about

Hey kids! My name is Amanda, but call me Manders. I'm a psychology/neuroscience/biology student. Throw me questions and I'll throw you an answer. :)

advice

im taking the pill, but my new boyfriend wont cum in me

The pill isn't 100% effective against pregnancy, so you can still get pregnant while on the pill. He's not being inconsiderate; he's being responsible.

-Manders

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Ok short and sweet i will make this. I'm 18 now been in love with this girl I know since the fifth grade (since i was 10 no lie!). Problem is im not gay! but im so in love with her( i would die for her). No one knows or has the slightest idea of my feelings. We have graduated and i now live 1000 miles away from her (we never tlked much through the school years) and i will be seeing her this summer(only due to my visit back). Should i tell her how i feel...or should i just leave it alone and let her go. Im starting to feel like i have an obsession even though im positive im just in love. Just because ive been secretly in love with her for 8 years now. how should i tell her how i feel???(and believe me when i say im in love)

First of all, reexamine your sexual orientation. Plenty of heterosexual (straight) females have "girl crushes," but I've never heard of a straight girl being deeply in love with another female. I'm not saying that in a negative way, I'm just expressing that it might be a good idea to explore that a bit.
Anyway, I would play it by ear. You can wait until you see her and find out that your strong emotions were fueled by the anticipation of talking to/seeing her (since you said that you never really talked much anyway). If you still think that you're in love, you can tell her for your own sake; getting something like that off your chest really helps you get over it.
Basically, if you still feel strongly about her, tell her for your own sake. Don't expect anything to come of it since you both live so far away most of the time; however, confessing may make it easier for you to get over since it'll give you some type of closure.

-Manders

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Alright well I am 18 and a female. I dated this guy named collin for about three years and we ended up splitting because he cheated. I was in love with this guy and I couldn't stand being anywhere near him after that so I moved to another state where I had family. After about 5 months he breaks up with the girl and then comes running back to me. We talk again for a while but I don't trust him. I met this other guy and we start dating. I didn't want to get to much hope up on collin because afterall he did cheat. Well now they both want me to give the other up and idk what to do. It'll be hard to give up either. I love collin but I nknow this guy is loyal and will treat me good. Collin would be a chance. I'm not willing to give up either so I don't know what to do.

You're not willing to give up on either...? You're going to have to, sweetie; it's not fair to either of them if you go back and forth, so get that mindset out of your head.
Anyway, I don't recommend going back to that ex. Trust is vital in any healthy relationship, and how can you trust someone that cheated on you and made you feel dispensable? Don't go back to a relationship like that, or you're setting yourself up for a hell of a lot of pain.
Do you really like this other guy? If so, stick with him. If not, don't. Don't just settle for him because he's there, you know? You might want to refrain from being in a relationship to heal and whatnot, but that's your decision.

-Manders

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Hi everyone, 23 and female here...
I saw the red flags, but I had just come out of an emotionally abusive relationship; I refused to believe that I had run straight into a worse situation...but I had.
I've been free of him since mid-October, when I took the day off work, gathered my things, and left. We were living together in the house he bought to share with me, talking about marriage and kids...I know it sounds bizarre, given the abuse, but in his own sick way, he loved me. I never doubted that...and I loved him. If I listed the qualities of my dream guy, I would almost describe him. I dreamed of spending my life with him until he started to physically hurt me.

So here's my problem:
When I left him, I turned off my emotions. If I had let myself feel, I knew I wouldn't have been able to do it. Until this past Saturday, I've been pleasantly numb. I'm very busy, I have a lot of responsibility at work, and I don't have time or energy to waste on being upset. All of a sudden, that logic doesn't seem to be helping, and I find myself biting back tears all the time. I realized that I know only two ways to cope with things: to suppress what I'm feeling completely, or to let it take over.
I have a therapist, but I don't think I'm getting what I need from her. I've seen seven different therapists in my short life and none of them have been able to help me. I'm also on an antidepressant, and STILL having these problems.

I know this is kind of vague, but I don't know what to ask, exactly. I just...need help...any help. Please.

Thanks to all who try.

Don't suppress your emotions; they'll come back to haunt the hell out of you later... and they'll be worse. Instead, confront them now. I can't really tell you how to cope because everyone has their own way of doing so (depending on the individual situation).

Let go of the delusion that this guy was your "dream guy." He was not and is not your dream man. Your dream man will treat you like you matter, because in reality, you matter so much. NEVER determine an ideal man by his personality traits alone; judge him by those as well as how he affects and treats you. The latter is just as important.

As far as treatments go, ask whoever you're getting your prescription from about trying a different antidepressant. There are a lot to choose from, and they affect levels of different neurotransmitters. Honestly, they aren't all created equal, nor do they affect the brain in the same ways. Inquire.
Have your various therapists tried different therapies? "Talking it out" isn't always effective. Certain cognitive behavioral therapies (CBTs) should also be considered. Ask your therapist about EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization Reprocessing). It's a highly underrated form of therapy that's often used on people suffering from emotional trauma yielded by traumatic events; I actually went through it, and it was rather effective.

You're worth more than this guy made you believe. You'll pull through the situation; if anything, experiencing this will make you appreciate someone who will treat you the way you deserve to be treated. That man will be your real "dream guy," not this loser who emotionally abused you.

Stay strong, and good luck. :)
-Manders

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A boy in my class who I have never really talked to named doug had asked me to jr. prom and I said sure because he is a cute kid and I felt bad. His friend Peter took one of my friends. Jr. Prom is over and I've been talking to Peter a lot. He has kind of hinted that he likes me and asked me to go with him to his friends bbq. I said sure because a lot of my friends were going. But when we went he kind of kept me away from everyone the whole time and kept making hints like "we are more than friends.." and it was weird. Luckily Doug and his friend Norm noticed I was not interested and saved me but man it was weird. Now Peter has been telling people he likes me and I dont know whether to give him a second chance or how to get rid of him without ruining my relationship with his friends. A little help?

If I were you, I wouldn't give him a second chance. If you're not into him now, when you talk to him a lot as it is, your feelings probably won't change.
I would casually sit him down and tell him that while you love your friendship, you don't want any more than that. But if you do want to stay friends and you tell him that, stick to your word.
Put yourself in his shoes. If you liked a guy, and he wasn't really interested, wouldn't you like to know? The answer is probably yes.
By telling him how you feel, you're giving him the chance to find someone who likes him as much as he will like her.
Also, if you give him a second chance and you end up feeling the same as you do now, he may start liking you even more. If that happens, it will be a lot harder on him when you tell him that you don't like him.
He may be let down when you break the news to him, but it will be better for the both of you in the long run.

If you need any more help, let me know!
-Manders

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How do you know if someone is emotionally manipulative of you?

I've noticed a pattern when someone is emotionally manipulative. This is just what I've seen and experienced; I'm sure that there are variations.

At first, the person is usually very nice. It makes sense, because we all tend to put our best faces on when we first meet somebody.
Later on is when the signs become evident. Usually, someone who is emotionally manipulative is insecure, so if they're feeling sad, they want you to feel the same way. So, they tend to bring you down by calling you names (idiot, stupid, etc.) or undermining your accomplishments ("You know, it's really not that big of a deal that you got a raise at work."). By doing so, they make you feel bad, right? At that moment, they have control over your emotions, and they know it. Those kinds of people thrive off of this manipulation, and they will pull this trick multiple times.

Sometimes, it's difficult to spot someone who is emotionally manipulative, but with a lot of observation, it becomes easier to catch.

Just let me know if you need any more help!
-Manders

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There's a guy from school who had a big crush on me. He knew absolutely nothing about me, and yet he still liked me. He used to keep talking to me and trying to get me to go on a date with him. After a while we started instant messaging on yahoo, and I got to know him a little better. At first I thought he was kind of cute, but I wasn't really that into him once I got to know him. I didn't want to lead him on, so finally I told him very nicely that I would just like to remain friends. He got mad at me! Now he's not talking to me at all. I told him we could still be friends, but he doesn't care. And it makes me wonder, was he even interested in me as a person or did he just want me to be his girlfriend? Anyway, now I feel bad about rejecting him (even though I did it very gently, I didn't diss him or anything) and I don't even think we're friends anymore. What should I do now?

Try not to feel bad for rejecting him. Put yourself in his shoes. Which would hurt worse: Being rejected up front, or being led on? I'm going to say that from personal experience, I know that being led on hurts a LOT more than being rejected from the get-go.
With rejection comes a chance to move on. He now has the chance to have a relationship with someone who he's more compatible with, and returns his feelings. That's better than him trying to win someone over who will never have romantic feelings towards him.

If you already tried talking to him about it, then you've done all you can do. Give it time, and if you're meant to be friends again, you will. Just trust that whatever happens will be in the best interests of the both of you in the long run.

You did the right thing, so try not to feel bad. =]

If you have any more questions, feel free to ask!
-Manders

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*16 female

i've been going out with this one guy for about 5 months now. well hes a virgin and i'm not. we've been close to having sex a few times but he never has a condom. then one day we were talking about doing it and then he kind of chickened out. well i agreed with him we should wait a while. but then i got scared cause all my friends were having sex and they were all saying how they thought they might get pregnant. i didn't want that to happen if me and my boyfriend had sex so i told him i wanted to wait till college or maybe even out of college. and he was more then happy with that decision. but now i want to have sex with him and i've told him that. i want to have sex but i'm scared. he just says okay. i want to have sex with him soo bad. how can i get him in the mood for it again? please help

Well, first of all, it's good that you're aware of the repercussions of your actions: That having sex CAN lead to pregnancy. I know it's really cliche to say this, but some, if not most, teenagers think that nothing bad can happen to them, or that bad things happen to "everyone else." However, you know that that's definitely not true, which is good! I applaud you for that!

He may be a little iffy about it because he knows how scared you are. Is that a bad thing? Of course not! That means you have a guy who cares about you enough to not want you to do something you could possibly regret later. Your boyfriend respects you, which is vital in a good relationship.

What you need to do is talk to him, and express your concerns as well as your desires. Make it clear that while you do want to have sex with him, you're scared of the possibilities. Another thing to do is discuss the birth control options you have, such as condoms or the pill. Though keep in mind that neither one of these is 100% effective in preventing pregnancy, and that they need to be used correctly to be effective at all.

Communication is key in any relationship, be it a friendship or a "coupling" (couldn't think of a better word for it, haha). You need to voice your feelings and ask him to do the same. Don't just make assumptions.

Personally, if I were placed in your situation, I wouldn't have sex with him. Your intuition is telling you something by giving you that doubt you have; Don't ignore that inner voice.

If you have any more questions, feel free to ask!
-Manders

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have any of you been in the situation where you have a really great guy friend and you laugh and have fun with them and you can be yourself around them? and you love to be around them and hangout? just talk about random stuff and but stupid with eachother and not mind to be the real you? then you get to thinking 'maybe i like him' or 'maybe i want to be with him' but then you think about kissing him and stuff and you just dont see yourself doing it? like, you think about it and your like 'no i dont see myself kissing him' or something? and it just seems wierd? well, thats the situation im in. he told me he likes me and everything and he wants to be with me and stuff. and hes asked me out. and i said 'lets wait and see, let me think about it' or something like that. the thing is, i think i waited too long. he has a girlfriend now. but he says he still likes me, and is waiting for me. help!

i need advice. what should i do? dont say 'go with what feels right' or something. have any of you been in this situation before? if so, then did you two get together and what happened with the relationship?

I've been in a similar situation before, so I definitely feel your pain and confusion.
To be honest with you, I don't think that you're truly attracted to him, especially since you said that you couldn't imagine kissing him.

Did you start to question your feelings for him after he revealed his feelings to you? If so, do you think that you might just like the attention he gives you? It's possible.
Also, if you started questioning your feelings for him after he asked you out, you could be trying to convince yourself that you like him to get rid of the guilt that comes with breaking the heart of a good friend.
Or maybe you're bored with the friendship and want to try something new. There really are a lot of possiblities here!

If you can't figure out your feelings soon, let him know that you're confused and need more time. If he doesn't know this, he could jump to conclusions. Don't leave him hanging.

If you have any more questions, feel free to leave one in my inbox!
-Manders

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im a little confused about guys.
like how come their so obsessed about sex and everything?
im really curious and help would be nice :]
sorry if this is so stupid.

Not all guys are obsessed with sex, as the people below me stated. It's all a matter of hormones, testosterone levels, and personality. Also, it has been scientifically proven that males mature slower than females do.

In the teenage years, hormones are more active than ever (for girls, too). Guys and girls are going through different changes at different times, which is why it's so hard for females to understand the mystery that is the male. =]

If you have any more questions, feel free to leave one in my inbox!
-Manders

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16 f
this might be long but i need help please help. ok so i had a boyfriend who i really loved. and i know he loved me too. there were jsut moments when you know you can feel it. we were fine and all but then i broke up with him because he was acting different liek he wasnt the same we lasted 10 months. so i asked for a break. during that break i missed him so much and he always said he missed me too. we would always talk and such. but then i decided that i wnated him back. so i tried to talk to him and he told me that i dont deserve him and i said why? and he said if i knew all of the bad things that he did to me then i would neevr want to hear from him again. so i told him tell me. and he said tht he doesnt want to hurt me but that he needs to tell me to get it off his back. he said that he cheated on me. those 8 months out of 10. i thought i was going to die when he said that to me. he also told me that he had sex with 2 girls and that while we were at themall and i went to the abthroom he saw one of his exs and hang out with them. he told me he loves me, and i was the only girl that he loved but that he couldnt take me back becuase after what he did things would never be the same. he says hes really sorry and that he does love me. he sid i showed him what real love is and that he messed up things badly and i shouldnt be with him. he said i too good for him. but after everything he said to me i still miss him. why? how can i get hurt and still miss him? what should i do now? any comments advice? thanks! for the help i really do appreciate it!

In the beginning, you thought that your (now ex) boyfriend was this amazing guy who would do nothing to hurt you, no matter what the circumstances.
The key word in that statement is THOUGHT. You thought he was a great boyfriend, and you thought wrong. Anyone who cheats on their significant other isn't a great partner, no matter how sweet or wonderful he/she may seem to be.
What I'm trying to say is that you are in love with and miss the man you thought he was, not his true self.
Even if you got back with him, the relationship would be horrible. Everytime he goes out with his friends, you'll wonder if he's going to see the girl he cheated on you with again. If he cheated on you for eight months, he could easily do it again as he must be pretty sly if he kept it from you for that long. Rekindling your romance will do nothing but hurt you.

Have a girl's night with your closest friends. Don't keep all your deepest feelings inside; Let them out. Know that it's okay to cry, and that it's okay to do so on the shoulder of someone you trust.

You'll pull through this, I promise.

Good luck, and if you have any more questions, feel free to leave one in my inbox!
-Manders

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Theres this boy how's friend said he wants to go out with me what sould I do. I dont really know him that well?

Don't shut this boy out yet! You should get to know him to see if he's boyfriend material. Get his AIM screenname, MySpace, or Facebook and start talking to him a little more often to find out what he's like and what his interests are. If he seems to be a good guy, you can ask him to see a movie with you. (You can bring your friend along if that makes you more comfortable.)
If you're not into him and he asks you out, don't feel obligated to give in. Just let him know that you want to be friends and nothing more. If he's a nice guy, he should understand and leave it at that.

If you have any more questions, feel free to leave another in my inbox!
-Manders

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i have been dating my boyfriend for 5 months, and no that doesn't seem long but we've been best friends and sometimes more for two years so we're pretty close. the entire time we were friends he was really in love with me he would write letters and tell me i was the only one for him. it has been this way all the way up until a month ago. i still think he's in love with me but i really think he takes me for granted. Now he blows me off and says "you won't break up with me c'mon" or lies to me. when he lies i get mad at him and once we broke up and he was a mess, i love him so i took him back and a week later his attitude wa sback.

i don't know if i did something or what because one minute he's head over heals for me in love the next it just seems like he's dating me for show.

my sweet guy turned into a jerk, i don't want to break up i just want things to be back to normal what should i do? if your telling me to talk to him what should i say becaus ei've talked to him time and time again!

16 f

You've talked to him plenty of times, you say. But remember when you were little and your mother would tell you that actions speak louder than words? Well, that saying holds true here; You tell your boyfriend time and time again that his behavior is unacceptable, and yet you permit it. He knows that you'll talk, but you won't act (and if you do, you'll feel bad and take him back).

One day, sit him down while you two are alone. Explain to him exactly how you feel, without yelling or becoming irrational. You don't deserve to be blown off and taken for granted; Tell him that. Say that if he wants a relationship with you, he needs to hold his own. But if he doesn't, you need to act on your promise and dump him. You don't deserve to be treated like that; It only succeeds in making you miserable.

Understand that you loved who he was, and not who he is now. Who he was is gone, and if he still treats you badly (even after you talk to him), he's never coming back. You deserve happiness, and this guy can't give you that.

If you have any more questions, feel free to leave one in my inbox!
-Manders

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So im a 15/f. I havent had my first kiss yet! Not to sound cocky like at all, but Im cute! I know afew people who like me, and I'm sure wouldnt mind hooking up. So my question is, should I keep waiting for that special person/time for my first kiss? Or should I just hook up with someone and get it over with. I mean no offence but im so kiss horny! lol I want to hook up with someone so bad, but I also dont want to ruin something potentially special you know? Is your first kiss really that big of a deal? THANKS!!

Believe me, kissing a guy you have no feelings for sucks the fun out of it. Your first kiss should be an experience shared with someone you really like, not someone you barely know.
If you hook-up with some random guy, you'll only regret it in the end, and more likely than not, you won't consider it your first "real" kiss.
You don't get the butterflies and the "fireworks" (I know, I'm getting cheesy, but you know what I mean!) when you kiss someone you don't particularly care about.

Your time will come, and it will most likely be better than if you had rushed it. Have patience, and you will be rewarded.

If you have any more questions, feel free to leave one in my inbox!
-Manders

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I have been working with this guy that i really really like but i think he likes me a little bit i dont relly nknow. I want his nu,mber really badly but dont know how to ask him beacuse im pretty fridgid around guys. How do i ask for his number?

Are you at the point to where you talk to him on a regular basis? If you do, then you could ask, "Hey, do you want to see a movie with me and my friends this weekend?" or something like that, and if he says yes, then you could ask for his number so you could call to give him the time and place. It wouldn't seem weird; the guy should be flattered that you want to include him in your plans.
Don't worry too much. Asking a guy for his number could lead to so much more, and you'll never know if you don't try. Take the chance!

If you have any more questions, feel free to leave another in my inbox!
-Manders

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so, there is a guy in my class, and his name is Michael. i REALLY like him! he ism cute and REALLY funny and he is the nicest guy in the class. but i am sad because i know that he will probably neveer like me. i know this because i can tell he likes talisha (my friend). he alsways talks to her and hardly ever me. i dnt care that he talks to her, i just wish he would talk ot me sometimes. i talk to him alot and he talks to me bak but he wouldnt start a conversation. i only met him last here and he knows talisha from ages ago.
PLEAE ANSWER MY QUESTION:
how can i get him to like me more?

If he won't start a conversation, why don't you? If you want to get what you want in life, sometimes you have to do it yourself.
Also, don't assume that he'll never like you, because you don't know him well enough yet! Focus on becoming friends with him before anything else. It really helps to get to know someone better before going into dating.

Go for open-ended questions. For instance, instead of asking, "Did you do anything this weekend?" ask "What did you do this weekend?" and take it from there.

You could also ask your friend to help you. Try to get into conversations with the both of them. See if your friend will talk about you to him.

If you have any more questions, feel free to leave one in my inbox!
-Manders

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ok me and my boyfriend are getting married when were 19 but were doing it secretly so my parents don't know. Is this a bad thing to do even if my parents do not accept him. I knooow you might say im too youn but weve been dateing for over 2 years and it's the only way i can be happy because at home with my parents im miserable but when im with him im happy i feel no weight on my shoulders. We've only been on 5 dates sice we have been going out and i only see him at school and thats it. myparents keep me isolated from him. Someone please help i don't know what to do. I love him and want to marry him but then again i feel like imm back stabbing my parents.

Marriage is one of the most important aspects of your life, and you should share it with your family. Keeping it a secret will only put a strain on your relatonship with your boyfriend, your parents, and the one between your boyfriend and your parents.
Plus, when you're 19, you have so much more life to live. I know you love him and that you want to move out of your parents' house, but you can love him without marriage and you can move out without marriage.

Why do your parents seem to dislike him? I know that one of the biggest mistakes a boyfriend can make is not trying to communicate with their girlfriends' (it can go either way, though) parents. Are you sure that he makes an effort to talk to them? If he doesn't, your parents may not like him because they don't know enough about him.

Talk to your parents. Lack of communication could be the problem here. Let them know that you really care about this guy, and ask them why they don't like him. Tell them that you love them, and that you want them to accept your boyfriend. Also, tell them that it would mean a lot to you if they could get along, since you care about your boyfriend and your parents so much.
Be calm, mature, and polite. Don't throw accusations at them; That'll only make them tune you out and less likely to take you seriously.

I hope I helped, and if you have any more questions, feel free to leave one in my inbox!
-Manders

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Ok so I'm 15 years old and I have a boyfriend and I love him so much...we'll I think. Sometimes he calls me dummy and stupid and then says that he really likes me. But its like he can't talk to me about personal stuff. I know he loves me but I want him to show it more how?. I love him so much but its hard sometimes to talk to him and show him my feelings. Sometimes I can't even say I love you?. Why and I do know I mean it. Also how do I get him to stop calling me stupid I know he loves me though. Oh and how to I get him to tell me his personal stuff and to let me in?.
Thanks lotsss!

Guys are very, very different from girls emotionally. Many girls can talk about how they feel much easier than guys can. To put it plainly, it's mostly because of the whole "macho" complex that our society is expecting of younger males.

What I'm trying to say is that you're not the problem. He could just have problems expressing himself and getting his point across. Don't blame yourself for it.

I've learned one important thing about guys over the years, and that is that they aren't good with subtle hints. If you want to get your point across, you have to be straightforward.

You could talk to him about it. Don't get angry with him or pressure him, because that will more than likely just make him defensive. He might not even know that he's being less-than-affectionate with you, so politely bring it to his attention.

As for calling you stupid and dummy... you should talk to him about that, too. No one deserves to be treated like that, especially if it gets to the point where it really hurts your feelings.

I would talk to him when you two are alone, and he is free of stress or other negative emotions. Be calm and cool, and try not to yell. It may be hard, but the longer you wait, the worse the strain in your relationship will get.

I hope I helped, and if you have any more questions, feel free to leave one in my inbox!
-Manders

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14/f

So there's this older guy who I've liked since the very first day of school. I just met him this year. And he keeps looking & poking fun at me and crap, so I'm 90% sure he likes me too. But it's getting really awkward..like one day we'll totally zone out in each other's eyes and then the next day I'll be totally embarassed to face him again because of it.

so now I want to stop liking him, because the awkwardness is driving me crazy and I'm not 100% sure if I'm ready for a bf (I could be ready, but i'm not COMPLETELY assured yet). I do everything to take my mind off him, whether it's pretending i dont know he exists in class or going out with friends to distract me. But everytime I think I'm over him he'll do something super cute and I'll fall head over heels for him again, then soon after another awkward lovey moment comes again and the cycle repeats. It's tiring but exhilerating at the same time. And even though I try to stop liking him, I also have a feeling that I really don't ever want to stop.

so i guess..um, what should i do? i need ANY advice at all, i'm at a loss. thankyou.

You seem to like him a lot, and I think that one of the reasons you're trying to stop liking him because you're afraid of getting hurt. But really, why should you stop liking him when you don't even know how he feels about you yet? If you really, really like this guy, you should take the risk and make a move.

You don't have to say, "I like you!" to let him know that you do. You can still be subtle and friendly. Invite him to a movie or something of that nature. Have lunch with him and a bunch of friends one weekend.

I think that you should become better friends with him first. Maybe then, the awkwardness will go away and you can decide what to do from there.

Always follow your heart, but never neglect your head.

I hope I helped, and if you have any more questions, feel free to leave one in my inbox!
-Manders

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who ever said that ex bf/gf's can't be JUST friends??...well theyre right..almost. ugh, i swear my ex says he was cool being friends at first but i kinda wasnt only because i was SO hurt. now later on we became "friends" but lately he's being such a jerk. like all he does is be mean..not like punch you or kick you mean like verbaly mean. it drives me crazy because one day were like nice to eachother the next he gets me really mad because he gets mean. i don't know whats going through his head...what do i do? what is he feeling? what does it mean?

I know a few broken-up couples that are still friends. The relationships didn't end on bad terms, though, so that's probably why they're still friends. I know that this doesn't really apply to your question, but I just wanted you to know that it's possible, but rare, that couples can remain friends after a break-up.

Anyway, why is your ex being mean? I honestly don't know the exact reason, since I don't know anything about your relationship and how it ended. I can give you a possibility or two, though.

He could still be bitter about the break-up. He may have been nice at first, and he could have been hiding his feelings. But, as we all know, hiding your feelings only makes them come back strongly later on, and that's what may have happened with him. He could be expressing all of the pent-up anger now.

He could also be mean because he doesn't know how to act around you anymore. He might be expressing his frustration by being mean. I know that sounds weird, but anything's possible.

What do you do? Well, I don't care if he's your ex or some random person off the street; Anyone who treats you badly in such a way isn't worth your time.

However, if he isn't mean very often, you can explain to him that the things he says hurt your feelings. That should open his eyes a little bit, if he doesn't realize that he's being mean. But if he doesn't change, you need to stop wasting your time on him. A mean person is a mean person, ex-boyfriend or not.

I hope I helped, and if you have any more questions, feel free to leave one in my inbox!
-Manders

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