying things like, "Wow, honey, you're growing up so fast its like you've become a woman overnight and looking as great as your Mom." or something like that, commenting on her looks but also recognizing her talents and such. I had a Dad like that, so tho I would gawk at guys often way way older than me, I didnt require attention from them, not the kind that validates you as being a young woman. Young gals who don't get the recognition they naturally need often turn to sex with their male peers as a poor replacement for that recognition, thinking the wolf calls and whistles and guys asking for sex means something. Well, yeah, it means they are horny, just thinking and acting with their dick and dont give a shit or even realize that young girls only need to know they are beautiful at this point.
Now from the guys point of view, he's not in the same age bracket. This would be like you hanging out every day in a nursery trying to hold convo's with all the toddlers. Yes, you can talk to toddlers but the conversation and things in common are going to be so vastly different that it isn't fulfilling long term. If he gave his FB address and added you guys, it was likely more for you to likely read and follow his posts but not use as a way to become really close like a sister or friend or even to get your young female recognition needs met. Too many people do not even know about this but its a fact. Its not likely this 24 yr old man even has a clue yet that women need reassurances even at his age that they are very likeable as females. And it really isnt his job to do it. While your conscious mind says its nothing, and you dont want to like him romantically, this need in you has your subconscious mind wanting that, emotions come from our subconscious self. And so, you are in real quick danger of falling for him really fast and seriously and nothing can come of it as any male that interacts as friends with girls younger than 18 are already looked at questioningly. If it blossoms into a romantic relationship and sex at some point, he's breaking the law and in danger of going to jail. Its not in his best interest to keep in constant touch with you. His not replying constantly is him setting the pace for what is acceptable and comfortable having you as a FB friend. Respect that and dont hound him with more messages. I have friends who watch and like my posts but we rarely chat on there, twice a year. This would be people like my ex husband and any ex boyfriends before I met my 2nd husband. Some people are just really nice and so you care about how things are going but you dont need to keep in daily or weekly contact with them.
So you are acting normal, don't worry and you'll likely fixate on many other guys as well before you get old enough to be allowed to date. want to become their close friend. Just dont get too serious about other guys. Try to get more time spent together with Dad. If he doesnt compliment you, let Mom know you'd like Dad's opinion at times on how you look. If you get a new dress or something model it for the family but make sure to address Dad asking him what he thinks of how you look. Try asking him to remember when he was your age. What kind of girls caught his eye. Does he think you are going to be able to catch the interest of guys your own age. This is actually the stuff you need to hear to gain some self confidence, a thing greatly lacking in teens. Perhaps Mom can pave the way for Dad if he's generally cllueless about things like this but it means talking to Mom first. Good luck dear.
]
I know this sucks, but he's not really your friend.
He's 10 years older than you. He probably has friends, and a job or school work. He's not going to be the kind of friend that a 14 year old probably wants, because he's just at such a different place in his life.
You know that what you really want from him, isn't friendship anyways. You're setting yourself up to get hurt pretty badly.
Try to take a deep breath and let this go. For your own sake. It sucks to be lonely and it sucks to have a crush on someone who you can't (and really shouldn't) be with, but you can solve either of those things by keeping on messaging him and acting like those problems will go away. This guy, doesn't have the solutions you need.
]
More Questions: |