Im in a long distance relationship, its going well. I went to see him yesterday and it was great, but everyone knows him so we could barley hold hands and things - all of his girl mates like him and if they found out...well then...rumours about us would be flying everywhere.
He is coming down to see me soon and where i live is fine , we can kiss, hold hands, do whatever really. But I really want to make the day special for him, so he knows there's a reason why we're together and why me make an effort to come up/down to eachother. He is a ladies man, he has girls all over him, I know him, but not that well enough to know when he's going to lose feelings for me.
I just want to make the day special....not in sexual terms, in a nice, romantic way.
He wants to meet my friends and family, so I've said yes. He's obviously keen if he wants to know about my life, right? I pretty much have EVERYTHING wherei live (cinemas,bowling,ice skating,river sides, shops etc) So please suggest anything tht made you have such a good time with someone!!!
Your city should have a tourism section of their webpage--parks, sights, nice places to visit. that could get you started. but the best dates are unconventional like minigolf.
Also, don't go too crazy, b/c while it is nice to have things to do so you don't get bored, you also don't need to bribe him to visit you, or make him think that you always need to be doing something.
Try giving a couple options- just two or three, and go from there.
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Hi, I'm in desperate need of some advice. I am a 26 year old man who has been dating a 36 year old woman for about 5 months.I am very concerned about the age difference and what that will mean for us down the road. Just last week we broke up and it has been killing me. I really like this girl and I want to be with her, but the age thing is just a 24/7 nagging issue in the back of my mind. We split up because she is wanting to be in a relationship with someone that will in a few years materialize into a family and having kids. I am terrified of this. I want a family and kids, but i'm 26 and thinking about that happening in the next couple of years scares the hell out of me. On the other hand, I really do not want to lose her, she is wonderful in every way, and though we are 10 years apart we are on most of the same playing fields, intellectually, physically, professionally, etc. I have been in only 3 relationships that have lasted more than a few months, and have dated many girls, and this is the first one that has ever meant something to me, the short of it is, I have fallen for her and I have been down and out since we split up. I need some objective advice. Do I try to get her back or do I just move on and accept that our age difference is just to much to overcome. Thanks in advance for the advice.
I probably have no idea what i'm talking about.
Now, with that said, here is my objective advice:
If you were going to change your mind about wanting to be a father in the next couple years, that probably would have happened shortly after you broke up. Those all-or-nothing moments usually have a way of bringing out some surprising compromises.
So that leads me to believe you are genuinely not ready to settle down and start a family with this woman. Which is totally fine, and pretty much expected. It's also not your fault, just like it's not her fault that she IS ready.
I would try to be grateful that you came to this realization early enough that you can both walk away without baggage, cut your losses, and do your best to move on.
***TheGivingTree
PS-- The people who know you best (parents/siblings/best friends) are always going to be some of the best judges of whether or not you're ready for a family, just in case you were having second thoughts.
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Ok...so I'm with someone that I KNOW i want to spend my life with! It's the perfect relationship with the most amazing guy. Everything up to this point has been flawless between us. The other day he and I were talking and started joking about just running away together to some island where we can get away from the hustle and bustle and drama of everyday life here in the states. Day by day this joke became more and more serious and at this point, the joke is no more. We have both spent countless amounts of time looking online for places and jobs and whatnot in our dream destination, Costa Rica. Am I crazy to drop life as I know it and move to a very far away place with him?? More so, am I crazy for doing this at the young age of 22?!?! (keeping in mind, he's ten yrs older and very well off)
thanks, 22 yr old male =)
Yes, this is crazy. But you realize it's crazy so that makes it a little better.
Personally, I wouldn't do it. Once you move past the romance of running away, you're left with the reality of your decision: Do you speak Spanish? Can you support yourself in a foreign country? Will you be safe? How will your family react to your eloping? What happens if things don't work out between you two?
But here's the good news: you're not me. So I can tell you to go for it. You are young enough to make a reckless decision like this and not regret it down the road. There is a chance this could be the best decision of your life.. just be smart about it. Voice your concerns before you both make the decision. Talk about the anticipated problems and the roadblocks, get it all out in the open so that when problems come up, they aren't taboo.
Costa Rica is beautiful. If you do it, send pictures.
***TheGivingTree
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Okay, so I've liked this guy for about the past three years. When he started dating one of my good friends, I laid off and decided to just put him in the "friend" category--realizing that he didn't think of me in any romantic way and that I'd rather keep him as a friend than risk losing him altogether.
Now I'm with a guy who I'm pretty much crazy about. I've been with him for almost three months.
All the sudden, my best guy friend, a.k.a. longtime crush that I've given up on, breaks up with his girlfriend and I hear through the grapevine that it's because he has feelings for me. When I confront him about it, he admits that it's true and that HE has also liked me for a very long time.
What the heck?! Our timing sucks. Should I just pretend I don't know? Should I stay with my current boyfriend? I think I feel mostly ticked that I only find this information now, when I'm taken. =/
You stole the words right out of my mouth. Your timing sucks, and there's not much you can do about that. It just wasn't right this time.
more importantly, you're not "taken," you're willingly in a relationship with a guy you really like. If that's not the case, then there is your problem.
If you're happy in the relationship but feel conflicted because of this other guy, you must remind yourself that they're just feelings, and you owe it to yourself and your boyfriend to give it a real shot.
But let me just end with this: I wouldn't stay in the relationship if you have uncontrollable feelings for someone else, because then neither of you will be happy.
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I've been friends with this guy for a while now and as time passes I like him more and more as something other than a friend. Things would be easy if we could actually date but that isn't going to happen because he recently ended a relationship and I am friend with his ex as well. How do I separate my friendship with him and my romantic feeling for him without hurting our friendship?
Quite the pickle you're in... It's amazing how many people there are in the world and yet we still end up being territorial of the people we've dated.
There is no brilliant solution to this one, but as a general rule of thumb, I think that if your friend is the one that ended the relationship, their ex is free game. One man's trash is another man's treasure. If, however, they had a bad breakup, or your friend was dumped by this guy and is not over him, you need to lay off.
Your situation seems to be a little more complex, though. First of all, you would be catching this guy on the rebound. He's going to need some time to himself before he is going to be ready to start a relationship with you, so I wouldn't rush anything.
Both people need to understand that you're in a tough position because you can't "take sides," but you also have to be completely upfront about your intentions. Let this guy know you're still going to be friends with his ex, and explain to your friend that you have feelings for this guy. The only other alternative is keeping your relationship a secret until things settle down.
Be prepared for one or both to throw a fit for a while, but if they're true friends, they will work through it. It is possible and pretty healthy to have a relationship AND separate friends.
***TheGivingTree
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So me and my ex just broke up last thursday. we were fine but apparently around prom he started to get bored. but he failed to talk with me about his problem. now we are done. but i have faith that i can get him back. i just have to get him to fall in love with me again. he is chasing after this girl who does not care about him and leaving me who does. what can i do to make him like me again??? how can i pump up the excitement and make him think im not boring????
You know how some classes in school require prerequisites? There are things you have to learn BEFORE you are ready to move to the next level?
Well, relationships are a lot like that, too. A lot of times we have exactly what we want, but because we haven't learned that we want it, we take it for granted.
Your relationship, for example. This boy is wasting his time on a girl that isn't interested in him because he hasn't learned to appreciate having someone who actually cares about him. Right now he's more interested in the chase than being happy.
Conveniently, the solution to getting him back and letting him go are the same one: move on. Once you understand that he just can't appreciate you until he learns his lesson on his own in his own time, you'll be able to focus on your own feelings and your own life, maybe even find another person who IS ready to be with you.
The best thing you can do is distract yourself with something else until you're over it. You'll know it worked when both of you are happy. Or you're happy and he's cry-babying about missing you.
***TheGivingTree
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Gender: Male
Age:Physically young yet mentally mature =P
No guy ever seems to be the right guy for me.
Even when things seem to be going great they always end up not staying that way and to top it off they are always long distance. I've noticed I never plan on long distance dating its more like I fall into it, get trapped and eventually hurt. I know long distance never really works out and I also understand that I'm young and I have time to date in the future I tell myself that all the time but I cant help but feel the need to be wanted by a someone who wants me. Sadly I live in South FL where where everybody to me either just isn't my type or is way to promiscuous ... perhaps that's why all the guys I like live far away but moving is not an option for me because I'm in college. Any kind of advice would be greatly appreciated 8J
I'm really glad I have the opportunity to answer this question, I hope this helps you:
The most important thing is that you have a huge capacity to love others, and at such a young age, that is quite an accomplishment. Unfortunately, this also leaves you vulnerable to being hurt by those that you open up so deeply to. The only way around this is to train your heart to take baby steps, to not allow your emotions to dictate your actions. Easier said than done.
Here's the other thing: although compatibility is a large factor in dating, timing is just as important, and it's obviously just not your time yet. I've learned that sometimes this has less to do with your age or the season, and more to do with where you are at this point in your life (or where HE is in HIS life).
Instead of seeing your repetitive failed relationships as a string of bad luck, maybe it's time to focus on other aspects of your life. Use this mandatory hiatus from guys to find yourself! Start a new hobby, make new friends, foster a dog, get caught up on reading and movies, etc..
One of my favorite mantra's:
"It's not about finding the right person,
it's about BEING the right person."
I think this is applicable to you, because you will soon be able to reassure yourself that you are indeed a person worth loving, regardless of whether or not there is anyone around at the moment to do it for you.
Be the person you want to be, and love yourself, because I guarantee as soon as you finish that challenge, it will magically be the right time for that someone to come along. Life is painfully ironic like that.
Finish college, say no to hard drugs, use a condom, and be ready for love when he shows up!
***TheGivingTree
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I'm 33. My gf is 28. My girlfriend and I have been talking about marriage, and invitations to the wedding came up. She wants to invite a couple she had a three-way with. It was a one time thing, they are friends today, and she works with wife of this couple. Here's the kicker. She is the godmother to their child, and they are still good friends and have a "family" like relationship because of the said godchild. I have put my foot down and have said no to having them at the wedding. I just can't imagine having an ex-lover at the wedding, even though they just did it once. I really just couldn't stand having the guy there, saying something like, "ha, I tapped that." I know, it sounds stupid, but its the truth. Am I being unreasonable or is my objection understandable?
The problem is that these people are more than just ex-lovers. If that were the end of it, there would be no question that they don't need to be invited. However, that is apparently a small part of the relationship that they have with you and your girlfriend (if she's close enough to be a godparent to their child!).
You have to understand that your girlfriend would be getting married that day too and if she wants them there then they should be there, and you will have to get over your fear that they will be thinking anything other than "i'm happy for you".
I would talk to her about it until you feel better about it, keeping in mind that it's something you'll eventually have to get over one day anyway.
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So i really really like this guy i mean he's all i think about and its the first time that this has really happend and its just crazy. We have hung out before and we kissed and he was so super sweet to me and he said he liked me a lot so it made me feel great. The thing is i dont know what he wants i dont know if it will be a relationship or what it will be. i really want a relationship because i care about him so much. I don't want to be to blunt about it because im afraid im reading to much into this that in reality he doesnt like me enough or want to be with me. He has been all ive been thinking about for awhile and i don't know what to do because its killing me not knowing whats going to happen with us. He will talk to me and call me on the weekends but during the week its like i have to text him i try not to get to upset about this because he has a life and i get that. Please help me out i know i need to just ask him but how do i do it amd what do i say?
No offense to the other collumnists, but the last thing I would do is have a friend confront him about YOUR potential relationship. What if HIS friends came up to you out of the blue and asked for an official answer? It's childish and not a very reliable way to know how he feels.
Now that's not to say your friends aren't an important part of why you want to label yourselves as 'dating' or 'not dating'.. for example, you could say to him either in person or over the phone, "my friends asked if we were dating and i didn't really know what to tell them. I would like to go out with you, but i don't know what you're looking for right now or how you feel about it." It's pretty straight-forward because it gives you a chance to tell him how you really feel, and him a chance to make a decision that will be best for both of you!
Another piece of advice, though: if you're getting so worked up about all this and you're not even dating yet, how are you going to act when another girl hits on him, or you have your first fight, or any other problem that could come up? I think you might need to work on not being possessive. Sharing your life with someone doesn't mean you gain any control over them, and it shouldn't cause more stress than good.. it should be something that both people want and think will be best for them.
Keep in mind there are other options, too!
Hope this helps
***TheGivingTree
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I've been dating this guy for almost a year and a half now. I am a 20 year old female.
We moved in with each other before we reached one year. We decided to move in together because we never really saw each other except for on the weekends.
He's a few years older than I am. I think we are equally mature, but I am starting to wonder whether we're still together for the right reasons.
We both work. He's full time and I work 35 hours a week. We usually get home from work, and watch TV and pass out way too early.
Neither of us have many friends, and I left mine all when I transferred schools.
I love him. I know that. I just get really frustrated at times that we don't have more of a life. I am not yet 21 so we can't go to bars or anything like that.
He never hangs out with his friends, and I never hang out with mine... Mostly because I feel like if I said I wanted to hang out with my friends he'd flip that I didn't want to spend all my time with him.
I miss my friends. I miss being close to my friends. Sometimes I feel like he's forcing me to grow up. Talking about babies and marriage like it's around the corner... I don't want that right now. I am too young. I just don't ever want to say it out loud in fear of hurting him.
Given the scenario... what would you do?
Given your scenario (being 20, in love, cohabiting), I would try everything in my power to make him happy, and probably end up doing more harm than good. This is because I wouldn't realize the problem isn't on my end, so it's nothing I can fix, especially not overnight.
I wont pretend like I have the solution to this, but i can tell you what I think: It sounds like the biggest problem is that your boyfriend is insecure with the relationship. You are way too young to be friendless and stuck at home watching grey's anatomy. If you are living together, it is absolutely unacceptable and unhealthy that he expects you to spend every moment with him. Even if you WANTED to, I would recommend against it because being in a relationship isn't about having the same life, it's about sharing each of your lives with each other.
Here's what I would do: pick one night (a week in advance) that you will make plans with just your girlfriend(s). Plan a movie night or game night, at someone else's house, just to get out and get away, but in the least threatening way possible. Encourage your boyfriend to do the same. This plan wont work if one of you is sitting at home. Have fun, and when you both get back, tell some funny stories about what happened, who is doing what, what's planned for next week, etc.
Date nights between the two of you will also help break up the repetitive nights at home, so i would give that a shot too.
I have to warn you, though: If he doesn't allow you these simple essential freedoms to see your friends and have time to yourself, He's got a serious problem. Talk to him and find out what's bothering him, while he's so insecure or jealous, because if you let this get out of hand it could eventually turn into an abusive relationship.
I'm sure he's thinking the same things you are, and hopefully he will welcome some of these suggestions. If not, just ask him as a favor to try it for one month. Best of luck!
Please write back if you need a follow-up!
***TheGivingTree
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I'm not new to the dating thing, however, I haven't had a billion boyfriends like a lot of people I know. I'm looking for a guy who can cook, likes grammar as much as I do, isn't afraid to cry in front of me, likes anime, horror survival video games, and will treat me right. And I don't want him to touch me or say, "you're beautiful" or anything like that.
My friends say that there's no guy like that out there. Is this true? I live in a small little hill-billy town in Michigan and so far... All I see are murders, perverts, and sporty boys. Are all guys like this? Or is it possible to meet a guy who fits my standards?
(This may not help, but I also like guys who have long hair. It's fun to flip it.)
Most likely you'll find a guy with 7/10 or 8.5/10 qualities you're looking for (living where you do is one of them) and you'll have to decide if you are going to settle, try to change those last two or three qualities to fit you, or wait for mr. perfect.. Welcome to dating!
Oh, and did I mention that with each person you date, the list of things you look for will grow longer, as will the list of things you don't want? The problem is that most of the things you listed are not standards (educated, wealthy, romantic, experienced, etc..), they're preferences(tall, tan, enjoys picnics).
The bottom line is that there is more to dating than check-listing the things you want. Passion and compatibility will weigh in, and so will a million other factors. So, yes, there are plenty of guys out there that like anime, play video games, have long hair, and cry. In fact, i'm pretty sure that's anyone born between 1990 and 2000. Don't get discouraged, you'll find SOMEONE that will work, but as they say, "you'll never find it if you're looking for it". You might find that one of those sporty short-haired perverts actually plays Resident Evil, makes a mean lasagna and knows how to treat a girl right.
***TheGivingTree
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17/f okay so recently my bf broke up woth me because i cheated on him a few times. i know what i did was bad. i get it. i learned my lesson because i lost someone i truly care about. my problem is i just dont know how to sayy no. my bf lived 2 hours away and i didnt get to see him very often. and he SAID that once i get my life together we can get back but i dunno. im sooo hurt and he doesnt talk to me anymore. anyways i am trying to get my life back on track but theres a little problem. my best friend is a guy who also knows my boyfriend. they live by eachother, and recently he told me he really likes me. and i dunno. i mean i know im not going to cheat again that isnt the problem. the problem is i kow my ex would never get back woth me if i went for my bestie. but he makes me soo happy. lke he is here when my ex isnt. so i dunno soemone pleaseee help me =(
I know you said that you know what you did was bad and you get it, but im not sure you do.
If you "don't know how to say no", you are still being too selfish to enjoy the benefits of a relationship, or the company of someone who fully opens up to you.. because once you are in a real relationship, it's not just about you "not feeling like saying no", it's about saying NO for the person you care about, and if you can't even do that, you aren't ready to give either of these guys what they need and it's unfair to promise them something you can't give.
If your ex isn't talking to you anymore it is most likely because he's trying to move on, so let him. Keep in mind you both were hurt. Sorry if this sounds harsh, but you're worried that dating your best friend (which you obviously want to do) might screw up your chances of getting back with an ex you cheated on.. your decision is made, i don't think you need anyone's help on this one.
**TheGivingTree
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24/f. I have been dating this man the last month or so, he is 31. When we have sex it takes a minute for him to get hard and even then it seems to be not completely "erect". I know he is very physically attracted to me so that is not the problem. I was wondering if this was common or if anyone knew some possible reasons why this is happening. Thank you. also, is it bad of me to be less interested in him for this fact? the sex is good but that "problem" is strange and I am not comfortable asking him about it yet.
I think this is pretty common, some people call it preformance anxiety. It will usually get better as you become more comfortable. Another thing is that he might just need more foreplay before going at it. If things don't improve on their own, it might be time to say something, especially if it bugs you enough to ask for advice.
You have several options, and since it sounds like he can get hard but just not hard enough, a cockring is probably your best bet. this is a band (fabric, leather, elastic, etc.) that goes around the base of the dick and balls and acts as a tourniquet, increasing bloodflow and allowing for a more full erection. By the way, its good you know that this is not a reflection of how attracted he is to you, so just shrug it off, especially if the sex is still good!
worried about introducing him to the idea? try giving it to him as a gift during oral sex. good luck!
**TheGivingtree
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Over the last year, I've been sort of all over the place in terms of relationships and sex, and I've been sort of confused about all of it for a while now.
I guess the first part of this is that I used to be best friends with a girl I met during my first semester in college whose named is Celia. She fell for me, I didn't feel the same way, we stayed friends, she was sort of miserable, and eventually, she ended our friendship that summer. Her best friend Karen moved up here at the start of the school year, and she and I became really close. I knew I wanted to be with her, but I was afraid of ruining things in the exact same way that things had fallen apart with Celia, and eventually (like a douchebag) I started dating another girl, Sarah, who was also close friends with Celia. I discovered I didn't really like her at all during the short period that we dated (maybe a month and a half), but every time I'd get off I'd sort of forget I wanted to dump her. During this time, I was spending most of my time with Karen anyway, and eventually, one day, I dumped Sarah and talked to Karen about all of this.
She talked things over with Celia (and I finally worked things out with her as well), and Karen and I started dating. We'd become best friends by this point. We fell in love and also had a lot of pretty incredible sex together. Something like four months in, she moved back down south though, about four hours away, and things became sort of difficult. After a really difficult month, we broke up during a weekend trip (which was horrible). It'd been six months.
This happened right before I moved back down for the summer, and I spent most of that summer working and celibate. Right after the summer, when I came back up, I met a guy named Jim, and we hooked up while drunk one night, and again the next morning. We hooked up a few more times, and then had sex a bit later. I'd never hooked up or had sex with a guy before, and honestly, I found the whole thing to be really tedious. He's extremely nice and cool and interesting and really attractive, but the sex was... just sort of exhausting. And I didn't really want to see him after that.
The point of all this is that I'm finding myself extremely confused about pretty much everything. I mean, I fell in love with Karen and then just fell right out of love. Toward the end, I had pretty much stopped being very invested in her. And Sarah I was able to just selfishly string along even though I knew we had no future at all. And once I was single, after all of this, and I did meet somebody and tried just casually dating, I completely lost interest once we'd had sex. Plus, I mean, I am attracted to guys, but I really didn't enjoy the sex very much at all. So what does that mean?
I've also recently found myself thinking about Celia sometimes, even tough I know I could never risk things by making a move on her.
I guess I just feel like I could lost interest very easily in a relationship, and like I'll probably wind up wanting to be free, so maybe I shouldn't be in one at all. But I also feel like casual dating is uninteresting to me and casual sex is sort of disappointing and empty. I don't know what to do, or where to go. I'm really not used to being filled with doubt or any kinds of negative feelings about myself at all, so this has been a rough period for me.
Sorry that this is so dementedly long, but have you got anything? Any thoughts?
I think you've put more than enough thought into your current situation. The best thing to do now is take a deep breath and get a new perspective. You're in college, right? From what i understand, this IS the time for conflicted feelings and finding the balance between "jumping into relationships" and "meaningless hookups". Its a totally natural and necessary growing experience. My best advice is to take it slow and follow your heart. Don't worry about every decision you make, because in the long run most of them will be irrelevant, because everything you "know" about what you want changes and grows just as you do.
I'm not sure what meaning to attach to the fact that you haven't enjoyed sex with guys very much (especially because i don't know for sure your gender!) but i do know that sex is extremely subjective and it could be that you haven't had the right connection, or it could simply be that you don't really like sex with guys. Only time/experience will tell! Remember: it's college.
Most importantly, don't let any of this effect how you feel about yourself. as they say on flights, secure your own mask before helping others. You wont be doing anyone any good if you are suppressing you feelings, or if you are staying in a relationship just to spare your partner. You know what you have to bring to the table. Be confident in that, and keep up the good work, i think your moral compass is right on! Try cultivating more platonic friendships to stabilize your mood.
**TheGivingTree**
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my boyfriend and I have been together for a little over 4 months, and we fight all the time. and then in 1 of our fights, he just told me he didn't love me anymore.. and he said he didn't know because we hadn't seen each other in awhile, and i was like okay, when we see each other again, things will be fine. well, we saw each other, again, again, again, and he never said it. so i brought it up, he said it wasn't fair to me to tell me he loved me, and then tell me he didn't, so he needed to make sure. well, alot of things have happened anymore, he isn't the same as we were before, and we almost break up daily, and i cry all the time, and i bitch and complain to him alot too, mostly about not seeing each other and him not calling me. (because he never does and he told me he'd call me more) and, i really just don't know what to do, should i stay with him? should i throw in the towel? i never used to believe in heartbreak before, but now, i feel like he's ripping my heart out of my chest, it hurts so bad, but i love him so much. my family loves him and everything. i don't know if i will ever be the same after this.. i just feel like sleeping and never waking up. then sometimes i think, what would happen if i died, you know? like, how would he take it, would he even care i was gone? i just, i really need someone to talk to. and i need advice.
I don't know how to put this nicely, but would you want to call and commit to someone who cried and bitched and complained all the time? I'm guessing no. I understand you're worried about losing him and want to show him how much you care, but you have to ask yourself if you are behaving like someone he would want to be with.
You are sleeping so much because you are depressed, and if this relationship is the cause, you need to do something to take your mind off of it. Try exercising or starting a hobby with a friend. When he sees that you are enjoying your own life, he might want to make the effort to be more involved too. It's that whole "loving yourself before anyone can love you" thing.
**TheGivingTree
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16/m
In the middle of May, I really became attracted to my friend Sean. I confided in one of my best friends about it, and she told me to tell him. I did, and he told me he had "a bonafide crush" on me as well. So, we started to date. The chemistry at then was great. We could both tell how much we were into each other, and the relationship blossomed.
About a month ago, something changed. All of a sudden he seemed...distant? At this point, I "loved him", and yes I'm young,I can't really love him, but I think I did/do. Everytime I'd hear his voice, my heart would skip a beat, I loved being w. him, and in his arms. It was just like heaven. He had these moments though, where he was so sweet and so amazing. But others where he was distant as I said.
Finally, I confronted him about this last week. We had this big talk, online, of all places. He said that everytime I told him I loved him, it made him feel guilty because he didn't feel the same way, and he didn't think that he ever could love me. He kept complimenting me and saying how amazing I was, and that I would find someone meant for me, but that it wasn't him. I understood, but I cannot let what I feel for him go. I was just wondering if there was anyway I could do this. I did, after all, come out about being bi to all of my friends for him. And he still wants to be good friends, I just don't know if I can do that without thinking of what we had.
Any thoughts?
Thanks.
Anthony.
Anthony, I think that you both genuinely liked and still like each other, and should be thankful that you found such a strong connection with someone that obviously cares about you a lot. Even though you still want more than he does right now, all you can do is try to appreciate what you still have. Feelings are the one thing that we struggle to control, but things like these rarely ever work out the way we plan. I'm sure that if he could reciprocate your feelings he would.. sometimes these things are more about timing than anything else, so try not to take it personally, but make sure he knows you are still sensitive about it.
and as far as justifying all of this, "If you love someone, set them free."
**TheGivingTree
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how can a guy be more charming to a girl
im 13 and a male btw
so how can i be more charming and less annoying to my friends that are mostly girls who i want to be more charming and less annoying to
Okay, first off, don't over-do the "nice guy" thing. It's rare to find people that actually care in this world, but trying too hard just makes things worse. Just try to relax. Everyone likes a good listener. You will surprise your friends when you show them that you are genuinely interested in their lives and can remember things that they have told you!
More importantly, don't be afraid to compliment them. If you notice that their hair/eyes/clothes look nice, let them know! It will brighten their day AND keep you out of the "friend-only zone" when they realize you might be attracted to them. Good luck and take it easy, and just to put it into perspective: you have YEARS and YEARS to get good at it!
**TheGivingTree
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ok so this is pretty long. so about a year ago i was really bored so i went to this site my friend had told me about and i met this guy and i didnt think anything of it at the time you know, i was just talking to him then he asked my for my aim thing and i was like ok sure what could it hurt. anyways we got to talking and one night he told me he liked me and i thought about it and i wouldve never gone out with him like i didnt even know him. anyways. he was really sweet and idk i just thought he was cute and he had like all this stuff wrong with his life and i felt bad for him. and one night he was like everyday i sit here and cry over you because i know ill never find another girl like you i really love you and i was like WHOOAA and i felt bad so i was like ok ill go out with you like i didnt think it would last i just didnt want to make him feel bad. so we went through alot and i dont know its been a year and like weve broken up like 5 times but still its been like a year and i think i really love him and we ve talked on the phone and everything but i dont know. what i should keep doing.
While your feelings for him may be real, the person you think he is may not be as true. I'm not saying he might be lying about himself, but until you are face-to-face with someone, you will never know if you have that same chemistry in person. the more you "fall in love" you are actually just in love with who you want him to be, not who he actually is. I know it's hard to get over someone you have had a deep emotional connection with, but you need to learn how to date in real life!
you will ALWAYS have that connection with him, but you have to trust that there is more out there! good luck!
**TheGivingTree
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14/female; btw, i turn 15 in like three months!
(sorry this might be long :x)
okay, so theres this guy, lets call him g.
g is 17 and he turns 18 in like two months.
well i've know him for about 3 years.
and me and him are like reallly good friends.
i can tell him just about anything, and he can tell me anything as well. i think hes really cute, and he thinks im "gorgeous", haha.
were like best friends i guess you can call it, but we have hooked up many times, never actual sex thou he has tried. lol.
well heres the thing, i really want a boyfriend right, and i know he would be a really good one to me, BUT my parents hates him! ):
they say hes a bad kid, and that hes not gonna get anywhere in life that all he does is get introuble and do drugs... not cool yo.
and yeah w.e he does smoke bud, and he droped out but thats his choice. but other then that he is a good kid...
sooo, how can i make him see that i wanna a relationship, and how do i get my parents to understand that he isnt all that bad and that he does care about me?!!!
help; and thanks loveees!
Well, i would worry about my parents last on this one, since you're not planning on marrying him just yet.. but you do have to understand where they are coming from (and any time you have to EXPLAIN a love interest, its usually a bad sign).
..he can work and vote and buy cigarettes/blunts before you can drive, they have to be worried about what you will be doing when you hang out. When the time comes, let them know that you understand that they are concerned and that you are letting him make his own choices, even though yours will be different.
as far as getting into a relationship: he is obviosuly interested in you if he has tried having sex, but that doesn't necessarily mean he wants a girlfriend. a lot of people have a hard time with titles. Just ask him what he's looking for!
**TheGivingTree
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over vacation i met a guy we both liked eachother then became bf gf. then we loved eachother an would say it alot. then outa nowhere he stopped talkin to me an wont answer his phone or a text. then he blocks me on myspace n erases all my comments. hes a jerk an i get hurt to much but i just cant ever get over stuff. im pretty much over him but what can i do. but i did send him a new friend request on myspace with the note sayin what did i do an why are u so pissed please call me. stupid i know, i have no way to talk to him. i know hes a jerk but we both loved eachother soo much, what can i do? he lives to far away
you need to let him go because if he cut you out of his life there is obviously something very dangerous going on in his mind. think of it as a gift that he is removing himself from your life. don't even worry about why he did what he did, you are better off devoting your attention to someone who deserves it! :)
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