deathwillcome's advice column | deathwillcome's Advice About Friendship

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Q: Alright, so I'm pretty good friends with this dude. We have a lot of the same interests, yet lots of differences, of course. lol, it seems we share some of the same problems, too. But, anyways, I really like him as more than a friend, yet he ticks me off endlessly. He can even be a jerk sometimes, but I can, too. Yet, for some reason, I still like him.

He asked me if I wanted to hook up with him a few weeks back, but nothing has really happened, and he said to keep it on the lowdown. But what really ticks me off is how he has all of these pet names for his other friends that are girls and treats them, well, like a guy would treat a girl, I guess. (flirting and whatnot) and yeah, I get jealous sometimes, but I don't say anything, of course.

What I'm trying to say is that I don't want him to view me as just a friend. I don't want to be by his side just to talk about music, books, the problems within the world and whatnot, and I don't like it when he randomly brings up other girls in a conversation we're having and calls them by their pet name.

What should I do?

Let him know that you like him and you want it to be something a little more. Tell him that you don't want to talk about other girls because it makes you jealous. If he can't face that, he isn't worth your time. Hope this helped, and don't be afraid to stand for what you want.

Q: yo, sup my rap group is doin great im not sure if u remember me but i need some advice dawg, ok well my best friend is dating this girl and i dont like her i think she is breakin up the group he misses practice alot and things are difff an i just want my homie back. pluss she is convicing him to do things he wouldnt normaly do like finger her and just fuckin stupid shit.... please help

Have you talked to him about how you feel? For one, guys (or girls) will sometimes do anything for the person they are with, even if it's stupid. It sounds like she is taking over his life, and that isn't something that's good. That's a very toxic relationship and it will really ruin him if she breaks it off. Your band was something important in his life, as far as you make it sound, and she is becoming his life. He needs to see the light. Get your friends together and give him an intervention. Don't be mean, or too blunt, but just tell him, "we miss you, we miss our buddy and we need our band back. Your girlfriend is taking over your life it's getting to be a very bad thing. You are doing things that you would never do before. They are getting to be stupid things that you should think more about before you do them." but in your own words. Make it personal, something you know he'll hear. If you have more questions or I didn't answer everything you want me to, ask another question. Hope I helped.

Q: my name is brandon i used to be emo i carved my friend name in my arm but before i did that she said it would be kool but then she saw it and i asked her not to tell anybody and she did and i got introbule and i hate her now i mean she was my best friend and she betrayed me so should i give up on our friendship or wat

You shouldn't. She actually did what a good friend should do. Even though she did something you didn't like and caused you trouble, it was good trouble. It's never good to hide a secret that can harm them. She told because she was worried about you and really cared about you. Think about it. If one of your friends was suicidal, would you hide it? (not that you are/were suicidal, not what I meant.) I would approach her and talk to her about it. Get her side of the story, get to know how she felt and her reasons for doing what she did. No friendship should end because of something like that. I hope this helped. Good luck with your friendship.

Q: 13/f

Ok so I've been hanging out with the same group of friends since I came to this school. They are so awesome. Except I think its all going wrong or something. I mean some people seem like they like me more the the other friends and they one of my closest friends seem to be annoyed with me or something and it hurts. So I am usually a quiet girl but how I really am with my friends I usually am a person who actually does talk. I don't know if I should be that way anymore though. I feel really upset. My other friend I am really annoyed with because she won't stop talking about the guy she likes and he has a girlfriend ect. So I don't show that I get annoyed with people very much either. I am really upset and feel like the girl who seems to be annoyed with me, she has all my classes and thats how we are close but its just not the same anymore. Ok I am really tired of it and everything. Somebody please help me, its stressing me out. And its not like I can forget about it. Thanks so much.

I'm not sure I got the question in that, but I will try to answer. Your group of friends is ever changing, as are you. Every person in your group is going through drama and it sounds like you are just lost in it all. I agree with what you said: you should stop being shy around everyone but your friends. Get to know more people. I'm not saying walk up to every person you see and tell them all about you, but if you sit by someone in class and you have eye contact, smile, say hi...something? And with your good friend whom you have all the classes with (if I'm not mistaken), I would talk to her about it. Ask her if she's annoyed with you, and why, if she is. There's not much you can do to fix it if you don't know what's bothering her. With the friend who is always talking about the guy who has a girlfriend. Tell her that you would love to listen to her problems,but maybe you could talk about something different for a little while. That you are a little tired of talking about a guy who has a girlfriend and that maybe you can help her find a guy that is better for her that is single. Don't be rude, but try to change the subject with something a little more interesting for the both of you. She might be offended, she might not. I hope I answered alright, with what I had. If I answered incorrectly I would be very pleased to answer anything else. Just ask me anytime! Good luck. And to help with the stress, try meditating. Not the whole crossing the legs, monk, meditating. Just sit down in a quiet place, close your eyes, and try to clear your mind. It always calms my senses and helps me think clearer and calmer. I hope it helps.

Q: ok. well my friend & her boyfriend have been dating for a year. he broe up with her a while ago..
well, yesterday, her boyfriend told me that he likes me. dont like him back& i told him that. well myfriend found out that he likes me& now she thinks i was the reason they broke up&she's mad at me. i've told her multiple times that i dont like him& that im ot going to date him. but she stil is mad& wont even talk to me anymore.
this girl is my best friend & i need serious help with this problem.

I say that you let it cool down. If you follow her around telling her that that's not how it is, she's just going to get mad. But if you tell her "I am not going to keep telling you non-stop. I told you the truth when I told you that I'm not going to date him, and I'm sorry that your ex likes me. I don't like him. If you aren't going to believe me, that's your problem. Personally, I don't think a guy should come between us. He likes me, I don't like him. That's that!" And be through with it. Don't drag on, maybe don't even say that much, just tell her the truth once more, then that you are telling the truth and it's her problem if she doesn't believe you. If she doesn't cool off, it's her problem. She's not going to just believe you becuase you say something. That's like telling a girl that her boyfriend is cheating on her, she's not going to believe it becuase she hasn't seen it for herself. I hope that I helped, and remember, my inbox is always open. You don't have to rate, but it would be nice. Thanks. (sorry if the answer was too long)

Q: Hello :)

Okay, so yesterday I saw one of my friends do something I've heard about for a long time, but never actually seen...lie. Yes, he lied. And it was pretty obvious, and also..pretty scary. You see, pretty much ALL YEAR I've heard one of my tightest friends talk about how he's changed, and lies, and so on..and ofcourse I belived her, but I guess it never really sunk in. Because when I actually experienced it for the first time (him lying straight to my face) it freaked me out. I was sp sworried for him, I wanted to cry. I was about to, but didn't. It hurts to see someone I've looked up to for such a long time lie. They're BIG lies too. And he should know that we can't possibly belive all this, it's crazy. And we basically have prrof that he's lying, but confronting him wont work, it's been tried already. And it didn't help, if anything..it made things worse, he had to lie even more to excuse his lies, and it was just..really bad. He was basically shaking when we were questioning, it's like he doesn't WANT to lie. But he still does it for some reason. I cant think of a reason WHY though, attention? I'm just really confused, you know. I really can't talk to him about this, and my friends have already tried. So what do I do? Just ignore it? Or stop ebing his friend? Tlak to his family about it? His other friends? Pleease help me, because I want to be able to help my friends (it's making them feel EVEN WORSE)

I don't know what you can do about him lieing, but I don't think there is much you can do. If he wants to ,or has to lie, then he will, you can't really stop him. Just ignore it and try to not hang out with him as much if it bothers you. About your friends, if they think that it is thier fault, then they are a little off. But if they are worried about them tell them that they can talk to his family. Talking to his family won't necacerally help, it depends on how is family is, but they might talk to him about it. Just make sure that he knows that if he ever needs to talk to you that he can. I can't help you much more than that because I don't know what kind of lies. So, I hope that I helped, and remember that my inbox is always open. You don't have to rate if you don't want to, but it would be nice if you did. Thanks!

Q: Usually when people talk to me, the first thing I think is more like

"Okay", "That's interesting", or
"That's nice to know."

Not much of an opinion or anything. Bleh... and I don't want to say anything stupid.

What can I do to change that? I don't want people to think I am ignoring them when I don't respond quickly or think I'm stupid if I say something wrong.

Well the only thing i can say is that you should say what you think and if it does come out stupid just tell the person you thought it would be smart and it wasn't. I use to be the same way and now i just say "well that was dumb." It breaks down the awkword barrier of the first time you meet. I hope i helped and remember that my inbox is always open. You don't have to rate but it would be nice. Thanks!

Q: OK see i like this guy alot like alot alot and my friend is starting to like him and i like him before she even know he was alive and now he is starting to like her and i want to be happy for then but it is almost killing me to look at them together . i feel like crying all the time it feels like some one ripped out everything in side of me and is ripping it to shreds playing baseball,soocer,football,&baketball(volleball too)with it. and i hate it i do the fact that i was the first to like him and it is like she doesnt care who she hurts as long as she gets the guy and i want him to be happy but .............aww i dont know what to do

Here is an idea...did you talk to her about it? I mean, if she is a true friend she should listen to you when you tell her about it. Plus, did you tell her that you liked him before she started liking him, or after...did you even tell her at all? You have to think about how she feels. Maybe she was waiting for you to ask him out, but you never did, so she went for it. Now, I'm not totaly taking her side, don't worry. But I just wanted you to look at her side of the story. If she doesn't listen to you when you talk to her about it, then she isn't a true friend. I know that it is hard to be happy for them, but that is all you can do. Don't try to split them up, because that is just wrong. There is a chance that they will split up, and you can be there to confort him, and then ask him out! Just remember that you could have done it before he or she did! You will get a guy, you have your whole life ahead of you...remember that! Your guy is out there somewhere, if not him, someone else. I hope that I helped, and remember that my inbox is always open.

P.S.
I hope you get to be happy, tell me if you get him back!

Q: Okay, so recently I started a relationship with this guy that I like a lot. Everything is going great and he calls me all the time, but there is one problem. My best friend seems jealous. He's like a brother to her so she isn't jealous of me, she's jealous of him. Everytime he calls, I can't give him my undivided attention because she acts hurt if I don't talk to her at the same time. However, then they are both talking at the same time and I can't understand either of them. I tried speakerphone, but he hates it because of the background noise. And he is getting frustrated because I always have to ask him to repeat himself. I live with my best friend and I spend time with her all the time so I don't know why she is competing with him. I just can't take it anymore. It is too much work. What should I do?

One word-Comunication
Tell her how you feel, if she doesn't understand, use a little more force...not as in punch her or something, but kind of yell or something like that. The first time you talk to her, though, say it nicely, don't like scream. Explain what you just explained on here. She should understand if she is your friend. Even though you spend a lot of time with her, she probably thinks that if she doesn't do that that you won't hang with her as much. Ask her why she does that, then once she tells you, compromise with her and dicide with something that both of you can do together every other weekend or something, and then your boyfriend gets the other weekend, or something like that... I hope that I helped, and remember that my inbox is always open. You don't have to rate, but it would be nice. Thanks.

Q: ok me and this guy dated and like a few mounths later he got sent to jell and when he got out he told me he was not aloud to date me any more. i was fine with it at the time but now whe never i see him my heart sinks really low and when ever i talk to him i get really sad what is wrong with me

You're in love. sorry, but that is the truth. I don't know what else to tell you, but you are in love and your heart wants him back. I think that you should just get over him, he went to jail! You can find someone that is better! I hope that I helped, and remember that my inbox is always open. You don't have to rate, but it would be nice if you did. Thanks!

Q: I haven't been to many funerals, but I am young and expect I'll be attending quite a few over the course of my life. I need advice on two issues that have come up at the funerals I have been to:

1. What do you say when someone asks how you are? To say that you're "doing great" or even "fine" seems disrespectful to the dead person and their family.
2. I am an atheist. What am I to say when someone brings up the afterlife? I feel like a liar when I nod and agree that yes, So-and-so is in a better place, but I can't very well tell the bereaved family members that their loved one is now worm food.

1. tell the truth, if they don't like it, they can get over it. Like at my dad's funeral, I just said "I miss him, but I'm fine." with a smile on my face...like a huge grin. that was the truth. I never really cried.
2. just nod and smile and then quickly retreat, unsuspiciosly of coarse!
3.What you need to understand is that it is okay to cry and that if you don't it is okay also. There is no reason to feel sorry or guilty for acting any different way from anyone else. Everyone reacts in their own way, it isn't a crime to smile at a funeral.
4.Since you didn't really know them as like seeing them everyday, just remember what you can, and leave if you can't stand the sitting around.(I just mean like at the after get-togethers, and I don't mean like leave imedeately, I mean like stay for like a little while and talk to a few people and then leave if you are able to.)
I hope that I helped, and remember that my inbox is always open. You don't have to rate, but it would be nice.Thanks.

Q: My friend's father died recently. Does anyone know any quotes from the bible i could put in my profile? Also, does anyone know any good quotes about friends from a song or anything that would be appropriate? Thanks.

I wrote this...

Friends are like angels without their wings.
They are always by your side, to guide, help, and protect you as well as they can. But when they get their wings, they leave your life, but never your heart.

I hope that that was a good one for you, I don't know anything from the bible though...I'm sorry.

here is another one...

We had our arguements, and had our fueds.
Sometimes we would talk, sometimes we'd be rude.
But always and forever, we would be friends.
Always and forever, untill the very end.

I made that up right now, I thought that it sounded like something thay fit... =-D

I hope that I helped, and remember that my inbox is always open. you don't have to rate, but it would be nice. Thanks

Q: Hey. whats up? I want to know why my sister always has to be an idiot. why wont she ever leave me alone? I also want to understand why she always haas to hang around me and then when I complain to my parents they take her side. ITS NO FAIR!!!!!!! give me advice.

p.s.
my name is inigo montoyez you killed my father prepare to DIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

well, your sister doesn't always have to be an idiot, it just seems like it to you. She probablyu doesn't leave you alone because she looks up to you and she wants to be with you. She loves you and she thinks that that means that she has to spendevery waking moment with you.Also It might only seem like your parents take her side because she is your sister. But if they really do only take her side then it is probably because she is your little sister. But the best thing you could do is to talk to your parents, they will understand. Believe me, they whent through it to! I hope that I helped and remember that my inbox is always open. You don't have to rate but it would be nice. thanks!

Q: well me and my best friend well not sure if we are best friends anymore but anywyas to make it short she became a cheerleader and i didnt she hangs out with them now and acts like shes better than me and ignores me and the other day she started a huge rumor that i do drugs and its so not true and most the people know that but i jsut hate it bc she has been thorugh everythign wiht me and now i dont think we r going to b firneds again bc im not going to tlk to her until she appologizes bc that was totally wrong and shes not the person to appologize and shes knows im mad. wat do i do ?!

Just forget about her! She doesn't deserve you if she is going to be like that. Also, don't try to be her friend, she won't be ever again. And if she is like, all of a suden not popular anymore or something, don't let her come back. She will end up running back for help and a friend, don't let her be your friend again. Becuase most likely she will do it again. I hope that I helped, and remember that my inbox is always open. You don't have to rate if you son't want to, but it would be nice. Thanks.

Q: Ok, I've liked the same guy for 3 years now. He just broke up with his girlfriend. I was so relieved, but now he has ANOTHER girlfriend and it's only one day later! AH! It hurts so bad because we've been friends so long & I guess he's just not seeing me in that way. I've droped thousands of hints, but he hasn't been picking them up. What I want to know is..he just recently got AIM (so he could talk 2 his last g/f) He kept it & IMs me whenever I'm on. I love that he IMs me, but he talks to me about how much he likes his new girlfriend and it agrivates the crap outta me! How do I get him to stop talking about her without hurting his feelings?
*Undeniably Unwanted*

I actually know what you are going through. And you know, there actually isn't an easy way to put it to him, so just tell him. It will help you feel better, and he will know that you believe that you can tell him things. Maybe he isn't getting the hints, but that is okay. Just know that he probably isn't tring to ignore them. Just don't get angry, he will come around! Take your time, and make sure to be careful with your feelings. Don't let your feelings take control, everything will happen in good time. I hope I helped and remember, my inbox is always open. you don't have to rate if you don't want to, but it would be nice if you did. Thanks.

Q: 16/m I started Junior year a few weeks ago, and I realised that I was not having as much fun as in Sophmore year... I couldn't figure it out at first, but I realised eventually that I was not talking to my friends as much, and had sunken back behind the plane of quietness once again. I worked hard to get through it Sophmore year, and I probably still would be in it if my scenario hadn't increased.
I have friends. Last year, myself and these friends were closely bonded. Well, 1 of them became drum major. As a result, he became involved with the duties, and with the other drum major. He's gone now, and we rarely talk to him. 2 of them had formed a band with 2 outsiders last spring. They are now just so involved, that all they do is talk about the band and hang out with each other. Another 2 got girlfriends, and no longer really speak to anyone but them. A sixth and a seventh are girl magnets, and never have really been with us. 1 is the opposite pole of a girl magnet, but tries to physically be attracted. AKA, he touches them and doesn't leave them alone.
That leaves 3 of us left. 1 of them is just, different, and never has had a true relationship with us. He's all of a person who makes a hundred jokes, yet has no substance for a friendsip... Then the last two are myself and one other guy, and we get along fine and have a close relationship (Friends.)
So, what do I do?

Just because you don't hang out as much, dosn't mean that you aren't friends. Call them, Email them, IM them, It doesn't really matter what you do, but stay in touch. Friends are interesting; you can not talk to them for three years and be just as close as you were before. Don't be wierd, if you remember them and want to talk to them, then they will want to talk to you. Unless they are just wierd and heartless. Just kidding! Just try, if it doesn't work out, try to make new friends, maybe even girls. They don't have to be Girlfriends, just girl-friends. HA, that probably sounded weird! I hope that it makes sence though. I hope that I helped, and remember that my inbox is always open. You don't have to rate if you don't want to, but it would be nice if you did. Thanks!

P.S.
Good luck!

Q: I'm so depressed my girl left me and I didn't really make many friends when I moved here from NC what can I do to cheer up or meet new friends?

I'm sorry you lost your girl. Well, you can try to be more outgoing. Find a person that doesn't look like they have many friends, or talk to someone in the naborhood. After a while you will make friends, just talk to people and be yourself.good luck. I hope I helped, and remember, my inbox is always open. You don't have to rate, but it would be nice. Thanks.

Q: 14/f my friend's dad just died this morning. what can i do to show her that i care and that i'm here for her? i have no idea what to say to her because i've never experienced a real loss..

Just let her know that you're there for her. She is going to be sad and confused, so let her know that she can talk to you. Don't push too hard when trying to talk to her. She will get mad or annoyed. Her emotions are going to be taking over, so try to stay happy around her. Help her get her mind off of it by taking her to a movie or just hanging out. The more she thinks about it the worse she will get. Make sure that she knows that you are not uncomfortable with talking about him, and help her remember the happy and fun times she had with him. Try to invite her to things, even if you know she will say no, don't leave her out of the friendship circle, even though her dad has died, it doesn't mean that she won't notice that you didn't invite her. I don't know her coping style, but no matter what, let her know that you have two shoulders for her to cry on. She will get through it eventually, and she will thank you for all you have done. Also, make sure that she knows that it wasn't her fault. I know that when my dad died, I thought that I could have stoped it. She won't know that she didn't do anything.I hope I helped, and remember that my inbox is always open.You don't have to rate, but it would be nice. thanks.

Q: Hello. Well, when I make presentations at school or read a paper to the class, I always get nervous. I can't help it. I've tried everything: looking at the wall, looking at the people's noses, practicing a million times the night before, etc. My question is, are there any pills that help with that, or help with nervousness? If there are, are they expensive and do they actually really work? Please help soon because school is coming up. Thank you.

Getting nervouse is normal, it is not something that you should take pills over. I am pritty sure that a lot of people would agree with me. I mean, nervousness is a complicated thing, but it isn't bad. All you need to do is get over it. So be nervous, who cares. I'm nervous too. Just be nervous, and read those speaches. I hope I helped, and remember, my inbox is always open. You don't have to rate if you don't want to, but it would be nice if you did. Thanks!

Q: one of best friends was in a fight with my other best friend and then now that there friends shes all with her now.. thats fucked up.. i wanna stay her friend and i dk how to say anything without getting the other friend mad and then end up wit no friends instead of one and then one fake one.. at least fake at the moment.. help.

It sounds like you are having a "two's a company" problem. I think that you should talk to the so called "fake" friend, and become "real" friends. You really couldn't be friends with one and not the other one, it would really bug both of them, and make it really hard for the one in the middle. So, become friends with both of them, and try hanging out with them. There is one thing that you need to understand, there will most likely be a fight very often. That is how friendshopp works. I oght to know, I have had many fights with many friends, in afct I am in one right know. I hope I helped, and remember, my inbox is always open. YOu don't have to rate if you don't want to, but it would be nice if you did. Thanks!

bio

Ok, so I haven't been on in a while and I'm just starting to get back to where I can give advice again. I had a rough spot there and I just couldn't give advice without seeming rude, so I decided to take a break. My real name is Shannon and I live in Utah. I am 15 and I love animals and friends. I love to act and know a bit about those kinds of things. I would love to help you out and hope that I can. But there is one thing, you have to ask a question for me to answer! Just kidding. Hope you have a great day!