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Stuck or real love?
I've been dating this guy for almost a year and a half now. I am a 20 year old female.
We moved in with each other before we reached one year. We decided to move in together because we never really saw each other except for on the weekends.
He's a few years older than I am. I think we are equally mature, but I am starting to wonder whether we're still together for the right reasons.
We both work. He's full time and I work 35 hours a week. We usually get home from work, and watch TV and pass out way too early.
Neither of us have many friends, and I left mine all when I transferred schools.
I love him. I know that. I just get really frustrated at times that we don't have more of a life. I am not yet 21 so we can't go to bars or anything like that.
He never hangs out with his friends, and I never hang out with mine... Mostly because I feel like if I said I wanted to hang out with my friends he'd flip that I didn't want to spend all my time with him.
I miss my friends. I miss being close to my friends. Sometimes I feel like he's forcing me to grow up. Talking about babies and marriage like it's around the corner... I don't want that right now. I am too young. I just don't ever want to say it out loud in fear of hurting him.
Given the scenario... what would you do?
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Given your scenario (being 20, in love, cohabiting), I would try everything in my power to make him happy, and probably end up doing more harm than good. This is because I wouldn't realize the problem isn't on my end, so it's nothing I can fix, especially not overnight.
I wont pretend like I have the solution to this, but i can tell you what I think: It sounds like the biggest problem is that your boyfriend is insecure with the relationship. You are way too young to be friendless and stuck at home watching grey's anatomy. If you are living together, it is absolutely unacceptable and unhealthy that he expects you to spend every moment with him. Even if you WANTED to, I would recommend against it because being in a relationship isn't about having the same life, it's about sharing each of your lives with each other.
Here's what I would do: pick one night (a week in advance) that you will make plans with just your girlfriend(s). Plan a movie night or game night, at someone else's house, just to get out and get away, but in the least threatening way possible. Encourage your boyfriend to do the same. This plan wont work if one of you is sitting at home. Have fun, and when you both get back, tell some funny stories about what happened, who is doing what, what's planned for next week, etc.
Date nights between the two of you will also help break up the repetitive nights at home, so i would give that a shot too.
I have to warn you, though: If he doesn't allow you these simple essential freedoms to see your friends and have time to yourself, He's got a serious problem. Talk to him and find out what's bothering him, while he's so insecure or jealous, because if you let this get out of hand it could eventually turn into an abusive relationship.
I'm sure he's thinking the same things you are, and hopefully he will welcome some of these suggestions. If not, just ask him as a favor to try it for one month. Best of luck!
Please write back if you need a follow-up!
***TheGivingTree
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