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sex
*16 female
i've been going out with this one guy for about 5 months now. well hes a virgin and i'm not. we've been close to having sex a few times but he never has a condom. then one day we were talking about doing it and then he kind of chickened out. well i agreed with him we should wait a while. but then i got scared cause all my friends were having sex and they were all saying how they thought they might get pregnant. i didn't want that to happen if me and my boyfriend had sex so i told him i wanted to wait till college or maybe even out of college. and he was more then happy with that decision. but now i want to have sex with him and i've told him that. i want to have sex but i'm scared. he just says okay. i want to have sex with him soo bad. how can i get him in the mood for it again? please help
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
Well, first of all, it's good that you're aware of the repercussions of your actions: That having sex CAN lead to pregnancy. I know it's really cliche to say this, but some, if not most, teenagers think that nothing bad can happen to them, or that bad things happen to "everyone else." However, you know that that's definitely not true, which is good! I applaud you for that!
He may be a little iffy about it because he knows how scared you are. Is that a bad thing? Of course not! That means you have a guy who cares about you enough to not want you to do something you could possibly regret later. Your boyfriend respects you, which is vital in a good relationship.
What you need to do is talk to him, and express your concerns as well as your desires. Make it clear that while you do want to have sex with him, you're scared of the possibilities. Another thing to do is discuss the birth control options you have, such as condoms or the pill. Though keep in mind that neither one of these is 100% effective in preventing pregnancy, and that they need to be used correctly to be effective at all.
Communication is key in any relationship, be it a friendship or a "coupling" (couldn't think of a better word for it, haha). You need to voice your feelings and ask him to do the same. Don't just make assumptions.
Personally, if I were placed in your situation, I wouldn't have sex with him. Your intuition is telling you something by giving you that doubt you have; Don't ignore that inner voice.
If you have any more questions, feel free to ask!
-Manders
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you are confusing! but thats ok. love is confusing. ok, well, you are scared you are going to get pregnant, but you want to have sex because all your friends are doing it? i dont see any good reason to do it then... and your guy seems not really to care either way. my advice to you is not to do it. i know this sounds crazy, but you're sort of supposed to wait untill you're MARRIED to have sex. yeah, i know, this is a very bizzare concept that most young people like ourselves are not familiar with. yeah, if i were you i wouldnt do it. its not worth getting pregnant.
but ok. if you really MUST do it....
ok, now, i dont have a boyfriend or anything, but if i did, AND i was planning on having sex with him, WHILE IM STILL IN HIGH SCHOOL... you know, while im still completely dependant on my parents to provide me with food, a place to live and various other luxuries like air conditioning and cable television... and i'm PRACTICALLY STILL A CHILD... ok, but if i was planning on you know, doing it, ive already decided i would use "natural family planning." research it. use it. yes it involves looking very carefully at the mucus that comes out of your vag... and measuring the temperature of it.... all very strange but it works.
also one other perspective:
your V-card is gone for good. maybe its easier then, for you to do it again. your man is not in the same situation, honey. he may beleive pre-marital sex is sinful. he may think hes too young. he may be embarrased/self concious of his body/instruments. come on now. be a nice person and consider his feelings instead of just your own.
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This isn't your decision alone hun.
A lot of people think, wrongly, that when a couple has sex is up to the female. They think that because it is more often the girl who is saying 'No'. That is not right: It's a couple’s decision; both people have to be ready and excited to take this step.
So, you've told him what you wanted: What did he say? Did he say he was ready? Have you had a serious conversation about this were you have both decided on your birth control usage and agreed that you are both ready for this step?
If not, THAT is what you need to do to 'get him in the mood'. That is the mature and adult way of doing this. Sex by seduction, although seemingly glamorous, is a bit dishonest and not very sensible. There needs to be a plan.
Frankly, arousing a teenage male is not exactly a difficult thing. When you guys have both decided to have sex and are comfortable with that decision, it will happen. Talk to him about this again and remember those risks that scared you before, are still there.
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it's okay that you want to have sex with him but if he isn't ready you should or if you are scared of getting pregnant then you should wait. there are too many risks with sex and i doubt you'll want those risks. first you two should really sit down and talk about your decisions. there are too many risks at STDa or pregnancy think about what you want to do before you do it.
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What I hate the most is when teenagers start growing up too fast. You know why there's so many pregnant teens out there? Because they think they can handle whatever comes at them. You're right to be scared, things can happen that you can't reverse. A pregnancy being one of them. It's okay to not have sex, and I liked when you said you told him you wanted to wait until at least college. And the fact that you keep going back and forth on the subject as you are, might show that you shouldn't go through with it just yet. Everyone's going to want to have sex every once in a while, you're going to want him really bad, and he's going to want you. But remember how you felt when you didn't want to...is there still some feelings of whatever you were feeling?
Since I haven't actually answered your question yet... When it comes to your guy, you need to talk to him. Despite stereotypes, some guys would rather wait. Discuss what you've been feeling with him and ask his opinion or his stand on the subject. He'll let you know if he agrees with you or not, ask him to be honest.
Also... Are y'all doing other things than sex? You can still do things with each other without going all the way and it will help you get over the "I have to have sex". Plus there's no worries about pregnancies :)
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get close try and be sexy just do whatever you can but make sure that if you guys are gonna have sex that if you do get pregnant that you guys are ready for what can happen and whether you keep it or kill it:(, you guys could aviod it.
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It sounds to me like he wasn't really in the "mood" for it in the first place. You guys are too young to be having sex in the first place.Just because all of Prengancy is a big risk protection or not ... I have a friend who knew someones son who was 13 when he got his girlfriend pregnant 14 when the baby was born and now he is 16 and she is pregnant again thats 2 kids before 18 neither one of them are able to take care of these children. I agree you should wait don't ruin your life plans over something like this.
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