about

I'm Jack/Jamie.

I'm 28 years old. I graduated from Michigan State University with my Bachelor of Science in Chemistry. GO GREEN! Now I'm a high school chemistry teacher in New York City living with my husband in a small studio apartment we pay way too much money for.

I've been on this site for 14 years as of March 23, 2020.
You may have seen me as CuxMiBeckNow7, but I've since shortened my name.


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Here is my Recommended Columnist of the Decade for the 2020s:
Laura!




--Jack

advice

Ok dude here's the problem everyone thinks I'm gay and I'm not I know for sure I'm 100% straight its just that a majority of my friends are girls , I'd like to make guy friends but, none of them accept me so can you help?

I forgot to mention something about making guy friends. I'm kind of in the same boat as you. I have a lot of girl friends but like.. 5 or less guy friends.

Maybe join a club or a sport? Not just for the sake of meeting guy friends, but maybe you can kill two birds with one stone by getting a few buddies and doing something that interests you.

--Jack
(19/m)

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Ok dude here's the problem everyone thinks I'm gay and I'm not I know for sure I'm 100% straight its just that a majority of my friends are girls , I'd like to make guy friends but, none of them accept me so can you help?

I went through the same thing you did. About everything thinking I was gay.

Ignore people. They are stupid and ignorant and don't know you as well as you know yourself. Just because your friends are girls, it doesn't mean you are gay. So, my advice is to forget what they say. Yes, that is easier said than done, but you'll find that once you're out of high school, you won't see any of these people again.

Don't try to kiss a girl or something around everyone to prove that you're straight. It's not worth it. Let people think what they want, and go on living your life.

--Jack
(19/m)

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honest truth about me is i'm a super friendly person and really nice but i won't take peoples shit. like someone spread a rumor about me so i got angry and confronted him, i don't want people stepping all over me because i'm nice. and now that guy hates me. then theres me and my ex that broke up in june. we were friends up until now and then he just told me to lose his number so i said "why are you mad i didn't even do anything to you" and he was just like "are you serious? keep telling yourself that...lose my number" i mean i did break up with him but that was all the way in june and i did it nicely. then you have this other guy who we've been seeing each other recently and then i found out he was sleeping with a friend of mine so i got a little upset and now he hates me. i want to get away. i have the money but my mom is overprotective and won't let me go anywhere. i go to college but i live at home and i'm so sick of it. i'm sick of people pushing me around and being so cruel, and uncecessary fights when all i'm trying to do is make peace with them. i need a way out. help?

I would just find new friends. Moving away isn't the most practical solution since you're going to school.

You're in college, maybe you could live on campus? Maybe form study groups with people from your classes and make new friends, and forget all the drama of your other "friends".

--Jack
(18/m)

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i have this friend shes 15 were not best friends but were friends she has a problem every time she gets a boyfriend she acts like there the best in the world and theres no one other guy in the world but i think this guys no good for her he keeps telling her they should have a kid that he really wants her to be his baby mama we told her that shes crazy why is she even thinking about the answer should be no but she just does not get it she thinks he loves her but we don't i mean he cheated on her who cheats i need your help how do i help a friend who does not understand

Sometimes, you have to let people make mistakes. I know you want to help your friend, but it sounds like you really aren't that good of friends.

I would say try one more time to sit down with her and talk sense into her. If she doesn't listen, it's time to just let her learn her lesson.

If you are really concerned about her, talk to her parents.

--Jack
(18/m)

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I'm 15/f and my friend is 15/f. My friend constantly talks about herself. She will relate stuff to herself, or her clothes, or her grades or the sports she plays. It seems like whenever I am with her it's always about her. I will tell her something that was funny or what happened to me and she will give absolutely no feedback. She'll relate that thing back to herself or she'll go on with her story or interrupt me. My mom and sister tell me to ditch her because she's so self conceited. My friends also get annoyed about how much she talks about what clothes she bought. Our neighbor, who has met her, even said she was very self conceited. She also knows I don't get the best of grades (or atleast I thought she did) and one day she flipped out about getting an A- on her final with me standing right there. I want to tell her how I feel or just put her in line. I want to tell her "Hey sometimes I matter too!", but i'm not sure how to put it in nice terms. Any advice?

Sit her down and say you wanna talk about something.

Say sometimes when you're talking, or actually, very often when you're talking, you feel like she doesn't care about what you say, and she just finds something to say about herself.

If you say that, and she still doesn't get it, maybe being her friend isn't worth it.

--Jack
(17/m)

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I have a best friend who just admitted to me that she was bisexual. I don't really card if she's bi or not though it's just I told her I was curious and didn't know if I was or not. Well I think I kinda like her we talk on the phone everyday all day. I'm just kinda attracted to her i don't know if she feels or would ever consider me soo how do I tell her and how can I know if she might feel the same. She told some people that I was her girlfriend as a joke soo does this mean anything? HELP!!

Talk to her. Find out if she likes you. If you are curious, there's no harm in trying it out.

Just make sure that if it doesn't work out, you can still be friends.

--Jack
(17/m)

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anyone know how to get someone to like you?
not like like but friend wise?

cuz im goin into highschool. and im trying to be outgoing. but its tough.

thanks!

www.wikihow.com/Build-Self-Confidence

From there:

1. Recognize your insecurities. What does that voice in the back of your mind say? What makes you ashamed of yourself? This could be anything from acne, to regrets, to emotional abuse (past or present) from a loved one or friends at school. Whatever is making you feel unworthy, ashamed, or inferior, identify it, give it a name, and write it down.
2. Talk about it with friends and loved ones. Wear it on your sleeve. Each day you should chip away at it; wear it down. There's no quick fix. Get to the root of the problem; focus on it and understand that you need to resolve each issue before you can move on.
3. Remember that no one is perfect. Even the most confident people have insecurities. At some point in any of our lives, we may feel we lack something. That is reality. Learn that life is full of bumps down the road.
4. Identify your successes Everyone is good at something, so discover the things at which you excel, then focus on your talents. Give yourself permission to take pride in them. Give yourself credit for your successes. Inferiority is a state of mind in which you've declared yourself a victim. Do not allow yourself to be victimized.
5. Be thankful for what you have. A lot of the times, at the root of insecurity and lack of confidence is a feeling of not having enough of something, whether it's emotional validation, good luck, money, etc. By acknowledging and appreciating what you do have, you can combat the feeling of being incomplete and unsatisfied. Finding that inner peace will do wonders for your confidence.
6. Be Positive, even if you don't feel positive. Avoid self-pity, or the pity and sympathy of others. Never allow others to make you feel inferior--they can only do so if you let them. If you continue to loathe and belittle yourself, others are going to do and believe likewise. Instead, speak positively about yourself, about your future, and about your progress. Do not be afraid to project your strengths and qualities to others. By doing so, you reinforce those ideas in your mind and encourage your growth in a positive direction.
7. Look in the mirror and smile. Studies surrounding what's called the "facial feedback theory" suggest that the expressions on your face can actually encourage your brain to register certain emotions. So by looking in the mirror and smiling every day, you might feel happier with yourself and more confident in the long run.
8. Fake it. Along the same lines of smiling to make yourself feel happy, acting confident might actually make you believe it. Pretend you're a completely confident version of you; go through the motions and see how you feel.
9. Express yourself, whether it's through art, music, writing, etc. Find something you enjoy. Everyone is born with talents and strengths. You can develop and excel in yours. If it's difficult to name two or three things you have some ability in or just plain love to do, think about things others do that you would like to do too and take some lessons or join an enthusiasts club. When you're following your passion, not only will it have a therapeutic effect, but you'll feel unique and accomplished, all of which can help build your self confidence. Plus, adding a variety of interests to your life will not only make you more confident, but it will increase your chances of meeting compatible friends!
10. Stick to your principles. It might be tough, but if you don't have something you can believe in, you don't have anything. If you don't stand for something, you will fall for anything. No matter what's happened in your life, you can always lay claim to the fact that from this day forward, you've followed your principles to the best of your ability.
11. Help others. When you know you're kind to the people around you, and are making a positive difference in other people's lives (even if it's just being kinder to the person who serves you coffee in the morning) you'll know that you are a positive force in the world--which will boost your self confidence. Go volunteer twice a month at an elementary school. Bake something for your neighbor for no reason. Confidence that you have earned is the most long-lasting.
12. Stop worrying. What worries you today will be forgotten by you and people around you tomorrow. Can you remember what you were so worried about the same day the same time last week? If not, then you should not worry right now. You will not worry about it even one week from now.
13. Our body posture represents what we are at that particular time. Simple habit that we can learn and start to implement it are stand and sit correctly. Your great and nice body posture will speak for you. How you stand sends out a message to the World, and in turn, back to you.


--Jack
(17/m)

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Well as you read i have a problem with my friends. My friends dont like aeropostale and i well pretty much luv it. My friend John says hollister all the way. Shawndeep says ew aeropostale. On the first day of school i wanna wear an aeropostale shirt but am afraid. I dont wanna be like a follower but if i wear it i dont want to not be stylish if they don't like it. I wouldnt want to change my friends and jerpodize my friendships rite now. So should i wear my shirt or just put on a shirt with no aeropostale on it? Oh and p.s. my bff Karina likes aeropostale and i am a 13/f

You want my HONEST opinion?

Just wear what ever the heck you want- who cares what you look like- people aren't going to remember you by what you wore on the first day anymore than what you wore yesterday or any other day. What people will remember you by is how you acted as a person- not what you decided to wear to impress people. If someone is going to talk to you and hope to be your friend only because you're wearing Hollister- what kind of friend is that? One that only cares about your appearance- not your personality. That isn't someone you should try to be friends with. Wear something that makes you comfortable and something that you like. If you like what you're planning on wearing- then so be it. Don't wear it for the wrong reasons.

--Jack
(17/m)

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My friend's boyfriend is terrible. He smokes, drinks, does drugs. Basically, all the things she'd never do. And now we barely talk anymore and I don't know what to do. They've been together for a while now, but we've been friends 5 times longer. I try talking to her, but she pushes me away. How can I tell her that she can do so much better? What should I say?

If it's Brooke, it doesn't matter anymore. She'll be out of the picture soon enough.

If your friend won't listen to you, she's dumb.

--Jack
(17/m)

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Okay so basically,I am 19 & I had a misscarriage almost 2 months ago, suffered rape about 3 years ago and suffer with panic attacks and quite severe depression.
The other day I got into a conversation with a friend as I text him saying, are you awake. This was about midnight, he text back with yeah why, I said I feel down and sad, and just wanted to talk to someone.

He asked me what was up and I just said, I was watching a program on tv called ''Underage & Pregnant'', I knew I didn't wanna watch it but at the same time, I had this urge to, so I did. And it left me feeling low.

He basically said, your not the only one whos been through this, my girlfriend had a miscarriage too and we didnt even know she was pregnant, your always so low and upset and your not the only one, and hes pissed off with it.
I text back saying I have a right to be upset still though :( and he said your still doing it, you know i been through the same thing but your still saying about you being upset.''

At that point I felt utterly crap, I truely feel selfish and almost like I am not allowed to grieve for my unborn child. I dont know what to do, and this has made me feel really bad. Could someone expres their opinion on the matter,


I knew

I think it's not so much you being selfish as him being unwilling to sympathize.

I mean, to a point, we're all selfish. We all like to talk about ourselves and we all like to talk out our problems sometimes. Honestly, that's not that selfish.

I would only call you selfish if that was ALL you talked about to EVERYONE you knew. If it's not, then you're fine. If it's like 20% of your conversation or less, I think you're fine.

If you don't talk about much else, maybe you are selfish. But being selfish or not doesn't take away the pain you've gone through, and I think it's alright if you talk it out. It's natural.

--Jack
(17/m)

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is it okay to not want people to go to your house?
cuz i always go to my friends houses.
do they want to come here?

Yeah, I think it's fine. Sometimes it just takes getting used to to have friends over.

Maybe they want to come over, talk to them about it.

--Jack
(17/m)

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Hi my name is Alexandra. I am 15 years old. And I started my period at the age of 12. When I was in 6th grade. And I've been have them normal but February 2009 I had my period and I didn't had my period until now May 14,2009. I touched myself...BUT NOT inside of my vagina. Will I get pregnant for doing that? I hope not... I don't want to be pregnant at the age of 15! I am too young! My parents would kill me! well just let me know if I am pregnant or not by doing that kind of stuff...by the way... remember, I DIDN'T TOUCH THE INSIDE OF MY VAGINA....ONLY THE OUTSIDE OF MY VAGINA!.

Unfortunately, they just did a study, and masturbation causes pregnancy now. Sorry, but you're pregnant.

Ok, so I'm kidding. Unless you had sex, you aren't pregnant.

--Jack
(17/m)

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13/m
is there a kind of a set of stages type thing of what a girl will do when their angry at you because i was going out with this girl for about a week but then she got angry and dumped me because she said i was ignoring her and not paying enough attention and not making her feel special like i should and that is somewhat true but i was always afraid if she would get too creeped out by me telling her that she was beautiful and stuff like that so i hardly ever did now its been about a week and shes still angry at me
but for the first few days she was angry and telling me what i should of done to/for her that would make her feel special and stuff now shes starting to ignore me because i saw her at the movies as i was walking past it to go into the shops and i waved at her and her friend who was with her who is my friend also and she turned around and saw me then just looked away and that completely ruined my day so is there like stuff that she will keep doing for a certain amount of time until she forgives me and ive told her im sorry but she told her friend to tell me that she said im a dick head so im like getting unhappy cause she means alot but i cant keep going on with her being like this
sorry its so long
thanks

The first columnist took the words right out of my mouth. This girl is a needy bitch, and you don't deserve that whatsoever.

You freaking dated for a week, and she's acting like this? She's obviously doing it for the drama and to torment you.

Ignore her; she definitely isn't worth it.

--Jack
(17/m)

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15/f
I have a profile on Facebook and under my friend suggestions is this guy that I went to school with since pre-k to 8th grade. Ever since I first saw him in pre-k I thought that he was really cute. We became not so much friends but in between acquaintances and friends. The entire time I went to school with him everyone thought that I had a huge crush on him, but I only thought that he was cute. I dont know if I should be friends with him or not. Im afraid to ask him to be my friend because Im afraid that he will say no. And if he says yes Im afraid that my schoolmates will make fun of me again for being in love with him. Im friends with all my schoolmates so its hard sometimes. I would ask my best friend but he's her ex,so I cant. Anyway and suggestions to what Im dealing with can help. Thanks and please help me.

Just ask him to be your friend. There's really no big deal in adding him. It's just Facebook.


--Jack
(17/m)

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i didnt know what category so i did this 1...im not tryin to be mean by saying crybaby the stalker...but she wont leave me and my friends alone...im in a group of 4 bffs...were 13 were girls...we go to a stupid catholic school...we are very rough w/ eachother we do cuss but so what...we dont be mean 2 her we dont do it 2 her but me and my friends come up behind eachother and jump on or trip or just step on ther shoes we cuss at eachother not mean but as best friends... so she crys about everything we do and tells on us so we get a detention and SHE WONT LEAVE US ALONE...my mom whent up 2 school because of stalker telling about everything we do my mom says its fine its my friends and she was the same way...i have had 16 detentions this year because of her...i am not a trouble maker im very shy exept around my friends...if we tell her 2 leave us alone she crys and tells but we only miss recess when she does tht...how do we get the stalker to leave

Uhm, well, just because the "crybaby" told on you and got you detention, it doesn't mean you didn't deserve them.

Cussing at Catholic school is probably not the best thing, and you need to obey the rules of your school, regardless of what you want to do. That's part of becoming an adult.

Ignore your "stalker". Don't be mean to her, and don't call her a crybaby to anyone, even your friends.

Be an adult for once.

--Jack
(17/m)

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kay so theres this girl, i thought she was my bff.........but then i think she kinda changed over the summer. and then she tells me stuff, and i believed her, and then she says shes lieing. but now i dont know if its true or not and im scared about her now

Talk to her and tell her that the truth is really important, and lying just creates huge messes.

If she doesn't listen, well, there's plenty of other friends to be had.

--Jack
(17/m)

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My best friend Erin is getting on my nerves. Sometimes I just want to kill her or at least smack her. She is moving at the end of summer but I dont think I can hold my anger in anymore. Please help my with me problem. Thankyou!!!!!!

Maybe you could talk out your problems with her and come to a resolution?

As for smacking her, I wouldn't try it. It's not worth it.

--Jack
(17/m)

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There is a girl in my class she acts as a boss to me i just want to tell to stop being a bossy girl but i dont have guts to tell this to her wat should i do. and i am from india

Stand up for yourself. You are an individual and you don't deserve to be bossed around by someone your own age.

Stand up to her and she'll stop. If the problem persists, talk to your teacher.

--Jack
(17/m)

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A good friend told me he wanted to come visit me. He got here and within 48 hours had hooked up with a complete stranger. I never saw him at all for three days straight after that - then he went home without even calling to say "good-bye"!

Is it right that my feelings are hurt or should I be happy that at least he had a good time?

I am wishing him bad thoughts. Like, he'll get syphilis or something. Which is likely.

Am I a bad friend?

It's perfectly fine to be upset that your feelings were hurt. He did kind of ditch you.

Talk to him about it and let him know how it made you feel. Maybe he didn't realize you were so upset about it?

--Jack
(17/m)

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So.. um. My best friend is starting the last year of high school this year, and her mom is very sick and is going to die. Lately she has been in a very bad psychological state, depressed and stuff like that. She has been drinking quite a lot, and when she was drunk the other day she started telling me stuff like she doesn't know what to do if her mother dies, and half her life is going to go away and stuff like that. She also said she's happy she has all of us (her friends) and stuff, but generally she sounded like she was really in a horrible mental state.

Can you please give me advice on what I can do?

Well, my best friend's father passed away last November. It wasn't known like your friend knows, but maybe my situation can help.

The best thing you can do is be a friend. Obviously, she'll need her friends to be there for her to just listen to her and be there, even if you have nothing to say, but she also will need time to be alone and think.

For now, tell your friend to spend as much time with her mother as possible, which I hope she will.

Once her mother is gone, be a good friend. Try to get her mind off of it, but at the same time, if she wants to talk about it, by all means do.

I guess my advice is for you to be there for her and be as good of a friend as you can.

--Jack
(17/m)

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