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my friend is self obsessed
I'm 15/f and my friend is 15/f. My friend constantly talks about herself. She will relate stuff to herself, or her clothes, or her grades or the sports she plays. It seems like whenever I am with her it's always about her. I will tell her something that was funny or what happened to me and she will give absolutely no feedback. She'll relate that thing back to herself or she'll go on with her story or interrupt me. My mom and sister tell me to ditch her because she's so self conceited. My friends also get annoyed about how much she talks about what clothes she bought. Our neighbor, who has met her, even said she was very self conceited. She also knows I don't get the best of grades (or atleast I thought she did) and one day she flipped out about getting an A- on her final with me standing right there. I want to tell her how I feel or just put her in line. I want to tell her "Hey sometimes I matter too!", but i'm not sure how to put it in nice terms. Any advice?
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I had this exact problem with one of my friends too. I kept letting it go and letting it go. I started acting really bitchy towards her because I was really fed up. Then I finally flipped one day. We had a big fight about it and then things were kind of awkward so we stopped talking. Recently we started talking again and worked our things out. I suggest you talk to her before something like I went through happens. When you see a good opportunity to talk to her with out any interruptions do it! Start by saying "Hey I really need to talk to you about something, I need to get my thoughts out before you give me your input." Then start by saying "I feel as if you don't really care whenever I try to tell you things, for instance I find that you are constantly cutting me off when I am telling you something and you switch the subject to something you want to talk about." After you tell her that bit start kind of buttering her up so she doesn't get angry by saying "I really value having you as a friend but it seems like you're always talking about yourself and don't have any interest in talking to me about other things."
You really do need to talk to her or else she will never know it's a problem. After I talked to my friend (well once we started talking again) she did a complete turn around, she will thoroughly listen to me with out interrupting and whenever she notices she switches the subject she apologizes and lets us continue with what we were originally talking about. I really hope this helps, good luck.
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this all could be part of who your friend is part of her thought pattern, her personality something that she isn't even concisely aware of.
I don't believe your friend is self center or conceited. I also don't believe putting your friend in line is the right thing to do. I do agree that you matter too and it is hard being friends with someone who seems to be all about themselves. All of us need people we can talk too and people that will listen to us and even say things that make us feel good about our selves.
I think you should let your friend know that u notice that she talks alot about her self and relates alot of things to herself, ask why she does that, go into this conversation with the pure intention of wanting to understand your friend. let her know that always talking about her self all the time tends to draw people away, and can make others view her as selfish and conceited.
Just do your best to understand her and her views. I hope this helps.
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Explain exactly how she makes you feel and give her examples just so its clear. If she does not take the time to listen or care, cut her off as a friend because she will never be the kind of friend you are looking for. If she values a friendship with you, she will atleast listen and make an attempt to change her ways.
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Sit her down and say you wanna talk about something.
Say sometimes when you're talking, or actually, very often when you're talking, you feel like she doesn't care about what you say, and she just finds something to say about herself.
If you say that, and she still doesn't get it, maybe being her friend isn't worth it.
--Jack
(17/m)
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